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death_n die_v know_v see_v 5,667 5 3.1576 3 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A31722 The Character of a Whig, under several denominations to which is added, The reverse, or, The character of a true English-man, in opposition to the former. 1700 (1700) Wing C2001; ESTC R13356 59,454 139

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hear's he 's a Great drinker he answers he is of a Hot Constitution and very Thirsty but for time to come he 'd drink Water with his Wine to allay the Scandal If another repimands him for being a continual Smoaker he says with some Emotion he 'l go home and burn all his Pipes and Tobacco If his Cravat be a Size too Long there 's enough o' th own to make it Shorter and so banters befools and humors them both at once and sets them a Gossiping from House to House to cry up the Skill of their New Convert and Pump Guineas into his Pocket till they have made him as Proud as Lucifer as Salacious as a Pamper'd Cardinal and as Insolent as a Baud in a Brandy Shop The Decayed Gentleman Whig Physician HAving Squander'd away his Patrimony and wearied out his Relations and Acquaintance by thrusting in his Elbows at the lower end of their Tables and borrowing Money out of their Pockets finding his Hawk his Gun and his Setting-Dog the Inheritance of Spend thrifts and younger Brothers will no longer maintain him he begins to Study the nearest way of making others greater Fools than himself and having long hung in the balance of several Opinions without throwing his whole self into either Scale at last resolves to be a Whig in General so that no party shall call him absolutely their own and yet all live in hopes of his Conversion from a Sharking Rake into a Dissembling Hypocritical Reformist Having gain'd this Point in being thought a Whig in General and seeing himself that the World had Casheir'd him as a Needy Troublesome Intruder now clas'd again in a more hopeful Predicament like a Man a Drowning fastens upon any thing next at hand and among other of his Shipwrack'd Qualities having happily lost Shame and common Modesty he borrows a Shillings of his Brother's Footmen buys him a Urinal and with a few unintellible Receipts found after her Death in his Grandmothers Closet among other precious Receipts of Distilling Chirurgery and Cookery he sets up for an Emperical Physician and stumbling on a Cure by chance or being by when beneficial Nature relieved her self he was Slander as the Agent and immediately gets the Reputation of an Excellent Physician and all sorts of Whigs cry him up in hopes at last he will espouse their Interest and credit their Barn with the Company of a Doctor Now he thumbs Culpeper's English Physitian and his London Dispensatory and having retrieved as much Latin as will compound a Bill for a Purge or Vomit that names him as Learned as if he had been a Member of the College or had bought a Degree of Doctor at Leiden or Mentpelier He is a very vain Creature but above all things hates to be thought so tho from Head to Heel he is his own Cryer and makes Proclamation of it The Professors of all other Crafts are commended or decryed by a veritable Character but Physitians are safe under every Denomination for the Good please some the Bad others and the Worst have their Admirers The Doctrine of Fate and Predestination is his great Assylum for when with his Inartificial Slaps and Emperical Nostrums he has emptied his Patients Pockets and exhausted his Vital Spirits he leaves him Gasping saying His Time is come God will have it so cover him up and send for the Parson to give him his Viaticum The Mechanick or Scoundrel Whig Physician IS a mixture of Broken Tradesman Decayed Serving-Man and Discarded Horstler Party per pale Black Coat and Blue Apron who from curing Cut-Fingers Kib'd Heels or from administring Tobacco Clysters to cure Horses of the Bottes falls to practising upon Men to get the Women new Husbands and upon Women to recruit their Husband 's crasie Credit with another Marriake Portion and in this kind of Piking both Sexes o'er the Perch succeeds so luckily that he soon arrives at the Honour of being called a Physician He has no Learning can scarce write his Name but is well stockt with what serves his Purpose better Invincible Ignorance and Impudence for which he is indebted neither to Men nor Books for they were Born with him and he has only fortified them by Use and Custom and so there is as much difference between what he appears and what he is as between a Hot Whore in a Vizard Mask and a Natural and well-temper'd Beauty However he has his Excellency and that is in Holding forth sometimes in a Conventicle and especially in conjuring with a Urinal and shaking it into a wonderful Discovery of the Patient's Distemper when all experienced Men in Physick know that this Pretence is a common Cheat and no certainty at all to be gather'd from it tho' you glare in the Piss-pot till you are blinded with the Steem of it and yet so abominably fond are the deluded Mob of these Proceedings that instead of communicating their Diseases to the Doctor by an Intelligible Messenger or Writing they Piss their Minds in their Water and hazard their Lives on an Ambiguous Answer which he Pumpt from and returns back by her that brought it In this Cheating Bubling Trade our Mechanick by his Pump Screw and Knavish Arts of Confederacy has gain'd more Credit than is due to such an Illiterate Ass who by peeping in the Urinal presumes to tell you whether a Holy Sister be gravidated the Sex in the Womb who got it the Parties Name the place where she lives and even what Religion she is of with other Secret Diseases belonging to Women not fit to be mention'd but in their Bed-chamber If you send your Urinal to this Piss Prophet you must resolve to be sick for he 'll ne'er leave handling it till he has shaked it into a Disease If he visit a Patient he tells him his Distemper will be Nothing and at the same time tells all his Relations he cannot escape without a Miracle so that if the Patient recover after the Urinal-Jugler has sentenced him to Death 't is imputed to his powerful Remedies and if he Dies it cries up the excellency of his Judgment in Fortune-telling and that knew well enough what would become of him See this Impudent Hangman standing at a Sick Man's Bed side How Magisterially he looks saying All is well when his Patient is Languishing by the Medicines he has given him If the Poor Man complains he is scorched with Heat 'T is all for the better Nature is casting out the Heat to cool the Vitals If he says he is benumb'd with Cold and Aguish Shiverings 'T is a good Sign he knew his Juleps would quench that extream Fire Nay when the Patient is almost dead and has lost his Speech he says his Feaver is at extremity and leaving him and then steals off and leaves the Patient Dying with abundance of good Signs and Tokens The Sick Man's Friends stop him to see the Fit over No! He cannot stay Death and he have a Quarrel and must not meet for fear of Blows