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thou_o ordain_v thou_o thing_n o_o my_o lord_n in_o what_o sort_n thou_o will_v so_o that_o yet_o this_o poor_a creature_n of_o thou_o may_v once_o be_v able_a to_o pay_v thou_o some_o little_a service_n there_o have_v be_v other_o manner_n of_o woman_n in_o the_o world_n who_o have_v do_v heroical_a thing_n for_o love_n of_o thou_o but_o i_o be_o good_a for_o nothing_o but_o to_o prate_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o thy_o pleasure_n o_o my_o lord_n to_o employ_v i_o about_o put_v any_o thing_n in_o execution_n but_o that_o all_o the_o service_n which_o i_o be_o to_o do_v thou_o must_v pass_v away_o in_o word_n and_o desire_n yea_o and_o even_o i_o have_v not_o liberty_n in_o this_o little_a and_o peradventure_o i_o shall_v be_v faulty_a in_o all_o but_o strengthen_v thou_o my_o soul_n and_o dispose_v of_o it_o first_o o_o thou_o the_o good_a of_o all_o good_n my_o dear_a jesus_n and_o then_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o may_v once_o be_v able_a to_o do_v 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that_o once_o we_o may_v be_v untie_v from_o all_o thing_n and_o that_o we_o may_v not_o place_v our_o contentment_n in_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n how_o will_v then_o that_o pain_n which_o we_o shall_v find_v to_o be_v live_v always_o without_o god_n appease_v and_o temper_v the_o fear_n of_o death_n through_o the_o desire_n which_o by_o this_o mean_n we_o shall_v have_v of_o attain_v to_o the_o fruition_n of_o eternal_a life_n sometime_o when_o i_o be_o consider_v how_o such_o a_o creature_n as_o i_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n have_v give_v this_o light_n with_o such_o a_o imperfect_a kind_n of_o charity_n as_o i_o possess_v and_o with_o so_o poor_a repose_n as_o i_o enjoy_v since_o my_o life_n have_v deserve_v no_o better_a can_v yet_o so_o often_o find_v myself_o in_o distress_n for_o be_v in_o this_o bannishment_n of_o i_o i_o may_v easy_o grow_v to_o imagine_v what_o kind_n of_o sense_n and_o feeling_n that_o will_v be_v which_o saint_n have_v have_v in_o this_o case_n and_o what_o kind_n of_o commotion_n a_o s._n paul_n and_o a_o s._n marie_n magdalen_n and_o such_o other_o like_o they_o will_v find_v in_o themselves_o in_o who_o the_o fire_n of_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n do_v reign_v it_o must_v certain_o have_v be_v a_o continual_a martyrdom_n to_o they_o to_o i_o it_o seem_v that_o all_o the_o ease_n or_o rather_o indeed_o absence_n of_o pain_n which_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o find_v in_o this_o world_n be_v but_o to_o treat_v with_o some_o such_o person_n as_o in_o who_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o meet_v with_o such_o desire_n as_o these_o i_o say_v desire_n with_o deed_n and_o i_o say_v yet_o again_o with_o deed_n for_o there_o be_v certain_a people_n in_o the_o world_n who_o if_o you_o will_v believe_v themselves_o be_v absolute_o untie_v from_o the_o world_n &_o so_o they_o publish_v that_o they_o be_v and_o so_o indeed_o it_o be_v very_o fit_a they_o be_v because_o even_o their_o very_a profession_n and_o condition_n require_v as_o much_o and_o so_o also_o do_v those_o many_o year_n since_o they_o begin_v to_o enter_v into_o the_o way_n of_o perfection_n but_o yet_o this_o soul_n of_o i_o know_v well_o how_o to_o find_v a_o difference_n even_o from_o far_o off_o between_o such_o as_o desire_v these_o thing_n but_o in_o word_n and_o such_o other_o as_o confirm_v their_o word_n by_o their_o work_n for_o she_o know_v how_o to_o understand_v very_o well_o the_o little_a good_a which_o these_o do_v in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o much_o which_o be_v do_v by_o those_o other_o and_o indeed_o this_o be_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o thing_n as_o
also_o with_o have_v begin_v so_o to_o use_v prayer_n as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o carry_v my_o pain_n with_o much_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n the_o conversation_n of_o my_o hart_n be_v whole_o with_o he_o and_o i_o carry_v these_o word_n of_o job_n very_o usual_o both_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o in_o my_o mouth_n since_o we_o have_v receive_v blessing_n and_o benefit_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n why_o shall_v we_o not_o also_o suffer_v affliction_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o help_v to_o give_v i_o courage_n at_o length_n come_v the_o feast_n of_o our_o b._n lady_n in_o august_n for_o till_o then_o from_o the_o april_n before_o have_v my_o torment_n continue_v though_o yet_o it_o have_v be_v great_a in_o the_o three_o last_o month_n i_o than_o make_v haste_n to_o go_v to_o confession_n for_o i_o ever_o take_v much_o contentment_n to_o confess_v often_o my_o friend_n think_v that_o it_o be_v fear_n of_o death_n which_o invite_v i_o to_o be_v so_o devout_a and_o so_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v put_v into_o apprehension_n my_o father_n will_v not_o let_v i_o confess_v o_o inordinate_a and_o irregular_a love_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n since_o though_o i_o have_v so_o catholic_n a_o father_n and_o so_o full_a of_o prudence_n and_o consideration_n in_o all_o his_o action_n which_o even_o abound_v in_o he_o for_o this_o can_v not_o be_v a_o effect_n of_o ignorance_n yet_o he_o may_v have_v do_v i_o hurt_n enough_o by_o this_o mean_n that_o night_n i_o fall_v into_o such_o a_o trance_n as_o continue_v to_o keep_v i_o near_o four_o day_n without_o the_o use_n almost_o of_o any_o of_o my_o sense_n and_o short_o they_o come_v to_o give_v i_o the_o sacrament_n of_o extreme_a unction_n and_o every_o hour_n or_o rather_o every_o moment_n it_o be_v expect_v when_o i_o shall_v expire_v they_o be_v as_o diligent_a in_o say_v the_o creed_n devil_n in_o my_o hear_n as_o if_o i_o have_v understand_v they_o yea_o sometime_o they_o hold_v i_o for_o so_o certain_o to_o be_v dead_a that_o afterward_o i_o find_v the_o drop_n of_o the_o holy_a candle_n wax-candle_n about_o my_o eye_n the_o affliction_n of_o my_o father_n be_v great_a for_o his_o not_o have_v permit_v i_o to_o go_v to_o confession_n many_o outcry_n and_o many_o prayer_n be_v make_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o i_o and_o bless_v be_v he_o who_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v they_o for_o the_o grave_n remain_v open_a in_o the_o church_n of_o my_o monastery_n a_o day_n and_o a_o half_a where_o my_o body_n be_v expect_v to_o be_v inter_v and_o my_o funeral_n have_v be_v already_o celebrate_v by_o the_o religious_a man_n of_o our_o order_n in_o another_o town_n where_o it_o be_v conceive_v that_o i_o be_v dead_a our_o lord_n be_v yet_o please_v at_o length_n that_o i_o shall_v teturne_v to_o myself_o and_o so_o instant_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v to_o confession_n i_o receive_v also_o the_o b._n sacrament_n with_o many_o tear_n though_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o be_v not_o shed_v with_o that_o sense_n and_o grief_n for_o only_o my_o have_v offend_v almighty_a god_n which_o may_v have_v serve_v to_o save_v my_o soul_n if_o the_o error_n into_o which_o i_o be_v bring_v by_o they_o who_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o they_o be_v not_o matter_n of_o mortal_a sin_n which_o afterward_o i_o see_v plain_o that_o they_o be_v may_v not_o serve_v my_o turn_n for_o the_o torment_n wherewith_o i_o remain_v be_v intolerable_a and_o my_o understanding_n not_o very_o sharp_a but_o rather_o dull_a though_o yet_o as_o i_o conceive_v my_o confession_n be_v entire_a of_o all_o thing_n whereby_o i_o may_v think_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v god_n for_o this_o mercy_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o allow_v i_o among_o other_o that_o after_o i_o have_v once_o begin_v to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n i_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a though_o yet_o still_o i_o think_v that_o without_o doubt_n my_o soul_n may_v have_v run_v hazard_n not_o to_o be_v save_v if_o i_o have_v die_v then_o in_o regard_n that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v be_v so_o mean_o learn_v and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o indeed_o on_o many_o side_n in_o regard_n that_o in_o myself_o i_o be_v so_o wicked_a but_o this_o be_v always_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o when_o i_o return_v to_o a_o thought_n of_o this_o passage_n and_o consider_v how_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o our_o lord_n have_v raise_v i_o again_o from_o death_n to_o life_n i_o be_o fill_v with_o so_o huge_a a_o amazement_n that_o i_o remain_v even_o as_o it_o be_v all_o quake_a within_o myself_o and_o now_o i_o think_v it_o be_v well_o o_o my_o soul_n that_o thou_o will_v gather_v this_o just_a resolution_n from_o that_o great_a danger_n out_o of_o which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o deliver_v thou_o that_o although_o thou_o will_v not_o fly_v from_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o love_n yet_o at_o least_o thou_o shall_v forbear_v to_o do_v it_o for_o fear_n for_o he_o may_v have_v take_v thy_o life_n from_o thou_o a_o thousand_o time_n when_o thou_o be_v in_o a_o more_o dangerous_a state_n and_o i_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o say_v too_o much_o if_o i_o do_v speak_v of_o a_o thousand_o time_n more_o though_o he_o perhaps_o may_v chide_v i_o who_o command_v i_o to_o use_v moderation_n in_o the_o recital_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o yet_o i_o doubt_v that_o i_o have_v paint_v they_o out_o too_o favourable_o and_o fair_a but_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v not_o once_o think_v of_o make_v i_o diminish_v my_o fault_n because_o the_o magnificence_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v to_o be_v discern_v thereby_o and_o how_o much_o he_o be_v please_v to_o suffer_v and_o endure_v from_o a_o soul_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o and_o let_v it_o also_o please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o may_v rather_o consume_v i_o quite_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o leave_v to_o love_v he_o more_o the_o six_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o how_o much_o she_o owe_v our_o b._n lord_n for_o his_o give_v she_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n in_o so_o great_a affliction_n and_o how_o she_o take_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o how_o advantageous_a that_o devotion_n prove_v to_o be_v i_o remain_v during_o those_o four_o day_n of_o agony_n or_o trance_n in_o such_o state_n that_o only_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v able_a to_o know_v the_o unsufferable_a torment_n which_o i_o feel_v in_o myself_o my_o tongue_n be_v deep_o bite_v by_o i_o in_o many_o place_n my_o throat_n with_o have_v take_v nothing_o and_o by_o reason_n also_o of_o my_o very_a great_a weakness_n can_v not_o swallow_v so_o much_o as_o a_o drop_n of_o water_n without_o choke_v i_o thought_n i_o be_v total_o disjoint_v and_o my_o head_n in_o extreme_a disorder_n i_o be_v also_o as_o it_o be_v all_o roll_a up_o and_o contract_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v a_o bottom_n of_o packthridd_n for_o in_o this_o do_v the_o torment_n of_o those_o day_n fix_v themselves_o without_o my_o be_v able_a once_o to_o stir_v either_o hand_n or_o foot_n arm_n or_o head_n unless_o they_o move_v i_o any_o more_o then_o as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a only_o i_o think_v i_o be_v able_a to_o wag_n one_o single_v finger_fw-la of_o my_o right_a hand_n now_o for_o any_o body_n to_o touch_v i_o in_o any_o kind_n there_o be_v no_o mean_n at_o all_o for_o my_o whole_a person_n be_v so_o affect_v and_o afflict_a as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o endure_v to_o have_v it_o touch_v in_o a_o sheet_n they_o will_v be_v remove_v i_o now_o and_o then_o according_a to_o the_o occasion_n with_o one_o at_o one_o end_n thereof_o &_o another_o at_o the_o other_o and_o this_o last_v till_o easter_n only_o this_o i_o have_v by_o way_n of_o ease_n that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o approach_v and_o touch_v these_o torment_n will_v be_v cease_v many_o time_n and_o then_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o my_o be_v in_o less_o pain_n i_o be_v content_a to_o affirm_v myself_o to_o be_v well_o but_o indeed_o i_o be_v much_o afraid_a lest_o my_o patience_n shall_v begin_v to_o fail_v i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o a_o little_a please_v to_o find_v myself_o without_o those_o sharp_a and_o continual_a torment_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v they_o after_o a_o unsupportable_a manner_n together_o with_o a_o very_a great_a detestation_n of_o food_n whilst_o i_o have_v those_o fierce_a cold_n which_o indeed_o
that_o time_n to_o give_v they_o the_o habit._n but_o now_o since_o the_o house_n where_o the_o monastery_n fall_v out_o to_o be_v make_v be_v that_o wherein_o my_o brother-in-law_n have_v dwell_v before_o for_o he_o as_o i_o say_v have_v buy_v it_o the_o better_a to_o disguise_v this_o business_n i_o have_v leave_v to_o stay_v there_o and_o i_o do_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o by_o the_o opinion_n of_o learned_a man_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v sure_a not_o to_o depart_v one_o hair_n breadth_n from_o my_o obedience_n and_o when_o they_o see_v that_o the_o thing_n be_v to_o be_v so_o advantageous_a to_o the_o whole_a order_n in_o many_o respect_n they_o tell_v i_o i_o may_v do_v as_o i_o do_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v fit_a to_o proceed_v with_o great_a reservation_n and_o secrecy_n and_o to_o take_v care_n that_o my_o superior_n may_v not_o know_v what_o i_o be_v do_v for_o how_o little_a soever_o the_o imperfection_n have_v be_v which_o i_o must_v have_v commit_v therein_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o will_v have_v given-ove_a the_o erect_n i_o say_v not_o of_o one_o monastery_n but_o of_o a_o thousand_o rather_o than_o have_v fall_v into_o it_o and_o this_o be_v certain_a and_o though_o i_o desire_v to_o sever_v myself_o whole_o from_o the_o world_n that_o so_o i_o may_v follow_v my_o profession_n and_o call_v with_o more_o perfection_n and_o clausure_n i_o desire_v it_o yet_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o whensoever_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v to_o be_v for_o the_o great_a service_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o give_v it_o over_o i_o will_v instant_o have_v be_v sure_a to_o do_v it_o with_o entire_a peace_n and_o repose_v but_o the_o while_n it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o be_v even_o in_o glory_n for_o i_o to_o see_v the_o b._n sacrament_n expose_v and_o that_o four_o poor_a poor_a orphan_n be_v provide_v for_o since_o they_o be_v take_v without_o dowry_n and_o they_o be_v very_o great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n for_o this_o be_v much_o endeavour_v at_o the_o begin_n that_o such_o person_n shall_v enter_v and_o be_v receive_v as_o may_v lay_v a_o good_a foundation_n by_o their_o example_n for_o the_o better_a effect_v the_o intention_n and_o design_n which_o we_o have_v to_o carry_v all_o thing_n on_o with_o much_o perfection_n and_o prayer_n and_o that_o such_o a_o work_n in_o fine_a may_v be_v finish_v as_o be_v to_o prove_v for_o the_o service_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o in_o honour_n of_o the_o habit_n of_o his_o glorious_a mother_n for_o upon_o this_o do_v all_o the_o anxiety_n of_o my_o care_n work_n and_o beat_v and_o it_o give_v i_o also_o great_a comfort_n to_o have_v do_v express_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o command_v i_o and_o that_o there_o may_v be_v one_o church_n more_o and_o the_o same_o be_v dedicate_v under_o the_o name_n of_o my_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n then_o there_o be_v before_o not_o yet_o that_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n in_o it_o at_o all_o for_o i_o never_o have_v any_o such_o conceit_n neither_o have_v i_o yet_o but_o i_o ever_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v our_o bless_a lord_n who_o do_v it_o and_o that_o as_o much_o as_o concern_v my_o part_n be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a imperfection_n that_o i_o rather_o plain_o see_v that_o there_o be_v much_o more_o for_o which_o to_o blame_v i_o then_o to_o thank_v i_o but_o yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o it_o go_v with_o i_o for_o a_o great_a regalo_n to_o see_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o use_v i_o as_o a_o instrument_n i_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_o for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n as_o this_o so_o that_o in_o fine_a i_o remain_v with_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o gust_n in_o this_o behalf_n and_o as_o it_o be_v even_o out_o of_o myself_o in_o great_a depth_n of_o prayer_n but_o now_o upon_o the_o end_n of_o all_o this_o which_o may_v last_o about_o some_o three_o or_o four_o hour_n the_o devil_n procure_v to_o give_v i_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o spiritual_a battle_n as_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v he_o himself_o represent_v to_o i_o a_o doubt_n whether_o that_o which_o i_o have_v do_v have_v be_v well_o do_v whether_o i_o have_v not_o go_v against_o my_o obligation_n of_o obedience_n by_o procure_v to_o effect_v certain_a thing_n without_o have_v be_v direct_v therein_o by_o my_o provincial_n that_o i_o may_v very_o well_o imagine_v that_o my_o carriage_n have_v be_v of_o disgust_n to_o he_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v submit_v the_o business_n to_o the_o ordinary_a and_o that_o without_o have_v acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o before_o though_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n it_o be_v true_a that_o when_o he_o will_v not_o admit_v of_o the_o foundation_n and_o see_v that_o i_o do_v not_o alter_v my_o course_n i_o may_v probable_o enough_o imagine_v that_o he_o will_v not_o care_n much_o though_o it_o go_v on_o and_o whether_o these_o new_a religious_a will_v be_v content_a to_o live_v in_o so_o great_a restraint_n whether_o they_o be_v not_o to_o want_v bread_n to_o eat_v whether_o the_o whole_a business_n be_v not_o a_o absurd_a and_o foolish_a thing_n and_o who_o in_o fine_a must_v put_v i_o upon_o it_o since_o already_o i_o have_v a_o monastery_n of_o my_o own_o but_o now_o all_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v command_v i_o and_o all_o those_o opinion_n of_o the_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o have_v consult_v and_o all_o the_o prayer_n which_o i_o have_v cause_v to_o be_v make_v and_o that_o in_o effect_n without_o cease_v yea_o and_o also_o for_o the_o space_n of_o more_o than_o two_o whole_a year_n all_o this_o i_o say_v be_v as_o absolute_o slip_v out_o of_o my_o memory_n as_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v there_o and_o i_o only_o remember_v now_o that_o i_o do_v it_o according_a to_o my_o own_o opinion_n but_o all_o the_o virtue_n and_o faith_n which_o i_o have_v before_o be_v suspend_v in_o i_o then_o without_o my_o have_a strength_n either_o to_o act_v any_o thing_n or_o even_o so_o much_o as_o to_o defend_v myself_o against_o so_o many_o assault_n the_o devil_n be_v also_o tamper_n with_o i_o and_o examine_v i_o how_o it_o come_v to_o pass_v that_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v shut_v myself_o up_o in_o so_o straight_o a_o house_n and_o that_o with_o so_o many_o infirmity_n upon_o my_o back_n and_o how_o i_o will_v be_v able_a to_o undergo_v so_o great_a penance_n and_o give_v over_o to_o live_v in_o so_o goodly_a and_o delightful_a a_o place_n as_o the_o other_o be_v where_o i_o have_v always_o have_v so_o much_o gust_n and_o so_o many_o friend_n and_o perhaps_o these_o other_o will_v not_o prove_v so_o that_o i_o have_v take_v very_o much_o upon_o i_o that_o perhaps_o it_o will_v cost_v i_o despair_v at_o the_o last_o that_o the_o devil_n have_v pretend_v but_o to_o deprive_v i_o of_o repose_n and_o peace_n that_o so_o i_o may_v not_o be_v able_a to_o frequent_v prayer_n and_o to_o make_v i_o grow_v disorder_v and_o disturb_v and_o so_o by_o those_o degree_n to_o loose_v my_o soul_n such_o thing_n as_o these_o assemble_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o i_o have_v relate_v do_v the_o devil_n take_v care_n to_o set_v before_o i_o and_o so_o as_o that_o it_o be_v not_o almost_o in_o my_o power_n so_o much_o as_o once_o to_o think_v of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o by_o this_o mean_n do_v he_o bring_v such_o a_o affliction_n and_o obscurity_n or_o rather_o downright_a darkness_n upon_o my_o hart_n as_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v but_o now_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o visit_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n though_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o recommend_v my_o soul_n to_o it_o as_o find_v myself_o in_o my_o opinion_n with_o a_o certain_a kind_n of_o profound_a affliction_n as_o if_o then_o i_o have_v be_v in_o no_o less_o than_o the_o very_a agony_n of_o death_n to_o treat_v with_o any_o body_n about_o it_o i_o be_v not_o yet_o to_o presume_v for_o there_o be_v not_o yet_o so_o much_o as_o a_o ghostly_a father_n appoint_v for_o i_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o a_o miserable_a kind_n of_o life_n be_v this_o which_o we_o lead_v where_o there_o be_v no_o secure_a contentment_n nor_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o subject_a to_o change_v it_o thus_o be_v so_o very_o very_o late_o that_o i_o think_v i_o will_v not_o have_v exchange_v my_o condition_n in_o the_o way_n of_o be_v content_a with_o any_o creature_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o now_o the_o selfsame_a cause_n even_o of_o the_o selfsame_a contentment_n do_v so_o torment_v i_o
other_o of_o like_a condition_n that_o the_o conversation_n which_o she_o use_v and_o the_o contentment_n which_o she_o take_v be_v lawful_a that_o she_o 7._o conceive_v not_o herself_o to_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n for_o if_o she_o have_v know_v any_o such_o thing_n of_o herself_o she_o will_v never_o have_v endure_v it_o that_o she_o be_v ever_o a_o great_a 6._o enemy_n to_o detraction_n yea_o and_o that_o the_o world_n be_v ever_o safe_a in_o that_o kind_n when_o she_o be_v present_a for_o every_o body_n who_o know_v she_o know_v also_o that_o she_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o endure_v that_o this_o sin_n shall_v ever_o be_v commit_v in_o her_o hear_n that_o she_o be_v never_o any_o way_n subject_a to_o 22._o envy_n and_o that_o she_o have_v also_o never_o observe_v herself_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n either_o by_o hypocrisy_n or_o even_o so_o much_o as_o vainglory_n that_o she_o always_o stick_v so_o very_o fast_o to_o the_o truth_n of_o holy_a scripture_n and_o even_o to_o the_o least_o ceremony_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_n church_n that_o rather_o than_o believe_v otherwise_o she_o will_v endure_v a_o thousand_o death_n that_o she_o be_v not_o cordial_o addict_v to_o any_o thing_n but_o to_o serve_v and_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o that_o in_o fine_a the_o whole_a world_n seem_v to_o she_o to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o a_o very_a hill_n of_o ants._n now_o this_o be_v the_o very_a truth_n of_o the_o case_n and_o this_o be_v the_o state_n of_o our_o saint_n soul_n from_o the_o first_o to_o the_o last_o and_o yet_o upon_o the_o consideration_n which_o i_o touch_v before_o this_o bless_a and_o heavenly_a creature_n i_o say_v heavenly_a even_o while_o she_o be_v yet_o upon_o earth_n will_v needs_o conceive_v herself_o once_o in_o prayer_n not_o only_o to_o see_v but_o even_o to_o feel_v herself_o to_o be_v in_o those_o very_a torment_n of_o hell_n which_o she_o hold_v herself_o as_o have_v be_v say_v to_o have_v deserve_v for_o her_o sin_n and_o which_o indeed_o will_v have_v be_v literal_o and_o final_o true_a if_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v she_o and_o accompany_v she_o and_o conduct_v she_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o heavenly_a grace_n without_o which_o what_o live_v creature_n can_v be_v safe_a but_o that_o otherwise_o she_o have_v actual_o commit_v such_o sin_n as_o for_o which_o hose_n eternal_a torment_n may_v be_v indeed_o deserve_v seem_v to_o be_v but_o a_o ungrounded_a and_o unsound_a opinion_n in_o reality_n of_o truth_n for_o the_o constant_a excellency_n of_o her_o life_n be_v such_o as_o that_o she_o begin_v at_o the_o first_o where_o other_o may_v be_v glad_a to_o end_v it_o namely_o with_o fervent_a and_o inflame_v desire_n of_o martyrdom_n even_o when_o she_o be_v scarce_o eight_o year_n old_a and_o both_o continue_a &_o finish_v the_o same_o afterward_o in_o such_o virtue_n and_o express_v sanctity_n of_o the_o high_a kind_n as_o that_o the_o world_n may_v be_v rather_o willing_a then_o able_a to_o admire_v it_o to_o such_o a_o proportion_n as_o it_o deserve_v and_o therefore_o that_o conceit_n of_o her_o great_a sin_n and_o of_o her_o deserve_a place_n also_o in_o hell_n seem_v partly_o to_o have_v have_v the_o true_a foundation_n upon_o the_o jealous_a and_o solicitous_a and_o curious_a enamour_a and_o inflame_v affection_n of_o the_o faithful_a watchful_a loyal_a laborious_a thought_n of_o our_o glorious_a saint_n which_o tend_v almost_o ever_o towards_o a_o comply_a in_o most_o perfect_a manner_n with_o the_o duty_n to_o which_o she_o hold_v that_o she_o be_v liable_a in_o herself_o and_o with_o the_o inspiration_n by_o which_o she_o be_v so_o constant_o solicit_v and_o call_v upon_o and_o as_o it_o be_v even_o court_v by_o the_o powerful_a and_o precious_a hart_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o partly_o yea_o and_o peradventure_o chief_o by_o the_o ill_a quarter_n which_o she_o conceive_v and_o acknowledge_v herself_o to_o have_v keep_v sometime_o with_o our_o bless_a lord_n by_o not_o correspond_v with_o his_o heavenly_a grace_n and_o not_o comply_v with_o his_o holy_a inspiration_n and_o commit_v some_o neglect_n in_o that_o kind_n whilst_o yet_o she_o be_v so_o enarnest_o move_v by_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o give-ove_a certain_a natural_a affection_n and_o recreation_n of_o she_o in_o regard_n of_o which_o unkindness_n towards_o almighty_a god_n she_o may_v have_v congruous_o deserve_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o god_n grace_n afterward_o and_o then_o she_o may_v also_o have_v fall_v by_o degree_n not_o only_o into_o great_a fault_n but_o even_o into_o grievous_a sin_n which_o may_v true_o have_v be_v then_o ascribe_v to_o her_o former_a lesser_a offence_n and_o so_o it_o be_v mere_o the_o unspeakable_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o no_o merit_n of_o she_o that_o she_o be_v not_o permit_v to_o fall_v by_o degree_n even_o as_o low_o as_o hell_n itself_o like_o a_o man_n who_o in_o a_o small_a distemper_n of_o body_n neglect_v the_o help_n of_o physician_n and_o grow_v thereby_o afterward_o into_o mortal_a disease_n &_o death_n now_o therefore_o in_o all_o such_o thing_n as_o may_v concern_v the_o estimation_n which_o she_o make_v of_o herself_o in_o order_n either_o to_o the_o excellency_n or_o deformity_n of_o her_o life_n there_o be_v and_o let_v the_o glorious_a saint_n forgive_v i_o this_o error_n once_o of_o speak_v truth_n no_o credit_n at_o all_o to_o be_v give_v she_o because_o that_o subject_a lie_v but_o in_o the_o way_n of_o discourse_n &_o all_o thing_n in_o effect_n of_o that_o nature_n use_v to_o be_v just_a of_o that_o very_a colour_n whereof_o those_o glass_n be_v through_o which_o they_o be_v see_v and_o i_o have_v already_o show_v that_o she_o be_v of_o the_o partial_a cutt._n but_o as_o for_o those_o other_o thing_n which_o occur_v to_o be_v set_v down_o by_o she_o in_o the_o historical_a way_n or_o else_o which_o be_v relate_v as_o happen_v to_o the_o person_n of_o the_o writer_n in_o the_o way_n of_o fact_n whether_o it_o be_v more_o or_o less_o as_o namely_o that_o she_o do_v and_o suffer_v and_o say_v and_o hear_v and_o feel_v &_o see_v whatsoever_o she_o affirm_v in_o those_o kind_n whether_o it_o be_v in_o the_o natural_a or_o supernatural_a way_n there_o can_v be_v no_o question_n make_v as_o i_o have_v show_v else_o where_o but_o that_o all_o be_v most_o certain_o &_o even_o most_o punctual_o true_a for_o else_o she_o either_o must_v deceive_v or_o be_v deceive_v whereof_o the_o former_a be_v a_o great_a impiety_n but_o far_o enough_o from_o she_o &_o the_o latter_a all_o circumstance_n consider_v and_o especial_o in_o parricular_o of_o that_o nature_n no_o less_o than_o a_o most_o impertinent_a absurdity_n to_o be_v either_o affirm_v or_o believe_v as_o be_v partly_o touch_v before_o it_o be_v true_a that_o both_o in_o her_o supernatural_a prayer_n and_o yet_o more_o in_o her_o vision_n and_o revelation_n there_o be_v many_o thing_n which_o surpass_v any_o understanding_n which_o be_v but_o mere_o humane_a but_o so_o also_o be_v there_o in_o finit_a other_o particular_n in_o the_o ecclesiastical_a history_n concern_v other_o saint_n which_o howsoever_o they_o seem_v and_o be_v strange_a yea_o and_o much_o more_o strange_a than_o these_o yet_o be_v they_o general_o and_o most_o just_o admit_v to_o the_o degree_n of_o moral_a beleif_n for_o as_o we_o catholic_n be_v instruct_v &_o teach_v that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n we_o must_v not_o be_v so_o light_a or_o rather_o in_o fine_a to_o the_o end_n that_o thing_n may_v have_v their_o right_a name_n not_o so_o very_o weak_a and_o foolish_a as_o to_o believe_v strange_a and_o supernatural_a thing_n without_o a_o mighty_a deal_n of_o authority_n and_o proof_n truth_n yea_o and_o the_o church_n herself_o do_v most_o bitter_o excommunicate_v whatsoever_o creature_n in_o the_o world_n who_o shall_v know_o propound_v any_o false_a thing_n of_o this_o kind_n to_o be_v believe_v so_o on_o the_o 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my_o parent_n but_o by_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n my_o father_n be_v a_o man_n of_o much_o charity_n towards_o poor_a people_n and_o of_o compassion_n towards_o the_o sick_a yea_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o pity_n even_o of_o his_o servant_n that_o he_o can_v never_o resolve_v to_o keep_v any_o slave_n for_o the_o tenderness_n which_o he_o have_v towards_o they_o and_o there_o be_v once_o a_o slave_n in_o his_o house_n who_o belong_v to_o a_o brother_n of_o he_o he_o cause_v he_o to_o be_v treat_v and_o feed_v as_o if_o he_o have_v be_v one_o of_o his_o own_o child_n and_o say_v through_o his_o great_a compassion_n that_o he_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o see_v such_o as_o he_o be_v unless_o they_o may_v be_v make_v free_a he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o much_o truth_n nor_o do_v ever_o any_o creature_n hear_v he_o either_o detract_v or_o swear_v he_o be_v excee_o honest_a and_o chaste_a my_o mother_n also_o be_v enrich_v with_o many_o virtue_n and_o she_o pass_v through_o this_o life_n of_o 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buy_v heaven_n where_o they_o be_v to_o see_v and_o enjoy_v his_o divine_a majesty_n very_o good_a cheap_a and_o myself_o also_o desire_v much_o to_o die_v so_o though_o not_o yet_o for_o the_o love_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v myself_o to_o bear_v he_o but_o rather_o that_o i_o may_v come_v by_o so_o compendious_a a_o way_n to_o enjoy_v those_o great_a felicity_n which_o i_o have_v read_v to_o be_v impart_v in_o heaven_n i_o associate_v myself_o therefore_o to_o this_o brother_n of_o i_o to_o consider_v what_o mean_v there_o may_v be_v for_o our_o obtain_v this_o end_n and_o so_o we_o grow_v to_o resolve_v that_o we_o will_v go_v into_o barbary_n among_o the_o moor_n and_o beg_v by_o the_o way_n as_o we_o go_v that_o so_o we_o may_v come_v by_o degree_n to_o loose_v our_o life_n there_o for_o our_o lord_n and_o it_o seem_v that_o he_o give_v we_o courage_n enough_o for_o this_o purpose_n even_o in_o that_o tender_a age_n of_o we_o if_o we_o can_v have_v find_v any_o mean_n to_o 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to_o set_v up_o some_o little_a oratorye_n or_o chapel_n after_o the_o manner_n of_o heremitage_n the_o best_a we_o can_v and_o we_o assemble_v little_a stone_n for_o that_o purpose_n which_o will_v instant_o be_v fall_v down_o again_o and_o so_o we_o meet_v with_o no_o mean_n to_o put_v out_o good_a desire_n in_o execution_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o be_o not_o without_o some_o feel_n of_o devotion_n to_o consider_v how_o soon_o it_o please_v almighty_a god_n to_o give_v i_o this_o kind_n of_o tenderness_n towards_o he_o which_o afterward_o i_o grow_v to_o loose_v through_o my_o own_o fault_n i_o give_v alm_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v though_o it_o be_v but_o little_a i_o procure_v to_o be_v much_o alone_a for_o the_o better_a do_v my_o devotion_n which_o be_v many_o and_o especial_o that_o of_o the_o rosarie_n to_o which_o my_o mother_n be_v much_o affect_v and_o she_o endeavour_v also_o to_o make_v we_o so_o i_o take_v particular_a contentment_n while_o i_o be_v play_v with_o other_o child_n like_o myself_o to_o frame_v certain_a little_a thing_n like_o monastery_n as_o if_o we_o have_v be_v religious_a woman_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o though_o yet_o not_o with_o such_o vehemency_n of_o affection_n as_o i_o do_v those_o other_o thing_n whereof_o i_o speak_v i_o remember_v that_o when_o my_o mother_n die_v she_o leave_v i_o a_o little_a less_o then_o twelue_v year_n old_a and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o begin_v to_o understand_v how_o great_a a_o loss_n i_o have_v sustain_v by_o lose_v she_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o so_o i_o go_v besore_n a_o image_n of_o our_o bless_a lady_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v she_o with_o many_o tear_n that_o she_o will_v vouchsafe_v to_o be_v my_o mother_n and_o though_o i_o perform_v this_o little_a action_n but_o in_o a_o plain_a and_o simple_a manner_n yet_o i_o think_v i_o may_v well_o conceive_v that_o it_o have_v serve_v i_o to_o very_o good_a purpose_n for_o i_o have_v most_o 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my_o very_a soul_n even_o to_o say_v thus_o much_o because_o i_o know_v and_o feel_v that_o the_o fault_n thereof_o be_v whole_o i_o for_o as_o for_o thou_o i_o find_v clear_o enough_o that_o there_o want_v nothing_o at_o all_o on_o thy_o part_n to_o secure_v i_o for_o be_v total_o thou_o own_o even_o from_o that_o tender_a age_n of_o i_o and_o if_o i_o will_v be_v content_a to_o seek_v some_o colour_n to_o complain_v of_o my_o parent_n with_o as_o little_a reason_n also_o can_v i_o do_v that_o since_o i_o can_v never_o discover_v any_o thing_n in_o
our_o lord_n will_v seem_v to_o have_v bring_v they_o so_o upon_o we_o as_o that_o we_o be_v not_o able_a to_o resist_v they_o now_o it_o seem_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o pay_v we_o here_o for_o the_o little_a poor_a care_n we_o take_v to_o serve_v he_o with_o so_o high_a a_o gift_n as_o that_o comfort_n be_v which_o he_o bestow_v upon_o a_o soul_n who_o see_v herself_o able_a to_o lament_v &_o weep_v for_o have_v offend_v so_o great_a a_o lord_n and_o i_o wonder_v not_o a_o whitt_n at_o this_o for_o i_o think_v she_o have_v reason_n enough_o and_o to_o spare_v for_o receive_v joy_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o occasion_n there_o do_v the_o soul_n rejoice_v &_o there_o do_v she_o regale_n herself_o i_o like_v that_o comparison_n well_o which_o offer_v itself_o to_o i_o now_o that_o these_o joy_n of_o prayer_n shall_v be_v somewhat_o like_o those_o other_o which_o be_v in_o heaven_n for_o as_o they_o see_v no_o more_o there_o then_o god_n be_v please_v that_o 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oblige_v we_o to_o love_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o this_o in_o fine_a be_v the_o total_a good_a of_o that_o prayer_n which_o be_v ground_v upon_o humility_n but_o what_o will_v then_o occur_v when_o they_o shall_v find_v that_o other_o more_o precious_a jewel_n be_v come_v into_o their_o power_n and_o possession_n which_o our_o lord_n impart_v to_o some_o of_o his_o servant_n as_o namely_o a_o profund_a contempt_n both_o of_o the_o whole_a world_n yea_o and_o of_o themselves_o it_o be_v clear_a that_o in_o this_o case_n we_o must_v hold_v ourselves_o for_o deep_a debtor_n and_o more_o oblige_v to_o serve_v he_o and_o to_o understand_v that_o of_o ourselves_o we_o have_v no_o part_n of_o this_o treasure_n at_o all_o and_o to_o know_v the_o great_a bounty_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n who_o to_o a_o soul_n so_o wicked_a and_o so_o absolute_o without_o all_o merit_n as_o i_o for_o which_o the_o first_o of_o those_o jewel_n aforesaid_a be_v not_o only_o sufficient_a but_o by_o much_o too_o 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to_o know_v that_o himself_o be_v rich_a it_o be_v in_o my_o opinion_n a_o impossible_a kind_n of_o thing_n consider_v the_o ground_n of_o humane_a nature_n for_o one_o to_o do_v great_a and_o goodly_a thing_n if_o he_o understand_v not_o himself_o to_o be_v favour_v by_o almighty_a god_n for_o we_o be_v so_o miserable_a creature_n and_o so_o incline_v to_o delight_n in_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n that_o we_o can_v hardly_o abhor_v effectual_o all_o that_o which_o here_o we_o enjoy_v and_o especial_o to_o do_v it_o with_o great_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n if_o we_o understand_v not_o out_o self_n to_o have_v some_o kind_n of_o taste_n or_o pawn_v concern_v heavenly_a
whilst_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o that_o condition_n i_o be_v apparel_v with_o a_o certain_a lord_n garment_n of_o much_o whiteness_n and_o clearness_n and_o at_o the_o first_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v who_o it_o be_v that_o clothe_v i_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v our_o b._n lady_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n and_o my_o father_n s._n joseph_n on_o the_o left_a who_o apparel_v i_o then_o with_o that_o robe_n and_o it_o be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v that_o i_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v cleanse_v from_o my_o sin_n when_o thus_o i_o be_v apparel_v and_o find_v myself_o full_a of_o joy_n and_o glory_n it_o instant_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o our_o b._n lady_n lay_v hold_v upon_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o content_v she_o much_o to_o see_v i_o serve_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n that_o i_o be_v to_o believe_v that_o what_o i_o pretend_v concern_v the_o monastery_n shall_v be_v effect_v and_o that_o our_o lord_n and_o they_o two_o will_v be_v much_o serve_v there_o that_o i_o must_v not_o be_v afraid_a that_o ever_o there_o will_v be_v any_o fail_v therein_o howsoever_o some_o commandment_n which_o may_v fall_v out_o to_o be_v impose_v upon_o i_o will_v not_o be_v according_a to_o my_o gust_n for_o even_o themselves_o in_o fine_a will_v defend_v and_o keep_v we_o that_o her_o son_n have_v already_o promise_v that_o he_o will_v be_v and_o remain_v with_o we_o and_o in_o testimony_n that_o all_o this_o shall_v prove_v true_a she_o cast_v a_o fair_a and_o bright_a chain_n of_o gold_n about_o my_o neck_n with_o a_o cross_n fasten_v to_o it_o of_o great_a value_n but_o this_o gold_n and_o these_o precious_a stone_n be_v so_o very_o different_a from_o those_o of_o this_o world_n that_o there_o be_v no_o manner_n of_o comparison_n between_o they_o for_o the_o beauty_n of_o these_o be_v far_o other_o than_o any_o thing_n which_o we_o can_v imagine_v here_o nor_o do_v humane_a understanding_n arrive_v to_o know_v of_o what_o the_o garment_n be_v make_v nor_o how_o 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with_o i_o a_o very_a little_a while_n and_o i_o have_v excessive_a glory_n and_o gust_n by_o it_o and_o more_o in_o my_o opinion_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v enjoy_v before_o and_o i_o will_v certain_o have_v be_v glad_a enough_o if_o i_o may_v never_o have_v leave_v it_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v they_o both_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n with_o a_o very_a great_a multitude_n of_o angel_n and_o i_o the_o while_n remain_v in_o much_o solitude_n though_o yet_o withal_o so_o comfort_v and_o elevate_v and_o even_o dissolve_v and_o recollect_v in_o prayer_n that_o i_o remain_v for_o some_o space_n of_o time_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o not_o to_o be_v able_a either_o to_o speak_v or_o stir_v but_o i_o be_v whole_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o myself_o and_o i_o continue_v with_o a_o great_a impulse_n of_o desire_n to_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v for_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o such_o effect_n thereof_o and_o the_o whole_a passed-on_a in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o be_v never_o able_a though_o i_o endeavour_v much_o to_o doubt_v but_o that_o this_o visitation_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n the_o queen_n of_o the_o angel_n leave_v i_o topp-full_a of_o comfort_n and_o of_o profound_a peace_n by_o what_o she_o say_v to_o i_o of_o obedience_n and_o the_o case_n be_v this_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o unwilling_a not_o to_o give_v this_o house_n up_o to_o the_o order_n and_o indeed_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o fit_a that_o they_o shall_v have_v it_o and_o he_o also_o deliver_v i_o the_o reason_n why_o it_o be_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n fit_a but_o that_o i_o shall_v send_v about_o it_o to_o rome_n by_o a_o certain_a way_n and_o he_o also_o make_v i_o know_v that_o he_o will_v cause_v it_o to_o be_v dispatch_v from_o thence_o and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o it_o be_v send_v by_o that_o very_a mean_n whereof_o our_o lord_n have_v tell_v i_o but_o we_o shall_v never_o have_v final_o be_v able_a to_o dispatch_v it_o of_o ourselves_o and_o upon_o the_o occasion_n which_o succeed_v afterward_o it_o be_v very_o fit_a that_o it_o shall_v be_v submit_v by_o way_n of_o obedience_n to_o the_o bishop_n yet_o then_o i_o know_v he_o not_o nor_o understand_v what_o kind_n of_o prelate_n he_o be_v but_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v so_o good_a and_o shall_v favour_v this_o house_n as_o much_o as_o be_v fit_a yea_o and_o even_o necessary_a for_o the_o encounter_v of_o that_o great_a contradiction_n which_o occur_v herein_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o and_o to_o put_v it_o into_o that_o state_n wherein_o now_o it_o be_v and_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v who_o have_v so_o dispose_v of_o all_o amen_n the_o four_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o declare_v how_o at_o this_o time_n she_o be_v necessary_o to_o go_v from_o that_o place_n and_o she_o show_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o how_o her_o superior_a command_v she_o to_o go_v for_o the_o comfort_n of_o a_o certain_a lady_n who_o be_v much_o afflict_v she_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o that_o which_o happen_v to_o she_o there_o and_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v by_o her_o mean_n in_o stirring-up_a a_o very_a principal_a person_n to_o do_v he_o great_a service_n and_o how_o afterward_o she_o receive_v much_o favour_n and_o protection_n from_o he_o this_o be_v a_o admirable_a discourse_n and_o very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v but_o notwithstanding_o all_o the_o care_n i_o take_v that_o man_n may_v not_o know_v what_o we_o be_v do_v this_o whole_a business_n can_v not_o be_v carry_v with_o so_o much_o secrecy_n but_o that_o many_o must_v needs_o understand_v it_o and_o some_o of_o they_o do_v believe_v it_o and_o other_o not_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v hearty_o afraid_a that_o if_o the_o provincial_n shall_v come_v and_o they_o chance_v to_o tell_v he_o of_o it_o he_o will_v command_v i_o to_o give_v it_o over_o and_o then_o the_o whole_a design_n will_v be_v at_o a_o end_n but_o our_o lord_n ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o about_o à _fw-fr matter_n of_o twenty_o league_n off_o it_o occur_v that_o there_o be_v a_o certain_a lady_n very_o much_o afflict_v by_o the_o death_n of_o her_o husband_n and_o she_o find_v herself_o in_o such_o extremity_n thereby_o that_o her_o health_n be_v much_o concern_v and_o fear_v now_o she_o have_v get_v some_o notice_n of_o herself_o this_o miserable_a poor_a wretched_a sinner_n for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n have_v ordain_v already_o that_o they_o shall_v speak_v well_o of_o i_o in_o her_o hear_n for_o the_o effect_n of_o other_o good_a thing_n which_o depend_v upon_o this_o this_o lady_n be_v very_o well_o acquaint_v with_o this_o provincial_n and_o he_o consider_v what_o a_o principal_a person_n she_o be_v and_o that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o monastery_n which_o keep_v not_o clausure_n our_o lord_n give_v she_o so_o great_a a_o desire_n to_o see_v i_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o shall_v receive_v comfort_n by_o my_o mean_n that_o it_o be_v almost_o no_o long_o now_o in_o her_o power_n not_o instant_o to_o procure_v by_o all_o possible_a endeavour_n to_o get_v i_o thither_o and_o so_o she_o send_v to_o the_o provincial_n who_o be_v very_o far_o off_o at_o that_o time_n and_o according_o he_o also_o send_v i_o a_o express_a commandment_n under_o obedience_n that_o forthwith_o i_o shall_v transport_v myself_o thither_o with_o a_o companion_n now_o i_o come_v to_o know_v of_o this_o upon_o a_o christmasse-day_n at_o night_n and_o it_o put_v i_o into_o much_o disorder_n and_o give_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n
desire_v for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n together_o before_o her_o end_n and_o then_o she_o die_v upon_o a_o sudden_a without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o visit_v and_o much_o less_o confess_v but_o the_o happiness_n be_v that_o according_a to_o the_o custom_n which_o she_o have_v hold_v there_o be_v little_o more_o than_o eight_o day_n expire_v after_o her_o last_o confession_n this_o make_v i_o a_o very_a glad_a woman_n when_o i_o know_v of_o her_o death_n and_o she_o stay_v a_o very_a short_a time_n in_o purgatory_n nor_o be_v it_o yet_o above_o eight_o day_n since_o our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v how_o he_o carry_v my_o sister_n soul_n into_o glory_n in_o all_o these_o year_n from_o the_o time_n when_o the_o particular_a concern_v she_o be_v tell_v i_o till_o her_o very_a death_n i_o forget_v not_o that_o which_o have_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v concern_v she_o as_o neither_o also_o do_v my_o companion_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v hear_v of_o my_o sister_n death_n she_o come_v towards_o i_o with_o much_o admiration_n to_o see_v how_o all_o have_v be_v fulfil_v let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o ever_o who_o vouchsafe_v to_o take_v such_o care_n of_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v not_o perish_v amen_n the_o five_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v and_o with_o who_o i_o have_v remain_v more_o than_o half_a a_o year_n our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v that_o a_o certain_a holy_a woman_n of_o our_o order_n fall_v out_o to_o come_v from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o threescore_o and_o then_o league_n off_o from_o this_o and_o to_o arrive_v here_o and_o to_o lengthen_v her_o way_n by_o some_o league_n on_o purpose_n to_o speak_v with_o i_o our_o lord_n have_v move_v she_o to_o this_o in_o the_o selfsame_a year_n when_o he_o move_v i_o to_o make_v another_o monastery_n of_o this_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v entertain_v this_o desire_n she_o sell_v whatsoever_o she_o possess_v and_o go_v herself_o barefoot_a to_o rome_n to_o get_v and_o bring-away_a the_o dispatch_n of_o this_o business_n this_o woman_n be_v a_o person_n of_o much_o penance_n and_o prayer_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o many_o favour_n and_o our_o b._n lady_n appear_v to_o she_o and_o require_v she_o still_o to_o do_v what_o she_o be_v do_v and_o she_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n so_o incomparable_o beyond_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v do_v that_o i_o be_v in_o confusion_n even_o to_o appear_v in_o her_o presence_n she_o show_v i_o the_o dispatch_n which_o she_o bring_v from_o rome_n and_o in_o those_o fifteen_o day_n which_o she_o stay_v with_o i_o we_o take_v order_n how_o we_o will_v make_v these_o monastery_n and_o till_o i_o have_v speak_v with_o she_o it_o never_o have_v come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n that_o our_o rule_n till_o it_o be_v relax_v do_v ever_o command_v that_o none_o of_o the_o religious_a house_n of_o our_o order_n shall_v have_v any_o propriety_n in_o any_o good_n nor_o have_v myself_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o find_v any_o monastery_n at_o all_o without_o revenue_n for_o my_o intention_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v be_v free_a from_o the_o care_n of_o procure_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v be_v in_o necessity_n to_o use_v but_o this_o bless_a woman_n have_v be_v instruct_v by_o our_o lord_n be_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o truth_n very_o well_o without_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o read_v of_o which_o truth_n i_o be_v ignorant_a even_o after_o have_v take_v so_o much_o pain_n to_o read_v over_o the_o constitution_n of_o our_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o acquaint_v i_o with_o her_o purpose_n i_o like_v it_o well_o though_o yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v yield_v to_o but_o that_o they_o will_v say_v perhaps_o that_o these_o be_v but_o impertinency_n and_o wish_v that_o i_o will_v not_o do_v any_o thing_n whereby_o other_o may_v be_v put_v to_o suffer_v through_o my_o fault_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n if_o i_o have_v be_v alone_o i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v detain_v one_o minute_n from_o do_v it_o since_o it_o will_v be_v a_o regalo_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o observe_v &_o follow_v the_o counsel_n of_o jesus-christ_n our_o lord_n for_o real_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v already_o give_v i_o great_a desire_n to_o observe_v poverty_n so_o that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o this_o be_v best_a yea_o and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o 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poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
this_o light_n nor_o yet_o of_o any_o other_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o that_o with_o such_o a_o sovereign_a kind_n of_o delight_n as_o can_v possible_o be_v declare_v for_o all_o our_o sense_n enjoy_v such_o a_o superior_a degree_n of_o sweetness_n that_o it_o can_v no_o way_n be_v full_o express_v and_o therefore_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v best_a to_o say_v no_o more_o i_o have_v once_o be_v above_o a_o hour_n in_o this_o condition_n when_o our_o lord_n show_v i_o admirable_a thing_n and_o seem_v not_o to_o depart_v from_o be_v near_o i_o he_o speak_v these_o very_a word_n to_o i_o see_v here_o my_o daughter_n what_o they_o lose_v who_o be_v against_o i_o &_o do_v not_o thou_o forbear_v to_o let_v they_o know_v it_o but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o good_a will_v my_o say_n it_o do_v to_o they_o who_o their_o own_o action_n blind_a so_o deep_o if_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n do_v not_o give_v they_o light_v some_o there_o be_v to_o who_o thou_o have_v give_v it_o and_o they_o have_v profit_v much_o by_o know_v those_o greatness_n of_o thou_o but_o yet_o o_o my_o lord_n they_o see_v in_o such_o sort_n withal_o that_o they_o be_v show_v to_o such_o a_o wretched_a and_o miserable_a thing_n as_o myself_o that_o i_o can_v but_o esteem_v it_o a_o strange_a thing_n to_o find_v that_o any_o creature_n shall_v believe_v i_o bless_a be_v thy_o name_n and_o thy_o mercy_n for_o at_o least_o i_o have_v plain_o see_v a_o evident_a amendment_n in_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o i_o will_v be_v glad_a if_o i_o may_v still_o remain_v there_o and_o not_o come_v back_o to_o live_v here_o any_o more_o for_o the_o contempt_n wherein_o i_o hold_v this_o whole_a world_n be_v very_o great_a and_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o even_o dung_n to_o i_o and_o now_o i_o find_v how_o base_o we_o be_v employ_v who_o be_v detain_v therein_o whilst_o i_o remain_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o 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to_o make_v little_a account_n of_o that_o and_o they_o also_o who_o love_n god_n in_o good_a earnest_n and_o have_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o life_n be_v certain_o wont_a to_o die_v with_o more_o sweetness_n it_o also_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o these_o favour_n do_v i_o very_o much_o good_a towards_o the_o bring_v i_o into_o a_o knowledge_n of_o our_o true_a country_n and_o to_o see_v that_o we_o be_v mere_a pilgrim_n here_o and_o it_o be_v a_o precious_a kind_n of_o thing_n to_o find_v what_o pass_v there_o above_o and_o to_o understand_v where_o in_o fine_a we_o be_v to_o live_v for_o ever_o and_o whensoever_o one_o go_v to_o settle_v and_o stay_v for_o good_a and_o all_o in_o any_o country_n it_o give_v a_o great_a assistance_n towards_o the_o endure_a all_o the_o incommodity_n of_o the_o journey_n when_o we_o know_v that_o the_o end_n of_o it_o be_v to_o be_v such_o as_o that_o we_o may_v in_o fine_a be_v in_o great_a repose_n and_o happiness_n 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forget_v it_o sometime_o though_o yet_o we_o remember_v it_o again_o afterward_o i_o know_v not_o how_o we_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o live_v let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n and_o i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n even_o by_o that_o very_a precious_a blood_n which_o his_o own_o son_n shed_v for_o i_o that_o since_o he_o have_v vouchsafe_v that_o i_o shall_v understand_v somewhat_o of_o these_o benefit_n and_o blessing_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o enjoy_v they_o also_o in_o some_o kind_n even_o in_o this_o life_n it_o
honour_n which_o be_v allow_v to_o other_o i_o consider_v the_o goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n in_o not_o permit_v the_o soul_n even_o of_o that_o man_n to_o be_v defame_v but_o that_o it_o may_v be_v conceal_v that_o he_o be_v a_o enemy_n of_o he_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v even_o turn_v half_a fool_n by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v yet_o during_o all_o the_o performance_n of_o the_o office_n of_o the_o dead_a there_o be_v no_o more_o devil_n to_o be_v see_v but_o when_o afterward_o they_o put_v the_o body_n into_o the_o grave_n there_o be_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o they_o ready_a to_o receive_v the_o body_n that_o i_o be_v even_o out_o of_o myself_o with_o behold_v it_o and_o it_o be_v no_o little_a courage_n which_o i_o need_v for_o enable_v i_o to_o dissemble_v the_o see_v it_o and_o i_o consider_v how_o those_o devil_n be_v likely_a to_o treat_v that_o soul_n when_o they_o exercise_v such_o a_o absolute_a dominion_n even_o over_o that_o woeful_a body_n and_o i_o will_v to_o christ_n that_o what_o i_o see_v have_v also_o be_v see_v by_o such_o as_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o must_v have_v be_v of_o much_o effect_n and_o force_n towards_o a_o make_v they_o mend_v their_o life_n now_o all_o this_o oblige_v i_o to_o know_v more_o and_o more_o what_o i_o owe_v to_o almighty_a god_n and_o from_o what_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n but_o yet_o i_o go_v on_o with_o fear_n enough_o till_o i_o have_v impart_v these_o particular_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n as_o conceave_a that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v have_v be_v some_o illusion_n of_o the_o devil_n whereby_o to_o defame_v that_o soul_n though_o yet_o the_o man_n have_v not_o be_v hold_v to_o be_v of_o very_o good_a life_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o whether_o it_o be_v a_o illusion_n or_o no_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o never_o remember_v it_o but_o it_o make_v i_o afraid_a and_o now_o since_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v of_o vision_n which_o have_v relation_n to_o some_o 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prelate_n or_o superior_a twenty_o year_n which_o real_o be_v a_o thing_n that_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o fear_v as_o hold_v it_o to_o be_v a_o matter_n of_o much_o danger_n to_o have_v charge_n of_o soul_n and_o so_o i_o go_v with_o trouble_n enough_o to_o a_o oratory_n and_o give_v he_o all_o that_o little_a good_a which_o i_o have_v ever_o do_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n which_o yet_o be_v little_a enough_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v out_o bless_v lord_n that_o he_o will_v supply_v out_o of_o his_o infinite_a merit_n for_o as_o much_o as_o that_o soul_n may_v wot_v towards_o the_o free_n itself_o out_o of_o purgatory_n and_o whilst_o i_o be_v beg_v this_o boon_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n in_o the_o best_a manner_n i_o can_v i_o think_v he_o rise_v as_o from_o some_o deep_a part_n out_o of_o the_o earth_n on_o my_o right_a side_n and_o so_o i_o see_v he_o mount-up_a to_o heaven_n with_o very_o great_a joy_n the_o man_n be_v very_o old_a before_o he_o die_v but_o yet_o now_o he_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v but_o of_o thirty_o year_n old_a or_o rather_o somewhat_o less_o but_o with_o much_o brightness_n in_o his_o face_n this_o vision_n pass_v away_o very_o speedy_o but_o yet_o i_o be_v so_o extreme_o comfort_v by_o it_o that_o the_o death_n of_o that_o man_n do_v put_v i_o now_o to_o no_o more_o pain_n though_o i_o have_v trouble_v many_o other_o about_o he_o for_o he_o be_v very_o well_o belove_v and_o thus_o also_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v so_o great_a i_o can_v not_o possible_o doubt_v but_o that_o the_o vision_n be_v true_a and_o no_o illusion_n this_o happen_v but_o fifteen_o day_n after_o his_o death_n but_o still_o i_o be_v not_o slack_a in_o procure_v that_o he_o may_v be_v recommend_v to_o almighty_a god_n save_o that_o i_o can_v not_o do_v it_o so_o hearty_o as_o before_o i_o see_v this_o vision_n for_o when_o our_o lord_n show_v i_o such_o thing_n and_o that_o yet_o i_o will_v pray_v for_o they_o afterward_o i_o can_v choose_v but_o conceive_v that_o it_o be_v as_o if_o i_o give_v a_o alm_n to_o a_o rich_a man_n but_o now_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v afterward_o for_o the_o man_n die_v very_o far_o off_o that_o the_o death_n which_o our_o lord_n grant_v he_o be_v of_o so_o great_a comfort_n to_o he_o by_o the_o knowledge_n of_o himself_o and_o by_o the_o humility_n which_o he_o express_v that_o it_o be_v of_o very_o great_a edification_n now_o a_o certain_a religious_a woman_n die_v at_o home_n with_o we_o about_o a_o day_n and_o a_o half_a before_o that_o occur_v whereof_o i_o be_o go_v to_o speak_v but_o she_o have_v be_v a_o good_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o another_o religious_a woman_n read_v one_o of_o those_o lesson_n which_o belong_v to_o the_o office_n of_o the_o dead_a which_o be_v recite_v in_o the_o choir_n for_o her_o soul_n it_o be_v my_o turn_n to_o stand_v by_o and_o assist_v in_o repeat_v the_o versicle_n but_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o lesson_n i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o soul_n rise_v up_o 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different_a kind_n be_v round_o about_o i_o which_o circle_v i_o in_o and_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o cuerie_n one_o have_v offensive_a weapon_n in_o his_o hand_n wherewith_o to_o hurt_v i_o as_o lance_n sword_n and_o dagger_n and_o other_o have_v also_o long_a staff_n in_o a_o word_n i_o can_v not_o get_v from_o thence_o by_o any_o way_n or_o mean_n without_o danger_n of_o death_n especial_o be_v alone_o and_o not_o have_v any_o one_o creature_n to_o help_v i_o and_o be_v thus_o in_o so_o great_a affliction_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v i_o liftedup_a my_o eye_n towards_o heaven_n and_o see_v christ_n our_o lord_n not_o then_o in_o heaven_n but_o yet_o very_o high_a and_o far_o off_o from_o i_o in_o the_o air_n who_o reachtforth_o his_o hand_n towards_o i_o and_o favour_v i_o from_o thence_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o fear_v neither_o all_o that_o other_o people_n nor_o yet_o these_o who_o all_o be_v unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v how_o much_o soever_o they_o shall_v desire_v it_o this_o vision_n seem_v at_o the_o first_o sight_n to_o be_v without_o any_o fruit_n or_o good_a effect_n at_o all_o but_o it_o have_v yet_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a because_o i_o have_v understand_v what_o it_o signify_v for_o i_o see_v myself_o in_o that_o encounter_n short_o after_o and_o know_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o but_o this_o vision_n and_o i_o also_o come_v to_o know_v it_o to_o be_v a_o very_a picture_n or_o rather_o map_n of_o the_o world_n for_o as_o many_o as_o be_v in_o it_o abstract_v ever_o from_o those_o few_o who_o apply_v themselves_o to_o do_v our_o lord_n particular_a service_n seem_v to_o carry_v arm_n against_o this_o wretched_a soul_n of_o we_o as_o namely_o honour_n estate_n delight_n and_o the_o like_a for_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o the_o soul_n be_v all_o overcast_v with_o a_o net_n before_o it_o be_v aware_a at_o least_o all_o these_o thing_n do_v the_o best_a they_o can_v to_o endanger_v and_o wrapp_v 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i_o only_o find_v remedy_n by_o lifting-up_a my_o eye_n to_o heaven_n and_o cry_v upon_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o remember_v very_o well_o what_o i_o have_v see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n of_o i_o and_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a towards_o a_o not_o put_v confidence_n in_o any_o creature_n for_o there_o be_v no_o one_o of_o they_o firm_a and_o stable_n but_o only_o god_n alone_o be_v entire_o and_o true_o so_o but_o in_o these_o great_a affliction_n our_o lord_n have_v ever_o use_v to_o send_v i_o some_o person_n or_o other_o who_o in_o his_o name_n may_v lend_v i_o his_o hand_n as_o he_o signify_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v and_o as_o he_o do_v also_o let_v i_o see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n and_o so_o i_o tie_v not_o myself_o to_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o this_o have_v serve_v to_o sustain_v this_o poor_a little_a virtue_n which_o i_o have_v in_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o but_o find_v myself_o once_o very_o unquiet_a and_o in_o great_a disorder_n yea_o and_o in_o skirmish_n or_o rather_o in_o a_o very_a battle_n without_o be_v able_a to_o recollect_v myself_o yea_o and_o my_o thought_n be_v scatter_v and_o disperse_v upon_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o very_o perfect_a and_o withal_o not_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o utter_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n as_o i_o use_v and_o be_v still_o so_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_v i_o grow_v afraid_a that_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o may_v fallout_a to_o be_v illusion_n and_o in_o fine_a i_o then_o remain_v with_o a_o very_a great_a obscuritic_n of_o mind_n but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o pain_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o be_v thus_o afflict_v but_o that_o find_v myself_o in_o that_o case_n i_o may_v well_o understand_v even_o thereby_o in_o how_o great_a misery_n i_o must_v remain_v if_o once_o he_o shall_v depart_v from_o i_o and_o that_o there_o be_v to_o be_v no_o security_n at_o all_o as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v continue_v in_o this_o world_n i_o be_v also_o give_v to_o understand_v how_o well_o our_o labour_n be_v employ_v in_o this_o strife_n and_o war_n since_o it_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v follow_v with_o so_o high_a a_o reward_n and_o i_o think_v our_o bless_a lord_n have_v compassion_n of_o they_o who_o live_v in_o this_o world_n but_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o have_v forget_v i_o yea_o and_o that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o still_o i_o must_v also_o do_v my_o part_n in_o help_v myself_o and_o this_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n declare_v to_o i_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o tender_a compassion_n and_o regalo_n accompany_v with_o certain_a word_n whereby_o so_o high_a favour_n be_v do_v i_o as_o i_o need_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v and_o these_o other_o which_o follow_v here_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n say_v also_o often_o to_o i_o with_o demonstration_n of_o most_o particular_a love_n thou_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o and_o those_o word_n which_o i_o be_o ever_o wont_a to_o say_v and_o to_o my_o think_n i_o say_v they_o with_o much_o truth_n be_v these_o which_o follow_v what_o care_v i_o o_o my_o lord_n for_o myself_o but_o only_o for_o thou_o but_o i_o confess_v those_o word_n of_o he_o to_o i_o be_v of_o great_a regalo_n to_o my_o hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o they_o be_v of_o excessive_a confusion_n when_o i_o remember_v what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_o but_o hart_n it_o seem_v that_o i_o have_v need_n of_o more_o courage_n for_o the_o receive_n of_o those_o high_a favour_n then_o even_o for_o the_o endure_a of_o unspeakable_a affliction_n but_o now_o when_o these_o thing_n be_v in_o motion_n all_o the_o poor_a good_a action_n of_o my_o life_n be_v utter_o forget_v by_o i_o and_o then_o it_o be_v only_o represent_v to_o my_o mind_n how_o wicked_a i_o be_o and_o that_o without_o any_o discourse_n at_o all_o of_o my_o understanding_n so_o that_o even_o this_o also_o do_v seem_v at_o certain_a time_n to_o have_v somewhat_o of_o the_o supernatural_a in_o it_o sometime_o there_o come_v also_o upon_o i_o so_o earnest_a and_o even_o eager_a appetite_n of_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o express_v they_o to_o the_o full_a it_o happen_v to_o i_o one_o morning_n that_o it_o rain_v so_o extreme_o as_o to_o seem_v no_o way_n fit_a for_o i_o to_o go_v out_o of_o door_n but_o yet_o be_v once_o get_v abroad_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v also_o to_o be_v so_o far_o out_o of_o myself_o through_o that_o desire_n of_o communicate_v that_o although_o they_o have_v set_v lance_n even_o point_v and_o hold_v fast_o against_o my_o very_a breast_n i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v pass_v even_o through_o they_o all_o and_o how_o much_o more_o then_o through_o water_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o 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near_o they_o with_o hallow_v candle_n candle_n a_o excellent_a advice_n take_v heed_n of_o this_o great_a danger_n danger_n consider_v this_o point_n much_o and_o often_o often_o note_v this_o good_a conclusion_n upon_o the_o praemise_n praemise_n note_v this_o very_o well_o for_o nothing_o import_v more_o they_o this_o this_o a_o great_a and_o gross_a error_n error_n a_o point_n of_o very_o great_a importance_n importance_n note_n note_n this_o be_v the_o beginning_n of_o many_o great_a blessing_n blessing_n her_o entrance_n into_o the_o receave_n supernatural_a favour_n favour_n it_o work_n not_o indeed_o by_o way_n of_o use_v discourse_n or_o make_v inference_n but_o yet_o it_o work_v by_o way_n of_o contemplation_n and_o admiration_n of_o the_o infinite_a object_n be_v god_n who_o be_v set_v before_o it_o it_o note_n note_n a_o great_a &_o foolish_a error_n error_n behold_v here_o the_o true_a &_o great_a impediment_n impediment_n this_o saint_n be_v admirable_a in_o all_o the_o comparison_n which_o the_o use_n use_n this_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o engine_n with_o certain_a little_a leather_n bucket_n fasten_v to_o the_o side_n of_o a_o very_a great_a wheel_n which_o dra_n be_v up_o very_o much_o water_n with_o great_a ease_n in_o spanish_a it_o be_v call_v a_o noria_n noria_n a_o good_a lesson_n lesson_n a_o consideration_n of_o much_o comfort_n comfort_n a_o hard_a question_n most_o clear_o and_o excellent_o answer_v answer_v mark_v well_o these_o masculine_a and_o massy_a word_n word_n note_n note_n this_o suspending_a of_o the_o thought_n or_o understanding_n of_o which_o the_o saint_n speak_v be_v a_o present_v a_o multitude_n of_o supernatural_a and_o divine_a object_n before_o it_o together_o with_o a_o copious_a infusion_n of_o light_n which_o be_v decern_v by_o it_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o intuitive_a way_n at_o once_o without_o discourse_n or_o trouble_v and_o this_o light_n rest_v not_o there_o but_o passes-on_a to_o the_o will_n and_o grow_n to_o be_v as_o so_o much_o fire_n for_o the_o inflame_a it_o in_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o the_o soul_n do_v more_o proper_o suffer_v here_o then_o act_n and_o now_o the_o saint_n give_v great_a warning_n that_o people_n be_v not_o so_o foolish_a as_o to_o offer_v at_o these_o thing_n of_o themselves_o a_o great_a truth_n truth_n a_o dangerous_a &_o proud_n foolish_a error_n error_n observe_v the_o generous_a way_n of_o this_o great_a saint_n saint_n note_v this_o very_a well_o well_o a_o great_a praise_n of_o a_o large_a hart_n hart_n how_o saint_n be_v to_o be_v imitate_v &_o how_o admire_v admire_v note_v this_o well_o well_o a_o necessary_a advice_n advice_n our_o daily_a bread_n bread_n a_o description_n of_o a_o good_a director_n in_o matter_n of_o spirit_n spirit_n note_n note_n how_o the_o will_n be_v to_o carry_v itself_o to_o the_o other_o faculty_n of_o the_o mind_n mind_n the_o blessing_n of_o quiet_a prayer_n prayer_n note_n note_n note_n note_n how_o the_o soul_n be_v to_o carry_v itself_o in_o quiet_a prayer_n prayer_n note_n note_n a_o true_a &_o happy_a comparison_n comparison_n the_o good_a spirit_n very_o easy_o discern_v from_o the_o bad_a bad_a note_v this_o point_n above_o all_o all_o a_o most_o necessary_a document_n document_n a_o great_a blessing_n by_o mean_n of_o this_o prayer_n prayer_n these_o be_v the_o more_o generous_a mind_n mind_n as_o when_o one_o be_v die_v die_v this_o be_v a_o admirable_a state_n of_o mind_n mind_n the_o true_a state_n of_o the_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n in_o this_o prayer_n how_o there_o be_v a_o union_n in_o this_o prayer_n &_o how_o there_o be_v none_o none_o the_o great_a effect_n of_o this_o high_a prayer_n prayer_n the_o difference_n betweme_v elevation_n and_o union_n union_n she_o proceed_v in_o declare_v the_o great_a effect_n of_o this_o high_a prayer_n prayer_n a_o consideration_n of_o strange_a comfort_n comfort_n this_o be_v strange_a indeed_o indeed_o the_o strong_a pillar_n of_o prayer_n 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vision_n believe_v and_o consider_v this_o most_o certain_a truth_n truth_n a_o doubt_n which_o can_v easy_o be_v solue_v solue_v she_o grow_n now_o to_o make_v serious_a enquiry_n after_o a_o good_a director_n director_n the_o only_a excellent_a course_n course_n this_o holy_a man_n enter_v often_o into_o the_o story_n of_o our_o saint_n saint_n this_o be_v no_o improbable_a opinion_n though_o it_o be_v no_o true_a one_o one_o so_o good_a a_o begin_n be_v almost_o a_o kind_n of_o perfect_v the_o work_n work_n the_o saint_n begann_v here_o to_o be_v happy_a happy_a this_o be_v a_o wise_a man_n &_o likely_a to_o work_n wonder_v upon_o a_o soul_n soul_n he_o lose_v nothing_o by_o leave_v to_o be_v a_o duke_n for_o god_n sake_n sake_n this_o must_v needs_o have_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o a_o wise_a man_n man_n a_o little_a of_o this_o go_v far_o far_o so_o true_a it_o be_v that_o god_n be_v god_n god_n the_o mighty_a force_n and_o power_n of_o any_o one_o supernatural_a word_n word_n the_o 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false_a and_o between_v a_o true_a vision_n and_o a_o fancy_n fancy_n a_o plain_a demonstration_n demonstration_n in_o order_n to_o the_o guide_v of_o other_o a_o director_n may_v easy_o have_v too_o mean_a a_o optnion_n of_o himself_o himself_o this_o saint_n be_v huge_o vex_v by_o the_o insatisfaction_n which_o she_o receive_v from_o many_o spiritual_a man_n man_n this_o be_v very_o fit_a to_o be_v know_v know_v this_o be_v a_o true_a fortiter_fw-la sed_fw-la suaviter_fw-la suaviter_fw-la this_o saint_n be_v most_o strange_o familiar_o and_o supernatural_o visit_v by_o our_o b_o lord_n lord_n a_o strange_a task_n which_o be_v put_v even_o by_o holy_a man_n upon_o this_o saint_n saint_n the_o more_o she_o be_v discountenance_v even_o by_o good_a man_n so_o much_o the_o more_o high_o be_v she_o favour_v by_o our_o lord_n lord_n a_o rare_a comparison_n comparison_n still_o more_o &_o more_o excellent_a comparison_n comparison_n a_o excellent_a &_o most_o necessary_a advice_n advice_n a_o strange_a mixture_n of_o affection_n but_o such_o as_o god_n know_v how_o to_o give_v give_v this_o grief_n be_v after_o the_o rate_n of_o the_o love_n love_n a_o very_a safe_a and_o wise_a way_n of_o proceed_v proceed_v this_o be_v a_o most_o certain_a truth_n truth_n here_o follow_v a_o whole_a world_n of_o sad_a temptation_n &_o trouble_n trouble_n the_o difference_n betweme_v divine_a and_o diabolical_a grief_n of_o mind_n mind_n the_o way_n &_o manner_n of_o a_o great_a desolation_n desolation_n a_o pretty_a humour_n humour_n a_o happy_a state_n state_n she_o make_v along_o discourse_n of_o the_o diabolical_a temptation_n &_o trouble_n to_o which_o she_o be_v subject_a subject_a the_o excellency_n of_o holy_a water_n water_n a_o great_a and_o just_a consolation_n consolation_n a_o question_n worthy_a of_o he_o that_o ask_v it_o it_o this_o be_v a_o very_a great_a truth_n but_o the_o accent_n must_v be_v put_v upon_o the_o word_n indeed_o indeed_o and_o though_o she_o shall_v have_v continue_v to_o ask_v it_o i_o dare_v say_v our_o lord_n will_v not_o have_v grant_v it_o it_o a_o must_v certain_a truth_n truth_n a_o wise_a &_o solid_a truth_n truth_n exercise_n of_o prayer_n and_o love_n of_o honour_n agree_v not_o well_o together_o together_o this_o be_v not_o to_o be_v literal_o understand_v for_o the_o devil_n can_v prepare_v no_o place_n for_o a_o soul_n in_o hell_n but_o by_o the_o decree_n of_o almighty_a god_n upon_o the_o particular_a judgement_n give_v at_o the_o death_n of_o the_o party_n party_n the_o sin_n of_o ingratitude_n discorrespondence_n and_o inordinate_a affection_n to_o creature_n which_o she_o do_v commit_v and_o the_o great_a and_o mortal_a sin_n which_o she_o will_v most_o certain_o have_v commit_v if_o the_o mercy_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v and_o withhold_v she_o she_o hell_n be_v represent_v to_o she_o in_o spirit_n after_o a_o most_o subtle_a manner_n and_o it_o be_v show_v to_o she_o and_o describe_v by_o she_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o such_o creature_n may_v be_v capable_a thereof_o as_o be_v endue_v not_o only_o with_o mind_n but_o with_o body_n body_n the_o excellent_a fruit_n which_o this_o saint_n do_v gather_v from_o this_o great_a favour_n which_o seem_v to_o be_v the_o sole_a cause_n why_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v please_v to_o impair_v this_o favour_n favour_n the_o great_a benefit_n of_o this_o favour_n favour_n vide_fw-la supra_fw-la fol_n 471._o 471._o a_o sweet_a effect_n of_o a_o sad_a cause_n cause_n a_o sad_a and_o strange_a proceed_n proceed_n how_o one_o suspicion_n u._fw-mi wont_a to_o three_o itself_o close_o upon_o another_o another_o a_o holy_a &_o wise_a man_n man_n all_o these_o thing_n and_o the_o like_a as_o namely_o dart_n or_o chain_n or_o crown_n or_o jewel_n etc._n etc._n be_v not_o to_o be_v understoood_a after_o a_o gross_a &_o material_a way_n but_o yet_o that_o real_o they_o have_v truth_n in_o their_o be_v represent_v distinct_o &_o clear_o to_o the_o imagination_n of_o the_o party_n and_o they_o chief_o serve_v as_o testimony_n &_o sign_n of_o those_o interior_a grace_n &_o virtue_n which_o use_v to_o be_v imprint_v upon_o soul_n at_o those_o very_a time_n by_o the_o mercy_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n lord_n she_o mean_v herself_o herself_o this_o saint_n be_v a_o excellent_a person_n to_o make_v a_o friend_n of_o of_o a_o very_a strange_a demonstration_n of_o a_o most_o civil_a noble_a and_o friendly_a hart_n hart_n our_o bless_a lord_n be_v still_o as_o good_a as_o his_o word_n word_n the_o great_a charity_n &_o humility_n of_o the_o saint_n saint_n how_o devout_a this_o dear_a saint_n be_v be_v they_o be_v very_o noble_a though_o they_o be_v poor_a poor_a the_o devil_n be_v still_o himself_o himself_o this_o be_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o world_n as_o wherein_o thing_n will_v ever_o go_v thus_o thus_o a_o true_a answer_n to_o all_o the_o devil_n objection_n objection_n note_v the_o description_n which_o the_o saint_n make_v here_o of_o her_o religious_a religious_a this_o fast_a of_o the_o order_n be_v not_o so_o strict_a and_o rigorous_a as_o that_o of_o the_o church_n but_o be_v rather_o a_o forbearance_n of_o half_a the_o meal_n than_o a_o fast_a fast_a this_o point_n of_o have_v so_o very_a few_o in_o a_o monastery_n be_v partly_o mean_v for_o they_o who_o be_v to_o live_v in_o any_o place_n on_o alm_n and_o partly_o because_o the_o saint_n have_v see_v some_o disorder_n by_o have_v too_o many_o religious_a in_o other_o house_n and_o yet_o the_o saint_n herself_o come_v afterward_o to_o admit_v of_o twenty_o in_o stead_n of_o twelue_v and_o will_v perhaps_o have_v admit_v more_o if_o she_o have_v find_v reason_n for_o it_o it_o she_o inveigh_v with_o much_o reason_n against_o vain_a compliment_n and_o especial_o among_o religious_a people_n people_n a_o excellent_a &_o most_o useful_a document_n document_n a_o true_a noble_a &_o most_o generous_a hart_n hart_n great_a effect_n of_o a_o vision_n