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death_n die_v heart_n live_v 5,672 5 5.0689 4 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A68982 Choice, chance, and change: or, Conceites in their colours Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? 1606 (1606) STC 3636; ESTC S104711 44,432 94

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vpon a prodigall Cockescomb that troubled all good company He that will strew his mony in the streetes Followes the dice and alwaies throwes at all Offers disgrace to euery Man he meetes Snuffes vp the Nose and swaggers for the wall Cares for no lawe and knowes not how to loue Makes sleepe and eating his soules paradice Will not put vp that may his patience moue Treads on a worm and braues a flight of flies Lookes a to side and swears at euery word Knits vp the Browes and sets his armes a strut Takes all mens tables laics his knife aboord And plaies the slouen with a filthy slut After his death what will befall his due Here lies the Captaine of the damned crue Ar. Good waggeries but hadst thou none of the feminine gender Tid Yes some one or two but no more Ar. I pray thee tell me them Tid I will the first was this vpon a fowle idle slut She that is neither faire nor riche nor wise And yet as proude as any Peacocks taile Mumpes with her lippes and winketh with her eies And thinkes the world of fooles will neuer faile Stands on her pantofles for lacke of shoos And idly talkes for want of better wit Will haue her will what euer so she loose And say her mind although she die for it Is Cosen germane to a iacke an Apes And sister to her Mothers speckled sowe Kin to a Codshead when he kindly gapes Aunt to an Asse and Cosen to a Cowe What will be saide of her so fit for no man Oh fie vpon her t was a filthy woman The next was vpon a cunning Tit as thus She that lookes fifteene thousand waies at once Makes twenty faces ere she dresse her head Studies for words to serue her for the nonce With idle trickes to bring a foole to bed Turnes vp the white of an ilfauoured eie Treads on her toes because her heeles are sore Splaies out her foote and holds her head awry And be ares her placket far enough before Speakes all in print and reads with a strange grace Writes like a scriuener like a Fidler sing Sits fourteen howrs a painting of her face And tries the vse of many a secret thing Of such a Minkes what memory will passe A cunning Ape will Cosen many an asse Ar. Pretily put on but I pray thee didst thou write none in commendation of some worthy Creature Tid Yes some two or three which you shall heare The first vpon a true souldier He that was well begot and truely bredde VVrought all with true stitche and both sides alike Hath not his fancie on vaine humors fed Eut finds the blisse that basenesse can not seeke Starts not to heare a Demiculucrin Nor feares to charge upon a stand of pikes Fights like a fury when his hand is in Shrinkes not the shoulder where the Coward strikes But loue a Trompet better then a pipe Prefers a March before a Moris daunce Reares a dead wound but as a little stripe And a coate armour for his cognisaunce Gets yet this good that when his bones be rotten His worthy fame will neuer be forgotten The next was of an honest man that tooke great pains for small profit and yet held vp the head As thus VVho beates his braines to write for no rewarde May breake his Pen and lay his paper by VVho serues for Grace and liues without regard May sigh and sob and grieue and mourne and die And yet againe since Heauen will haue it so Some shall haue wealth and other some haue woes Patience doth many passions ouergoe That are vntemperate spirits ouerthrowe Let him that can not liue then learne to die VVhat shall be shall be spight of death and hell They are but babies that will howle and crie Cowards that faint to bid the world farewell No fill the hearts with sorrow to the brinke A true bred spirit hath no power to sinke The next was vpon a merry honest fellow that was out of tune for his purse He that was gotten in a Christmasse night After a deale of mirth and merry cheere When Tom and Tib were in their true delight And hee lou'd her and she held him full deere Brought vpon plainnesse trueth and honesty Can not away to heare of Knauery Liues with his Neighbors in true amity And cares not for this worldly brauery Goes through the world with yea and nay and so And meddles with no matters of import When to his graue this honest man shall goe What will the world of all his worth report Here lies a man like hiues that haue no hony An honest Creature but he had no mony The last I wrote of my selfe which was this He that is moulded of a noble mind Purified mettall steele vnto the backe Flies not with fethers of a Buzzards kind Cries not with feare to heare a thunder cracke Sups vp his sighes and swallowes downe his griefe Begs but of God or of his greate vicegerents Can not endure to name the word reliefe And serues but honor or her loues adherents Knowes his desart and yet can not importune Bites on bare neede and yet laments no lacke Hates to be cald or thought the child of fortune Stoupes not to death vntill the heart do crack Liues like himselfe and at his latest breath Dies like himselfe ye though he starue to death Ar Starue saist thou no it is pitty that such a spirit should haue such a fortune howsoeuer it stand with thee bee thus far bold with me liue with me share with my fortunes I protest I will want of my mind ere thou shalt want that thou needest but with many thanks for thy kind verses discourses I pray thee tell me what followed of thy fortunes with thy Mistris Tid I will tell you after she had taken my Table book and perused such trifles as shee founde well Seruante quoth shee I see you are a wagge but it is no matter I must tell you in plaine termes I know som of them deserued as much as you haue written but letting al these toies passe let me tel thee the loue I bear thee with the truth I haue foūd in thee haue made me so much thine that I am no more my owne in token hereof receiue from me this diamond for that I know not how thou art furnished for mony take here this purse of golde to defray such charges as may fall vpō you for your good besides here is a pair of bracelets which you shal wear for my sake in the morning be stirring early for I mean to be at the Church hereby ioyning to my house there to make fast that knot that shall neuer be vndone so let vs go in and passe away the time as friends but no further in the eie of the world for it shall be best to my content that the care be priuately caried till our comfort be not to be crossed with these words as it were ouercom with ioy with willing consēt
Trade No Iester should bee fauoured of the wise for feare of being more knaue then foole No Constable should be suffered to be drunk for feare the vvatchmen should fall asleepe No Fool should inherit too much land for fear a knaue should to soone alter the property He that could get no children should not mary and she that could not abide a man should bee set to keepe chickens No man might haue two vviues for feare of breeding vnquietnes No woman might haue two husbands for feare she should be in loue vvith neither Many other such idle things there vvere agreed vpon among them vvhich for tediousnes I let passe for being no maters of great moment it is no great matter for their remembrance only thus much I remember that no man should be found drunke in a house but he should be laid in the streete till he were sober Ar. Prety items and good reason for the keeping of them for as I said before lack of care among mad people may be the spoile of a whole market it is not meet that men should be perswaded that the moon is made of a green cheese it is a principle in Philosophy Contraries can not be togither age and youth can not be in one predicament Ianuary and May neuer meet togither but if age long to be in his graue youth wil be a good staffe to lead him to it but I mean the crooked cripples that are not able to looke vp so high as the eie of Venus with a golden showr will think to come in at the window of her chamber and therefore such an absurdum should not passe in the schoole of Cupid though that somtime for breeding an old Stalian may be better then a yong Colte Secondly he that is a stranger to his wife is worthy to find her a straggler and she that is master of her husband must weare the breeches Againe hay is deere prouender is costly and horse meate must be paied for and therefore let trauailers looke to their purses And for theeues when they are hanged honest men thriue the better For Vintners Tailers Shoomakers and all Tradesmen pitty but they should liue by their trades And for a drunken Constable why he may be the spoile of a watch but for fooles and iesters the world is prettly well rid of them and therfore I say no more to them But I pray thee go on with thy trauail and tell me somwhat els that thou hast seen and noted Tid I saw somthing that it grieued me to see and no lesse to remember I saw in a City or borrough towne I know not well whether a pitifull sight An old old and very very very aged old man with a most exceeding illfauoured and ougly face and a much far and a great deale worse body whose legs were worse then wood for they would haue stood vpright which his could not with a pair of eies worse then glasse for they were cleer and his were not and with such a breath as except to the stinke of a rotten toothe I cannot compare it to any ill sauor in the world Now this vntimely misbegotten and accursed borne creature was alas that I should speake it maried for his money to a most fayr sweet yong dainty strait fine damsell that a man might see in a whole city oh fine loue that could be betwixt them Ar. Fy vpon it what an ouersight was that in the whole parish why the maids or the young men or some good body or other might haue forbid the banes or haue taken hir away from him by the way was there neuer an Orlando that wold venter a lim for Issabell Tid Yes that there was for els I feare I should haue spoild the Groome howsoeuer it woulde after haue faln out with the Bride but to tell you what fell out vpon a sodaine as this monster of a Man was comming homewards to his owne house a little from the towne in a little Lane at the turning of a hedge were prepared for the purpose tenn gallant Caualieroes well horsed and weaponed and euery way fully appointed for the purpose put the peasaunte to his palsey and on a spare horse furnished for the purpose took the Bride in all her ritche Iewells and costly attire and farre from that country carried her from whence he coulde neuer fetch her for griefe whereof I meane his rich Chaines of pearls and iewels wherewith hee had adorned his worlds idol he took such a heauines in his hearte as tumbled his head in his graue and shee sweet Lady liued a happy life with a more worthy beloued Ar. More saist thou why lesse worthy could none bee if he were as thou hast described him oh cursed pelf that makes such a Coblatiue couiunction but this is the fault of many fooles that as Iewes doe Moors sel their children for mony but the end of thy tale was better then the beginning which I was glad to heare but tell me hast thou such an other Tid Yes that I haue and much of the same nature In a country market towne neare vnto this citty dwelt a woman of great wealth who being of the yeares of scarce vnderstanding for shee could hardly goe with out Leaning a most hollow eied wrincled faced dropping nosed toothlesse mouthed slauering lipped most ill countenanced worie complexioned and worse conditioned crooked creeping and cripled old woman fel in loue with a most gallant neat handsome tall straight and goodly gentleman who for the only loue of that she had caste himselfe away vpon this old Croane but though he had a little troubled his conscience with a little ceremony the matter far from his hart finding her humour too much enclined to the spanish grape and for want of naturall heat to drincke much of spirits of wine hot waters plied her so with such drinks as droue her into such a heate as put her into such a feuer as carried her quickly to her long home and left him possessor of all her wealth Ar. A good bargaine but ill gotten for such a kindnes was but a kinde of poyson but yet if hee meante not her death it was no great matter for her sicknes Tid Oh no I haue heard him protest not for all the world for had she liued she should haue lacked no cherishing but for lyeing with her hee woulde not haue come in bed with her for hurting her for shee was so tender that shee was ready to fal in peeces Ar. It was done like an honest man to haue some pitty on her that had so much loued him I thanke him for it euery man would not bee so kinde but on I praye you haste thou any more of these Tid Not in this nature but if it may not seeme tedious I could tel you a merry tale how I lost my selfe at a wedding Ar. I praie thee doe Tid It was my hap one daie to hear of a great Bridail or contry wedding in a pretty village neer