judgment I rejoyce to hear this saying He that shall come will come and will not tarry 8. I desire sanctity of Life and help from my Father to discharge my duty in that Calling wherein God hath placed me 9. I long to hear him speak who saith in the Omega of the Revelation Behold I come quickly and my reward is with me even so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen Amen M. K. XI Experiences of E. R. I was born and bred up of godly Parents yet Satan so far tempted me to commit that detestable sin of telling a Lye about eleven years of age against a Sister of mine who was shrewdly and severely corrected by my Parents for that fault tho' none of hers but mine and I had not grace at that time to lay it to heart but three months after I had a fit of Sickness and a grievous touch in my Conscience for that sin committed against God and my Sister that I saw nothing but desperation and feared that the horrors of Hell-fire would seize on my Soul and Body for this sin and Satan told me that there was no Salvation for me for God knew me not neither would he own me but if I would either hang my self or cut my throat or take the bedstaff to thrust down my throat then I should never he tormented more but look how an Ox dyed so should I. Then I cryed out to my Parents and said that I was damned and that there was no Salvation for me but that I must go to Hell my Parents watched me and searched narrowly to see what instruments I had prepared Then the Devil tempted me to rend the pillow and pick out some of the feathers to swallow them down which I did and it had like to have cost me my life for I was very nigh death by this means My Parents sent for a Doctor to administer some things to me which he did and when I was a little recovered they sent for Mr. Knewstubs Minister in Edmonds-bury and Mr. Rogers Minister of Dedham who took a great deal of pains with me and asked me whom I did believe in I told them that I did believe in God that he would damn me they asked me if God would damn me because I did believe in him I answered no but it was for that sin committed against God and my innocent sister they asked me whether I was not sorry for that act I told them yes I had cause enough to be sorry for I must be damned for that sin then they asked me if I was sorry with all my heart for my offences I told them I had great reason to be sorry for by this I had lost the love of God and my interest in Jesus Christ they replyed that Christ had left sweet comforts for penitent sinners and they were to administer it unto them But I replyed it was for such a sinner as I was for there could be no Salvation for me They told me Christ dyed for sinners and such sinners as I was for they said I was a penitent sinner but I replyed Christ never dyed for such a one as I was neither could his mercy save me Then they bid me have a care how I did presumptuously go about to judge my own soul and that I was not fit to judge my self in the condition I was under for it was a greater sin in so doing than to comit that sin of lying against God for God was a God of mercy but I had no mercy thus rashly to judge my own soul I replyed that they were as bad as I for they came to help to carry my soul into Hell headlong they told me no but they would ingage their souls for my soul that I should sind comfort from them in Christ Jesus with that I cryed out O happy day would that be that I might find comfort before my departure they told me that Christ was a Christ of tenderness that I was a beloved Christian and Christ was preparing comfort for me and it was Christ that had opened my eyes to see my sin and he would also open my heart to loath sin and he would pardon my sin yet I told them no that he would never open my heart but with terror for I was born to be damned and must be damned and that Christ never dyed for such a sinner as I was this I spoke with great sighing and they asked me what made me think so I told them that I saw nothing but Death and Hell and confusion of body and soul they asked me why I sighed and wept so sore I told them because now I was going into Hell for the Devil with his chains was ready to throw me into the utter pit of darkness they said Wherefore I told them for offending the Lord my Creator did wish my self to be in Hell that I might be out of misery and might no longer feel the vengeance of God with that they went to prayers each of them an hour and when the last Minister prayed I cryed out O Lord my God my King and Saviour have mercy upon me a poor distressed sinner Then Master Rogers came to me and took me by the hand and said That he was glad to hear me call upon the Lord yet I said I should be damned for I was none of his and that the Lord was none of my God The next morning I had some comfort but that left me again and I was under the same condition of ebbings and flowrings for sixteen weeks together before I had any firm hopes of my Salration and having taken no rest a long time I fell into a slumber and in my sleep I imagined there did appear unto me a little child in white with an apple in one hand and a white wand in the other and he carried me til I came into a place where I did see much terrour of fire and shreeking and a great deep ditch where was nothing to hold by yet I must go over that burning lake and he took the white wand and laid it over the ditch and bad me tread upon it and fear not but I refused then he came and took me by the hand and trundled his apple on the wand which bowled over very level and with that I said It is the Lord therefore I will venture and did venture over with this child in my hand and when I came to shore I cryed out with fear my Lord my God and my Saviour am I in Hell or am I redeemed out of Hell with that I awaked being in a great passion and fear and there being my friends about me they told me I was redeemed out of Hell I asked How could they tell had they been there for I told them that I had been newly there then I cryed out Oh! where is that sweet Babe that was with me they asked me what Babe and what was the shape of it I declared unto them as before and they told me That
Father's holdekeeper so as it were a Mother to ten Children a Mistress over six Servants none to do any thing without my command or consent being as it were my Father's right hand from whom I had this Authority it did not only stop my sorrow but caused an exceeding juyful pride or proud joy to seize upon my heart seeing my self aâ— it were advanced being respected amongst the chiefest of the Parish who were my Mother a companions I representing her person when I was amongst them then began the cares of the Worlâ— and the deceivableness of vanities to seize upon my heart and made me forget my former order promises and intentions and thus I spent almost seven years combred about many thing but quite neglecting that one thing which iâ— needful About this time it pleased God to take my Father from me upon a sudden I asked my heart What was the cause of my Father's death It made answer thus Because thou hast sinned against God thou hast not only omitted much good but thou hast coâ—…itted much evil thou hast spent thy time idly and loosely and for thy sake all thy Brothers and Sisters are now made Fatherless and Motherless Thâ—… consideration made such a deep impression upon thy spirit that I refused all coâ—…fort for half a year crying out continually My sins my sins woe is me my sins being demanded by divers godly friends and reverend Divines what those sins were which so much troubled me I told them sins of omission sins of omission they would perswade me that I was young and that I had not years enough over my head to be guilty of so many sâ—…s by omission that needed so much sorrow I told them that I was old enough to offend God and to provoke him to anger indeed I could not give so ready account of my sins of evil committed and of good omitted but though they never took notice of my sins yet my heart was witness against me Thus I wearied all my Friends with my excessive sorrow who knew not what to do for me more than they had done With one consent they sent me up to London perswading me that the Word of God was more plentifully Preached there which made me willing to come But missing of my Brother to whom I was sent to be provided for and resolving to wait upon some Gentlewoman until I could with conveniency return down again God by his providence brought me to the Wife of Dr. Page Minister of Debtford from whom I received great comfort but in a short time God took him from us all whose death was greatly lamented I found much favour and love from all that knew me and most especially from Mris. Page who for three years and an half would not suffer me to be away from her one day At the end of which time I was married to her eldest Son then living we had not been long married and my Husband received his Portion but we took a house in Westminster intending to take some honest course for a livelihood but there God knows we fell acquainted with some company which did not only cause much time to be spent in idleness but almost all our means One man especially who gave his mind to drinking and other vices more than any good he I say was never well contented without my Husband's company Seeing imminent danger to hang over our heads by reason of this course of life I greatly desired my Husband to refrain that man's company or at least not to suffer him to come so often home to our house This I begged upon my knees with tears but could not prevail then did the Devil set his foot into my heart and perswade me that by the committing of one sin I should prevent many and so stirred me up to murther him to which suggestion I cowardly yielded and sought all opportunities to perform this wicked act Here I denied my Master Christ In the highest of this hatred in my sleep I thought I was in a very large Chamber sitting behind a Table covered with a green Carpet upon which lay all manner of Instruments which proclaim death suddenly the man came into the Chamber whom so soon as I espyed to be alone catching up a weapon in my hand I resolved there to commit the horrid act of murther upon his body but God who watcheth over his whether they sleep or walte and worketh by means and without means which way he pleaseth at that time put an end to all my revengeful thoughts and caused me to hear a voice in my Ear saying Vengeance is mine to which voice I answered aloud And thou wilt repay O Lord Then waking hearing my self speak I was in very good charity with him and left my wrong to God but reflecting upon mine own heart there I found not only these but a whole nest of most Diabolical and wicked intentions which my God was pleased by his preventing graces to smother in their birth for I no sooner had concluded that I would fulfil mine own hearts lust although I suffcred all the punishments due for such and such like sins wherein I ran away from my Captain yet for all this he had a favour towards me and sent an Herauld after me to bring me back again But then began a fresh Batteâ— for my God coming as it ware to see what use I had made of the Talent that he had given me he found it not only wrapt up in a napkin but exceedingly abused and searching my heart what found he there but a sink of sin a Cage of unclean Birds and Den of Theeves a place for Dragons for the Scritchowl and for the Satyre these had taken full possession there was no room for my God they kept him out and what did they there but made it like a troubled Sea First telling me my sins were greater than could be forgiven Dost thou not know said they that thy thought-sins are sufficient to damn thee although thou hast never committed any actually doth not the Scripture say plainly if a Man lust after a Woman he hath committed Adultery which commandment being broken brings death I then took a view of all the ten Commandments written in the Moral Law to see which of them I had broken and which I had kept I found them all broken and at the end of every one was written Death And not only those but those sweet commands of my Saviour Jesus Christ wherein he bids us watch and pray for your enemies seed the hungry cloath the naked love one another all which I had likewise broken which made me to see nothing to remain for me but death and damnation â—argued then with my self on this wise I have read and I have heard that Almighty God which by his power made Heaven and Earth and all therein had sent his Son to dye for sinners and that there was hopes through his death that I should get pardon I had no sooner cast mine eye upon my
under this Beam but stept aside and so passed away laying my Hand thereon as I stept by the side of it when suddenly I thought the House was all in a flame at which I was something troubled passing on the way and wondring in my self what this should be till I was overtaken by some rude Malicious Men who accused me for setting this House on Fire and would not hear me speak but were violently halling me away to Prison with which being sufficiently affrighted and my stesh set a Trembling I awaked and was offended with my self for being so much concerned at a foolish Dream and Fancy so it being yet dark I laid me down and fell asleep again and wast cast into the same Dream again exactly and at my Right Hand I thought there was a Grave Ancient Man full of white Hairs like Wool and a long white Beard who stood by me and said Chear up fear not for the Lord hath sent me to comfort thee and to tell thee that he hath chosen thee to Preach his Word and the Gospel of Christ which is the Staff thou hadst in thine Hand and wiâ—… this Staff which is the Word of God thou shalt walk home to thy Fathers House in Heaven where is fullness of Joy but after a time thou wilt be troubled with the different opinions and ways of Men and seem at first to be at a loss yet the Lord will be thy Guide Go on and as thou goest forward the way of the Lord will still appear plainer before thine Eyes the footsteps thou sawest are the Examples of the Saints that have gone before you which will be a great help to you and you shall walk chearfully on in the way which is clear to you and shall see no other but yet you must meet with the fair House on the left Hand that is the Glory and Great ones of the World who make a great and fair shew to Men as if built High but they must fall and are only on the left Hand of you whilst you will Despise and Preach against them and turn your Eye forward to go in the way of God without turning about By the Beam that came out of this House is meant the Powers and Opinions of these who when you shall cross or step aside or will not stoop under them they are set on fire and inflamed on a sudden but be not troubled go forward although they send after you saying you have brought this fire upon them and though they falsly accuse you and seek to hawl you to Prison for this fact whereof you are altogether Innocent At which I awaked again it being about Day-break wondring with my self what it should mean and verily believing it to be more than ordinary anâ— being filled with confidence and comfort I rofe up and writit down presently Next day I went away towards Huntington-Shire where I was accepted and entertained and had a comfortable Maintenance for several years But after all these Deliverances I Multiplyed abundantly in Gifts and Graces either to Pray Expound Read Sing Hymns and Spiritual Songs with the Spirit and Understanding and as Israel Exod. 1. the more he was Afflicted he Multiplyed the more so Blessed be the Lord I was the more filled with the Spirit endued with strength and grace and refreshed with Peace and Joy the more I had suffered so that all my troubles were through Grace but as Josephs step to Higher Enjoynments and finding the Lord so abundantly to endue me from above and to Qualifie me for the Call that I had before in the Night for the Ministry which â—ittle thought or imagined could have come to pass my Friends having often resolved on the contrary and all things so fairly concurring I was much confirmed that the Lord had designed me thereunto and not long after I was by a Godly People earnestly importuned and at length grevailed with to Preach the Gospel and was soon known about the Country so although I have ever since met with several Afflictions Oppositions and Troubles yet many have given Testimony to the Word I have Preached in divers places the Lord be praised to the great refreshing of my Soul and toward the filling up of my Joy when I shall give an account to their comfort at the Great Day of the Lord. After this I was sent forth as a Pastor and publick Teacher by the Church and I know my Ministerial Commission and Authority to be from God and notwithstanding the divers Temptations I still meet with finding my Heart full of Corruption and my Life a continual Warfare yet I bless God who hath delivered me in divers ways which I have not here declared from the Fraudulent Gins and Snares of the Devil and who hath called me out of Darkness into Light that his power is stronger in me than any that hath been against me and I am the better provided against Satan because I now live by Faith in the Son of God above the Letter in the Life above the Form in the Power above self in an higher self where I have my aboad so that I am not 〈◊〉 but by the Grace of God it is that I am what I am I have Provision within seeing Christ in me is the hope of Glory and I do certainly expect Salvation in Christ Jesus my Head my Lord my Elder Brother and the first Fruits of them that Rise again And although I meet with daily Tryals at Home and Abroad within and without yet I am all the time ascending to Heaven the same way that Christ my Redeemet went Who hath through the Vail Consecrated a New and living way for me into the Holy of Holies I can comfortably Drink after my Saviour out of his own Cup and in eating his Meat and drinking his Drink I can take Gall and Vinegar as well as Milk and Honey and I account the enjoyment of Christ to be the enjoyment of all the Excellencies and Happiness in Heaven and Earth nesther do I doubt butâ— shall appear perfect in his Righteousness being pardoned by his Death purged by his Blood Sanctified by his Spirit and Saved by his Power and to be Glorified as he is Glorified and see him as he is and whilst I Live and Breath I hope and Resolve to live to him and for him as well as by him and I shall not desire to live one minute longer than it may be for his Honour Glory and Service which I beseech the Lord of Heaven to make me fit for and faithful in and to prepare my Soul for that Glory which is to be Revealed J. R. II. Experiences of R. W. I will declare what the Lord hath done for me First in my Youth my Father being a Godly Man in Dublin in Ireland brought up his Children very Religiously but for my part though I were well Educated and Instructed yet I was very Disobedient being young and Headstrong and refusing to hearken to my Fathers Advice which he often gave
it was Jesus Christ that had appeared in the shape of a Child and that he had overcome Death and Hell for me then I cryed out and said blessed be Jesus Christ for evermore and did intreat those people that were there with my Father that they would go to prayers for me that those comfortable revelations which I had seen and my Faith in Christ might never depart from me â—yet for three years after I had many ebbings and flowings and much fear possessed me so that Satan would tell me I was more afraid of Hell than of offending God but I boldly sat up in my bed and told Satan He was a Lyer and that I would rather be damned than deny Jesus Christ and so Christ did appear very comfortably to me and hath and doth deliver me out of many troubles very often and how to speak of them I know no end yet Satan like a cunning Sophister hath been tampering with me to despair of Christ but it pleased the Lord to bring many promises into my mind and the example also of Mary Magdalen and of the woman of Canaan believing that as Jesus Christ was gracious to them so he would also be to me and Christ hath often times revealed unto me that his grace was sufficient for me as he said unto Paul I can speak but little of Jesus Christ but yet I am fully perswaded in my Soul that I should think my self very happy even to give my life for the glory and honour of his name if the Lord would count me but worthy of such a favour and I would not for all the Kingdoms in the world and the pomp thereof be in such a condition again and now my soul doth desire to give up it self unto God and to walk in the strictest course that his Word doth preâ—…e E. R. XII Experiences of T. M. ABout the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Aprentice but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God his ways were contrary to the ways of God which was a great trouble to my Spirit and the more because some rude people Drink Swear and be very deboyst with him Three or four years after there grew great disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy Presbytery Independency and the like which made me question with my own thoughts which was the true way to worship God I applyed my self to Mr. T. the Minister and others yet was not satisfied but after great perplexity of spirit I meditated with my self and wondred what would be the end of my troubles for they had been many especially temptations to despair of salvation But afterwards being returned back from my Master to my Fathers house lying down once upon a bench I fell asleep and dreamed that I was in a green Meddow where I saw various forms of Creatures some furious others very pleasing yet all of them seemed monstruous and changed their shapes often And beholding my self alone in the middest of them I was grievously troubled and then there seemed to appear a great red Dragon before it came at me I thought a little Child was put in my arms which was so beautiful and comely that I admired it and was so taken with beholding it that it put the fear of the Dragon for the present out of mind But the Dragon afterwards drew near and sorely affrighted me but both my self and the child were taken away and carried up an hill and the Dragon pursued us and being often ready to fall in running up the hill I feared that the Dragon would catch me but my strength being come to me I got up to the top of the hill and the Dragon made up after me When I was got up to the top there appeared a brightness from Heaven which gushed forth like a stash of Lightning and split the Dragon in pieces at which I rejoyced exceedingly Then the Child was put into my Arms again and I asked it what was its name it said Emanuel I asked who was its Father it said I am I asked who was its Mother it said Eternity I asked from whence he came he said from my Father out of Heaven I asked to whom he came and what was his errand here he said to save that which was lost and return again I asked him if he would dwell with me whâ—…e he stayed he said he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in but after death he would dwell with me in another frame the thought of death grieved me but the child bid me not to weep at it for in this World that which is beauty must be destroyed and that which is contemptible must be exalted I then saw my self very contemptible and poor and troubled and in these thoughts the child was taken away from me Then my Father coming into the room made a noise whereat I awaked much distracted and troubled in my thoughts and so perplexed that I knew not what to do and the more by seeking to understand what I had seen because I knew not how to be satisfied in some doubts that lay very sad and heavy â—…on my Soul But I have since found much comfort out of Gods word where Christ saith Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest And the Lord saith I have called thee by name And again he saith in another place I will bear in thee a poor and afflicted people and they shall serve me And in Esay he saith I will gather my Lambs with my Arms and gently lead those that are with young and then he hath promised That he will never lay more upon his people then he will enable them to bear And I have these effects of my faith 1. My heart is led out to love God who is eternal and invisible and incomprehensible I love him in all his dispensations towards me and in the meanest Creature though never so despised I desire to own God where ever I see him 2. I find my heart very full in duty yet I have been sometimes troubled by some cholerick distempers that have transported me in some disputes which I am very sorry for and resolve to leave 3. I love the Lord who hath heard my Prayer and now at last satisfied me in every scruple of my conscience 4. My desire is to walk according to the rules of the Gospel all the days of my life T. M. XIII Experiences of J. H. MAny years ago I had some yernings after the truths of Jesus Christ and being in the Country and hearing Mr. Young a Minister in Leicestershire preach twice a day the Word wrought so on my heart that I took great delight to hear him but being jeered by the people for a Peritan I did leave off hearing for a time And being in the Town near Mr. Young sometimes as I went abroad I met him and Mr. Young would ask me whether I did know Jesus Christ or
Joshua that I and my house wold serve the Lord. And although it was a bitter pill to me to bear the cross before yet now my God hath made it easie and I praise the Lord thâ—ough his grace I can go under it with a great deal of comfort and he hath now discovered to me the way of his working in those things which before were wonderful strange to me Many special promises I found great comfort in some that I remember are these that follow viz. 1 Pet. 5.6,7 Humble your selves therefore under the mighty hand of God that he may exalt you in due time Casting all your care on him for he careth for you This promise I have found of a truth made good to me in some measure I have applyed it often and have found the comfort of it 2 Con. 1.29 My grace is sufficient for thee From this place I found much comfort knowing the fulness of so glorious a portion Jam. 1.2,3,4 Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations knowing this that the tryal of your faith worketh patience But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and intire wanting nothing This administred great joy to me against all temptations Isa 55.1 Ho! every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters of life and he that hath no mony come ye tâ—…uy and eat This gave great comfort to my Soul at several times though it was so much cast down And that which gives me great content and comfort is the seal of God Spirit in my heart giving evidence of peace in the blood of Christ between God and my Soul by these testimonies 1. My love to God is so that I am confident if the Lord keep me with his Spirit which at this time he hath bestowed upon me I could be content to part with any thing or lay down my lise for his glory if he would call me to it 2. The Lord hath been pleased so toâ—inrich my Soul with his Spirit that I loath the things of the World when they would draw me in any thing from submitting to the motions of Gods Spirit in my heart I once thought nothing could have drawn me from the love of the vain things of the world but now I do as much disdain them for God and more than then I loved them 3. I desire to follow Gods Ordinances and find great enlargments of my heart to God both to and in the Ordinances And particularly from Mr. S. Mr. W. and others from whom many things have fallen that have much refreshed my Soul and I find my heart in duties to God more refreshed than in any thing 4. I find much peace in my conscience because of a free submission which his Spirit hath wrought in my Soul to all the commands of Jesus Christ and I find comfort in that true circumcision which is in my heart wrought by his Spirit 5. I find every every day so great a peace in my Soul and such comfort in God that I could be willing and I bless God find in my self a readiness to dye every moment XXII Experiences of A. A. ABout two years since my Husband was sore wounded which I took as a great tryal not having above a month to go with Child and I was troubled at it And about a quarter of a year after I was up all my Children were sick together of the small Pox. Yet all this did not work upon me inwardly so sensibly as about a month afterwards that one of my Children dyed suddenly when I thought he had been near well then I said the wages of sin is death thinking that the Lord had warned me by Fatherly threatnings before but I did not hearken to him and therefore I thought he smote me now by the death of my Child But yet I could not enter into any particular sins that God should strike at only in general I sought the Lord to lay open my sins to me I was very much troubled that the Lord took my child so suddenly from me but was comforted by Mr. Strong in some Sermons preached from the words the Church to Paul going to suffer at Jerusalem Acts 21.14 When he would not be perswaded we ceased saying The will of the Lord be done So I was setled pretty well in my thoughts till suddenly the Lord struck the elder of my two Children then living which was a Boy my other which is a Girl I did not so much value but now I do and know Gods mercy in sparing her but my Child that then dyed was the chief comfort that my heart was fixed upon in this world which was so great a grief to me that I have slept few nights quiet I desired to know the mind of God what he would do with me Sometimes I should have difpaired through great busfetings inwardly but that the Lord sustained me Sometimes I thought that the wrath of God was hindled against me thinking never to have comfort in this world again But blessed be the Lord for it he hath often comforted me in this that I have thought he did it in love to me yet sometimes I have feared that I should despair and that the hand of God was against me in it having been troubled with thoughts that I was the death of my children Thus I have been between hope and dispair and could not find what the Will of God was in it towards me And I had fears that the hand of God was still against me for further punishment because I have had many temptations upon me in low thoughts of God But I have gone to prayer and desired the Lord to deliver me and discover his mind to me in every thing that I do and have found a willingness to part with any thing even to cut off a limb or any thing if I could find out what it was And I bless God I have found a good spirit resisting the bad Yet I have been under much fear that I was not a child of God But it hath pleased God to comfort me in this that Pauls life was subject to temptations therefore I had hope and cast my self upon the mereies of God resolving that if I perish I perish never daring to offend willingly in any thing that I know to be a sin yet I know I am a wretched sinner but I humbly desire to do the will of God so far as I am able And in that I can say with David Psal 42.1 As the heart panteth after the water-brooks so panteth my soul after thee O God I find comfort with him to say Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance verse 5. And I will look unto the Lord with the Prophet Micha I will wait for the God of my Salvation my God will hear me Mich. 7.7 And I have found much comfort in applying several promises to my
but this I found by experlence to the praise of my God's Free Grace that as troubles have abounded my consolations have abounded much more For God brought seasonably into my mind many precious promises which were as so many sweet Cordials which much supported and comforted my heart and upheld my spirit when new storms have arisen and unexpected deliverances have followed And I have and do resolve by God's Grace not to distrust him any more Yer though more and greater dangers shall arise yet I will trust in him and stay my self upon him Though as Job said he should slay me The good Lord establish my heart in this good and holy resolution who is able to keep us to the end and hath promised that he will preserve us by his power through Faith to the Salvation of our Souls In regard of Satan's Temptations especially concerning my coming to the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper my Experience have been these Finding often that I was very unable to fit and prepare my self for a comfortable approach to that sacred Ordinance I used to desire the prayers of the Congregation unto God in my behalf and used the best endeavour I could in private as God enabled me though I came far short of what was required and of what I desired So that I did trust and hope through God's mercy to find a comfortable day of it and to have it a sealing Ordinance to my Soul But on the contrary I found much deadness and little spiritual tast relish and comfort in the use of it so that my spirit was oft much troubled and cast down in me fearing lest I had some secret sin undiscovered and unrepented of which caused the Lord thus to hide his face from me But then my gracious God brought this into my mind that the Lord doth sometimes afflict us for the exercise and improvement of our graces as well as to humble us for our sins I also considered that as the Lord doth tender great mercies to us in this Sacrament renewing his Covenant of Grace and sealing to us the pardon of our sins in the Blood of Christ so he gives us leave to ingage our selves by renewing our Covenant with him to believe in him and to trust upon Christ for Life and Salvation And it pleased God to give me Faith to apply this to my own particular Soul and a while after to shew me and to make good to my Soul that precious and comfortable promise That tho' he hides his face from us for a little moment yet with mercy and lâ—ving kindness he will return to us again This was a wonderful comfort and support to my dejected heart Blessed be the Lord for ever I desire to treasure up these Experiences that for the future I may in the like case resolve to put my whole trust and conâ—idence in him that so Satan may not intrap me in his snares through unbelief but that I may resist him stedfast in the Faith For I am not altogether ignorant of his devices God's promise is that in all these things we shall be more than Conquerors through him that hath loved us And hath said that This is the Victory whereby we overcome the World even our Faith 1 John 5.4 In the year 1664 there came to us the sad News of the death of my second Son Mr. John Clark a godly faithful and powerful Minister Thus as the waves of the Sea follow one another so God is pleased to exercise his Children with one affliction after another he sees whilst we carry about us this body of sin we have need of manifold Tryals and Temptations as saith the Apostle 1 Pet 1.6 Now for a season ye are in heaviness if need be through manifold temptations to keep us under and to make us the better to remember our selves Indeed it hath been the Lord's course and dealing with me ever since he stopped me in the way as I was posting to Hell to raise up one affliction or other either inward or outward either from Satan the World or my own corrupt heart and nature not having wisdom and grace to behave and carry my self as I ought under his various dispensations and providences as appeared at this time by his laying so great and grievous an affliction upon me in taking away so dear a Son from whom I had much Soul-comfort and ardent affections which he manifested by his fervent prayers for me and by his spiritual Letters and Writings to me wherein he applied himself suitably to my comfort in those inward troubles of heart and spirit that lay upon me This caused my grief and sorrows to take the greater hold on me upon the loss of one who was so useful to me Yet hereby I do not derogate from my Elder Son from whom I have the like help and comfort Upon this sad occasion my grief grew so great that I took no pleasure of any thing in the World but was so overwhelmed with melancholy and my natural strength was so abated that little food served my turn and I judged that I could not live long in such a condition Hereupon I began to examine my heart why it should be so with me and whether carnal and inordinate affections were not the great cause of my trouble which I much feared And having used many Arguments and laid down many Reasons to my self to quiet and moderate my passions yet nothing prevailed to quiet and calm my heart and to bow me to the obedience of Gods revealed Will And withal considering that it was God only that could quiet the heart and set our unruly and carnal affections into an holy frame and order and that he was a present help in time of trouble I often and earnestly sought the Lord with many Prayers and Tears beseeching him to quiet my heart and to over-power and tame my unruly affections so as to be willing to submit unto him and to bear his afflicting Hand patiently and fruitfully and to be ready and willing to submit either in doing or suffering whatsoever he pleased to impose upon me and to be ready to part with the best outward comfort I enjoyed whensoever he should please to call for the same And it pleased God seasonably to hear my Prayer to regard my Tears and to grant my Requests by calming and quieting my heart and spirit and to give me much more contentedness to submit to his holy Will and good Pleasure who is a God of Judgment and knows the fittest times and seasons to come in with refreshing comforts and who waits to be gracious unto those that trust in him Yet surely I was not without many temptations in this hour of darkness from that subtle Adversary who always stands at watch to insinuate and frame his temptations answerable to our conditions and like a roaring Lion walks about continually seeking to devour poor yet grecious Souls Then I called upon the Lord in my distress and he answered me and delivered me Bless
the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me praise his holy Name For he hath remembred me in my low and troubled estate because his mercy endureth for ever Having thus had new Experience of God's readiness to hear and help when I called upon him and having found that it is not in vain to seek to and to depend upon God in all our straits I could not but record these things that so Every one that is godly may seek unto him in a time wherein he may be found who is a present help in time of trouble and who doth for us abundantly above what we can ask or think The Lord knows that I write these things for no other end but that God may have the glory and that others especially my Relations may be incouraged to seek God in their straits and to trust in him at all times If God shall please to bring me to my Grave in peace let this be the Text at my Funeral Ephes 2.8 For by Grace ye are saved through Faith This Scripture I was oft put upon to have recourse to in times of Temptation and Desertion Though our hearts may fail us and our flesh may fail us yet the Lord will never fail us Amen XXXVIII John Earl of Rochester I Shall conclude these Experiences with an account of one of the most Illustrious Instances of Conversion that hath happened in this and it may be in many preceding Ages in the person of the Right Honourable John Willmot late Earl of Rochester whose name for irreligion and vice became a Proverb and whose extraordinary repentance is a most remarkable example of the exceeding riches of the grace and mercy of God His father was Henry Lord Wilmot who in the Civil Wars adhered to K. Charles 1. and was very instrumental in the escape of K. Charles 2. after the Battel of Worcester in 1651 but dying before the Restoration left his son little more then his Title of Earle of Rochester and some pretensions of the favour of Charles 2. after his return This young Lord was educated in the University of Oxford where his wit and Learning soon made him very eminent But the general joy and debauchery that overran the Nation in 1660. had in a little time so great an influence upon him that he as well as a multitude of other Young Gentlemen ran into all manner of excess to commit all kind of iniquity with greediness And after his return from his Travels into Jtaly having some perferment in the Atheistical and debauch'd Court of K. Charles 2. he there met with incouragement countenance in prosecuting the greatest excesses extravagancies that were possibly to be acted for as Solomon says whatsoever his eyes desired he kept it not from them and with held his heart from no joy And to fortifie his conscience against any convictions he endeavoured to persuade himlelf that there was no Heaven nor Hell no God nor Devil nor any future State in another world and yet because at some intervals he had severe reflections in his mind as to his vicious practices he was forced to rid himself of them by a continued course of Intemperance so that he acknowledged that for five years together he was continually drunk And as his wickedness so his wit and parts were extraordinary so that had his fancy fallen upon Divine Subjects instead of those impure and silthy ones wherein he usually exercised his Poetry he might probably have been as useful in teaching vertue to this debaâ—…hed generation as his prophane Verses have been mischeivous and hurtful in promoting A. theism vice and lewdness As to all outward accomplishments of Learning and education he was therein compleat though by his ill management they were at length miserable Comforts to him since they only ministred to his sins and made his example the more fatal and dangerous so that he owned himself to be one of the greatest of sinners for his corrupted Parts made his impieties rise to a high and extraordinary pitch as the chiefest of Angels for knowledge and Power became the most degenerate so that his impious actions as well as Writings seem to soar above the reach and thought of other men taking as much pains to draw others in and to pervert the ways of Virtue and Religion as the Apostles and Primitive Saints did to save their own souls and those that heard them for this was the heightning and amazing circumstance of his sins that he was so diligent and industrious to recommend and propogate them to declare his sin as Sodom and not to hide it framing Arguments for sin making Proselytes to it and writing Panygiricks upon Vice singing praises to the Great Enemy of God and casting down Coronets and Crowns before his Throne This Character his Chaplain who Preached his Funeral Sermon gives of him and adds That he was so confirmed in sin that he lived and oftentimes almost died a Martyr for it God was sometimes pleased to punish him with the effects of his debaucheries yet he confest that for a long time it had no power to melt him into true Repentance or if at any time he had some lucid intervals from his folly and madness how short and transitory were they all that goodness was but as a morning Cloud and as the early Dew which vanishes away he still returned to the same excess of Riot and that with so much the more greediness the longer he had been detained from it banishing all thoughts of God and a future Account out of his mind One Instance is related which much confirmed him in his Atheistical temper that he and another Gentleman of the like humour had made a solemn Compact and Agreement it may be not without impious circumstances that whoever died first should after his death return from the Grave and give an account to the other of the state of the next World and whether there was any such thing or no soon after the Gentleman died but never appearing to give him satisfaction as they had stipulated between them it made him conclude that a Man died like a Beast and that Soul Soul and Body perisht in the Dust such unreasonable and sensless fancies had he to secure himself against any Convictions of Conscience since he had never deserved that God should shew a Miracle to satisfie him of that which his wicked life and practices made him secretly desire might not be true because it is the interest of those that live like Brutes to wish they may dye so too and never be called to the Bar of that God whom their whole Lives have bid defiance unto And yet even this desperate Sinner that seemed to have made a Covenant with death and was at agreement with Hell and just upon the brink of them both God to mganifie the riches of his Grace and Mercy was pleased to snatch as a brand out of the fire And as the Apostle though before a blasphemer a persecutor and
hurry or perturbation of mind or body arising from the fear of death or dread of Hell only but from an ingenious love to God and an uniform regard to virtue suitable to that solemn Declaration of his I would not commit the least sin to gain a kingdom And he had all possible symptoms of a lasting perseverance in this admirable Christian Resolution if God had restored him to health To which may be added his comfortable persuasions of God's accepting him to his mercy saying three or four days before his death I shall dye but Oh what unspeakable Glories do I see what joys beyond thought or expression am I sensible of I am assured of God's mercy to me through Jesus Christ Oh how I long to dye and to be with my Saviour The time of his sickness and repentance was just nine weeks in all which space he was so much master of his reason and had so clear an understanding except about thirty hours in which he was delirious that he never dictated or spoke more composed in his life And therefore if any shall continue to say his Piety was the effect of madness or vapours the assertion is as silly as it is wicked And that the force of this great penitence may not be evaded by evil men who are resolved to harden their hearts against all convictions by saying it was done in a corner the truth hereof is very well known to all sorts of persons who in considerable numbers visited and attended him and particularly by those eminent Phisitians who were conversant with him in the whole course of his tedious sickness and who if any were competent judges whether he were 〈◊〉 a phrensie or distracted who all declared that he had not the least Symptoms of it but was as seasâ—…ble as at any time in his life and health And if any shall be still unsatisfied herein in this hard hearted generation it matters not let them at their cost be Unbelievers still so long as this excellent penitent en joys the comfort of his repentance fince from all these admirable signs we have great reason to believe comfortably that his repentance was real and his end happy and we may accordingly imitaâ—… he neighbours and Cosens of Elizabeth Luke 1.52 〈…〉 when they heard how the Lord had sheweâ—… great mercy upon her came and rejoyced with hen 〈…〉 in we shall joyn with the whole Court of Heavâ—…y since our Blessed Saviour has told us Luke 15.7 〈◊〉 say unto you that joy shalt he in heaven 〈…〉 that repenteth more then over ninety and 〈…〉 that need no repentance He dyed without 〈…〉 or groan at Woodstock Park in Oxfordshire July 26. 1680. Postscript AN account of the duty and usefulness of communicating Experiences is already given I shall only add that if any should take offence at the publishing of these Experiences and judge it unmeet especially because ill men may make a bad use of them I desire such to consider that wicked Persons will take all opportunities to scandalize Religion though no occasion be given and they will likewise abuse the best of things to evil purposes Yet the Prophet David says Come and hear all ye that fear the Lord and I will declare what he hath done for my Soul Restore unto me the joy of my salvaton then will I teach transgressors thy ways amd sinners shall be converted unto thee Ps 51. So that this declaring of Experiences is one means which we may expect the Lord will make successful to the Conversion of sinners And indeed the Book of Psalms is presented to the eyes of all men both good and bad and doth consist for the most part of Experiences And Paul declareth the manner of his conversion to those that persecuted him and the Apostle Peter bids us be ready alwayes to give an answer to every man that asketh a reason of the hope that is in us with meekness and fear There are several other uses and advantages from declaring Experiences which are mentioned in the beginning to which the Reader is referred I shall conclude all with repeating my earnest desires that this small tract may be of some profit to the souls of men and then my design in publishing it will be answered W. D. A Catalogue of Books Printed for Nath. Crouch at the Bell in the Poultrey near Cheapside History 1. ENgland's Monarchs Or A Relation of the most remarkable Traosactions from Julius Caesar adorned with Poems and the Picture of every Monarch from K. Will the Conqueror to this time With a List of the Nobility and the number of the Lords and Commons in both Houses of Parliament and other usesul particulars Price one shilling 2. THe History of the House of Orange Or a Relation of the Magnanimons Archievements of his Majesties Renowned Predecessors like wise of his own Heroick Actions till the Late Wonderful Revolution Together with the History of K. William and Q. Mary Being an Account of the most remarkable passages to this time Price one shilling 3. THe History of the two late Kings Charles II. and James II. and of the most observable passages during their Reigns and the secret French and Popish Intrigues in those Times Pr. 1s 4. THe History of Oliver Cromwel being an Impartial Account of all the Battels Seiges Military Archievements wherein he was ingaged in England Scotland and Ireland and likewise of his Civil Administrations till his Death Relating matters of Fact without Reflection or Observation pr. 1s 5. THe Wars in England Scotland and Ireland containing an Account of all the Battels Sieges and other remarkable Transactions from the beginning of the Reign of K. Charles the Firil 1625. to 1660. The Tryal of K. Charles I at large and his last Speech with Pictures of several Accidents Pr. 1. shilling 6. HIstorical Remarks and Observations of the Antient and present state of London Westminster shewing the Foundations Walls Gates Bridges Churches Rivers Wards Halls Hospitals Schools Inns of Courts Charters and privileges thereof with the most remarkable Accidents as to Wars Fires Plagues c. for above 900 years past Pr. 1s 7. ADmirable Curiosities Rarities and Wonders in England Scotland and Ireland or an account of many remarkable persons and places and of the Battels Sieges Earthquakes Tempests Thunders Fires Murders other Occurences for many hundred years past with the Natural and Artificial Rarities in every County and several Sculptures Pr. 1s 8. THE History of the Kingdom of Scotland Containing an Account of all the Wars Battels other remarkable Transactions Revolutions and State Intrigues in that Nation during the Reigns of 72. Kings and Queens to the 7th year of King William III. Intermixt with variety of strange Accidents Prodigious Appearances and other considerable Events And a List of the present Nobility of that Kingdom Illustrated with Pictures Pr. 1s 9. THE History of the Kingdom of Ireland being an Account of all the Batles Seiges other memorable Passages during the