which would be a perpetual trouble to you and real grief to your unknown Servant This requires care and Expedition to prevent for the other Friend he means can be none but Mr. Muchland I 'le make a Visit to his Sister and enquire out the matter Exit Scene the Street Enter Merry at one Door and Rose at the other Rose Sir you are well met I was going to your Lodging to look for you Mer. Troth Sir I am sorry I am prevented the happiness of meeting you there we would have crackt a Bottle e're we had parted Rose It troubles me a little that I must tell you my business would scarce have provoked Drinking Mer. But Sir let your business have been what it would we would have drunk upon it For if 't had been good 't would have deserv'd a Bottle and if bad needed one and I tell you Sir I never saw any thing yet in my Life could put me past consideration of a Bottle Rose Sir the pleasantness of your temper with your Civilities to me and my Friend makes me sorry to tell you I am a Messenger from a Gentleman to invite you with your Friend into the 〈◊〉 at Nine this Morning to meet him that sent me and my self I need not name on what score Mer. No no 't is to Fence for a Break-fast of Honour I guess the business well let him be whom he will he shall not fail of my Company though I confess it seems very odd to be invited to a Banquet of Man's flesh without knowing a cause for the Treat Pray Sir the Name of this obliging Friend of mine Rose Muchland Sir Mer. How Marry now I find a kind of a Qualm coming over my stomack which makes me wish I could be excus'd on any terms less then loss of Reputation yet faith I can't believe but you mistake your Man for I was just going to his Lodging to take up a Quarrel I fear'd might proceed too far between him and another Rose No Sir if your Name be Merry you are the Man He imputes the mis-understanding between his Mistresses Brother and him to the Ill Company you drew him into and therefore is resolv'd his Sister shall into the Countrey from you to Morrow and and he will have satisfaction for the injuries he receiv'd in the Tavern from none but your self Mer. A Compendious cause for a Quarrel and much as significant as most Duels now a days are fought upon He receives the abuses from others and requires satisfaction from me S'death he might as well have plac'd it on the Vintner for keeping the House the Link-Boys for lighting him to it or indeed on his Horse that brought him his last Journey to Town this Capriciousness of his Temper with his design to take from me my Mistress makes me wish he was here to begin presently Where 's the place he designs for this dilicate Trial of Skill Rose In Hide-Park Sir Mer. Well Sir I shall bring a Friend that hath as much cause of malice to you as this Man of Punctillioes hath to me and therefore if you have no more wit you may fight too Rose Sir I am not afraid to say I shall scarce be idle when I see you once engag'd Exeunt The Scene a Chamber Enter Townlove and the Lady Turnup in Morning-Gowns Turn My dear Townlove thou art the goodest Rogue for not Drinking I could e'en bite thee to pieces for it But faith I 'le tell Mr. Merry on it soundly when I see him for keeping thee up all Night come prethee shall we to Bed Town I presently but first you shall sing me the new Scotch Song Turn No prethee don't I am so hoarse with sitting up for thee that I shall never make any Musick of it now and I do so long to be in Bed dear Townlove come let 's go Town I must have my Song first time enough for Bed we 'l not Rise till Dinner time and that shan't be ready till three that we may have time to go to the Play Turn And will you stay with me after the Play and engage with no Body Town Come my Song and I won't Song 1. WIllie was so blithe a Lad Nene like was in the Town At Wake and Wassel Willie had For Dancing chief Renown 2. He pick'd the Bar and hurl'd a stean Nea Man wou'd him out-gang And if he strave with any ean He gard them lig alang 3 But Willie needs would Wedded be He lik'd so wee le a Lass That bonny was and full of glee And mickle all did pass 4. Yet Willie was no sooner Wed But he full sear did pine He cross'd his Arms hang'd down his Head And still had watry Eyne 5. Ah wea is me would Willie say That I am thus forlorn I now can neither Dance nor Play Nor ought but wind a Horn. 6. The Lads and Lasses all do laugh And scorn me as I gang They do me all a Cuckold knowgh And gibe me with this Sang. 7. Willie soon must gang to work Or Noone scodes him sear Mass Johnne e're he wends to Kirk Mun con a point we her 8. Then Jocky Sawny Hugh and Kit Ralph Wat and many mere Gang when they please and take a bit Whilst Willie keeps the Whore Enter Maid Maid Madam here 's Mr. Ruffle will not be satisfy'd without he can speak with you I told him you were asleep he said I must wake you for it may be 't is the last time he shall trouble you Turn What doth the Coxcomb mean to trouble me thus early Tell him I value my Honour more then to admit of a Man's Visit at this time of Day and say I wonder at his Insolence Tell him any thing rather then let him come up to disturb my dear Townlove and I now Exit Maid Town I 'le hang'd if the Fool hath not run himself into some Quarrel last Night and now comes to boast of his Valour Will Merry was talking something of it to me but I scarce regarded what I did not believe Turn What a pox is his Valour to me Town But his thousand pounds a year is don't slight that Turn I Townlove you are weary of me or else you would ne're put me upon Marrying that Fool. Town Don't you prove your self a worse in refusing such a Fortune you know my Estate is intail'd upon my Younger Brother then should I dye what would you do for a maintenance Besides can't I Visit you then as I do now Turn But will you dear Townlove Enter Maid Maid Madam he will not be satisfied without seeing you he saith he had rather be so unhappy to dye in your displeasure then without taking his leave I think he 's mad for he talks of nothing but Honour Death Victory and the like Exit Maid Turn Go bring him up Townlove step into the Closet we 'l see what his mighty concerns are Exit Townlove Enter Ruffle and Maid when he comes in walks up and down stamps
find in my heart to break my Resolution of not Fighting to day rather then suffer you to go away with it thus But since my word was past before for not fighting and 't is the greatest part of Honour to keep that I will humour you in tother But Sir let it be done so that it may not grieve my Wife and write down the words that I must say that there may be no new occasion for breach of Friendship between you and I. Much. Well Sir I shall do it Who waits there Opens the Door Bring a Pen and Ink to the next Room Enter Rose Rose Sir I have perform'd your Commands the Gentleman is in another Room Much. He shall soon see the occasion of my failing him Exit Muchland Ruff. Sir your most obedient Servant you are a Friend of Mr. Muchland's here upon my Life a worthy Man he is He and I have been merry together this Morning Rose By the Guard that waits I thought it had been otherways Ruff. You mean you thought us fighting but that hinders no mirth Men of Honour never fall out about that though I could tell you as a Friend of his I was once desperately afraid I had kill'd him Rose Why did you Wound him Sir Ruff. No but I 'le tell you he stood upon his Guard as 't might be thus and to speak truth would not budge one foot I 'le say that for him I made a pass or two as 't might be thus he parryed but I resolv'd to make an end on 't quickly seeing some People coming therefore I made a through pass and run my Sword to 'th hilts Rose In what Ruff. In 's shirt it prov'd to be in 's shirt but I Gad I was upon flying if the Guard had not come and took us Rose It seems there was no cause having done him no hurt Ruff. I knew not that but I Gad he 's your Friend preserve him so for there breaths not a braver fellow take that from me But Sir upon your Honour speak not a word of this I know he 'l have you Spectator of a frolick we have agreed on 't is that I will not have confidence to speak some words openly that he shall write but I Gad let e'm be as bad as they will I 'le speak e'm let who will be by Enter Muchland Much. There are the words look e'm over I 'le tell you when to speak e'm Ruff. Then if I do it not take me and hang me Exeunt Enter Merry Townlove Honour Betty and Rash Betty Yes truly Sir the Gentleman that brought you the Challenge gave me notice of it and had I not Reason to take the best care I could to prevent it Rash They took care enough themselves it seems Town Faith Rash I had once as ill an Opinion of their proceedings as you but now I am fully satisfied in every particular Mer. I am glad I out-went you both in true considering for you know it would never out of my head but that Muchland was all worth Oh the Excellent Advantages Men have by Wine it leaves a certain Spirit in ones head like that of Prophesie Rash Like it indeed Prophesie being a sort of madness that fills the head and intoxicates the Understanding making Men speak abundance of things they neither believe themselves nor any Body else till something comes to pass by chance that they seem'd to foretell And then oh the wonder as if they that fore-told what could not be prevented were not altogether as useless Members to a Common-Wealth as a sick Passenger at Sea is to a sinking Ship when he bellows out between Praying and Swearing God we are all lost Mer. Prethee leave I 'm for no Morals or long-winded simelies Here comes the Lad I am for Enter Rose One that understands his Glass and makes himself and his Company merry without detracting from his absent or satirising on his present Friend Town Well our little Projecter how go matters I could for thy sake turn Woodcock in the Play and alwayes be kissing Kisses Rose Rose If you stop my mouth thus how shall I tell what you would know But are you all agreed upon the matter Mer. Onely Ned Rash hath a little grumbling discontent towards you still Rose I shall soon Cure that come you must go all of you to the Balcony and there you shall see what Heroes Mr. Muchland hath been engag'd withal this Morning And Mr. Rash if your Sister do not make Mr. Muchland and you and I too Friends before we part I 'le be condemn'd to sing Fortune my Foe in a Nunnery all dayes of my Life Town In a Nunnery What have you to do with a Nunnery Rose You say right indeed for if the bargain go on you wot on I should have little to do with a Nunnery though I were condemn'd to wear Petticoats but no more of those mistakes but away Exeunt Enter Muchland Ruffle Fullam Breef first Officer and Guard Ruff. Gad Mr. Muchland the words are too severe there is no enduring of e'm let me leave out this Sentence And like a Cowardly Son of a Whore as I am Look you Sir this is abusing of my Mother and she had not the least hand in the Quarrel What say you Sir is not this Reason Ful. Gad Sir I wou'd sooner dye then say it Much. You 'l sooner be hang'd then dye like a Cowardly Rascal as you are Ful. You may say what you will but there are them in Town know me for another sort of Man I dare assure you Ruff. Then the Song Mr. Muchland you know that goeth beyond the bargain Enter on one side all the Company and Turnup What all them and my own dear Wife too By Heav'ns I 'le dye ten thousand Deaths before I 'le do 't Your Servant Gentlemen your Servant Ladies A merry Crash hath hapned between Mr. Muchland and I we are here Drolling one upon another Gad Mr. Muchland if you had not the ill Nature of all the Justices in your whole Countrey you would never urge me to it I never will consent to read the Paper and sing the Song too that 's flat Much. Well on condition you 'l all of you sing and Act the Song to the Life I am contented you shall only deliver the Paper to Mr. Rash and confess it to be all a truth Ruff. I 'le do 't here 's my hand on 't Mr. Rash is a worthy Gentleman and knoweth me well enough Come down come down I and these Gentlemen are to sing a mad Song to you Exeunt above Much. He that spares either in kicking or cuffing shall find me upon his back with this Ruff. Damme if either of you kick or strike me hard I 'le swinge you when we have done Aside To Ful. and Breef Breef I 'le warrant you Sir Ful. I 'le do as I see cause Breef have you a care of my Boyl you had best or look to 't Enter all below Much. Sir I hope this
Fiddles at my heels and drive him back to Town or never let him sleep but in shelter of as many Night-Caps as Morose in the Silent Woman hath Rose I am very serious Sir my Lady begs you to be gone before you wake her Brother Mer. Come Rose confess confess I know thou art acquainted with a touch of thy Mistresses secrets Tell me is there no other seat but of being sent into the Countrey Honour Muchland appears Hon. Oh yes no doubt on 't the Mistress is highly concern'd for fear of losing the hopes of so sober a Husband Mer. Marry and I thought so Hon. One that if a Body has occasion for at night may be heard of either in a Tavern French-house Constables hands or the Counter Mer. Well and is not that better then to be troubl'd with a formal fopp of bus'ness who lodges his wife in the Countrey to prescribe for the Agne then scratches his empty Noddle cryes I protest I must post to London I shall be undone else there stayes a whole Term a doing nothing or what is as bad that which comes at last to nothing Townl. And thinks he performs his Duty very well to his Wife if he gives her a bout every post with a long formal Letter of Excuses for not coming Mer. VVhich must beget another on her full of Complaints for his absence Town Then when he returns in the Spirit of Beef and Ale Will it may beget a Male Child Mer. Which proves like the Ingredients 't is Compounded of a fit Companion for Clowns and of no use but to have his Name inserted in long Indentures Tripartite for Intaling specially that Earth that is near as sensible as it's Clod-pate owner Town The drawing of this deed too is a new excuse for coming to London and seeing as the learned have it his Uncle Mer. So that in fine your man of bus'ness loves to be thought to love bus'ness Courts bus'ness lyes with bus'ness and begets nothing but business or things as dull as business and Lady will you slight a Man that loves Wit Mirth and Burgundy for this Animal nonrationale Hon. I pray Sir where 's the necessity for marrying either do you think there is none but such as cannot stay at home for their bus'ness or will not for their Wine and Wenches Town Lady have a care that is my Province Wenches if you speak irreverently of Wenches I am bound to stand up for them and shall soon be provok't to say that if my friend here and some few others like him could but relish the pleasure of Wenching you and all the ill-bred honest Women in the Town might sleep quietly or waking gnaw your Sheets without the help of a Song and Fiddle at your windows VVenching quoth a. Hon. Well Mr. Merry I see you for your Wine and your Friend for Wenches are so well met 't would be pity to part you and I am resolv'd not to be so cruel therefore assuring you I am not in hast for a Husband but can stay till a soberer grow if there be none yet ripe I leave you to your further Adventures Exiturus Honour and Rose Mer. Faith no parting so Strike up and sing the Chorus Chor. Ah what Charms have those Eyes c. Hon. Pray hold my Brothers coming Mer. I am glad of it since I cannot reclaim the Sister from doting on Sobriety I 'le see what can be done on the Brother go on Sings Then spight of my self c. Enter Mr. Muchland above Much. Ah Mr. Merry you 're upon the Ramble I see what time of Night is it Mer. About two and fair Weather who would lye spending this pleasant time in a lazy Bed and then rise to fry all day in the Sun Much. Why did not Nature intend the Night for Rest seeming to draw Curtains about us and the Day for Action displaying the great producer of it Light Mer. This Philosophy may serve well enough for one not in Love but 'faith my Body is too combustible to endure two fires at once Love and the Sun and therefore I drink at Night to slacken than within and sleep in the Day to avoid that without Much. I see you would seem a Philosopher too to justifie the drinking as caus'd by your Love but my Sister will scarce believe you in that Hon. Yes Brother but I will for I do believe 't is Love Love of drinking I mean that causes the fire within he complains of and so he drinks on to quench it Much. Well Gentlemen the street may prove scandalous Rose go let 'em in Exit Rose Hon. Scandalous if you mean to them 't is impossible for they 're as well known in the street as the Bell-man and as duly expected by the Neighbour-hood to their Lodgings punctually to come home at break of day Mer. You say right Madam the Smiths Shoo-makers Pewterers and Sadlers in our street have no measure to call up their Prentices by but the noise of my Fiddles playing me to my Lodging Town He tells you true Madam for they heard once he was going to remove and in great fright call'd a Vestry the next Lord's Day where it was propos'd to make a Collection amongst them to pay for his Lodging on Condition he would stay Mer. Yes faith and a solemn present of saffron Cakes and Sack given to Townlove to move me to it Enter Rose below Rose Come Gallants you may enter but Mr. Muchland is not of my mind to suffer it Mer. Prethee why Rose I know thou art not so cruel but thou could'st find in thy heart sometimes to let in a Friend later than this Rose Sir it must be with greater expectation of a sober demeanour when they come in then I could hope from you now Mer. Townlove Rose is a Person I much rely on therefore prethee mannage the controversie begun with her whilst I go and excuse my self to her Mistress Ex. all but Rose and Townlove Rose No Sir Arguments are in vain to me I 'm so possest that Love and Wine are inconsistent together that I think I could dy rather then recant my Opinion Town And Rose it may be in doing so would'st be as solid a Martyr as many of thy Sex who have as they say witnessed with their Death truths they no wayes understood nor indeed lay half so obvious to their Reason Rose Well Sir will you please to come in the noise that these Fiddles keep will allure more of you wandring Knights to enter except the Door be shut Town No Rose thou and I will stand and guard the passage to this Inchanted Castle where vil'd Matrimonical Love is pursu'd in these dayes of clearer light Rose Why then Sir you dare not enter into any House it seems that is defil'd with Honesty if those be your principles you and I are not proper Sentinels for one place being Souldiers of two opposite parties Town Why Rose are you for no Love that is not bound by the spell of