my Master is a foole did you never heare of Simpleton New That worshipfull puppy Ia. He knowes him I have seen you before but 't is no matter where I like thy countenance can'st keepe counsell walke o'th is hand o' me Enter Simpleton and Lucy Sim. Nay a little further Mistris Lucy it seemes Mrs Voluble told him no great good fortune she saw it in his starres for you know she weares Astrology at her apron strings but she told me in private who should be the man your deere Endymion Lucy Who I beseech you Simp. The object is presented and 't is in vaine to oppose the Constellations what must be must be and there were no more Ladyes in the world I am the man Enter Coachman and an other New To steale her away Ja. My Master is resolv'd They are here close New She is betraid Simp. Now Lu. Help theeves Ia. Stop her mouth New Then every man take his chance He strikes downe Simpleton Lucy runs off Sim. Murther murther Ja. Are you so cunning sir you shall along with us They disarme New New Worried by Hedghogs Ja. Are you not kill'd outright sir Sim. I am not certaine be sure you hold him fast to the next Justice I must get a Surgeon You are my rivall I know you well enough if I miscarry it shall cost me a hundred pound but I le ha thee hang'd for 't Exeunt Enter Justice and Voluble Just. I understand you perfectly Mistris Voluble and like your proposition but a word more of the widdow that is at your house shee is very rich you say Vol. Not in understanding Just. T is the better Vol. Her 's all your worship must promise her to be knighted for she hath a great mind to bee a Lady Just. I know where a blanck lies dormant for a Baronet it will carry more noise and authority on the bench too Vol. You have done me some discourtesie here tofore in beleeving the complaints of Intemperate tongues against me but you see my charity I desire to live in your worships faire opinion as a neighbour Just. I will make you amends sweet Mistris Valuable y' are a vertuous Gentlewoman on my conscience but how shall this widdow be wrought Vol. That 's done already The truth is she inquir'd of me for we women use to open our secrets one to another for some stayd Gentleman that was a Lawier because she has so great an estate and many sutes to follow on whom shee might bestow her selfe for the security of her fortune and I have already prepared her and such a commendation of your person and learned gravity a Justice of Peace and Quorum out of my private respects to you without desire or expectation of any bribe or reward Just. I understand that very well Vol. I know you doe Just. How much I am bound to your vertue Vol. The widdow has a great mind to see you but I will contrive it for your honour shee shall come hither as to her learned Counsell Just. The invincible wit of a woman how I honour it Vol. There can bee no losse in 't if you get a Chaplaine in readinesse widowes are taken in the opportunitie Enter Richard the Clarke Rich. A Gentleman brought to be examined that has wounded one Master Simpleton Vol. Simpleton that 's the widowes son Iust. Richard send to the Curate of the Parish say I would speake with him presently Enter Simpleton wounded Vol. Alas who hurt you Simp. My rivall Master Newman Is this the Justice Iust. A former quarrell if you die I have saw enough to make it murther for your good Mothers sake Simp. Cannot you make it manslaughter and let me live for I desire but his death Vol. Hee shall make it what you please This Gentleman is to bee Knighted and loves your mother above all the world things meet as close as if they went to engender Simp. My Mother is worth six thousand pound if you will promise to make her a Lady and doe your best to hang the Gentleman you shall be my Father in Law when my Landlady sayes the word Vol. Sir I le take my leave Iust. Sweet Mistris Voluble leave your friend to me I understand the matter perfectly and it shall goe hard but wee will have all the Law on our side Call in the offender please you sit Richard be ready with your Ammunition Pen Inke and Paper Enter Surgeon Newman Iames Coachman Constable and officers Iust. VVhat is your name sir Surg. My name is Seare Clar. He is the Surgeon sir Iust. I le teach you to follow your profession sirra I le make you an example to all Phlebotomers how often have you beene indited for letting of blood sirra Sur. I understand you nor Iust. But I understand you sirra how durst you vi armis felloniously assault this noble Gentleman in contempt of peice and the Kings Law his Crowne and dignity answer me sirra to that I le seeze him Sur. You VVorship is mistaken I never see the Gentleman before I was sent for Ia. He is the Surgeon sir that is come to take measure of my Masters wounds it was that Gentleman that let him blood Iust. VVhy do they not change faces then away you knave and looke to the Gentleman you stand idling here to stumble authority with a fellonious countenance Ia. Let us be for sworne both in a tale Enter Lucie Luc. Sir you are one that should doe Justice where is my poore friend bee not so much dejected you did but rescue me sir from dishonour New I was in a melancholly humour 't is come about as the wise woman concluded Luc. VVher 's Simpleton I may accuse him for a Rape Iust. Take heede what you say Luc. Or some such black intent this Gentleman but interpos'd to save me from their fury and with his sword punish'd a bold offender by letting out some blood that was corrupted Iust. That 's not materiall will you confesse you wounded Master Simpleton come to the matter New I confesse it sir but heare the reason Iust. I will heare no reason that were simple justice take him aside and you may follow your businesse Stay young Gentlewoman I must examine you Clar. Shall I withdraw and shut the doore Exeunt all but Iustice and Lucie Luc. VVhat Justice sir or Law is this Iust. It is not Polton Crompton nor Fitzerhert A Justice ought to have some discretion without booke especially in these cases I grant you are the root and cause of this misfortune Luc. I sir Iust. Be wise and understand me nd being indued with such gifts of nature native beauty and favour come a little nearer and you to abuse your selfe Luc. How sir Iust. Or suffer your selfe to be abused come a little nearer is not to be thankefull for those excellent benefits Luc. VVill you translate an Insolence in others upon my guilt Iust. You accuse an honest Gentleman for an intent of rape alas poore soule it was pure affection
meane before you goe to have a satisfaction for the base Injury you have done me Dev. I done you Injury Sist. Not that I value Courtwell whome you would pretend has bin too saucy with my honour but cause I scorne to owne a goodnesse should depend upon your sword or vindication I 'le fight with thee my selfe in this smale volume against your bulke in folio Court Excellent wench Dev. I was your champion Lady Sist. I had rather have no fame then have thee name it thou fight for a Ladyes honour and disarme a Gentleman thou fence before the Pageants make roome for the porters when like Elephants they carry once a yeare the Cyttie Castles or goe a feastinge with the drum or schole boyes to the banke syde save the beares a whippinge that day come Sir I meane to have about with you Dev. At what weapon Sist. This and none other Sir Dev. I 'le rather bleede to death then lift a sworde in my defence whose inconsiderate brightnesse may fright the roses from your Cheekes leave the lyllyes to Lament the rude divorce but were a man to dare me and your enemie my rage more nimble then the Median shaft should flye into his bosome and your eye change Anger into smiles to see me fight and cut him into a ragged staffe Court I cannot hold no longer you have got a stomack Sir with running I 'le try how you can eate a Sword Dev Have you an ambush Lady I 'le cry out murther t is two to one Faire play Court Let me but cut one legg off to marre his running Dev. Hold let me speake Court What canst thou saie for thy basenesse Dev. Some men love witt and can without dishonour endure a Ieast Why doe you thinke I knew not you were heere but observ'd to see my humour I came to wayte upon you with your sword Court How came you by it Confesse before this Lady Dev. Doest thinke her witt 's so lymber to beleive I could compell it from thee t was a trick a meere conceipt of mirth thou shalt have myne Doest thinke I stand upon a sword I 'le give thee a case of pistolls when wee come to London and shoote mee when I love thee not pox on it thou apprehendest me well enough Court But I am not satisfied doe you loue this Gentlewoman Dev. Hum Court You will resolve Sir Dev. As may become a stranger I will not lose thy friendshipp for all woman kinde Court Hee dares not owne you Sist. I easily forgive him I should hate my selfe if I depended on his pitty Court Thou art a noble wench shall wee leave of these Jiggs and speake our minds in earnest by these twyn lipps I loue thee extreamly Sist. Sweare by your owne Court They shall bee myne Monsieur for your pennance you shall along witnesse Sist. What I pray Cou. The priest shall tell you come wee have both dissembled wee doe loue one an other Sist. T is not possible Court Vnlesse you will denie me in the church I have vowed to lye with you this night Device amble before and finde the Parson out wee will bee frends and thou shalt bee her Father Dev. I must mayntayne my honour or be beaten Co. Com we 'le have no more acquaintance Sist. Very pretty I may deceave you yet for all your confidence Court If the skye falle wee 'le have the darkes to supper Exeunt Enter Lady Sir Francis and Dorothy Lad. It was a strange neglect Sir Fran. I confesse it and not deserve to live for it yet if you but knew my sufferings Lad. Let her bee Judge Fran. By no meanes Madame Lad. You may trust her knowledge Fran. This is worse then a whippinge now these Ladyes have no mercy on a delinquent I must stand to it there is no tyrant to a chambermayde made judge in such a case I 'le give a limbe to bee quitt now but if shee chuse I am a criple for this world Dor. Is it possible A man and such a beast Fran. Soe I must to the shambles Lad. What punishment can bee equall to the offence Dor. Hee lookes with some compunction for his fault troth Madame such an other night and trye whether hee 'le sleepe againe Fran. Mercifull wench if wee piece againe it shall bee a good turne in thy way Lad. My husband is resolu'd this day for London It is his humour or else worse suspition there 's noe pretence for him to stay behinde Dor. You have made ill use of your time Sir Francis I know not how to helpe you seauen yeares hence you may have such an other opportunitie Lad. Watch if my husband come not this way Dorothy well Sir though your transgression deserve no pardon yet I am charitable upon condition Fran. Any thinge Madame this shewes excellent in you No pennance shall displease so you absolue me Bid me to clyme some rocke or piramide upon whose narrow speare you have advanc'd my peace and I will reach it or else fall lost to the world in my contempt Lad You speake gloriously the condition that assures your pardon is only this that you conclude here all your loose desires with a resolve never to prosecute or hope to enjoye me Fran. Call you this charitie let me rather loose your pardon then ever bee thus Divorc'd binde me never to see you and yet that were cruelty then charme me to forget that I am man or have a heart and you a beautie which your absence can as well make nothinge as divide from my adoreing It is not cure but killing to prescribe I never must enioye you if you have resolu'd death upon me let it bee when wee like lovers have embrac'd Lad It is not possible Fran. nothing in loue can bee impossible to willing mynds I 'le tell you Madame Sure the devill has forsworne the flesh there may bee a plott I have it An excellent rare Device if you but favour it your husband is immediately for London I must in modesty ride with him you are left behinde Lad. How can that proffit you Dor. What a deale of submission these foolish men trouble us women with that are more forward to bee frends againe then they Fran. I will counterfeit a fall Lad. A fall Fran. I from my horse observe me then Dor. My confederate I hope by this time is at the gate enquiringe for Sir Richard very formally from the old Knight his Master good Lady the follow has witt to mannage it Fran. My Footman shall pretend himselfe the surgeon to attend me I' st not rare stand but to it fate in this and if I faile I will sit downe a convert and renownce all wanton hope hereafter Deerest Madame if you did meane this honour to me before let not your louinge thoughts freeze in a minute my genius is a prophet Dor. Sir Richard Madame is cominge this way Fran Shall I hope againe Lad. I will not say you shall dispayre Fran. You blesse me
spight Vol. How Sir William Sr Will To spight the Lady Beaufield and her Magog that affronted me I would lose no oportunity a widdow must be taken in the pick say I am come and commend me to the heavens I le make all good Vol. To the heavens will you dye before her Sr Will For that we must take our chance thou shalt be sure of a good lease for thy life and destiny agree upon us afterward Vol. Shall I direct you Sr Wil. Sha't be my evening and my morning star Exeunt Enter Lucy and Barbara Bar. You too much afflict your self Mistris Lucy 't is but some humour he put on to try the strength of your affection Lu. He is lost not for my sake but for his own I pitty him and I am confident if I were so happy to speak with him agen I should prevaile to win him to his first and noble temper my end being so just I could dispence with modesty to find him out and perfect the act of charity Bar. You have imployd Formall from whom you may expect to heare such an account as may dry up your sorrows Enter Beaufield and Manly Beau. I see Sir you preserve your confidence Man I dare be just in your commands and in a service you but smile upon despise the censure of the world Beau. Saw you not the Knight since Man The sweet hopes that he swallow'd to prepare me a ridiculous object to you Madam was gall upon his stomack when he found you had mercy on my confidence he dares not converse with so unlick'd a beare as this shape must present Enter Simpleton and James his criticall eye sight What 's here one sent to affront me Simp. When Robin came to Nottingham dery dery down His dinner all for to dine There met him fifteen iolly Foresters Were drinking Ale and Wine hey down Madam your most humble servant there be other men and manners and garbes as fashionable in the eyes of discreet Ladies Man Have we got Adam Bell and Clim o' th Clough Ja. We be three good Mr William of Cloudesly Man 'T is so Simp. And how and how shew matters Mistris Lucy every mans Cap is not made of the same matter Sing Have you felt the wooll of Beaver Man Or sheepes down ever Sim. Have you smelt of the bud of the Rose Man In his pudding hose Sim. Or have tasted the bag of the Bee Oh so fine Man Oh so fond Sim. Oh so brave Man Such a knave Sim. Such a knave is he Manly offers to draw Beau. Sir this is most uncivill and your rashnesse beside the forfeit of your own discretion will lay an imputation to wound my fame within my presence and beneath my roofe which should protect all strangers to affront a Gentleman that visits me Man How 's this Beau. Be bold sir and presume you have my favour you never appear'd handsome till this minute beare up your mirth becomes you rarely Simp. Dos't ifaith Lu. What does my mother meane Simp. Spit o' thy hand and clap me o th' shoulder Iames the widow her selfe is in love with me Sings She cast an eye on little Musgrave As bright as the summers sunne I may turne o're the daughter to thee Ja. I would I had her in an Embroiderd clout Man Sure my Lady is but in jeast Sings Shew me said he whose men ye be That hunt so boldly here That without my consent do chase And kill my follow Deere Ja. His follow Deere Simp. Sings Ere thus I will out braved be One of us two shall dye I know thee well an Earle thou art Lord Percy so am I Ja. Thou Douglas Man This Lady has but fool'd me all this while make much of your new Antick Madam I can shift into my selfe agen and if that thing were worth my anger or my envy beate him you have a pretty humour cherish it and that William of the Wispe till I visit you agen Exit Beau. The Gentleman is jealous Simp. I protest Madam if it had hot been not your sake and that it had been pitty to have spilt any blood in your Dining roome I would ha done something Ja. In his breeches Simp. But I shall report your noblenesse abroad Beau. Doe not play the foole to much I am out of the humour to laugh at you he cannot leave me thus Exit Beau. Ja. This was no tricke to catch the old one Lu. How came you into this habit Simpleton Simp. By reading Ovids Metamorphosis and to shew the variety of my wit Luc. Let me entreat you hold your feet together now you put me mind of a Smiths bellowes your body is not all of a peece sure but severall limbes thrust into severall pudding bags you would shew terrible to the crowes in a wheat field you are no living creature Simp. Perswade me to that am I not sensible Luc. He that does that cure upon you will deserve a chronicle so desiring you would take home your flaile there for here is like to be no thrashing worke I commit you to the Barne where like another Orpheus you will draw the horse and sheepe to the melody of your voyce and ravish all the Cowes in the Countrey to heare you sing Packingtons pound Exit Ja. She has made a coxcombe on you Lu. Hum I wo'not out o' the pit for all this I have another devise and thou shalt assist me if that faile I 'le dye a bachelor and make thee my heire Ja. I shall but pray for your death sir Simp. Back agen back agen quoth the Pindar The wrong way have you gon c. Exit Singing A Table Stooles Bottles of wine and Glasses set out by two Drawers then Enter Newman the two Jeerers Wenches Musitians New So so I 'le dance no more a song le ts have a song now 1 Wen. Take heed of the old ballads eccliped Like Hermit poore eyes hide my love or Panae in the brazen Tower 2 Wen. Or the lamentable complaint of Ariadne and Theseus and the more lamentable for being so long New Doe you heare Madam vertue Lady modesty cannot you play your part 1 Je. Not upon the violin 2 Je. They are both for the Gambo New You shall play the part of my Mistris you must be witty then and extreame coy and scurvy in your answers go behind that hanging I will suppose it your chamber now Boy the Song I made to the window while I mustle my selfe with the fidlers to bid my Mistrisse good morrow in the street observe the conjuration Song I conjure thee I conjure thee by thy skin that is so faire Thy dainty curled haire And thy favour and thy grace With the patches on thy face And thy hand that doth invite The cold dullest appetite Appeare appeare Upon these termes I doe invite thee And if thou com'st I will delight thee If not so I doe not care Though thy breasts be ne're so bare Roses rich with shooe that 's white Or thy Venus
in him hee would have ravished you no doubt with your owne consent the fault was your Ingratitude a little nearer Seneca doth write much of Ingratitude that I may come a little nearer or else Nero had not let him blood yet nearer this Nero was a most wicked Tyrant for all he could play upon a fidle make ballads and sing them himselfe and therefore take heede of cruelty and be gentle he kisseth her for sweet-heart Nero died a violent death Enter Beaufield Lu. My Mother Beau. Lucy you made haste Lu. Your pardon Madam Iust. I understand she is a Lady Lu. In the defence of my owne vertue and the noble Gentleman that suffers for his charity to me Beauf. I came to assist you It were an injurie to doubt your justice My name is Beaufield If my credit may be interpos'd security for Newman my daughters knowledge in the cause will Enter Clarke give a most cleare satisfaction Iust. Richard call in the delinquent this Lady has spoken very much to the matter as I understand it Has the Surgeon done yet Clar. They are comming downe Enter Surgeon Newman Simpleton Iames Constable Officers Iust. Now sir how many of his wounds are mortall Sur. There is not one considerable the Gentleman is in no danger Simp. But have not you authority to hang him I le take my oath he had an intent to kill me My Lady and Mistris Lucie Iames I le stay no longer since I am not mortally wounded sneake after me Exeunt Simpleton and Iames New My hanging fit is over and the witchcraft I am now my selfe again if you can pardon Enter Manley me Madam this too great an honour to your worthlesse servant Iust. How now what saucie fellow 's this Man Shee 's here too I am bold Cozen to visit you they say ther 's a Gentleman brought before you for breach o' th' peace I come to baile him Iust. We take no forrainers what outlandish thing are you pray Man You know me sir my name is Manley you calld me cozen yesterday Lust. I never saw you before I know that name and a Gentleman that ownes it a kinsman of mine too but he is no such Brandemart Richard doe you know this Mahound he calls himselfe my cozen Manly New Why in this habit Iust Transmigration Beau. Is it not some spie sir Iust Constable take him to your charge I le teach you sirra to usurpe a Gentlemans name t is fellony ipso facto write his mittimus Man By what statute Trigesimo Secundo of King Phillip I doe not Madam desire your certificate Beau. Y' are a stranger sir to me yet I dare bee engag'd for his forth comming hee has an honest face Man Come hither Richard there 's halfe a peece rub thy eyes woo't are they open yet Clar. I see you plainely now sir y' are my Masters cozen 't is Master Manley Man 'T is your best course to owne me too is it so long since you tooke bribes since you divided and manumisd a crooked chambermaid that robd her Mistris of old Gold there was a Lancepresado stript a hedge when you were out of Linnen Peuter has been left at the back-doore when you did study Alchymie I leave the tricke you shew'd the Sailors wife in your Closet when you promis'd a reprieve to her goodman from Wapping I know not that you have run your wither'd motley face into a premunire doe not know me why d' ee not charge the constable Just. What is a Justice without eyes I meane spectacles 't is he indeed I understand and see him perfectly welcome a Chaire for my Cosen Man So then Madam a word with you I 'le make you know me too ere I ha' done Enter Galliard and Nice Just. There is a matted Chamber a Couch More businesse Gal. Vere is de matre Justice begar dey have put de sheare upon me me expect de rish vidow and have marry the chambermaid she confesse dat Maitre Justice pray take her to your selfe me desire your varrant for Metresse Voluble dat she bring the vidow Simplaton to marry me sans ceremoine dat is your commission or begar me complaine of you to de King Just. Did you expect the rich widow Simpleton ha ha I know this trifle my Clarke knowes her better Gal. Bergar Matre Justice and Matre Clarke make your division dat is all you see Nice Sir I have onely cause to complaine he told me he was a French Lord Mistris Voluble shall make affidavit and courted me to be his Lady and now we are married he proves but a cinquepace I look'd for thousands per annum and he is but one two three foure and five Iust. How did he pretend himselfe to be a Lord 't is Scandalum Magnatum in the highest degree and by a statute quinquagesimo of the Queene if she prosecute he is to be whip'd and lose his eares three severall market dayes Ni. How will you divide his Eares into three equall portions Gal. Me give a de whip and me lose a mine ares Ni. You heare the law if I complaine Enter Ieers Minor I. Ieer. Sir Mistris Voluble Iu. Is the widow come I Ieer. The Gentlewoman is come and desires to speake with your worship in private Enter Clarke Cla. The Curat 's in the Hall sir Iu. So so I must intreate your patience for a few minutes how I am blest Exit Gal. Tell a me de trot have you no Argent no portion Ni. But I have a trade New I dare be sworne thou hast Gal. Aw dat is someting here is my hand you no tell a de tale a me and me keepe your Enter Sir William and Mother secret by my trot Sir Wil. I tooke boldnesse Madam upon sight of your Ladiships new Coach at the doore to entrude and present a poore forsaken servant give you joy of your old fashion'd young Gentleman Man Your companion wants no antiquity if she have no Visard on Beau. I hope you are not married Sir Sir Wil. The matters done and t is more honourable to make a Lady than to marry one Does any body know this Gentlewoman she was a widow till this morning and a rich one I thanke my staires and wants the subtile art some Ladyes have to make themselves ridiculous by doting upon anticks Beau. What name has your most reverend Lady Sir Wil. She was called the wealthy widow of old Simpleton before I married her Gal. Ha ha ha Sir Wil. What Is 't makes you so merry Mounsieur Gal. Begar some body make arrant asse of de Knight hold a me or me shall cracke a my rib wi'de laugh dat is no Simplaton but an autre Chambermaid de servant to my vife begar he be sheated too Ni. I must confesse she waited upon me Sir Wil. How Omnes Ha ha ha Gal. Ma foy dat is certaine ha ha ha Moth. I desie her that was but a plot Gal. Begar it was very fine a plot me have patience dat dere be