interests to advance God's glory A Soul ought to be well-pleas'd that her body shall be crumbled to dust and as it were reduced to nothing to exalt the Glory of God and glorifie his Justice A holy person much wondred how the Saints who are powerful with God kept their bodies so long entire not obtaining that they might be humbled by putrefaction because they knowing the inestimable value of humiliation which most glorifies God ought as it seems to have procur'd it to their bodies But if God think best to glorifie himself by preserving them from corruption his Divine Will is and must be the Rule of their desires Sometimes I have desired death as amiable because it would give me free access to enjoy God but at present I have the spirit of annihilation This annihilation is a state above that of death and by it we offer a perfect Sacrifice A Soul which seeks the Glory of God desires death to enter into this perfect annihilation What is most horrible in Death paleness deformity noisomness putrefaction pleases her best for these are companions of a perfect annihilation to humble her as much as possible O death how lovely art thou to such a Soul 'T is a strange thing that the fire of Divine Love burns no brighter in our hearts upon the frequenting of the Sacraments Oftentimes we exercise our selves twice a day in mental Prayer sometimes by holy Conferences daily Lectures and Considerations Now I think the cause of this is that we are sad dejected with abjections which so chills the heart that the fire of Divine Love is stifled thereby but when once humiliation is a joy unto us the heart presently becomes enflamed My Soul having a great degust of this life feels a wonderful desire of death she never was more sensible than now of her Captivity and Prison in this mortal body She sighs after the liberty to see God and enjoy him without any disturbance whatsoever for all created things do divert this happy exercise in which consists her felicity Being a Prisoner in this Body she is yet in darkness and distractions by eating sleeping several affairs and accidents O how is she crucified in being deprived of the full Embraces of her Beloved Quis me liberabit de corpore mortis hujus This made St. Paul earnestly desire to be freed from the Prison of this mortal body I admire the happiness of those who die in our Lord and do wonder at the blindness of of such who passionately desire this present life and are taken up so much with the care of the Body Goods Employments which are so many impediments of our converse with God and Christian Perfection O how importunate is sensuality with us and yet how contemptible is every thing that is not God! We ought not to be discomforted at the loss of temporal things because thereby some chains of our Captivity are broken Much less ought we to be troubl'd to see our Body the Prison of our Soul to weaken by degrees and threaten death Take courage we shall soon see our desires accomplish'd and shortly we shall enjoy God in full possession This state of desires and languishings after God is a state whereby we honour him as our final happiness and being so he deserves by reason of his excellence that we should continually sigh after him Such as have no love for their final end make no matter of it and give too much evidence that they find their repose in something else which is a most dreadful disorder But considering our happiness by death methinks I see nothing more lovely than crosses and abjections which can only refresh a Soul panting after the full possession of God and sometimes so content with it that she forgets the pain of her banishment seeing her self in a state wherein she may glorifie God in so transcendent in a manner which is what she chiefly desires aspiring to enjoyment without having regard to her proper satisfaction CHAP. XVIII Considerations upon the natural inclinations we have to evil A Stone held in the Air if let go falls naturally to the ground by its own weight and 't is no more matter of wonder when we fall into imperfections If God leave us to our selves we are presently in our own nothing weakness and infirmity And if the Grace of God was not very great unto us we should fall more often They may be thought valiant who bear up stoutly against the blast of strong temptations Alas take us at the best we are as frail as Glasses on a Cupboard If some are sooner broken 't is because they are more used and found in the hand of an ill manager Those that stand still on the Cupboard if they had reason would not brag of their strength but only acknowledg that they have not been tryed by occasions When the Grace of God keeps us from falling we ought not to take complacence therein as if we were better than others by reason of such Divine Favours but our content ought to be in the good pleasure of God who is so munificent to his Creatures yea the most unworthy To be thus pleas'd only with God's will is also very necessary when it is God's pleasure to leave a Soul to combat with some singular imperfection a long time without victory For it being the will of God to leave a Soul thus to fight it out she ought to be as well content as if she was more elevated by Grace seeing in this state she meets with the Divine pleasure which is the object of her complacency Insomuch that the Soul has no more inclination for one Grace than another but indifferent to all being content to have her faults made known to glorifie God by the love of abjection Secret faults do us the greatest hurt when manifested if we make good use of it they may bring no small advantage to us I have at present a wonderful distast of this Life which is hardly a Life but a continual Death because it deprives us of knowledg and and love in perfection O how this mortal life is a great punishment and full of Crosses Here we sin here we forget God and run a hazard to lose him eternally Love here finds little nourishment being fed with slender knowledg sometimes much clouded and continual propensions to evil Dear Saviour when will you deliver me from the body of this death This was the desire of St. Paul which I take the courage to make being so much out of love with this miserable life The End of the first BOOK BOOK II. Of the Supernatural Life which is the Life of all true Christians CHAP. I. The Idaea or description of the Supernatural Life WE can never attain Perfection by the sole conduct of human reason which is the light of Philosophers Faith is the light of Christians which teacheth us to renounce the ratiocinations of carnal prudence to follow in simplicity a Jesus Crucified To observe the Commandments of God as
with me after Communion are 1. Jesus entring into my Mouth vailed with the Sacramental Species I Sacrifice to him all my Being my Faculties and Operations in Homage to his Grandeur And after this Act I remain quite annihilated and passive to Jesus operating towards his Heavenly Father Love Respect and Praise towards my Self Death Annihilation and Alliance with his Divine Life 2. A second Disposition after the Holy Communion is that Jesus entring into me presently operates a streight Vnion At that time I have no sight of any that may annihilate me only at first he unites me to the state of his Humanity in its Poverty and Abjections the Contempt Labours and Sufferings of his Mortal Life and being hereby purified next he draws me to a Vnion with the state of his Divinity that is to say to render to his Eternal Father Love Praises and complacency in his Grandeurs 3. Another time after Holy Communion these great words of our Lord presented themselves to my mind to serve for my Entertainment Rogo Pater ut sint consummati in unum Father I beseech you that they may be consummated in one They disclose to me a little of that perfect Vnity or consummated Vnion that ought to be contracted between Jesus and us His Love requiring that our Souls should be confirmed in that Vnion by the frequent use of the Holy Communion and that they act continually according to the conditions of this Alliance from whence they fall by the least Infidelity and very much offend God who sees himself neglected and as it were contemned and post-poned to Creatures after he has called them to so perfect a Vnion and come expresly to work it in them Wherefore a perfect Vnion requires that our heart be united the most continually that possibly it can and that it tend incessantly to a Vnity of Love with Jesus Christ to a Vnity of Instinct of Inclinations of Desires and to a great conformity with the condition of his Mortal Life which is that whereby we are to walk during our present Life if we desire to arrive to the enjoyment of his Divine Life 4. Sometimes after Communicating I have had this representation in my mind that Jesus giving himself to me seemed to speak to me but without any kind of words For the sole manifestation of his Love imparted to the Soul is in lieu of speaking and the Soul answers by Acquiescence and Admiration that cannot be expressed In effect the Soul in this state does not understand any Interiour words after the manner that Mystique Divines explain them in their Writings But the lively and clear representation that is made to her of the state of Jesus in each Mystery without any thing else serves her for Discourse While she is in this condition it seems to her that Jesus says Hear Daughter and see and forget your People and the House of your Father to enter into an imitation of me To which words the Soul makes answer by acquiessing and without any noise in her Interiour she signifies her acceptance by a most efficatious consent She hears by seeing and Jesus speaks by manifesting himself Another while at the Communion I had a general view of the multitude of the great wonders that Jesus operates in these Mysteries of Faith in favour of Men with whom he takes his Delight This general view raised me to a high admiration which nevertheless terminated in a sense of a most profound acknowledgment of the Goodness of God seeing that all these wonders tend to no other end than to manifest unto us the intenseness of the Love he bears us and import that he expects Love for Love That is your only design my good Jesu in bestowing on me this Divine Food to bestow on me the Life of your Love but this Life may very well cause my Death O Love Love Love was all that I could then say being struck dumb with admiration CHAP. VI. Another Method of Thanksgiving after Communion I Find a great gust in the understanding of these words Fortis est ut mors dilectio Love is strong as Death Methinks I see them practically verified in the Holy Communion where I see that Love has reduced Jesus to the state of Death and of a Sacrifice immolated as Death reduced him upon Mount Calvary I consider that while his Love severs him from the Splendours of his Glory to unite himself to me it excites me at the same time to separate my self from Creatures from my Self and from all other things thereby to unite my self to him alone My Soul thoroughly penetrated with a desire to correspond with this design of her Beloved Jesus and clearly discerning that the love of Crosses and Contempt is necessary to dispose and prepare her for this great Favour she looks on them with affection and delight as so many Springs whence flows her Happiness Another wonder which sometimes my mind has been intent upon and received great Comfort from it is the Infinite desire that God has to Communicate himself and to lift us up to a full participation of his Divinity This view well penetrated into discovers so many wonders of the Love of God towards Men of the Felicities to which they are destined after the Miseries of this World of the Dignity of their Creation since the end for which they were made is to possess God of the Infinite desire God has to unite himself to them and of the perfect corresponding and complyance they are from thence oblig'd to especially such Souls as are chosen and in a particular manner called to this state that after all this it is scarce possible to resist such cogent impulses and attractives of God They make one desire to die to all things the better to prepare for so great a work of Love the hurries and business of the World is not to be any longer endured and one becomes passionately in Love with Solitude My Soul reflect diligently upon the Grace is given thee and correspond to the Love of God towards thee which thou art now so thoroughly acquainted with Thou hast no other business but this for thou must never betake thy self to any other imployment unless thou receive express orders from God for it The more one is estranged from Creatures the better a Soul is disposed to this Divine Union wherefore Disgraces ought to be our Felicity because they are the means to obtain it The Cross Purity of Love Union God alone These are the degrees that Grace leads us through and our Fidelity calls us to There is also another good method of giving Thanks after Communion which consists in abandoning and resigning our selves absolutely and without reserve to the power and dependance of Jesus Christ who coming into our hearts ought to be master there and command as Soveraign When it pleases him to continue with a Soul to entertain her and to unite her to him by a most delightful feeling of his presence we must not think that
the Treasures of the Earth We ought daily according to our abilities to examine our selves to the end to purifie our hearts from all affections that tend not to this supernatural Life It resides in the superiour part of the Soul and therefore we must not wonder if the inferiour part has degusts and aversions from it We must expect that Nature Sense Friends the World and ordinary Christians will keep a noise and trouble our ears with many Arguments against it But to all this it is enough to answer in few words with St. Blandina Christiana sum Christiana sum I am a Christian Let us say to such who endeavour to divert us I have undertaken to lead this supernatural Life I will never abandon it maugre all the contradictions of worldly Maxims and the repugnances of sensual Nature I know to become a perfect Christian I must be turn'd up-side down destroy'd annihilated according to my natural inclinations hate in a manner all that the world naturally loves Riches Honours Pleasures yea though innocent and love what the world naturally hates Poverty Contempt and Sufferings This is a great attempt but we have powerful helps for we can do all things through Christ strengthening us CHAP. III. That we ought with St. Paul to convert our selves wholly to God I Am now resolv'd in good earnest to convert my self wholly to God to be taken solely with his Divine Beauty and Infinite Goodness forsaking all Creatures which heretofore have too much taken up my time and affections O my God! deal with me as you did with your Apostle strike me down to the ground humble me make me blind to all things but to You who are in the interiour of my heart beaming forth Lights which discover sufficiently your Divine presence This makes me ask you O my God what you will have me to do And methinks you answer That this manifestation of your presence in me should make such an extraordinary impression on me as to change my life and conform my self wholly to your Divine will and pleasure Behold it seems to me this is what you would have me to do First Not to persecute the sentiments and inclinations I have to a Christian Life by taking part with the struglings of old Adam in me St. Paul persecuted Jesus Christ in persecuting the Primitive Christians and I also persecute the same Jesus when I stifle the motions of Grace in me and will not suffer my Soul to live his life which he did lead here for me to follow Pardon me good Jesus I will no longer persecute you by stifling your holy Inspirations I desire to be a Christian and your Disciple I will profess Christianity in the face of the Sun and only be asham'd to live after the Law of old Adam To be a Christian this is my Glory this is my Life this is my Delight Poverty Contempts Pains Humiliations I will no more be affraid of you but make much of you seeing Jesus hath loved you even to death To live this Life we must become blind and have no other light than what the rays of Faith afford us For Nature cannot teach us the Grandeur Excellence and Eminency of Christianity St Paul after his Conversion suffered a thousand hardships He was whipt banish'd despis'd mock'd imprison'd tormented us'd as if he was the filth and off-scouring of the world which is as much as to say St. Paul after his Conversion was a Christian to death nothing could deter him from living the life of Jesus Christ Let us then O my Soul be true Christians that is let us be content to live in Sufferings Persecutions Mortifications and the Ignominies of the Cross of Jesus Christ Let us embrace the wisdom of the Word Incarnate and become as Fools in the eyes of the world who persecute true Christians that is those who die to themselves and all things else to live to Jesus Poor Christian Life little art thou known how ill art thou treated in the world Thou dwell'st in the lips of many but few afford thee a place in their heart I am fully persuaded that a Soul truly converted loves God entirely that this entire love of God is a perfect union with his goodness that such a union implies a universal detachment from the Creature that such a detachment cannot be got without the profession of Virtues and among the rest Poverty and Self-denial by which we are interiourly disengaged from earthly things and exteriourly when God pleases contentedly suffer miseries sickness loss of Goods and whatever the world naturally abhors as evil but by the work of Grace are for our greater good because they advance our union with God When we abound with Riches and Honours we live in a continual fear of having too great an affection for them but in sufferings a Soul possesses a stronger assurance of Divine Love Nothing but Grace can teach us these verities and a greater Grace can only make us relish and practice them the weight of our natural inclinations still hindring us from rising to so great Perfection When we give up our selves to God with resolutions daily to advance in Virtue we can more easily conceive what this perfection is than practice it However let us take courage nothing is impossible to God and we shall find doubtless this Jewel by a perfect abnegation that is possessing nothing not the very means of serving God but with a spirit of resignation To follow Jesus naked on the Cross we must divest our selves of all Creatures that we may be solely united to him Yea dear Jesus my desire is only to be for you my resolution is to serve you and in what manner you please be it by action or by suffering or contemplation I will be attached to nothing but You my desire is to be dis-engag'd from all Creatures to find You and possess You as my only happiness CHAP. XV. Of the Alliance we must make with the holy Folly of the Cross AFter many illustrations of Grace which have cleared up to me the beauty of the sacred Folly of the Cross after many proposals and reviews I have at last espous'd it saying with fervour the same words which Christ us'd to his Spouse in the Canticles Sponsabo te in aeternum My Friend my Spouse my Sister I have espoused thee for ever Methinks I say these words for ever but yet faintly my infinite frailties making me fearful I may become an inconstant Lover Notwithstanding I say for ever with a real heart in hope that by virtue of that immense Love whereby the Divinity hath for ever espoused our human Nature and this same Humanity hath espoused the Cross sufferings and abjections our blessed Saviour will vouchsafe me some part of the Grace of this Divine Alliance to enable me to walk his way and live his life in annihilation humiliations and self-denial Let us then O my Soul live this life of the Son of God any other life is but a real death Jesus
according to Nature and must employ all means and Motives to this effect I will set down some of them 'T is a good Motive or means to renounce all Creatures and our selves by a spirit of denudation saying with great fervour and affection Away Creatures get hence from me and leave a place in my heart for God alone 2. 'T is a good Motive to do this by a spirit of Poverty for it is not possible to follow Jesus poor and abject unless in due circumstances we be willing to leave all things for Jesus sake and become poor to follow him Let us therefore be content to quit all things joyfully and be glad to have nothing to possess God himself alone 3. ' Tisae good Motive to die to all things by a spirit of abjection What greater happiness is there O my Soul than to live in humiliation seeing this was the life of God upon Earth To be despised with Jesus is a state of beatitude Worldly Prosperity is a hindrance to our happiness 4. 'T is a good Motive to abandon all things by a spirit of oblation sacrificing and annihilating our selves sincerely to pay homage to the Infinite Majesty of God with such a confidence in him so as to rely never more on any Creature Quid enim mihi est in Caelo aut à te quid volui super Terram Deus cordis mei O my God! shall any Creature take part of my heart with you when all is yours If it was possible to love you too much I might give place to something else but seeing I am infinitely below my duty in that particular what Creature can pretend to have the least part with you CHAP. IX Of the liberty we enjoy by the exercise of the Supernatural Life 'T Is wonderful to see the great liberty which a Soul enjoys by the exercises of a supernatural life When the illuminations of this state irradiate a Soul throughly she enters into a new region of light full of Peace and Love marvelous large and spatious in which she lives in high union with God A union which is not so liable to vicissitudes and disturbances as formerly because accidental occurrences as sickness disgraces c. do not hurt such a Soul by reason they make no strong impression in her and by consequence being become less sensible she is not easily diverted from the supernatural Object of her love Yea such a Soul improves hindrances and divertisements to her greater recollection and increase of Divine Love because in this state she is dis-engag'd from the Creature and so freed from fear of miseries which she can chearfully embrace as the occasions of her happiness whereby she enters into a perfect liberty and great purity of Virtue I could never well understand what that is which is called Purity of Virtue but now I see 't is the state of a supernatural life wherein the Soul lives no more in her self and of her self and for her self but in God and of God and for God being wholly separated from the Creatures and united to God Alas how is this poor Soul afflicted to do things so much below her self in this high condition For oftentimes she must act according to her natural inclinations and the dictates of pure reason which affords her matter of sighs and languishings after her Beloved This is that which kindles in her breast an ardent desire to be dissolved and leave this earthly Tabernacle wherein by the common misery of mankind she lives a life displeasing to her self for being not wholly for God as she desires it seems to her a kind of death And seeing she cannot continually live this supernatural life without vicissitudes it is as it were a death unto her A Death unknown to sensual men but such that are spiritual are very sensible thereof O Jesus deliver me from this life of mortality seeing here I cannot live your life of purity in comparison of which all other lives are but death and corruption To see so clearly the excellencies of a life so lovely and not to be able to live but little of it considering my frailty makes me resent my misery and acknowledge dear Jesus how necessary your Grace is for me O how great is the dependence which my Soul hath on your mercy 't is so mighty and essential dependence that words cannot sufficiently express it However this comforts me herein that it gives you all the Glory of the Interiour beauty in the Soul which is a work more magnifies your Power Bounty and Wisdom than the whole outward work of the Creation Your greatest wonders dear Saviour are secret and hidden A Soul that lives this supernatural life above her inclinations does more set forth the great power of God than to elevate the Heavens above the Earth for this is as miraculous as to elevate the Earth above the Heavens This makes me O my God desire to live this blessed life that I may thereby bring greater Glory to your Name Assist me powerfully with your Grace for if I be once left to my self I shall relapse into my natural weakness which is but a meer Nothing and Infirmity Some trouble themselves too much in philosophising on this spiritual life which is needless it being enough to say The Spirit of Jesus must be the Spirit of my Interiour 't is He by whom I must live this life and act accordingly and so free our selves from other considerations which may hinder our liberty to follow this light and fall faithfully to practice on the occasions of Crosses Contempts and Disgraces which happen to us in this life I ought daily to endeavour after purity although I cannot attain the highest practice because the course of my life wherein God has placed me will not permit it nor does exact of me to attempt of my self the grand effects of purity lest I should be discourag'd by failing in the enterprize This is only the perfection of the greatest Saints and herein we must give our selves up to the conduct of the Spirit of Jesus Christ who being infinitely wise we need not fear having him for our Leader But as we ought not to be too rigorous so we must not be too faint-hearted in the ways of perfection but apply our selves with love and resolution to all occasions by suffering peaceably and with contentation whatever injuries we may receive from others in seeking too much their own interest All sufferings are to be entertain'd with love but especially what we suffer by Injustice For is not this that which the Son of God hath done principally upon Earth by suffering innocently Do not therefore say I would suffer this injury if he that does it had the least reason for it for this proceeds from self-love and passion It may well be that he has no reason to do you this injury but Divine Reason and the spirit of Christianity teach you to bear it patiently 'T is good to suffer thus and in this to imitate Jesus is
pleasing to him And seeing this exercise of the supernatural life does bring with it a universal Peace and this Peace cannot be preserved without suffering contentedly all injuries whatsoever this excellent life does teach us holy Patience Now this Patience preserves this Peace and this Peace brings with it an admirable Liberty and Resolution to mind principally the One thing necessary which is to give up our selves to God and his direction CHAP. X. Our greatest happiness on Earth is to profess the way of Christianity I Have a great resentment of joy and thankfulness to see my self a Member of Christ's Church and in the number of the Faithful I have a sensible taste of this happiness which is incomparable O my God! what shall I return unto you for having prevented me with this signal mercy why have you chosen me out among so many thousands Alas this is the excess of your sole bounty to me To be a Child of the Church O what a happiness is this 'T is of more worth than to be Monarch of the whole world The Church is the Congregation of the Faithful that is of those who believe and confess Jesus Christ and have no other Maxims nor Sentiments than his O my Soul let us then live as becomes our Profession that Jesusmay live in us according to his holy will and inclinations To be a Member of Christ's Church is to be a person who ought to have an affection for humiliations and crosses to be well content not to thrive in the world and to advance in Virtue by opprobrious usage and contradictions What a misery is it to see us live so little in the exercise of Christianity We account it an honour to be in authority to be well descended to have a generous spirit but to be a Christian we are affraid to own it by our actions O the beauty that adorns our Christian Profession How wonderful is it and yet how little esteemed by us I shall be very honourable and happy to keep that with me when other things are gone and vanish'd O how amiable are the Maxims of a supernatural life in what an excellent order do they put all things They give to every one what is their due to God all Honour and Glory and to me a wretched sinner Contempt and Confusion For I ought to consider my self as a centre of all miseries and deserved punishments God is the Centre and Object of all the adorations of Men and Angels Glory is his just tribute but to me belongs confusion If I should be beaten disgracefully I ought to take it with contentation to see Justice so well done to me on this occasion And if I was truly animated with the spirit of Christianity I ought as much desire to be humbled as worldings thirst after Honours Praises and Preferments 'T is a supernatural disorder not to love Ignominies and not to endeavour the destruction of our corrupted Nature Jesus hath built his Mystical Body on the ruins of our Natural Body and we cannot form in us the same life of Jesus without the ruin of ours that is to say our natural life according to our depraved inclinations Poverty Pains Contempts your dear Companions good Jesus make sometimes my heart ake and then again they refresh me breathing forth such sweet Perfumes as chear my spirits A Perfume that purifies and calms my Soul into a fit temper to converse with you I will now wonder no more that your Spouses run after you in the Odour of your Perfumes A Perfume that doth strengthen me to accomplish the desires I have to be conformable to you My heart dilates it self with hope to see that happy day in this life when I shall be free from all molestation of Creatures and have some participation of the poverty and abjections of Jesus crucified We cannot live here without some Director or other for either the Humanity of Jesus will direct us or the Humanity of Adam will govern us If we live the life of Christianity the First will conduct us and impart to us such directions as his holy Soul receiv'd from the Divinity which are all for the Cross and humiliations If we love only a human life the Other will guide us in the ways of self-love 'T is as great a miracle for a Soul to live a supernatural life as for a stone to elevate it self into the air because the corruption of sin hath made the Soul so heavy that of her self she cannot but tend downward to sin and misery This is that which magnifies the power of Grace in us So that it is a prodigious vanity to boast of our good actions when being done by the supernatural power of Grace they are not the fruits of human Nature If a Soul loses the sight of the light of Faith she will soon lose her self in the Mist of self-love If she does not live in a continual mortification by curbing her natural appetites she must needs fall into superfluities and imperfections The sweetness and joy that a Soul receives from austerities crosses poverty denudation of Creatures makes her spiritual peaceful chearful and affords her solid content and satisfaction The content and delights she receives from sensual pleasures though lawful as Meat and Drink temporal successes Reputation c. make her carnal and afford her but a false peace and vain joy and instead of elevating her to contemplation do more or less depress her to sensuality CHAP. XI That Truth is only found in the Spirit of Christianity the rest is Vanity WHen the beams of the light of Faith are darted into a Soul they discover to her that there 's nothing true indeed but the verities of Christianity which Jesus came from Heaven to teach us and all the rest but deceit and vanity O what happiness is it for a Soul to be thus irradiated Then she begins to know how she hath been enveloped with darkness and dwelt in obscurity O what joys do now refresh her How rich and glorious is she in perceiving that what she thought to be true Riches Glory and Joy is false and counterfeited and in reality but poverty infamy and sorrow These heavenly Illustrations do open her eyes to see perfectly the vanities of this world which now she values not but Jesus is her only joy her life and verity Whatsoever is not Christian that is to say according to the Maxims of Christianity she esteems now as folly death and perdition and what to the world and the flesh is folly death and perdition she accounts to be wisdom life and the greatest gain O when the rays of this light do pierce a Soul how on a sudden becomes she knowing content and elevated 'T is hardly credible how much such a Soul is alienated from her self and whatsoever is not God She sees so much wisdom in the folly of Saints and so much beauty in their miseries that all the allurements of the world cannot win her affections For having been taken
and Redeemer to lay out thy self upon the Creature and not correspond to his Inspirations who calls thee to himself What a horrible Infidelity would this be Let us not grieve the Holy Spirit by whom we are Sealed to the day of Redemption The subject of my third Prayer was the admirable Oeconomy of the Incarnation in that by the excess of Love and Goodness God was made Man and Man became God I had profound veneration for the adorable Humanity absorpt in the Divinity and with an amorous confidence beheld the Divinity as it were annihilated in the Humanity which seem'd to me as a Tabernacle of Honour where God dwelt with Infinite Delight This Humanity also in a manner diviniz'd takes Infinite Delight in the Divinity from whence it receives wonderful Impressions of Annihilation to be poor abject and despis'd Crucified For after God was made man he inspir'd the Humanity with ardent desires and love of Sufferings for us Men and our Salvation O Jesus when you communicate your self to a Soul she receives impressions from you which incline her to a love of Contempts and Sufferings And when a Soul feels in her self the greatest propension to Sufferings and Self-denyal 't is then she most participates of your communications and has the greatest assurance of them For O good Jesus your Spirit is full of such impressions from the Divinity and the Soul where you reign as King does Infallibly receive the like impressions from your presence In my fourth Prayer I was touch'd with a great desire to leave this Mortal Life so full of Sin and Misery and depriv'd of the Beatifical Vision of God my Saviour Oh how irksom is it not to be in a capacity to contemplate at leasure this Infinite Beauty this Essence full of Infinite Perfections this only true Object of the Loves of Heaven and Earth O when shall I be deliver'd from this Prison of Flesh that I may behold Jesus the Light of my Eyes and Joy of my Heart Must I yet continue longer in this banishment What a cross is it to live here What a punishment is the delay Death how welcom wilt thou be in my embraces We must languish with Love after the Infinite Beauty of Jesus Christ and sigh to enjoy him O my Soul do not amuse thy self with Creatures love the Cross which is the high-way to Happiness Is it possible to believe in Jesus Christ and Love him and to languish with Desires to enjoy Him To stand much in fear of Death is a sign we have little desire to see the Infinite Beauties of God seeing Death only opens the gate of Paradice O Death thou art desirable come and put me in possession of the Object of my Love that I may live with Jesus who is the source of Life and the joy of the Blessed In the interim O my Soul let us have neither Love nor Life nor operation but what is in him and for him our Soveraign Happiness Vivit in me Christus Eighth Day Jesus our Light JEsus was present to me in my first Prayer as the Light of the World which discover'd to me such a Beauty in the Mysteries of our Religion with rayes of a new Light that I saw more then ever the vanity of the World and the strange Sottishness of such men who preferr'd the Darkness of Falsehood before the Light of Truth Insanias falsas The beams of this Light works wonders in a Soul for it leaves such impressions as bring her to know Truth in another manner then by the sole Light of Reason or Faith either If we be in the Closet of some great King in the dark we know well there be excellent pieces there we may know their number bigness and value of the Precious Stones the rareness of the Painting and what else we see not But when once the least light of day appears then we begin to have a view of all their Riches Beauties and Excellencies and the whole order of the Closet salutes our eyes and in admiration thereof we are taken with it in an extraordinary manner When it pleases God to give us a sight of his Divine Beauties discovering them to a Soul by the least Ray of his Heavenly Light then the Soul is wonderfully affected and being more then ever transported with admiration looks upon all things of the World as nothing Faith indeed gives us a certain assurance of her Objects but leaves in obscurity But one sole Ray from the Eyes of Jesus when he is pleas'd to dart it into a Soul doth confirm fortifie encourage and refresh her with Illustrations extraordinary and Soveraign consolations Accedite ad eum illuminamini We cannot approach to Jesus and not be enlightned I came to know in my second Prayer that when Jesus is pleas'd to manifest himself to a Soul he infuses a Light into her which gives her a marvellous Facility to believe the Verities of the Word Incarnate She has a certainty and as it were experience that his Thoughts his Words his Actions his Proceedings his Doctrine his Sufferings were Divine and brought a Soveraign Honour to the Divinity O Science of Jesus how art thou sweet and admirable All other knowledge in respect of thee is but ignorance and vanity I have by the great goodness of God had some little experience to know Jesus in this manner but I cannot express it The more this knowledge increases the less is it explicable The profound attention to Jesus does so take up my Spirit that it takes away my Speech It calls me from all Creatures to converse with him alone and draws me out of my self to be ravish'd with him O World how blind art thou not to see the Beauty of the Poor and abject states of Jesus His Doctrine and his Maxims are the only true Light All that thou hast O ignorant World seduced by the Prince of Darkness is but meer Darkness thy opinions thy imployments thy hopes thy fears thy desires thy entertainments are but Darkness and disorder thou stumblest almost at every step because thou walkest in Darkness out of which thou canst never get but by Jesus Christ For as the Sun is the principle of Corporal Light to the World so Christ the Sun of Righteousness is the source of all Spiritual Light and whom his Grace and Doctrine do not enlighten they wander in Darkness Ego sum Lux mundi qui sequitur me non ambulat in tenebris My third Prayer pass'd in continual astonishment in that I had so little known Jesus Christ and of that extreme blindness wherein I had liv'd At present I had almost a continual sight and a sweet and forceable inclination to regard this admirable Object so that I thought every moment lost which was not so imployed To behold him with amorous affections is a Cure for all my evils For when my Soul is afflicted with fears of loosing Gods favour or with experience of her Miseries or with difficulties about Perfection one
Purity in the Soul we find the presence of God in us and the following Instructions in my judgment may conduce to purifie the Soul and preserve her in Purity 1. An indifference to every condition to any employ whatsoever whereby God may be glorified 2. To be regular in our Exteriour Actions not to busie our selves too much and to do them with great attention 3. To be well rooted in the Spirit of Mortification to love Suffering and Humiliations a manifest sign of a purified Interiour 4. To have a great love for Jesus Christ dying on the Cross for us 5. To have a continual recourse to God for a supply of his Grace with a constant dependance on it 6. To be dead to the World and worldly things 'T is said That God is in the fond of the Soul and there is hidden so as to find him we must hide our selves there also by recollection and an internal Life which Spiritual Authors call The state of Introversion The night time is most conducing to advanee this disposition when all creatures are in a manner dead to us making no impression on our Senses whereby we better conserve that reverence we owe to the presence of God in us O how many Irreverences are we guilty of on this account We leave him alone when we perceive he is in the fond of our Soul to receive our homages and we turn our eyes from his Majesty though he regard us Just as if one by special favour admitted into the Closet of his Prince to converse with him should presently turn his head to look out of the Windows to behold the Passengers A Soul that is sensible of Gods presence is not guilty of such ordinary miscarriages The least word or action that tends not to God is troublesome to her because that being unwilling to leave that respect she owes to Gods presence she fears the least irreverences as death And seeing that all Creatures are nothing to the Creator she often cries out Quis ut Deus Deus meus omnia Who is like unto God My God is all in all unto my heart In this state the Soul has not only a great respect for God as God but for Jesus Christ God and Man and for his Doctrine and for his Maxims The privation of all Creatures does relish better with her than the possession knowing for certain that to enjoy God by such happy experience is of more worth than the World CHAP. V. That our union with the Presence of God ought to be the Rule of our Actions THat Soul has no small obligations to God who manifests his Presence in her Interiour and makes her sensible of this blessed union I know very well that this union is so full of sweetness and desirable that 't is of more worth than the enjoyment of all Creatures But 't is also full of extreme rigour separating a Soul without any pity from whatsoever nature loves most dearly She must then bid adieu to the most innocent Pleasures by being generally dead to all things but God or what relates to him O what a pain is it not to dare because God is present to be complacent to our Friends or be serviceable to them with a natural inclination but only upon a motive of Grace For such a Soul must not follow the order of Nature as from nature but as elevated by Grace If the World call upon us let us not regard it for it will withdraw us from the presence of God to please our selves or others by divertisements A Soul attracted to enjoy the presence of God has another rule Those who are not thus attracted nor have this enjoyment may do well to comply with their neighbours by charitable complacences The Fidelity which a Soul owes to God present requires of her not to charge her self with affairs but what are necessary and to manage them with the Spirit of indifferency aiming only to do Gods will which sometimes we meet with as well in ill as good successes She must be more taken up with God than those affairs knowing well no business is of greater importance than to conserve her union with God present It no less concerns her to be well resign'd to the Orders of Divine Providence to be content with Poverty with Miseries with Desolations never seeking deliverance upon natural motives but being pleas'd with abjection and humiliations to say with St. Paul Placeo mihi in infirmitatibus I am well pleas'd with my Infirmities Such a Soul will give her self up absolutely into the hands of God to let him work her into what form he pleases as soft wax and set what Impression he thinks best upon her receiving all with profound humility and if she be left naked she rests contented O how a Soul so dead to all Creatures is a pleasing Mansion for God to dwell in 'T is his delight to take there his habitation O how a Soul that finds God thus present with her is troubled to be obliged to quit the sweetness of his presence And when this is often makes life somewhat troublesom and she cries out O my God the well-beloved of my Soul when will you deliver me from this burdensom necessity This is the greatest of miseries to be depriv'd of all Creatures is no misery in comparison But to be depriv'd of you to enjoy whom I was created and without whom I cannot but be miserable makes me cry out Quando veniam apparebo ante faciem tuam O when shall I come to enjoy your presence It seems to me I am like a Traveller who sees a far off a high mountain and the way before him but being on foot he must sweat to get thither In like manner I have some prospect of Perfection and the obligations of a Soul longing after God but I cannot accomplish them However I have a desire and I stand in need of an abundance of Grace to mount to Perfection Holy Virgin Mother of God intercede for me that I may receive a participation of your Graces to enable and conduct me in the ways of God We must have a care that the Contentments we enjoy by this union with God present does not exclude a union with the Cross Contempts Poverty and Sufferings A strict tye to the Interiour of Jesus glorified does require also a strict conjunction to the Interiour of Jesus Crucified Those two unions go hand in hand here it being impossible to have part in the state of Jesus in Heaven without having part in the states of Jesus on Earth Let us take courage and love as yet rather to suffer than enjoy We have but this short life to suffer in but our enjoyment shall be to all Eternity CHAP. VI. That the presence of God in us puts us in a state of suffering and enjoying PErfection doth not consist in a general freedom from Interiour and Exteriour troubles Hitherto my weakness could not comprehend how a Soul at the same time might be happy
that Purity wherewith I ought to love him who is essentially good and perfect I know God is a jealous God who will admit no Rival in his love and that with great reason because he is only truly amiable as our Soveraign good O that he was loved according to his Beauty My Soul is inflamed with a great desire to disengage her self from all Creatures that I might wholly be busied about God alone I see clearly that this is my principal concern and not to meddle with other affairs without necessity For a Soul whom God attracts to a sublime union with himself must cut off abundance of superfluous thoughts discourses and occupations or else she will be lyable to a thousand amusements For my part I often say to my self Come my Soul let us to our principal work and let the rest alone that does but estrange us from our happiness We must live a life more retired than ordinary with greater silence and attention to God and Holy Duties This life will seem a little abject and will not be so pleasing to many who are for unprofitable recreations But will be amiable to such who are wholly taken up with the exercises of Divine love in a beloved retirement For they have tltogether given themselves up to the good pleasure of God and love nothing but the accomplishment of his holy will This perfect abandon is wrought in us by pure love and this pure love cannot raign in our hearts without a generous mortification to all Creatures and a freedom from an attach to imperfections This death doth work but according to the measure of our love to sufferings which sufferings for God wonderfully unites us to him with the bond of Perfection Purity love suffering God what would we more If Providence so order I shall freely forsake my solitude though most dear to me I will endeavour to die to all things to apply my self wholly to Gods pleasure and sacrifice my self and whatever I have to his holy Will Has he a mind to reduce me to my first nothing If he will have it so I am content Will he have me in a suffering condition His will be done neither will I complain but have recourse to Jesus Suffering for me on the Cross and rest contented with his good pleasure A Soul that loves God and his Will more than the Creature is content and peaceable in all events seeing Faith assures her that the will of God is accomplish'd therein She embraces miseries and afflictions as proper means for her sanctification and discovers more clearly therein the good pleasure of God then in prosperity O my Soul we must now give our selves to God in good earnest indeed by embracing contempt and poverty forsaking the vain respects of the World and sensual delights to expose a Penitent poor hidden abject life so contrary to worldly men Methinks hitherto I have had but Idaeas now I desire to fall to the practice of Perfection after the example of St. Elizabeth While she was a Princess how did she abhor the life of Worldlings and what love had she for a poor abject life O my God when shall I give you the practice of so many excellent truths whereof you have given me the knowledge by heavenly illuminations O my God speak powerfull to my heart and make me faithful in my obedience take from me all other things and attach me entirely to your good pleasure CHAP. XII We ought to comport our selves with a respectful reverence in God's presence A Soul that sees God present with her by the light of Faith will often times feel in her self the great veneration she has for so infinite a Majesty and Benefactor She cannot but have a respectful regard for all the inspirations and secret advices conducing to perfection all good desires which come from God yea she has a reverence and love for Crosses that come from the hand of her Soveraign good The Soul in this state is peaceable and may so continue a long time O my Soul remember this well and when any thing comes into thy thoughts which thou believest to be an inspiration cherish it with great respect and be faithful to the designs of God upon thee according to the measure of their manifestation O what irreverence wilt thou be guilty of not to be Faithful in such cases Above all be content to look upon crosses and humiliations with respect and love and hold thy self happy to be accounted worthy to suffer for Christs sake Vobis datum est ut in Jesum credatis pro eo patiamini God is pleas'd to manifest to me with what dispositions I ought to walk in his presence and in his ways namely humility patience longanimity simplicity and purity When we find our selves in good disposition of heart humility makes a Soul to esteem it highly be it never so small and thinks her self happy to have it because she deserves nothing yea is rather worthy of eternal punishment This will free us from sadness and discouragements when we see others glittering with greater Graces and pulls down our pride from exalting our selves higher than God will have us to be Moreover by patience the Soul is well composed and labours after perfection with courage and perseverance be the time never so long before God bestow on her the gift of Prayer By longanimity the Soul suffers and supports her self in her defects and imperfections so that self-love shall not discourage her in her endeavours Simplicity makes her still to have an eye to God and to follow his conduct whereby at length she arrives to Purity Our chief work must be to do Penance with all humility and if God gives us not the gift of sublime Prayer and eminent virtues to abide peaceable in that little we have and we shall find favour in the eyes of God What we ordinarily want is a noble generosity to support crosses and surmount the contradictions we meet with from nature in the occasions of Fidelity These difficulties make us timerous and fearful but we must be content to be feeble that the Power of the Grace of Jesus Christ may be glorified in us When I am weak then am I strong says St. Paul Virtus in infirmitate perficitur This acknowledgment of our weakness does wonderfully humble us and opens our eyes to see our own poverty and the great need we have to relie on the Grace of Jesus Christ I find that God requires of me to be Faithful in these following practices 1. First I must be very indifferent to whatsoever it shall please God to do with me and to be content either with action or suffering being attent wholly to his good pleasure Why therefore should I long after the Graces of others because great and glorious 'T is enough for me to bless God for them and be faithful to my own with peace and contentedness seeing our happiness consists in serving God in what manner he pleases 2. When I find my self in
indisposition of Health I ought to value it and not forsake my usual Devotions nor have recourse to such refreshments as satisfie sensuality But to take pleasure for once to make bold with my body that hath often made bold with my Soul Notwithstanding this must be done with discretion 3. I must rejoyce at crosses and difficulties which I meet withall as affording matter to practice many great virtues which prepare the Soul for great graces and make her worthy of great love What God pleases to give oftentimes to his best Friends in this life are fair occasions to suffer for Christs sake by a generous renunciation of what the World most affects and nature most desires 4. I ought to be strongly perswaded that I shall be so far rich in virtue as I shall be poor in worldly goods provided I be faithful to the Grace of my vocation which invites me to be dead to all things but only God I must therefore have a care not to harken to the arguments of humane prudence which still finds pretensions enough to shun contempts and sufferings Our sensuality does much retardus in the way to perfection but humane reason more being more subtile and powerful to perswade The only remedy is to abandon our selves to the conduct of Grace and fall in love with the folly of the Cross CHAP. XIII To give our selves up to the conduct of Gods Spirit WE must not use violence in the practice of a Spiritual Life by binding our selves severely to this or that way but sweetly follow the motions of Gods Holy Spirit We must row against the stream of our corrupt nature but not strive against the wind that comes from Heaven Work we must but by following Gods holy Inspirations which are sensible enough to holy hearts a Soul accustomed to the conduct of God's Spirit does know his motions I cannot explicate this as I would but 't is an assured truth she knows them by experience I must wholly depend on Divine Providence without any dependance on Creatures though holy casting my self into the arms of God as an Infant that takes no care but to lye in the Mothers bosome to suck the teat and delighted therewith does love her dearly I confess our blessed Saviour treats me after this manner for without any sollicitude of mine to nourish my Soul with Spiritual food or without any searching into Books for that end but only in his Sacred heart I experience that I want nothing which sometimes does strike me with admiration and fear that I have been negligent to do my duty But this fear does presently vanish seeing God was pleased to provide for me before I thought on 't This makes me know experimentally that God will have me wholly depend upon him without any support from Creatures for if I seek to them his care diminishes and my Soul falls into indigence finding little succour from the Creatures she had recourse to which makes her soon retire to the Paps of Providence and this suffices A Mother sometimes has milk in one Pap and not in the other if the little Infant will change he is deceiv'd but finding little help from the left Pap he returns to the right and now will not quit it being grown wise by experience My Soul thus finding little help from the creature returns presently to the Pap of Providence and there abides I fear sometimes to have too many consolations in Prayer but this does satisfie me that God will have me live as an Infant that stands in need of such comforts He make choice of other Souls for great performances that regard his glory If an Infant should leave the bosome of his Mother to do her service he would fall and hurt himself and do no good He must then let others work and be content with his Mothers embraces Wherefore what I have to do is to stick close to God and let others travel in great affairs as more grown up in grace in comparison of whom a little Infant is nothing but weakness My perfection consists in my fidelity in a perfect abandon of my self to God which will increase as I advance in the ways of God and his designs I must therefore be in a manner passive and in my thoughts desires actions dispositions interiour and exteriour depend on the pure conduct of God and his pleasure A Soul well illuminated loves not the dispositions she finds in her self but God who gave them and his will is the sole object of her complacencies it being all one to her to be in this or that disposition as best pleases God and loving nothing more than a perfect abandon of her self to his Providence O dear abandon Thou art at present the object of my love which by thee is purified augmented and enflamed whosoever possesses thee does know and tast the amiable transports of great liberty of Spirit A Soul loses her self happily in thee after having lost all Creatures for the love of abjection and finds her self no where but in God being dead to all things besides him O dear abandon Thou art the disposition of dispositions and all other do refer to thee Happy are they that know thee being of more worth than all other graces A Soul in abandon hath a pure regard to God and is not concern'd but for his Interests yea desires not abjection nor any thing else but Gods good pleasure Few words cannot explicate the great effects that it works in the Interiour to establish a Soul perfectly in God 'T is abandon that makes her insensible in all kinds of accident and nothing but the loss of abandon can afflict her You are admirable O my God you are admirable in your holy operations and assentions that you make in Souls whom you conduct from light to light by your Divine Providence which is not known but by experience Sometimes it seem'd to me that the grace to love abjection was the highest pitch but now I see that abandon mounts the Soul to a more elevated state O dear abandon Thou doubtless wilt be the ultimate disposition I desire nothing but thee and death as the gate whereby to enter into an eternal abandon Dear death how pleasant and lovely dost thou seem unto me What allurements do I see in thee Deliver me from my captivity that I may fully enjoy my well-beloved However if thy coming will interrupt my abandon come not for thou art nothing in comparison and all thy delights will be bitter to me O dear abandon Thou art the beloved of my heart which ardently breaths after thee But when shall I know that I possess thee perfectly This shall be when the Divine will shall raign perfectly in me For my Soul shall be established in an intire indifferency to all events and means of perfection when she shall have no other joy then in God no other content no other felicity Our blessed Saviour sayes often to a Soul abandon'd to his will Think upon me and I will think upon
gracious look from Jesus does easily scatter these clouds appease this storm and brings a calm and serenity to my Soul Methinks I see clearly that diffidence in our selves and confidence in Jesus to keep our selves at his feet in Prayer or any other manner near him as Grace shall suggest is an excellent means to Pray well and to receive from the Father of Lights what is necessary to advance us in our way to Perfection We must well observe that what Light and motions we have from Grace do more unite us to God by proficiency in Virtue but Natural Lights and Sentiments do not produce the like effect For example I may see my frailty and weakness by knowledge acquired by experience of the Miseries of this Life I may know the same also by the Light of Grace Grace with knowledge gives me also strength and courage to humble my self to confess my frailty to have recourse to God for his assistance A natural light has not the like effect but leaves a man in his pride and miseries or what is worse in sadness and disconsolations Our blessed Saviour in my fourth Prayer gave me a sight and sentiment of his adorable Person above all expression The eyes of my Soul being fix'd to behold the Beauty the Goodness the Grandeurs and Perfections of that admirable Compositum my Will could not be satisfied with those pleasures and contentments she then received O what great happiness does an enlarged Soul receive when the Veil is a little drawn from these Divine Mysteries Methinks I could have stood beholding this Divine Object all the days of my life I consider'd chiefly that the holy Soul of Jesus was enlightened with the Divinity to know what measures he ought to take during his mortal life to fulfil the Decrees of his eternal Father his wonderful Wisdom in choosing an humble poor and suffering life to instruct us Men and give Us Example and that worldly Wisdom is but meer Folly false and pernicious to her followers In this view of Jesus every thing in him seemed to me charming and admirable not the least glance from his eye or word from his mouth or sigh or tear from him but at present was to me an object of infinite delight and seemed to me sufficient to take up a Soul for ever with contemplation But the contemplation of God must be accompanied with imitation and by the conduct of his Grace we must enter into his states poor abject and suffering 't is in vain to think to attain to perfection any other way The only imitation and conformity to Jesus makes the Soul capable of pure contemplation and contemplation will preserve her in this conformity Ninth Day Jesus Suffering and Dying JEsus in the Idaea of Ecce homo crown'd with Thorns clad with a Purple Robe in derision buffeted mock'd spit upon and scourg'd was the object and subject of my morning Prayer I took great gust though full of compassion to see him in this posture because he himself was never more satisfied in that he could never better satisfie his Father And presently I said O my Jesus you were never thus array'd before now all the Glory of Mount Tabor did not cloath you with such Beauties doubtless the eternal Father takes infinite complacency to behold you in this state for you are a Holocaust all surrounded with dolours and deaths with contempts and annihilations In this entertainment I communicated and receiv'd my Jesus in this state who spoke in this manner to my Soul I come to thee to make thee like my self Thou wilt be never wholly acceptable to me or my Divine Father till thou become like me I then found in my self a great desire to be so and that I might take contentedly all disgraces and losses that any accidents brought upon me as so many advantages to make me like to my Saviour Ecce homo I then remain'd much comforted and fortified and very devout to Jesus in this state In my second Prayer I found my Soul attracted with a wonderful gust to behold Jesus crucified a spectacle pleasing to the eternal Father the comfort of Heaven and the terror of Hell I discover'd a certain way of beauty which cloathed the horrors of Calvary with wonderful comliness O my God! said I what pleasure is it to see the God of Beauty die for man upon a Cross This beauty is not in his visage now all disfigur'd but in the goodness of God which is here all in splendours and in the tryumphs of an incomparable love which sacrificed his most precious life for our Redemption The eternal Father was much delighted with this Beauty The Bruises and Wounds and Blood upon his sacred Head and Face did not make him disfigur'd in my eyes because the beauty of Divine Justice which was thereby infinitely glorified gave him a grace which is unspeakable Speciosus forma prae filiis hominum In this state Jesus appeared to me the most beautiful of men And my heart was so taken with Jesus crucified that I could not but love him in the state of his annihilations The Grace which this view left in my Soul was a particular esteem and love for sufferings I saw nothing more beautiful seeing they were a kind of Ornament to God himself and rendred him an object of singular complacency to his eternal Father Jesus hath sanctified the states of poverty contempt and sufferings through which he passed to make them sources of grace to such Souls as love them for his sake If the holy places where Christ was on Earth are in singular veneration much more ought the states of Jesus Christ If the men of the world think it a great honour to participate of the grandeurs of their Prince how happy and Honourable ought a true Christian to think himself to be if he be partaker of the humiliations of the King of Glory The Crown and Scepter are the glory of a King Poverty Contempts and Sufferings are the glory of a Servant of Jesus Christ In my third Prayer I was pierced with a wonderful feeling at the sight of Jesus suffering and dying on the Cross Being not able to comprehend how the infinite Majesty of a God should condescend so low I said O my Jesus why did you not rather let all men perish for 't is more just beyond comparison that men should be lost being Guilty than you suffer being most Innocent But in this tryumph of your love you have no regard to your self but to satisfie Divine Justice and that Infinite Charity you have for your poor Brethren in their miserable condition Suffer then even the death of the Cross seeing dear Jesus it is your pleasure I consider'd the eternal obligations we have to Jesus Christ in that he died for our Salvation It seem'd to me that hitherto I had been as in darkness in regard to this incomparable benefit Jesus Christ is our true and faithful Friend indeed and yet alas he is neither known nor regarded as
he ought nor lov'd with thankfulness He loves us so as to die for us and we make no reciprocal returns O the prodigious insensibility of men Is then Jesus Christ a stranger to us and not our God and Saviour Does the History of his holy Passion pass with us as a profane or indifferent thing Ought not the bloody Tragedy of Calvary fill all Christian hearts with love and sorrow For my part I could hide my head with shame that I have so little compassion and love for Jesus dying on the Cross for our Salvation O my Jesus I confess my fault in that I have so little known my infinite obligations to you But seeing your Grace discovers now to me more clear than heretofore what you are I will never more lose sight of you I will love nothing more than You and esteem nothing more than to do you honour You are my true Father my true Brother true Friend true King true Redeemer O how great a truth is it that you are all in all unto me O that I have been so long without knowing you aright O Jesus how Happy am I that I have found you O let me never so much loose my self as to forsake you For my fourth Prayer I stood at the Sepulcher of Jesus and seeing his precious Body dead and covered with Wounds I made this Epitaph Here lyes Love Yes yes here lyes Love indeed for his excessive Love to us brought him to this state and condition A state full of horror and wounds Blood and Infamy But a state well pleasing to God as satisfying his Justice for mans Redemption I embraced his precious Body and kiss'd his Sacred Wounds I adored Jesus in this state and said O my Soul we must either cease to Love Jesus or die with him seeing Love equalizes Lovers and makes them alike My Soul then chose to die with Jesus and after many sighs and desires to please her Beloved she died with Jesus never willing more to live a Natural and Humane Life but a Life Divine and Supernatural as that of Jesus And I made for her this Epitaph Here lyes a Soul dead of Love Behold in what consists the death of my Soul 't is to live no longer according to the natural Inclinations but according to the motions of Grace which are the Love of Poverty Contempt and Sufferings While these dispositions live in a Soul she is dead to Sensual desires and lives a Life of Grace a Life Supernatural Therefore for the future I will never hunt after Honours or Pleasures or Riches willingly and by Election but I will either heartily forsake them or if I use them it shall be upon Divine Motives for the good of my Neighbour or for pure necessity seeing That is the Will of God the surest rule of all our Actions Tenth Day Jesus risen from Death and Glorious IN my Morning Prayer I consider'd the Glory of Jesus Christ in the state of his triumphant Resurrection O Jesus how Glorious are you How well does this become you Verily 't was a strange state whither your Love had brought you A state of Misery Shame and Sorrow This was well for us Criminals but in no sort agreeing to you who are Innocence it self For what belongs to you is Majesty and Glory What joy did swell my heart to see Jesus Glorious My Tongue cannot express what my Heart feels This great Feast of the Resurrection is to be celebrated by all Creatures seeing 't is the day wherein Jesus appears as God O Feast of the Glory of Jesus O Feast of the Glory of Mary 'T was a Miracle she did not die of Sorrow at the Death of her Son and 't is another Miracle she did not die of Joy at his Glorious Resurrection O my heart be thou enlarged with Joy for 't is a general rule without exception that the Interest of the Creator is to be preferr'd before all Creatures And therefore O triumphant Jesus I more rejoyce that you are Glorious then that I hope to be Glorified with you Yea though I should never be raised your Glory does ravish me It glads me when I consider that damnation only concerns the Creature for the Interest of Jesus suffers not thereby seeing God is Glorified by the Reprobates as well as by the Saints in Glory 'T is also a certain rule that the Elect O Divine Jesus are Images of you and so necessarily must resemble you in your Sufferings if with you they will be Glorified 'T is a folly to think not to suffer here some way or other more or less seeing the way to Glory is by Sufferings O my Soul be thou united to Jesus Crucified and then thou shalt have part with Jesus Glorified To this end thou must love the Cross and desire of Jesus to die or suffer O World thy way is meer folly and nothing else In my second Prayer I was taken up with these words of Divine Jesus Ought not Christ first to suffer and so to enter into Glory I discover'd how all the Divine Perfections did wonderfully shine forth therein But above all the Wisdom of God doth ravish those hearts which contemplate the works of Grace and Mercy O Divine Wisdom how well is the Oeconomy of your Mysteries order'd to work our Salvation and bring us to Glory Every Mystery which I consider'd did raise a new Fire in my breast to inflame my affections with the Love of Jesus Sometimes they altogether did as with so many arrows pierce my heart and made me languish with Divine Love For seeing my self so Belov'd of good Jesus how could I but Love him again O Infinite Love of Jesus for whom shall I have a heart if not for thee O Love 't is for thee my heart is reserved Thy attracts are powerful enough do not redouble them so sweet and charming 't is enough my heart is for thee O Love except thou wilt have me die do not wound me any more Yet I will die willingly if thou wilt have it so on the Cross of Interiour and Exteriour Suffering that I may be conform to my Loving Saviour My third Prayer was a continuation of the Sentiments of the Love of Jesus I made use of the words of great St. Austin in his Confessions O my Jesus you have wounded my heart with the arrows of your Charity and I have devoted it to your Love Since that you have scatter'd my Darkness and made your self known unto me I have not forgot you Since I had the Happiness to know you I have imprinted you in my memory there I find you and I tast perfect Delights and receive extreme Joy and Contentment when I remember you My Soul feeling Divine Fires within her which did fill her with Pleasures I did sing extempore Canticles to my Beloved and though not methodical yet they better express'd her amorous languishings Though alone in my Chamber I spake of Jesus aloud as if I had had many Auditors to be partakers of my
Happiness I make Colloquies among many Lovers of Jesus I think I hear St. Romuald say My dear Jesus my sweet Love the inestimable Object of my Desires the Delight of Saints the Joy of Angels who will give me to Love you as much by my Self as they do altogether Another answered Seeing your Perfections O good Jesus have no limits the Love which all hearts have for you ought to be Infinite Another said O Saviour the Fruits are Testimonies of true Love your appear to me admirable in the effects of your Sufferings and that bloody Death you endured for me But what have I done as yet to testify my Love or make you Love me Another concluded and said Let us Love and Suffer and let us die by the hands of the same Love which made Jesus die upon the Cross O Sacred Love how kindly cruel art thou to those who fall into thy hands For thou dost cut and mortifie and humble and annihilate All thy Servants more or less carry the marks of thy Severity St. Philip Nereus in his Ribbs St. Francis in his Hands and Feet and very Heart But O Divine Love I fear not thy Cruelty Mortifie me Crucifie me Burn me Alive I desire to die by no other hand The conclusion of all the Prayers of my Solitude was an absolute abandon of my self to Jesus Christ to whom I gave my self up in a new manner irrevocably to live or die to act or suffer to be in such a state as best pleases him Ardently desiring that his Sacred Love would make me die to all things but himself The Martyrdom of Love is longer then that of Tyrants and sometimes more tormenting fighting against all our natural Inclinations breaking through all oppositions whatsoever to practice the virtues of the Word Incarnate Without doubt we suffer much to follow that Grace which calls us to die on a Cross poor contemned and abandoned But he that Loves finds sweetness in these Sufferings 'T is a great wonder to make a Creature of nothing But 't is a far greater to make a sinner a Saint And this O Jesus is the only work of your Grace 'T is you that are victorious and triumphant in all your Elect over the corruption and malignity of Sin O Jesus how great is the Power of your Grace How is your right Hand glorified by working wonders O Jesus the Infinite source of Power and Virtue of Grace and Sanctity of Beauty and Perfection O that I have as yet so little known you In Heaven they only see you clearly but yet 't is a Favour and Happiness beyond expression to have some knowledge of you in this Life When I behold Jesus my Soul wants words and can say nothing but Jesus and in saying Jesus it says all it would though it be ineffable O Jesus vouchsafe me some little sight of you in this banishment that my Soul may be comforted Jesus God and Man the eternal Splendour and Crown of Saints be you hereafter the only Object of my Desires and Love that I may be so united to you as never to suffer a separation When Jesus once possesses a Soul her Thoughts are on him her Words are to him and her Love is for him She then lives in a region of Light Beautiful beyond all expression and in her ardours of Love she seems wholly Passive to the operations of Jesus in her Jesus is enlightning enflaming Piercing and Consummating Jesus is more in the Soul then her self and lives more in her then her self all is converted into Jesus by a co-operation of Love which she feels but cannot explicate It seems to my Soul that hitherto she has been but in continual amusements How many vain Idaeas have taken up her Thoughts But at the sight of Jesus all Creatures appear'd but as Dreams and they fled before him as Owls at Sun-rising I know you then O amiable Jesus I see that you are Verity and all the World but Vanity O Divine Jesus reign for ever in my Soul establish your Empire in my heart and be absolute King there for it is yours Let all the Blessed Angels and Saints in Heaven and all Creatures Bless you and Praise you and help me to return you Thanks for all the Favours your Infinite Goodness has vouchsased me in this Retreat Add this also O most Merciful Jesus to your other Graces that I may have a perpetual dependance on your Holy Will and live in you and for you who lives and reigns World without end Amen The End of the Fourth BOOK BOOK V. Of Communion and its Effects CHAP. I. Of Preparation before Communion A Person that often receives his God in the Holy Communion ought to direct all the Actions of his Life to that end and render them a Preparation to it And as those Acts whereby we prepare our selves ought to be most Holy most replenished with Grace so by consequence the Life of one that does often frequent the Sacrament ought to be a continued exercise of Holy and Supernatural Acts. We ought to lead a Life worthy of the Divine Bread which is given us in this adorable Sacrament A common and material Bread supports the Life of Nature But he who is himself the Bread of Graces bestows on us a Life of Grace a Life Holy and Divine and Infinitely rais'd above the Humane Life And therefore is little known little sought by such as lead a common Life and are unwilling to leave themselves and their Temporal concerns to live to Jesus Christ who to that end gives himself to them that he may be their Life O my God how Ignorant and Earthly has my past Life been since I am so little acquainted with this Life more than Humane But now out of your Mercy you vouchsafe to bestow on me such Sentiments as incline me to enter upon this Life For I plainly see that a Soul well settled in the state of Grace ought to live no longer according to Nature but according to Grace The Motions Maxims and Designs of the Supernatural Life take their Original from Grace and are of a very different relish from such as affect Souls which move only by the impressions of Nature For the Soul actuated by this Life embraces Contempts Sufferings Abjection and her delight is to be annihilated in the esteem and love of Creatures so far it is from seeking those things never so little To live this Life is to live the Life of Jesus and to become one and the same with him and it is an excellent Disposition to live by him while the Soul receives him as its proper nourishment Qui manducat me vivet propter me Your Delights O Lord are to be with the Children of Men But these Delights ought to be Reciprocal that is to say That Souls ought to take their Delights in you in your state of Poverty and Abjection that so you may take your Delights in them What an excess of Goodness is this O Lord that being so
In-actions and fulfilling your merciful intentions upon me which are very great and above the comprehension of him that receives them For who can comprehend how the Infinite Majesty of God should lodge and be received in so vile so streight so unworthy a place as the Heart of Man The coming of the Kingdom of God into a Soul Sounds very delightfully and seems sweet I but the poor heart must first prepare to suffer the violent pains of a continual Agony The heart where God Almighty reigns must bid adieu to all Humane Life She dies to all Pleasures to all Consolations even Divine She has no more support no more relyance upon Creatures even the most Holy The bent of Nature and all Humane Inclinations are extinguished in her she has no more a mind for one thing than for another unless it be for a Supream Indifference nothing but Abjections Annihilations Poverty De-reliction are her Portion She is not capable of any other knowledge than that of Jesus Crucified and her Wisdom is Folly to this World This is the manner I ought to depend on your Grace O Blessed Jesus and have continual recourse unto you For you are my Father who nourish me with your own Substance you are my strength and support my weakness You are my Center where all my Agitations and Inquietudes rest and are at an end You are my End and utmost term of all my Desires At present I have no clear sight of the Purity of your Love but only feel in my self forceable Instincts that incline me to desire the Purity of Love and make me frequently break out into such Expressions as these O pure Love O durable Love Happy is he that seeks thee more Happy he that has found and possesseth thee But ah incomparably most Happy Happy beyond measure he that Perseveres with thee and Dies in thy embraces The End of the Fifth BOOK BOOK VI. Of Interiour and Exteriour Crosses CHAP. I. That we must have a high esteem for Crosses I Esteem it a great Happiness when we suffer any thing for Gods sake there being nothing on Earth whereby we can better testifie the Honour and Love we have for him 'T is in this state we are in a capacity to offer up to the Divine Majesty excellent Sacrifices and render to him most signal Services We cannot do more for a Friend than to procure his Glory by our own Destruction and make our selves nothing to make him All. Hence it is that Saints have set up a higher value upon their Sufferings in Prisons and Chains for the Name of Jesus than to be wrapt up with St. Paul into the third Heaven by Contemplation Be comforted then O my Soul in the different states wherein thou findest thy self so it be that thou dost suffer something for God it is enough If thou hast not the gift of Prayer but art in in aridity of Spirit suffer and be content there is more merit in this than in the most ravishing Contemplation Art thou afflicted with Sickness and so deprived of hearing Mass and receiving the Blessed Sacrament Suffer and be content for 't is better to be in the rigours of the Cross than in the sweets of Spiritual Exercises If thou canst do nothing for the good of thy Neighbour suffer and be content for 't is less meritorious to act for God than suffer for him If thy Exercises of Devotion and good Designs do not succeed as thou expectest suffer and be content for 't is better to suffer then to have all things according to thy desires If thou hast any deformity of Body or no great Parts of Mind provided thou suffer this Patience no Person can do better for this pleaseth God Believe me the best Science in the World the best Prayer the greatest Happiness is to know how to suffer for Gods sake We have a very great esteem for the Wood of the Cross of Christ we search after it with no small diligence no person can present us with a more precious Relique We Enchese it in Gold we keep it near our Heart we have a Veneration for it and preserve it Religiously and not without reason because 't is a small Relique of the true Cross of Christ In like manner true Christians the Children of Light do highly esteem those little Mortifications whether active or passive they undergo finding nothing more precious upon Earth and a greater guift cannot be presented to them then the occasions to suffer and mortifie themselves which they embrace with Joy and Love and with great respect cherish them not near but in their Heart considering that the state of Suffering is most agreeable to the dispositions of Jesus Christ and some small participation of his Sufferings 'T is as a little Parcel of the true Cross and the most precious Relique they can carry about them Let 's never be without having with us some of the true Cross let us make much of what afflicts us and we have Reliques thereof before we think on 't When we examine our Conscience let us ask our selves this question Hast thou O my Soul any parcel of the true Cross Any Reliques of the Sufferings of Jesus Christ Happy are those who have some part of them for they enjoy the occasions of the great tryals and proofs of their Love to Christ as can possibly happen The flames of Divine Love burn brightest in the furnace of Affliction St. Paul had a good piece of the true Cross when he said He carried in his Body the Marks of the Lord Jesus Christ for his Sufferings were indeed for Jesus's sake The most noble and glorious thing that Christ did upon Earth was his Dying for us on the Cross a Death most Painful and Ignominious that his Heavenly Father might thereby be Infinitely Glorified and he being thus exalted might draw the hearts of Believers after him and more powerfully engage their Affections to love and adore him A Soul that beholds Jesus on this Throne of his Ignominies which indeed is the Throne of his Grandeurs desires here on Earth to be united to Jesus Crucified as the Saints in Heaven enjoy him Glorified And thus she breaths forth her Desires True it is I cannot have a full Fruition of my Well-beloved in this Life however this is my comfort I can suffer for him Enjoyment is more sweet to the Creature but suffering is more lovely to the Creator and so I find enjoyment of the Miseries of my Banishment When a Soul has no mind to suffer in this World she has no mind to belong to God For seeing in this exile we cannot be his by enjoyment or but very little and being not willing to appertain to him by Suffering we cannot possess God And being without God we adhere to Creatures and loose our selves in disorder and vanity God finds not out of himself a more pleasing Mansion than in a Soul and Body Mortified with Sufferings there it is he takes his complacency and delight The
true these are Crosses and Cruel Persecutions but if we bear them Faithfully with Love 't is a Martyrdom pleasing to God and profitable to us The Persecuting Tyrants tempted the Primitive Christians sometimes against their Faith sometimes against their Chastity which were Glorious Tryals of their Fidelity O how Blessed a thing is it to fight for that Faith and Fidelity we owe to God O what lovely Charms are there in this Martyrdom to those who behold them with the eye of Faith CHAP. V. Of Exteriour Crosses by the loss of Goods BEing in a Friends House who served God truly news was brought me that the Soldiers had ceas'd upon all my Goods at home and Blessed be God it little troubled me But rather I rejoyc'd and put my self into the Hands of God to do what he pleas'd with me preparing my Heart to undergo greater Losses contentedly I was much comforted by my Friend and I went home full of Joy and Cheerfulness accounting my self Happy that Divine Providence had brought me to Poverty and Abjection And I said with my self Courage my Soul our Blessed Saviour continues his Mercies Poverty and Abjection will afford us wings to flee to Perfection Behold now is the opportunity to make great Progress in Virtue if we be but Faithful It seem'd to me that at this time few Persons pityed me and yet they talk'd of my Affliction as no ordinary Tryal They blam'd me in some sort of Proceedings and after all I found my self an Abject and little considered I could never consent to the Councel of those who would have me either yield to anger or discontent For I always thought I ought not to part with that Meekness and Humility which becomes a Christian for the greatest Temporal loss that can happen to me I considered with my self that these little Crosses were hardly to be named with those that they suffer who are tormented with anguishes of Spirit or those who are Slaves under the Turk or such who are put to Death with grievous Tortures That which I suffer is nothing in comparison of those poor Creatures For I instead of being contristated by Suffering found a certain joy to possess my heart and a greater desire to suffer more Hereupon one told me That our Saviour sent me Crosses adorn'd with Flowers which though they took not away their heaviness yet their Odours did refresh and strengthen me to bear them This Persecution continuing I found my self always disposed to suffer it with great Interiour Peace and I kept my Soul from harbouring any thoughts of Bitterness against those who assisted my Plunderers I Saluted them with a Cordial Love although Nature had a repugnance to their Proceedings I beheld with contentment the Fall of our Family how our Friends did forsake us and some treat us very unworthily and yet I could not think it a misfortune but a signal favour from the hand of Providence And I did not complain but digest all this bitter Cup with Interiour joy O bona crux O good Cross The words of St. Andrew seem'd to me very true O how Crosses are good though full of Bitterness We ought to love what is good and make much of it In reality there 's an exquisite goodness in Sufferings and the Fruit of the Cross is wonderful Savorous For at last we shall find that the degrees of Glory shall be according to the measure of our Sufferings and degrees of Love I was then told some means how to get out of this Suffering condition Nature began to resent this with some joy but Grace repress'd it stifling this emotion of Nature that I might have no joy but in God alone and in the accomplishment of his good Pleasure CHAP. VI. Dispositions during Sickness where the Body suffer'd and the Soul rejoyced GOd has been pleas'd to make me enjoy during my Sickness an Interiour Peace so profound and great that I was altogether astonish'd at it considering my Miseries and former Transgressions I said within my self What is this that I find within me How comes it to pass that so miserable a Creature should be thus content and satisfied For my Soul was in a perfect calm from all her Passions feeling nothing but a pure and total union to the good pleasure of God and an absolute abandon of my self to the conduct of Divine Love It seemed to me that some dayes before this Sickness I was in a disposition of extraordinary Peace and Tranquility and one day after Dinner I was taken with a continual Feaver accompanied with much Head ach and Pains throughout all my Body But Divine Love methoughts continued his operations and set me all a flame with Holy Fires So that I often cryed out O Love O Love O Love And could say nothing else When I seem'd as a dying man my Friends weeping about me and every one saying I could hardly Recover my Soul beheld all this without being touched with any Sentiments of regret or tenderness for my Friends being wholly taken up with Divine Love which did so entirely unite me to the good Pleasure of God that methought I could never be seperated from it 'T was no part of my care to beg for my Life and one of my Friends proposing to send me some Reliques of Saints which had done Miraculous Cures I only thank'd him for though I have no small veneration for them yet I had no mind to make use of them for my Recovery but I would wholly put my self into the hands of Divine Love and leaving my self entirely to the conduct thereof whether for Life or Death for Time or Eternity In this extreme weakness of Body my Soul found her self Victorious and Triumphant to see that fall of Pain and her self full of Love and instead of being compassionate seem'd to me to smile at these Sufferings This was an extraordinary effect of Love that in this great weakness of Body my Soul kept up her strength and especially that the great Pains of my Head did not hinder her Interiour occupations This disposition of Love continued as long as my Sickness and I entertain'd my Friends with little consideration and I believe with too much talking fearing now to have discover'd then too much those Holy Fires that inflam'd my heart and that Self-love made me declare too freely my inward feelings My thoughts now make me suspect this defect but being inebriated with Love I said I know not what being like a drunken man that for a time forgets his Poverty and Miseries So in this disposition I forgot my Sins and extreme Frailties and cast my self into the Arms of Love that I might be united with my Well-beloved and enjoy his Reciprocal embraces I had a care to examine my conscience and confess my sins as a dying man and set in order my Temporal Affairs to pass to Eternity Finding my self not able to give much to the Poor it was a joy to me to die in Poverty and I was as well content to give
nothing as if I had been able to bestow much on pious uses The love of Jesus poor and despised did deeply pierce my heart and to satisfie my self therein I made them bring to me a poor Infant in whom methought I saw the Poverty of little Jesus and kissing his Hand I rendred what homage I could desiring to love poor Jesus to my last breath I acknowledge dear Jesus that I am very unworthy of your Divine states But alas must I die without entring effectually into the Poverty and Abjection of your Mortal Life At least O good Jesus I die with that Love and Respect I ought to have for them and be pleas'd to accept of that Conformity I desire to have for them I remember that Praying on Sunday in the Evening the day before I fell Sick at the Carmes Church where I was at Vespers our Blessed Saviour put these words into my mind Christo confixus sum Cruci I am fastned to Christ on the Cross Whereupon I felt an ardent desire to have not one moment of my Life without being able to say I am Crucified with Jesus Christ I think this Divine Love did then dispose me to be nailed on the Cross And in effect my Sickness beginning with a grievous Head-ach which made my eyes to be swoln with pain it came into my mind that I might on this occasion Honour the crowning of our Saviour with Thorns And it was some Contentment to me to have any conformity to this dolorous state of Jesus And as my pain did extend to all parts of my Body I imagin'd it had some little resemblance to the state of a Body Crucified Thus you have an account of my dispositions in this Sickness which I have done in obedience to the command imposed on me Perhaps they are explicated with too much advantage but the relation is true as to the substance Bless therefore with me the God of Mercies who has been pleas'd to be so bountiful to his most ungrateful Creature but it be-seem'd his Goodness to glorifie his Mercies by the greatness of my Miseries This then is my comfort and I cannot but declare his bounties to me and say Venite videte omnes qui timetis Deum quanta fecit Dominus animae meae Come all ye that fear God and see what great things he hath done for my Soul CHAP. VII Other Dispositions in the time of Sickness where both Body and Soul are on the Cross I Began to go out of that state wherein I had been more than five Weeks My corruptible Body did bring down the Soul as it were to nothing so that I had much ado either to know or love God of whom methought my Soul had little or no remembrance Seeing my self in this state of Incapacity I remain'd without any other prospect but of my own nothing and depth of my Miseries being amazed at the strange weakness of a Soul when left to her self This thought which wholly took up my Soul proceeded from a certain experience rather than any Light in the understanding 'Till God brought my Soul to this point she did not well know her own weakness but now she discover'd a thousand false Opinions and vain esteems she had of her self of her Lights Sentiments and Devotions She saw now she had some secret relyance on something besides God which she did not perceive till this state of privation What thus passed in me were the effects of a Natural Malady which nevertheless brought me to nothing and much humbled me For I was in so great a forgetfulness of God that you may be astonish'd at it and I would have hardly believ'd that a Soul having received so many sensible testimonies of the Love of God could ever have so long a privation of actual Love by reason of her former negligence and Infidelity What vast difference is there between my former and this Sickness In that my Soul was all inflamed with Divine Love luminous vigorous far above any disturbance from the Body In this she was cold and dark yea darkness it self feeble infirm depress'd and over-burden'd with mortal flesh We discover our Nothing and Frailties in Prayer but the Lights and Gusts that we receive therein hinder us from being sensible of them what makes us feel them to the quick must be some extraordinary affliction It seem'd to me that nothing was then prevalent in me but Sentiments of Impatience and inclinations to Peevishness but by the Grace of God I did not always consent to them though they often molested me I was somewhat encouraged by the Relation of the Happy Death of two Fathers of the Society who ended their days in the exercises of Charity after they had assisted the Souldiers many years attending them in their Maladies and dolorous Necessities to help them to live well and die Happily At last they died of the Plague and desiring passionately to suffer one of them gave great Stroaks with his Fist upon his Soar to endure something more for Jesu Christ whom they both lov'd with most ardent Affections 'T is said our Blessed Saviour appear'd to them at the point of Death to Crown them and make them Happy with his Presence after which they died Smiling full of Joy and Consolations This did much comfort me extremely rejoycing at their Happiness in that they died in the Service of the Hospital for Souldiers after they had continually endanger'd their Lives by exposing them to the Mouths of Musquets and Canons and a thousand Incommodities of Soul and Body by the cares and solicitudes incumbent on them O how glorious was their Death O the amiable Sufferings that brought them to it What are my little Sufferings in comparison of these What a shame is it for me to feel so much repugnance to endure them Alas I consider that there 's not a day in the year wherein the Church does not make particular Commemoration of many Martyrs who have had the zeal and courage to give up their Lives for Jesus Christ who died for them that they might Honour his Sufferings by the Torments they endured for his sake Some have been expos'd to be devour'd by Beasts others broke upon the Wheel others burned Alive others nailed to Crosses and all have been Miraculous by embracing with joy and cheerfulness the cruellest of Deaths that most barbarous Tyrants could invent to make them miserable O good Jesus I see all these go by the way of the Cross to come to the Perfection of Divine Love and I stay behind as one abandon'd and unworthy to suffer for you What can I then do O blessed Saviour For you have said That he who will not take up his Cross to follow you is not worthy to be your Disciple O Love Crucifie me Burn me Martyr me Si non per Martyrium carnis saltem per incendium cordis If not by Sacrificing my Body yet by Sacrificing my Heart And let my affectionate desire to suffer make my Life and
produce in her admirable effects To have tasted of them once or twice is sufficient to make her rich by infusing into her Understanding a certitude of the Mysteries of our holy Faith and inflaming the Will with ardent and solid affections to practise Virtue And thus she knows more of God in a Moment than before she did in many Months By these extraordinary Graces a Soul is more convinc'd and dispos'd to suffer Contempt and Poverty and leave all things to follow Christ than by a thousand discursive Meditations However God does not cease to communicate these effects by other wayes as by spiritual Lectures holy Conferences Meditations c. But when God is pleas'd to work all by himself in a Soul he does much for her in a little time One of the principal Virtues that this state imprints in the Soul is To draw her to God and keep her with him so that she 's more in Him than her self Divine Love being a weight that alwayes carries her to her Well-beloved Amor meus pondus meum If a great Prince should send some magnificent Present to one of his poor Subjects this would give him more Knowledge of his Prince's Royal Grandeurs and Bounty than to send him all the Oratours of his Realm to set forth his Greatness by their Eloquence So a Soul knows more of God by the aforesaid Favours than by the large Discourses of Famous Preachers These extraordinary Favours are not necessary to Salvation nor yet to Perfection but very advantagious to confirm us in Grace For these more special Communications work in the Soul this admirable Repose and sweet Calmness to dispose her for the Receipt of great Graces which bring her to a more intimate Union wherein she sucks from the Bosom of the Divinity a Sweetness ineffable Strengthening Purifying and Comforting When the Soul is not in this Quiet let her do what she can no endeavours of her can procure it If God sends it let us receive it if he send it not we must be patient and prepare our selves thereto by the exercise of Mortificacation and pure Virtue according to the Grace betstow'd upon us Having been in this Prayer of Quiet many days it seem'd to me to be taken from me for contesting a little with my Friend to perswade him to prevent another with a charitable courtesie O my God how nice and delicate a thing is Grace and the greater the Grace it is the more delicate I learn by this Substraction how poor a thing a Creature is how unable we are of our selves to retain Your Graces and to see that this also proceeds from Grace I will hereafter make it my work to love pure Virtue and practise perfect Mortification CHAP. XVII Of the intimate Vnion of the Love of the Soul with God in Prayer THe wonderful Secrets of this Disposition of the Soul in Prayer can hardly be expressed only we may call it The Prayer of Vnity of Love because herein the Will feels no other Love in her Affections than that which God has for Himself One only Love seems sufficient for God and the loving Soul it being enough for her to adhere to him with great Simplicity and Unity with this only Love which God has for his infinite Beauties and Perfections The particular Love of the Soul is absorpt like a Drop of Water in the infinite Ocean of his Love by a Union inexplicable and being so lost is found more perfect as a Spark of Fire in a little Coal cast into a Furnace gives a heat infinitely greater than what it had of it self alone It seems to the Soul that she does not love but God loves himself in her and in this manner her Will having such Impressions of the Divine Love has no other Sentiments nor Interiour Dispositions than those which God has for Himself When she loves God in this manner as he loves Himself she also hates Sin in the same manner as God hates it by this ineffable Union In this state of Prayer the Soul receives wonderful Discoveries of the admirable Wisdom of God in his Proceedings about the Redemption of Mankind by the Life and Death of his Son so full of Sufferings and Abjection God loving Himself cannot but love the Cross which satisfied his Justice and the Soul cannot but have a Will to suffer seeing she is in the Unity of Love with God which Unity must needs elevate the Soul above Nature And as the Soul of Jesus wholly absorpt in the Love of his Father did rejoyce in his Sufferings and Humiliations so if we be in the Unity of this Love Contempts and Mortifications Dolours and Death it self will be lovely and desireable though quite contrary to our Natural Inclinations This Vnity of Love does so powerfully constrain us to love Sufferings that I make little difference between Love and the Cross and I see so clearly that all the Counsels of Jesus Christ do so wonderfully advance the Purity of Love that no natural Aversion shall deterr me from them I find in my Heart a tacit Consent of Love to abandon my self to Divine Providence and not to disquiet my self about Perfection For I must pacify all the Emotions of my Heart as well good as bad to be in so profound a Peace as to attain this Union When God is pleased to communicate to a Soul this Purity of Love he disposes her to so great a Favour by some Sufferings Crosses and Humiliations He that knows the Riches of true Love knows these also for they are inseparable so that he who will not suffer cannot arrive to Purity of Love My Prayer then tends to unite me intimately and continually to the only Love wherewith God loves himself and my Soul has at present Attracts to nothing else In this Love it seems to her she finds the Practice of all Virtues in a more excellent manner than in themselves I know very well that Love is a weight that continually carries the Soul towards her beloved Object and my Will bending always towards God it moves thither by a longing Inclination full of Love and Sweetness It seems to me that my Understanding herein does not with its Lights assist my Will for I find my Affections all on fire and panting after God without any previous Illustrations I found me thought Divine Love immediately working on my heart by such most secret Touches as put me in a state of perfect Union I find nothing to explicate this better than a Needle touched by the Adamant which then turns continually by a secret Virtue to the Pole and is unquiet till there it fix Thus it stands with my Soul being touched I know not how by Divine Love having no repose but by fixing on God and parting with all Creatures she gently tends to her Divine Center without any Violence being sweetly attracted to a perfect Union My Understanding in this state sees well enough what passes in my Will and Affections but it seems to me to contribute