cheerefully encounter it and so prepare my selfe for that judgement which shall come after it O make me walke in thy light now while I have light to walke in and to worke out my salvation now while I have time to worke in For time will come unlesse wee walke here as Children of light when we shall have neither light to walke in nor time to worke in O inflame mine heart with thy love and teach me thy judgements and my soule shall live CHAP. 68. Hell HEare how the damned say while they were here on earth they lived better then thou and yet they are damned And so they taxe Gods mercy and indulgence towards thee of injustice and partiality Such is those damned soules charity Meane time thou livest securely feedest deliciously and puttest the thought of the evill day from thee by walking foolishly in the ways of vanity Little desire then maist thou have O thou sinfull Pilgrim to see death having so little hope of life after Death O had some of those damned ones who are now lost for ever received those many sweet visits motions and free offers of his grace those opportunities of doing good those many meanes of eschuing evill no doubt but they would have beene as ready to entertaine them as thou hast been to reject them O thinke with thy selfe how happy had that rich Glutton beene if hee had rewarded poore Lazarus with some few crummes from his Table O had it not beene farre better for him to have given to the poore all that even hee had to have stripped himselfe to his shirt and to have made exchange of his purple raiments with rags of poverty then to fry in hel-fire eternally O how happy had that rich man in the Gospel bin if in stead of inlarging his Barns he had inlarged his Bowels to the poore Little knew hee how soone his soul should be taken from him when hee addressed his care for so needlesse a provision His thoughts were so taken up with inlarging his Barnes as hee never thought How Tophet was ordnined of old how it was made deepe and large the pile thereof fire and much wood and how the breath of the Lord like a streame of brimstone doth kindle it Tophet was large enough though his Barnes were not But turne unto thy selfe for whom canst thou find in more danger of falling into that place of horror then thy selfe How hast thou bestowed thy time how hast thou employed thy Talent O hast thou not put it up in a napkin or done worse by employing it to some worser end have not many bindamned for lesse then thou hast committed and did it repent thee of what thou hadst done that so thou mightst not bee condemned O no many a wretched soule lyes there tormented for lesse offences then ever thou acted and hast thou yet turned to the Lord that thou maist bee pardoned It is written in what houre soever the Righteous committeth iniquity his righteousnesse shall not bee had in remembrance Now if the righteousnesse of him shall bee forgotten by committing iniquity who leaveth what he once loved relinquisheth what hee once professed what may we thinke of the repentance of that sinner who returnes againe to that whereof hee repented O how many have ascended even up to heaven and amongst the starres have built their nests and yet have suddenly falne from that glory by glorying in their own strength and so drench'd themselves in endlesse misery And whence came all this but because they ascended unto that Mountaine to which the first Angel ascended and as a Divell descended And canst thou excuse thy selfe of being one of these Hast thou not sometimes shewn to the world great arguments of piety Hast thou not beene sometimes like the Kings Daughters all glorious without but how soone becamest thou stript of this glory Thou fell from that seeming sanctity or holy hypocrisie into open prophanenesse and impiety Woe is mee what shall become of me The wages of sinne is death a death that never dieth but liveth eternally Where nothing shall bee heard but weeping and wayling groaning and howling sorrowing and gnashing of teeth O how grievous then shall bee mine anguish how endlesse my sorrow and sadnesse when I shall bee set apart from the society of the just deprived of the sight of God deliver'd up unto the power of the Devils and to goe along with them into eternall fire where I am to remaine without end in grieving and groaning when I shall be banished from that blessed Countrey of Paradise to bee tormented in Hell perpetually where I must never see so much as one small beameling of light nor the least drop of refreshment but be tormented in Hell for thousand-thousand years and so tormented as never to be thence delivered wher neither the tormentors become wearied nor they dye who are tormented O my deare Lord looke upon the price of thine owne blood Thou hast bought mee for a great price O deliver thy Darling from the Dags remember her in mercy whom thou hast bought O let her not goe downe into the Pit neither let the Depth swallow her up For who shall praise thee in the Depth O my good God hough the terrors of Death and torments of Hell encompasse me yet art thou my Succour and wilt deliver me and my soule shall live to prayse thee CHAP. 69. Heaven O How should I looke up unto thee that have so provoked thee O thou Mansion of the Saints thou portion of the just thou Citie of the great King thou heavenly and most happy kingdome where thy blessed Inhabitants are ever living never dying wher thy glorious state is ever flourishing and never declining I must confesse to my great griefe and shame that I have no interest in thee I have lost thee unhappily lost thee in losing my selfe in losing my soule by selling it to vanity I sometimes resolved to play the part of a â—ise Merchant and to sell all I had for the purchase of one pearle But I held the purchase too deare and therefore have I deservingly lost it Foolish Pilgrim couldst thou find any thing more fitting to entertaine thy best thoughts or bestow thy care then the salvation of thy soule Didst thou thinke it so easie a taske to get Heaven as to purchase it by making thine Heaven on earth yet hadst thou but taken halfe so much pains to get heaven as thou hast done to get Hell thou mightst have challeng'd more interest to Heaven then now thou canst Many summer days long winter nights have thy follies taken thee up and these seem'd short unto thee because thou tookst delight in those pleasures of vanity But to bestow one short houre upon devotion O how many distractions did that suffer and how long and tedious seem'd that houre because that task was wearisome to thee and thy mind was elsewhere wandring and would not stay with thee and canst thou now thinke that so rich a kingdom
shouldst enter in he with-held thee How often hast thou drawne neare even to the gates of death and lest they should take thee in hee preserv'd thee Thus hath hee delivered thee from all evill and yet for all this good which hee has done thee thou hast requited him with evill And now thou concludest For thine is the Kingdome power and glory for ever and ever Amen Oh how ready thou art here to acknowledge his power and yet to deny it in thy life But confesse thou must his power not onely with mouth but heart and practise of a good life if ever thou meanest to partake with him in the Kingdome of glory O my sweet Saviour as thou â—ast taught mee by this absolute forme of Prayer how I am to make my prayer and hast promised 〈◊〉 grant me my request if I 〈…〉 that no place may be left for distraction Here thou hast taught how and in what manner I am to pray O let me not lose the benefit of it by losing my selfe wheâ—â— I pray CHAP. 64. He renders a private account of his Faith and in every article of the Creede hee finds a fainting failing weaknesse and want I Beleeve in God the father Almighty maker of heaven and earth This first Article of our Beliefe was made by Christs first Apostle Saint Peter And herein thou professest that thou believest But that is not enough The Devils doe beleeve and tremble Thou must not onely believe God but believe in God and that he is thy God Againe thou art not only to believe God and believe in God but solely love God and wholly live to God For as wee are to believe with heart unto righteousnesse and confesse with mouth unto salvation so are we to bring forth fruits hereof in an holy and blamelesse conversation O how much hast thou failed in the first what then may wee looke for at the last And in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord. Of this second Article was Saint Iohn the Evangelist Author one who was right deare in the eyes of his Master our blessed Saviour and one who leaned on his bosome at his last Supper And here thou confessest Iesus Christ the second person in the blessed Trinity to be the Sonne of God to be our Lord. But hast thou by a contrite heart regenerate life made him thy Lord Thou saist thou dost beleeve in him but dost thou love him in whom thou believest And how shouldst thou be lesse then his Lover so long as thou beleev'st him to be thy saviour But wher be any Signes of this love O if thou didst truly love him in who thou believ'st thou wouldst rather leave to live then leave to love him in whom thou believest Which was conceived by the Holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary This third Article S. Iames the Greater composed whereby thou art taught to beleeve all sanctification to be included in his Conception all humility in his Nativity But dost thou as every Christian should do seriously consider for whose sake this Virgin was conceived for whose sake thy sweet Saviour became so humbled that the Son of God should become the son of Man that the Son of Man might become the son of God that the immortall should become mortall that the mortall might become immortall that the living Lord should dye that the dying man might live that the free should become bound that the bound might become free that God should descend from heaven to earth that he might draw us from earth to heaven that God should become humbled that Man might be exalted that He should become poore that we might be enriched and reckoned amongst the transgressors that we amoÌ„gst his Saints might be numbred Hast thou I say meditated of this how he was borne for thee that thou mightst be re-borne in him O I feare thou hast beene more ready to partake of this benefit then by acknowledgeing it to bee thankefull for it Suffered under Pontius Pilat was crueified dead and buried This fourth Article Saint Andrew framed wherein thou seest and perhaps admirest the unjust proceedings of a wicked Iudge for thou hearest one and that an odious and malicious one pronouncing the sentence of death upon the Lord of life and inclining to the voice and vote of the people delivering a murdring delinquent to murder the innocent Nay pronouncing a sentence against his owne Conscience for hee washed his hands but not in innocence Againe thou hearest and beleevest that hee was crucified and yet it grieves thee not to crucifie him afresh with new sinnes Thou beleevest that hee died and was buried and yet thou daily diest not to sin but in sin and hast now not three dayes but many yeares laine buried in them He descended into hell This fifth Article Saint Philip added and thou beleevest in it Hee dâ—cended that thou mightst ascend to the place whereto hee is ascended Yet where be there any tokens of thy desire to ascend unto him Ascend unto him thou canst not unlesse thou descend into thy selfe for whom he so humbly descended The third day he rose againe from the dead This sixt Article Saint Thomas annexed An Article proper for Thomas who touching Christs Resurrectioâ— was so incredulous And here thou seest that late crucified man now acquit himselfe of death like a victorious Lord. And hence thou rejoycest but unlesse thou â—ise from sinne and live to righteousnesse Christâ— Resurrection shall afford thee small comfort in the bed of thy sicknesse Hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the father Almighty This seventh Article Saint Barthol omew penned And by this thou beleevest that hee is now ascended who for thy sake descended And as from his rising came the hope of thy Resurrection so from his ascending the hope of thy glorification But thou must rise with him before thou canst reigne with him rise with him who was free from all sin from the Grave of sin that thou maist reigne with him who dyed for thy sin in his heavenly Sion And as hee sitteth on the right hand of God the father Almighty where he offers up his prayers for thee sheweth those glorious scars of his precious wounds to his Father for thee per forms the faithfull office of a loving Mediator for thee So art thou in thy prayers to remember the necessity of his Saints upon earth But cold is thy charity in performing such a duty From whence he shall come to judge both the quick and the dead This eight Article was by S. Matthew published and by this thou believest how he who was judged unjustly shall judge the whole world in Equity For the Father judgeth none but hath given up this judgement unto his Son in whose brest are laid up all the treasures of wisdome and knowledge And this thou beleevest and tremblest and reason thou hast to tremble for how shalt thou be able to stand in his presence before whom even the
would keep it selfe for thee when thou wouldst neither knock that it might be opened to thee nor seeke that it might be found of thee Health thou know'st well commeth not from the clouds without seeking nor wealth from the clods without digging And yet Heaven must be got without knocking or seeking But great prizes are not to bee so purchased For as Heavens Gate is straite and few there be that enter so are our tribulations to be many that we may be of that few that shall enter But I heare thee now cry out as one that had some sense of his sinne and of the losse hee has incurred by sinne Woe is mee I cannot looke upon this Earth I tread on without blushing nor can I thinke upon Death without sorrowing nor the day Iudgement without trembling nor of Hell without shaking nor of the joyes of Heaven without astonishing For Earth I loved it so well and well might I blush at my selfe for for bestowing my love so ill as the remembrance of Death became sorrowfull For by it I understood how I was to be brought to Iudgement of all others most fearefull and from thence as having nothing to answer in mine owne defence I was to bee haled to Hell a place disinall and dolefull And consequently to forfeit all my title and interest in Heaven which could not chuse but astonish mee being a place so joyfull This I like well in thee for this knowledge of thine infirmity may bring thee to look for remedy and by degrees to find recovery loyne then with mee and offer up thy prayer to the Throne of grace that He in his mercy would looke upon thee Gracious God though I bee altogether unworthy to lift up mine eyes unto heaven or to offer up my prayers unto thee much lesse to be heard by thee yet for his merits and mercies sake who sitteth at thy right hand and maketh intercession for me reserve a place in thine heavenly Kingdome for mee Deare Lord in thine House are many Mansions O bring me thither that I may joyne my voyce with those voyces of the Angels and sing prayses to thee who sittest in the highest Heavens for ever CHAP. 70. With the Remembrance of these Hee becomes afflicted in Spirit O But yet I find my soule like dry ground where no water is wheresoever I turne mee I find affliction and misery on all sides encompassing mee O what shall I doe where shall I fly to For behold while I take my selfe aside from the world into some with-drawing roome purposely to forget the world and prepare my selfe for the joyes of a better life while I say I beginne to commune with my owne thoughts in the secret Chamber of mine heart I become so affrighted with the representment of those foure last Remembrances as I wholly forget what I intended to speake my tongue beginnes to cleave to the roofe of my mouth my spatle is dryed within mee those active faculties of my soule leave mee and mine understanding departeth from mee O Death Death How bitter is the remembrance of thee O how mee thinkes thou summons mee and like a surly Guest breakest in upon mee nay uninvited resolvest to lodge with mee And presently I feele my selfe wounded and so mortally as not to be cured O how my divine eye-sight now darkneth my painting breast beateth my hoarse throat rutleth how my teeth by little and little grow black and draw to them a kind of rust how my countenance growes pale and all my members stiffe how every sense and faculty failes how my wasted body threatneth a speedy dissolution yet desires my poore soule to bee a Guest still though there be cold comfort to bee found in such a for lorne Inne but what are all these terrors of Death to that fearefull day of Iudgement when at the sound of the Trumpe all flesh shall rise where none may be exempted but all judged O me Death is nothing unto this For what comparison betwixt a Death temporall and eternall And such shall be the sentence of every Reprobate amongst which I the chiefe O how terrible will that great Iudge appeare to such as in this life would neither be allured by his promises nor awakened with his judgements O how dolefully will that voyce sound in their care Depart from me I know you not And how ready will that officious Iaylor bee upon the delivery of this heavie sentence to hale them to ulter darkenesse a place of endlesse torments where the cursings and howlings of Fiends and Furies shall entertaine their melodious â—are ougly and hideous sights shall entertaine their lascivious eye loathsome stenches their delicioâ—â— smell sulphur and brimstone their luscious taste graspings and embracings of snakes their amorous touch Anguish and horror every sense where those miserable damned soules shall be tormented both in their flesh and spirit In their flesh by fire ever burning and never decaying and in their spirit by the worme of Conscience ever gnawing and never dying where there shall bee griefe intolerable feare horrible filth incomparable death both of soule and body without hope of pardon or mercy And now to cloze with the last the losse whereof exceeds our sufferings in all the rest O to consider how I unhappy I have not onely got Hell the Lake of horror and misery but lost Heaven the place of endlesse joy and felicity O what heart can consider it and not resolve it selfe into a Sea of teares in contemplation of it For what may the wretched soule thinke when she lifteth up the beames of her mind and beholdeth the glory of those immortall riches and withall considereth how shee has lost all those for the poverty of this life O how can shee bee lesse then consounded with anguish how can shee doe lesse then rore forth in the affliction of her Spirit Againe when shee shall cast her eyes below her and take a full view of the vale of this world and perceive how it was but as a mist and presently looking above her admires the beauty of that eternall light shee presently concludeth that it was nothing else but night and darkenesse which shee here loved O how shee fainteth faltereth and fruitlesly desireth that shee might but have some small remainder of time allotted her what a sharpe course what a severe manner of conversation would shee take upon her what and how great promises would be made by her with what strict bonds of devotion would shee seemingly tye her But this must not bee granted her as shee had her full of pleasures here so must shee now bee tormented for ever O how my Spirit with the remembrance of these becomes afflicted O who will heale mee for I am wounded O my gracious and deare Lord out of thy boundlesse compassion looke upon my grievous affliction Kâ—epe â—ot silence at my teares for I am a tranger with thee and a so journer 〈◊〉 al my Fathers I have none to fly unto but thee and
so highly have I â—rovoked thee that unlesse thou â—ake pitty on mee and receive mee â—or his blood which was shed for mee I am lost eternally O my good Shepherd call mee thy lost sheepe home for lost I am unlesse thou call me lost for ever unlesse thou save mee CHAP. 71. Faith appeares unto him with a cheerefull presence affording him comfort in his affliction BEing thus afflicted inwardly and outwardly Faith appeared to mee but alas so much was I dejected that although I might have beenâ— moved to admiration with heâ— goodly presence and encouraged with her affable countenance I stood still perplexed being so farre from comfort as I scarcely expected it Which Faith well perceiving shee drew neare mee and pulling mee to her with a presence no lesse gracefull then cheerfull thus encounter'd mee How now Pilgrim have you seene so many dayes and those so full of misery and and can you find ought here where you have liv'd so long and found so small comfort that may deserve your teares Is the world this empty Sponge growne so neare to your heart as it has power to draw teares from your eyes Tell mee the ground of your griefe Doe you sorrow because Old-age comes upon you and you can live no longer or if you should live you cannot enjoy that fulnesse of youthfull pleasure which you formerly tasted or are you unwilling to forgoe your possessions to take a long leave of your friends or to be stript of those goodly honours which you here enjoyed No I hope you are wiser then to become so foolish a Mourner What is it then that has thus violently wrought upon your reason and brought your disordered thoughts unto this distraction Surely it must bee of some importance that has brought you into this disconsolate anguish But this I perceive to be a distemper of your mind and it shall bee our principall care upon discovery of your wound to apply a speedy cure Goe to then disclose your griefe freely and believe her who hates nothing more then breach of faith that upon your imparting of it you shall receive this friendly office from mee either to cure it or allay it Herewith I became so encouraged as I made a free discovery of the grounds of my affliction which shee tooke so well at mine hands as presently causing me to sit by her shee begunne to comfort me in this manner You have done wel in this discovery of your grief Wounds cannot be cured before they be opened Neither doe wee feare but by ministring some fitting prescriptions our endevours wil bring forth that good effect as you shall find great case in your afflictions You tell me how the Remembrance of your end is very terrible to you not so much in regard of your fear of Death as of that fearfull day of Iudgement after Death For you find in your selfe such an infinite and unsupportable weight of grievous sinnes pressing down-your soule even to the gates of Hell as lesse then grieve you cannot else were you insensible of the losse of a soule Trust mee Pilgrime so farre am I from sorrowing with you as I rejoyce in your sorrowing For this sense of your sinnes brings you to seeke for cure which had they not afflicted you and and brought you even to the pit-brinke had beene the least of your care It is well then for you that you are afflicted for else you might have gloried and fatned your selfe in your sinnes and so eternally perished Bee then of good comfort and suffer not Cains desperate conclusion to have any possession in you For I must tell you hee sinned more in saying Greater is my sinne then can be pardoned then in murdering his Brother For as in the one hee lay violent hand on the Image of God So in the other hee detracted from the highest and dearest prerogative belonging to God for there is no attribute wherewith hee is more delighted then to be styled a God of mercy We may safely then conclude That despaire is of a more high and hainous nature then any sin For tell me has not God himselfe with his owne mouth promised and is he not both able and willing to performe what hee hath promised That At what time soever a sinner doth repent him of his sin from the botome of his heart hee will put awdy all his wickednesse out of his remembrance Though late repentance then bee seldom true yet true repentance never commeth too late The good Thiefe had no sooner repented him of his sin and confessed Christ then he was even at the last hour received to mercy which example as it admits no such liberty as to encourage any to presume seeing there was but one nor to throw downe any into despaire seeing there was one Indeed there is nothing that endangers mans salvation more then by giving way to delay yet when the sorrowfull soule heartily repents him of what is past and with a constant religious resolve intends to redeeme the time to come his pious teares devout prayers holy resolves will find ready admittance to the Throne of Grace For as his mercy is above all his Workes so will hee shew it most on that worke which stands in most need of his mercy This I am sure your long experience not onely observed but plenteously tasted for else have those yeares of your Pilgrimage beene ill bestowed that hee is gracious merciful and long suffering Nay that it has been evermore the property of this good and carefull Shepherd to call home those that were wandring invite those that were withstanding expect those that were fore-slowing to embrace those that were returning Nay that it has bin ever the condition of this valiant Iosuah to exhort you to fight and so to helpe you that you might become Conqueror in that fight In one word it has beene ever his care to behold you when you were in the Battaile sighting to encourage you when you were failing and crowne you when you were vanquishing Come then tell mee are you wearied and so heavy laden that you must faint by the way if you bee not refreshed Behold how hee has invited you to come unto him where you may receive refreshment and comfort from him Bee not then wavering in the Faith but take fast hold of his promises who will not faile you and relye on his mercies which in your greatest straits will deliver you Bee faithful then unto the end and he wil give your hearts desire This Ladies exhortation afforded mee much comfort in this my affliction but much more when I knew who shee was for I had heard much of her though I was never till then well acquainted with her For so soone as I heard her name I began to be very confident that whatsoever shee spake came from good ground Nay I understood how no action were it never so good in its owne nature could subsist or become really good without her How she was the ground-worke of all
mis-spent dayes I abuse thy gracious patience no more with fruitlesse delaies but with my whole heart repent me for offending thee thou forthwith sparest me if I returne thou receivest me â— nay if I deferre my returne so my delay make me not presume thou waitest for me Thus doth thy mercy reclaime me straying invite me withstanding expect me foreslowing embrace me returning Thus hast thou taught me when I was ignorant comforted me when I was desolate raised mee from ruine restored me after my falling bestowed on mee begging found by me seeking and opened to me knocking And shall I bee forgetfull of these Nay Lord let my right hand sooner forget her cunning nay may I rather become razed out of the Booke of the living then I become forgetfull of thy gracious dealing I will returne then unto thee with a sorrowfull heart but with wings of hope because â—rom thee commeth my helpe I know Lord Because of unrighteous dealing and wrongs and riches gotten by deceit the Kingdom is translated from one people to another Deare Lord great sins require deepe sighes as I have beene infinite in sinning may I be incessant in sorrowing that sowing in teares I may reape with joy in the day of my translation THE PENITENT PILGRIM CHAP. 1. The poore penitent Pilgrim bemones his present sinfull condition O Draw neer me doe not turne your eyes from mee but looke upon mee the poorest penitent Pilgrim that ever sojourned in Idumaea O woe is mee that my Habitation is prolonged O woe is me that I have dwelt so long with the Inhabitants of Kedar Hence it is that mine house is become full of blacknesse no Guest but Sorrow lodgeth in it because the woful'st sinfull'st wretch that ever breathed is the owner of it O woe is mee where shall I turne me If to Heaven my sinnes become as bars to shut me from it Nay I have highly provoked his wrath who is commander of it If to Earth I find my selfe wholly unworthy that it should beare me having already so long born with me by bearing with that iniquity which it hath so long time received from me If to Hell O there I find the just portion of my inheritance a place sitting to punish my wickednesse I find Tophet prepared of old and for old Transgressors Such as have made an old League with the Old-man Such as have no acquain tance with the New-man And such an one am I of all others the most miserable man who have made my selfe an Alien to Sion because so wholly naturalized to sinne Worthily then may all the Elements fight against mee Nay all Gods Creatures professe themselves Enemies to mee because I have imagined mischiefe in my heart against Him who made both them and me Retire then sinfull soule poor comfortlesse soule and recollect thy selfe a little Leave the Company of men and hye thee to the waters of Marah Leave the world and fly into the Wildernesse Let thy dwelling bee with the Pellican and the O strich with the mournefull Turtle or the Sparrow on the house-top Let thy Musicke bee as the Chattring of the Crane As thine eye was the sense of sinne so let it bee the sense of sorrowing Never had poore Pilgrim more cause O my Redeemer make me sensible of my present state CHAP. 2. His comming into Idumaea The companions hee consorted with there YOung and so very young I was when I first came into Idumaea as my tender age required a Guardian to manage my youth And divers good and gracious Consorts there were whom at the first I received into my acquaintance And with these I lived for a little time familiarly and bettered my selfe much by their company But alas for griefe I continued not long with them Other Companions drew me from them Those good and vertuous ones betooke themselves as I thought to a course of life too strict for my loose affection to follow I felt the Spirit of youth ryoting within mee Those devout tasks which before I observed begun now to bee intermitted I held a sober regular life too eremiticall private retired walkes too stoicall I thought with my selfe how I had staied too long in the Tyring-house I must now shew my selfe upon the Stage where I played the Prodigals part to life for I bestowed my whole life upon the action of that part when I saw a Thiefe I followed him and with the Adulterer I divided my portion I bestowed the day in variety of follies and a great part of the Night in a delightfull remembrance of those follies Let us prepare our selves said one for the spoile and I had an hand as ready to further it as hee to demand it Let us drinke wine in bowles and carouse till our eyes be red let the day care for it selfe while the day of our life admits no care Let us take our full of pleasure said the wanton let our delight be in dalliance and I followed the stepsâ— of the whorish woman though her wayes led to death And I delighted my selfe in the company of the Drunkard yet had I read and the more my sinne not to reâ—eine To whom was woe to whom sorrow to whom strife to whom murmuring to whom wounds without cause and to whom rednesse of the eyes Even to them that tarry long at the wine to them that goe and seeke mixt wine And I had heard too nay my experience of others miseries had inform'd me too How because of the whorish woman a man is brought to a morsell of bread and how a woman will hunt for the precious life of a man And yet I considered not these things nor applied them to my heart but like the foole to the Stocks I laughed while I perished I sported in my misery and knew nothing how Ismael played with me O my Redeemer looke upon me in mercy and give me a sensible apprehension of my misery CHAP. 3. How his owne Meniey became his deadlieâ—t Enemy TOo true have I found that Proverbe Who can have a worser friend then he brings with him Foes I had without Feares within but my bosome friends I found ever to bee my busieâ—t foes And what lesse could I expect then that my bosome friends should prove my deadliest Foes being receivers and Abetters of my bosome sins O what disorderly passions raged nay raigned in me what divided thoughts of hope and feare were ever encountring me In my prosperity feare of adversity wrought upon me in my adversity hope of prosperity seazed on mee Neither did either of these conditions well content me for as thoughts of the one made mee proud so a conceit of the other made me impatient Now what hourely affronts did I suffer by my owne while I stood thus pursued by them I found nothing on earth worthy my desire yet were my crawling desires so fast glued to earth as if they had no other Heaven to aspire to Naturall Philosophy had sufficiently taught mee in my minority that
may justifie thee by him Sift and search him the more thou shalt discover him the more thou shalt be ashamed of him Whence then thy pride whence thy vaine-glory Resolve thy selfe to teares fall prostrate before the Throne of grace If thou have a desire to be like thy Saviour love humility it is the best badge of Christian honour In whomsoever dwelleth the pride of life that soule cannot dwell in Christs love These are severall lodgings and are reserved for severall persons O my Redeemer give me a perfect knowledge of my present condition that by it I may learne true humiliation Let not the hand of the sinner move me nor the foot of pride draw neare mee Hee knowes not himselfe that can bee proud Oh keepe me from being proud that I may know my selfe CHAP. 11. How neither the Law of Nature nor of Grace could call him home from his wandring course THe wild Asse which runneth here and there and snuffeth the wind in the wildernesse was a tame and serviceable Creature in comparison of me a Runnagate to my Fathers house and a most rebellious sinner Wee account that Subject who owes allegeance to his Prince not fitting to live if hee at any time practise against him and worthily doe wee so account him Woe is me what have I then deserved Many yeares are now gone and past since I left my Fathers house since I divided my portion with Harlots since I rebelled against my Prince that Prince of Princes Meanes had hee made and sundry Messengers had hee sent to recall me Hee opened unto me the Law of Nature and there hee shewed before my face and unto my shame what Iustice and Temperance what Moderation and Continence what excellent morall vertues appeared even in those who were Heathens and knew no God These onely pertak't some weake glimpses of a naturall light They knew not what Eternity meant nor where that Heavenly City was to bee found yet hated these to wrong one another or to doe to another what they would not have done by an other to themselves These loved goodnesse without hope of reward Their ambition was only to be rtemembred after death or by their commendable lives leave to others examples how to live Yet were all their vertues but splendid vices nay meerly sin because whatsoever is not of faith is sin From these then taking me by the hand he brought me to the Law of Grace Where he shewed me what wondrous things he had done for mee How though I was bound infinitely bound unto his Majesty Even by the Law of Nature for my creation in distinguishing me from all others nay in setting me above all others in giving me a command over all others yet had it bin nothing to have created me had he not likewise redeemed me lost I was and eternally lost he spared not his own to make me one of his own Nor had al this sufficed me for ever was I failing and falling had he not likewise sent his Holy Spirit to preserve me from a finall falling And now what heart so hard whom these many benefits would not soften And yet I the more miserable I carelesse of my owne state or what may hereafter befall my poore sinfull soule have not beene as yet either allured with his mâ—rcies or awaked with his judgements I had a Law in my Members that foolishly sent forth her Prohibition to stay proceedings in all other Courts I applied my eare to the Cimball and to the Timbrell I tooke my fulnesse of pleasure in sinne No sense could take delight in any Object wherein I strove not to satisfie her appetite Thus did I transgresse the Law of Nature and by that meanes made my selfe worse then an Heathen Thus did I reject the metions of Grace and so dishonour'd the style of a Christian O my good Shepherd call this thy lost sheep now back from wandring Bring him to thy Sheepfold where hee may find plenteous refreshing Write thy Law in his heart Let it be as a Frontlet unto his eyes As a chaine to his neck As a bracelet to his arme Let him looke into it and as in a Glasse correct himselfe by it O teach me thy Law that my soule may take delight in it and live CHAP. 12. He takes a view of the whole Decalogue and hee scarce finds in it one Commandement wherein either in part or in all he has not beene a most grievous sinner VVHo would not think it strange that any one should forget what the very sight of himselfe might make him remember I can neither looke upon mine hands nor feet but their number and account might cause me to call to mind that sacred number which was delivered to Moses in the Mount But admit I should lay this Holy Decalogue aside in mine owne house my private family yet when at any time I come into Gods house my very care cannot chuse but bring it to my memory The view whereof is heavy to mee For what one Commandement in all that Decalogue which in part or in all proves mee not an high delinquent A grievous Sinner and what is worse a slow Repenter O when that Booke shall be opened and my sinfull life compared to what is in it when this marke of distinction shall be set over my head Behold the man and his workes O how full of shame and confusion shall I stand before that just Iudge of the ten Tribes when that Lord of Lords that great God of Hosts who is powerfull in revenge when he sees the malice of men to abound when hee shall shout in the clouds when hee shall come openly when his fury shall break silence when round about him a fire shall burne and in his presence a strong tempest shall assaile us when hee shall call the Heaven from above and the earth to judge his people when lo before so many thousands of people all my iniquities shall bee laid naked when before so many legions of Angels all my offences shall be opened not only of my workes but even of my thoughts and words when before so many Iudges I poore delinquent shall stand as have gone before mee in good workes when I shall bee put to shame by such as rebuke me and by so many as have given me examples of living godly When before many witnesses shall my conscience be convinced as with their profitable instructions have admonished me or by their just actions have left themselves for examples to be imitated by me O in what case shall I then stand what shall I be able to answer in my owne defence to whom shall I fly to what Court may I appeale It shall bee then in vaine for mee to call for the Moúntaines to cover me no place of priviledge from the Almighty O what will become of mee wâ—en all my offences shall be laid before me nay even those which I doe not now remember shall bee presented to me For by a certaine divine power it
to doe but weake are my resolves if they be not assisted by thee O give mee then in these holy motions such constancy as in the remembrance of thy love unto mee I may forget offences heartily and so receive remission of my sinnes at thine hands in the day of mercy CHAP. 30. Praying for his Persecutors fervently THis Lesson was taught me by my Saviour when amongst others hee suffered for mee the worst of all others When the feares of death encompassed him when nothing but sorrow and heavinesse accompanied him even then when his Persecutors deserved least shewed he his charity most Father forgive them for they know not what they doe Thus did hee excuse them from malice imputing all they did unto ignorance so full of compassion was hee even in his greatest anguish Now resolve mee poore Pilgrim wherein hast thou showne thy selfe an obedient Scholler to such a Master wherein hast thou observed this Lesson Hast thou prayed for them who sought to make a prey on thee Hast thou wished from thine heart that he might ride on with honour who sought thy dishonour Nay rather hast thou not cursed where thou shouldst have blessed Hast thou not reviled him who wronged thee nor sought to impeach his fame who wrought mischiefe against thee yes yes unhappy Pilgrim none could bee more ready to inflict then thou to requite To pray for them or to performe any office of charity in behalfe of them was so farre from thine intention as thou accounted it rather an act of weaknesse then devotion Deare Father this I consider and with griefe of heart confesse my selfe herein a foule transgressor Sweet Iesu thou who prayed for thine Enemies teaching us to doe the like for such as should persecute us give mee grace to doe good to those who doe evill unto me to love those that hate me to forgive those who trespasse against me to spare such as offend me and to pray for all such as persecute me and that with such fervency as my prayer may bee ascepted in the time of their necessity CHAP. 31. He takes the like view of those seven corporall workes of Mercy and acknowledgeth likewise his failings in each of them FRom the view of those Spirituall Works of Mercy in every one whereof thou hast found thine infinite failings descend now poore Pilgrim to those corporall workes of Mercy necessarily required of every Christian to make him of a bond-man to sinne a Free-man and a Citizen But alas I much feare mee that my desires have been so long allied to earth nay laid in earth as these Workes of Mercy are estranged from my knowledge Truth is poore Pilgrim that I am I have observed these Workes neglected with the reasons from whence such neglect proceeded For taking my Survey of all conditions I found here one who priding himselfe in his youth bestow'd so much time in company as he reserved no time to thinke of Workes of Mercy Another I found taken with his owne beauty who tooke such content in looking upon himselfe as hee had not one looke to bestow upon his needy Brother Another was so rich and so devoted to that worldly Idol as it was death to him to afford one crumme of comfort to relieve him that was distressed Another as one distrustfull of Gods providence refused to performe all offices of charity fearing his too much bounty might bring him to poverty Another I might heare presuming of Gods mercy and flattering himselfe with Tush God will be mercifull Though wee should forget what hee hath commanded us hee will not forget to performe what hee hath promised us Another seeing the whole world set on mischiefe and how the simple and innocent were most scorned to avoid the scorne of the foole hee scornes not to become such a foole as to follow the haunt of the wicked Lastly I might find an other of so soft and delicate a condition as these Workes of Charity were too sharpe and â—ull of austerity this man would take no acquaintance of them lest hee might become enfeebled by them And such as these in thy Survey on earth hast thou seene and observed but pray thee poore Pilgrim all this while that thou observedst others was there nothing thou couldst find in thy selfe Sure I am thou oughtst to have endeavored with all thy power and all thy knowledge to know thy selfe for farre better and more lâ—udable had it beene for thee to know thy selfe then by neglecting and forgetting of thy selfe to have knowne the course of the starres the strength of herbes the complection of men the natures of all inferiour creatures with the experience and knowledge of all heavenly and earthly things For better is a simple Swaine then a proud Philosopher I gather by thy owne words thou hast been a notable Observer but wherein hast thou shewne thy selfe an able Professor O my Lord I know not what to answer I stand at thy Barre and have nothing to plead for my selfe Onely deare Lord I must confesse to my shame I have sinned I have sinned Not one work of Mercy but I have either wholly neglected or not performed as thou hast commanded O Lord impute not my sinnes unto me lest I perish everlastingly CHAP. 32. Feeding the Hungry THou hast heard read the parable of Dives and Lazarus and thou condemned the hard-heartednesse of Dives that rich Glutton who amidst those various dishes of his would not afford some few Crums some poore fragments from his well-furnish'd Table to feed a poore hunger-starv'd Begger And upon re-view of that story concluded him justly damned for suffering his needy Brother to perish while he surfeited So as his very dogges might partake what poore Lazarus could not get Nay this hungry Begger received more court'sie from his dogs then from their Master For they licked his sores wheras from Dives hee received no comfort no succour But now tell me unhappy Pilgrim may not I say to thee as that Prophet said to David Thou art the man Didst thou never see thy poore necessitous Brother hungry but thou hadst compassion of his poverty Didst thou goe to thy Cruse to refresh him with oyle or to thy Barrell to make him a Cake that hee might walke in the strength thereof and not die Nay rather hast thou not suffered him to cry at thy gates till his very bowels earned within him and thou wouldst not heare him Hast thou not bestow'd more liberally upon the proud Actor then on thy poore Brother Nay hast thou not sowne so lavishly thine ill-bestowed fortunes upon the Brothell or Stage as thou hast left nothing to give to the poor mans boxe Hast thou not saffered some of Christs owne Members to perish for want of food And didst thou not understand how so many as thou suffered thus to bee starved when thou mightst relieve them so many hast thou murdered and thy blood shall answer for them O my Lord speake for me for shal I say I have not done this my
thou comfort him long time inthralled before thou redeeme him Deare Lord though I bee a Prisoner and have quite forgot my condition never so much as opening to my poor Captiv'd Brother the bowells of my compassion yet shut not thine eare from the voyce of my Complaint O my Lord though I heard not them heare thou mee and make mee hence forth more ready to communicate to their necessity for the love I beare thee My whole life is a Captivity O my joy as thou hast redeemedmee so conduct mee to my native Countrey O how can I sing my Songs in a strange Land yet my desire is to sing of thee for in thy due time wilt thou give mee a delivery out of all my troubles Out of the depths will I cry unte thâ—ee for thou hast had ever an Eare unto my misery CHAP. 38. Burying the Dead BVt sure thou would'st not neglect this clozing duty though thou camest short in performimg all other offices of charity Thou hast taken so much paines as to bury thy dead Brother for even the very Heathen have performed this with due solemnity one to another Nay even those who all their life long were at deadly enmity were it but only for Nâ—ighbourhood would not be failing in this Christian duty And yet thou canst speake little or nothing to it For resolve mee but in this one short question Hadst thou never any poor Neighbour dying neare thee and that so poorly as his whole substance would not discharge his Mortuarie Nay hast thou not seene the very Corpes of thy departed Brother arrested and uncharitably stayed who though he had pay'd his debt to nature yet must receive no buriall till his poor Corpes ha's discharg'd his debt unto his Creditor And hast thou sought to satisfy his hard hearted Creditor that those due funerall rites might be performed to thy Brother Nay hast thou not even in the City when a black Cloud of Pestilence hung heavily over it when they fell on thy right hand and on thy lest when thou mightst behold the late-populous and freely-frequented Streetes covered with grasse the very walls cloathed with Mourning hast thou not even then I say neglected this duty seeking with powders and persumes to put from thee the evill day and in deepe healths to drench downe the remembrance of debt death and danger and with a forgetfull Evening to close thy dayes distemper Nay hast thou not beene sometimes imployed in Campe service where the murdering Ord'nance made no difference of persons where nothing but fire and fury raged nothing but slaughter horror ranged nothing but dolefull voyces of dying Soules resounded while breathlesse Carcasses lay here there discatered but un interred didst thou play the good Centurion did'st afford thy charitable hand after their Warrs to bring them with peace to their Graves Didst thou performe these pious offices in any place to purchase to thy Soule the glad promises of peace O no! Thy care was for one and so thou mightst secure that one small care was taken for the rest O how this selfe-love dryes up the fountaine of charity O hadst thou but never so little laine aside this love to thy selfe thou wouldst have shown more love unto thy Neighbour and therein more true love to thyselfe It is true Lord it is true this love to my selfe made me forgetfull of all others but my selfe O lessen this love in mee that I may more plentuously increase in all offices of Charity O give mee a charitable hand a cheerfull heart that I may henceforth have a care to see those holy duties performed which I have so long time neglected Be they Spirituall or Corporall let their due discharge be my Memoriall But holy Father first prepare mee that I may become better fitted for every distinct duty As first in Spirituall duties give mee facility in Teaching the Ignorant Affability in correcting the Delinquent Ability in Counselling the indigent charity in comforting the Afflicted Resolution in suffering injuries patiently Compassion in forgiving offences heartily Devotion in praying for my Persecutors fervently Likewise in Corporall duties Make me ready to feed the hungry with that happy Samaritan to give drinke to the thirsty with those good Patriarchs toâ— harbour the harbourlesse and conduct them safely with devout Dorcas to cloath the naked and needy with thee my best Master to visit the sick and if it lye in my power to ease their malady with couragious Iosiah to visit redeem those that are in Captivity and with holy Ioseph of Arimathea to bury the dead with the performance of every other holy duty O my God may my weary Pilgrim stepps be so directed that they may dayly draw nearer and nearer to Heaven whereto they are addressed CHAP. 39. With sorrow of heart he remembers those Eight Beatitudes whereof he hath deprived himselfe by giving entertainment to sinne VVOe is me what good thing may I expect from his hand that made mee when I have done none of those things for which hee made mee If I looke not into my selfe I am wholly unknowne to my selfe and if I looke into my selfe I am not able to endure my selfe I understand and the more unhappy I not to make use of his goodnesse towards mee how I could not partake with him in his Kingdome of glory if I labour'd not by a good and gracious life to imitate those blessed stepps of his during my reside here in this vale of misery And now with sorrow of heart I remember how and in what manner I have contemned all those holy duties formerly repeated and consequently deprived my selfe my poor neglected soule bought at so high price of all those Beatitudes pronounced on such godly ones as have walked before the Lord in uprightnesse of heart Woe is mee what will become of mee when I shall take up my bed amongst Scorpions when my deare Saviour that victorious Lion of the Tribe of Iuda shall demand of mee what hast thou done under whose Banner hast thou fought if under mine where be thy Colours mine were red ones died in my pretious bloud my Crimson Wounds But those thou wear'st are none of mine They are more like the Enemies then mine Hee can be no reteiner to mee who scorns to weare my livery He cannot be my Disciple that will not follow mee And wherein hast thou followed mee unlesse it were to betray mee or to rob mee of my glory And such ever hath bin the pursuit of all the Enemies of my Crosse. Deare Iesu I appeale from thy Throne of justice to thy Seat of mercy I must confesse I have not followed thee as a faithfull retâ—iner but a back-sliding follower Nay I deserve martiall Law for I have fled from thy Colours and become a Confederate with thy Enemies yet deare Lord behold my teares for thou accountest them pretious when they are offer'd by a Contrite heart O dâ—â— not leave mee for my Soule longeth after thee even as in a dry
offended'st him with thy excessive mourning or what was worse for the losse of some temporall substance and so provoked him with thy indiscreet sorrowing or which was worse for that thou mightst not enjoy thy full of pleasure and so plunge thy soule downe into the balefull pit of predition for ever Thy desire was to passe time over with a merry heart and to satisfie her in the lusts thereof And yet thou hadst so much divinity in thee as sometimes to consider how none could partake in comfort here and elsewhere How none could be there comforted who was not here afflicted How none could be there solaced unlesse hee here sorrowed How the Almighty had a Sonne without sinne but none without a scourge One who wept often but was never seene to laugh One who from his birth to his death made his life a continued Scene of sorrow One who in the bitternesse of his soule called and cryed to all such as past by him to come unto him to behold him and witnesse with him If ever there were sorrow like unto his sorrow O no my deare Saviour there was never sorrow like unto thy soâ—rrow yet I who occasion'd thy sorrow partake little in thy sorrow O bring mee now to a true sense of my sinne to a true sorrow for my endanger'd soule Let my eyes be so well acquainted with teares as my affection may be estranged from all joyes Let mee become so happy a Mourner as with devout Magdalen I may become an hearty Convert of an hainous sinner and so by ceasing from sinne become a welcome Guest to my Saviour CHAP. 43. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousnesse for they shall bee satisfied MAny times hast thou hungred oft hast thou thirsted but tell mee was this for righteousnesse No this hunger of thine was rather like the Prodigals in hungring after the huskes of vanity or like Esau's in hungring after delicacie or like Ahabs in hungring after anothers Vineyard greedily or like Hamons in hungring after honour gracelesly And the like was thy thirst Thou thirsted but it was with Gehezay after gold or with those before the Flood after full cups or like Nimrod after blood or like Amnon after lust All this while resolve mee where thine heart is It cannot be lodged in the Sanctuary being so betroathed to vanity Thy delight cannot bee in the Law of the Lord. Thine heart can never endite a good matter so long as thou suffers it to wander from thee like light Thamar after this manner O how farre is this after hungring how to promote Gods glory how farre is this from thirsting after workes of mercy For how soever some of these who dedicate themselves to the devotion of the world upon a more serious remembrance of Gods heavie judgements prepared for every rebellious and impenitent Sinner may sometimes seeme struck with remorse of conscience and heartily wish with Balaam the death of the righteous yet so long as they care not for walking in the wayes of the righteous nor with an humble holy zeale thirst after righteousnesse nor mortifie their desires by the Law of obedience they may bee long time wishers before they bee enjoyers Such desires can never produce good effect which are not seconded with the fruits of a good life Where piety has lost her practise there is small comfort in the Court of Conscience As the faithfull man liveth by faith so must hee live in the life of faith and walke according to the profession of his faith or hee shall never receive the promises of faith Hee who believes whatsoever is necessarily to bee believed and observeth whatsoever is by the divine Law of God commanded that man shall be accepted But what is to bee expected in this wide world this wilde wildernesse where there appeares such want of obedience in youth such want of devotion in age such want of conscience in both And what art thou unhappy Pilgrim who speakest these things but as leaven to make soure the Lumpe Thy life hath corrupted many reclaimed none None more ready to sinne none more slow to sigh for those sinnes which hee hath committed None hungring nor thirsting more after those troubled brooks of vanity and lightnesse none hungring nor thirsting lesse after those precious treasures of Righteousnesse Deare Lord be mercifull unto mee a Sinner I thirst Lord I thirst give mee to drinke of those waters of life for unlesse thou helpe mee and reach them to mee I remaine desolate and hopelesse of reliefe in this time of my necessity Sweet Iesu the well is deepe and I have not wherewith to draw unlesse thou draw mee to thee and bestow on mee what with all humility I begge of thee O increase in mee an holy hunger and constant thirst after righteousnesse that my wayes and workes may bee sanctified throughout in the practise of obedience CHAP. 44. Blessed are the mercifull for they shall obtaine mercy CAnst thou unmercisull Pilgrim looke for mercy at the hand of thy Maker and never so much as open the bowels of thy compassion to thy poore Brother Art thou not in farre deeper areâ—res to him that made thee then hee is unto thee whom thou usest so unmercifully what would become of thee if hee should deale with thee according to his justice and throw thee into that Lake of fire and brimstone where the worme is ever gnawing and never dying fire ever burning and never cooling and death ever living and never ending where woe and sorrow howling and gnashing of teeth is the best melody that raging Tophet can afford Now to avoide a place of such endlesse torment who would not suffer the losse of any temporall estate nay even of life it selfe Yet thou unhappy one wilt not make thee friends of thy worldly Mammon nor in workes of mercy expresse thy selfe a Christian Every where maist thou find subjects fit to exercise thy Charity in every lane in every street thy poore languishing Brother begging reliefe for his sake who suffer'd death for thy sake and yet thou turnest away thy face from him his many ragges and running sores make thee abhorre him Again thou canst not encounter thy Debter but with much distemper though the times be hard his family poore and his necessities great yet conceivest thou no pitty of his distressed estate Thou layes thine executions upon him throwes him into prison where it is the least of thy care what become of him Let him starve for food thou art well contented his poor enâ—eebled corps no sooner lose their breath then thou losest thy debt and art here with well satisfied Againe should any poore way-faring soule repaire to thy house this Cell of thy Pilgrimage and after that ordinâ—ry forme of begging in Italy should beseech thee to doe good for thine owne sake thine answer as it has been ever would be like that churlish Nabals Shall I give my bread and my flesh unto strangers Tell mee then how canst thou looke for the
â—â—count him the best friend who was aptest to forget what hee had given or in expecting what hee should receive And now by meanes of those worldly Lectures which hee had by my direction so gravely and effectually read unto mee I became such a Proficient in Mammons Schoole as those who long time had beene nursed and nusled in it could not come neare mee in the Practick part of a Worldling Though I knew nothing more pretious then time yet made I small account of the sale of time for the gaine of gold I begun to dispence with my nights rest and to weaken nature by abridging her reliefe chusing rather to starve then impoverish my state What others of my Meniâ—y enjoyed I though the Master of the Family wanted Nothing might eate while I slept meane time while I slept I gave way to strangers to eate up my strength Thus came my cares to be increased while my fortunes multiplied Yet what comfort found I in these The richer I grew in state the poorer I grew in content Though I outwardly surfeted I became inwardly starved Thirsty were my desires ever labouring of most emptiness when in reason they might have bin fullest And yet how I hugged mine owne affliction Every day I understood how I was neerer and neerer to my dissolution and yet still farther and farther from content I had heard likewise how riches would not deliver mee in the day of wrath yet did I treasure up vengeance against the day of Wrath. I considered how bitter death would be unto that man that put his trust in his substance And yet noo sooner came mine old Guest unto mee then his worldly Rhetoricke prevailed with me driving all other divine considerations quite out of my memory Deare Lord give mee grace to leave the love of the world before I leave the world to leave my fancying of it before I depart from it that in a pious contempt of it I may learne this Lesson of that elect vessell I have learned in all things to be contented So shall my hope bee in thee planted my herrt on thee â—ixed and my horne by thee filled CHAP. 51. Lechery BY this time I had received sufficient instructions from two of my Guests how to thrive in the world as likewise how to reserve a port or proud posture in the world And howsoever Pride and Covetousnesse seemed to bee of different conditions and of such dis-consorting humours as these two never tooke liking to any Musicke but what was full of discord yet me thought they agreed well enough together under my roofe yea I I bestow'd them in the very next lodging to mee that I might enjoy the benefit of their Company more freely But having now broke off my discourse with that Guest of mine a man wholly made of earth and looking aside I might perceive a fresh youthfull Consort entring the room where wee conversed By his habit gate and fashion I could scarcely distinguish him whether hee were man or woman So strangely effeminate and to light discourses so affected as hee breathed nothing but amorous Songs and Sonnets loose love was the line by which hee directed the whole course of his life His bosome was farced full of amorous Knights adventures His morning Lectures were Boccace and Alcaeus His evening Anthems were Ariosto and Reginus For his person he was of a promising constitution but of pale complexion a quick piercing eye a nimble perswasive tongue and of such a wooing winning action as no expression came from him which would not enforce affection I must confesse I no sooner saw him then I found a glowing heat within mee towards him yea I begunne mee thought to conceive better of him then either of the two with whom I had before conversed so full of delightfull variety was his discourse so melodious his voyce so affectionately moving and compleate in every part I desired much to know his descent and Countrey and hee resolved mee readily that his first plantation was neere to the banks of that famous River Sybaris where he erected a Schoole for love afterwards richly endowed by such eminent proficients as had beene Schollers in it but desiring much to see forraine Countries not onely to improve his own knowledge but observe her commands to whose service he stood obliged Hee coasted along by Paphos where his Mother the Soveraignesse of every loyall Lover then kept Court And from thence with merry gale hee came to Cyprâ—s and some few moneths after to renowned Latium Where hee found such entertainment as neither care nor cost were awanting to procure his liking I importun'd him much to heare some of those Lessons which he had formerly taught and wherein I desired much to become his Scholler but small importunity needed seeing his owne desires were thereto directed so as taking me apart from the rest of the Company hee imparted to mee such directions as nothing became more pleasing to me then the embraces of folly Wanton Pictuâ—es light amorous Poems loose licentious meetings luscious Feastings seazed so strongly on my deluded fancy as love became both my Ditty and Deity For hee advised me to walke by the twi-light and and to engage mine honour to an Harlot Thus was I drawn by the cords of vanity made â— slave to sinne an enemy to my owne soule and in the end a by-word to the people O my beloved what may I answer in defence of my lost honour woe is mee miserable wretch to lose that without all hope of recovery which I should have preserved perpetualâ—y O incomparable and inconsolable losse to loose that which is not onely the losse of all goodnesse but the purchase of all torments O thou pretious treasure of a continent soule how unhappily am I robbed of thee O my soule my beloved how art thou now to bee loathed O my soule no more my solace but my anguish O my deare how art thou now becoms my despaire whether art thou falne how hast thou left me nay how hast thou reft mee of those comforts which I expected from thee To what a sinke of all filth and pollution hast thou O lust of my flesh drawne mee How may I hope for pardon in playing so impudently the wanton Even by thy mediation my sweet Saviour O offer up my poore petition unto thy Father that I may become thy devout Saint and Servant who was sometimes a servant to sinne in every member CHAP. 52. Envy HAving thus freely enjoyed the conference of these three Guests in whose familiarity I took much content For as the first and third had recommended to mee Rules of State and motives to pleasure so had the Second taught mee a thriving way how to cram my Coffers that I might more fully maintaine the port both ofth ' one and th' other holdding my selfe satisfied in these I resolved to enter into treaty with the rest so as walking one day very early I chanced to meet with one but the unbeseeming'st one of all my
great vehemence I cryed forth in this manner through the hope and assurance which I had in my deare Saviour I know that my Redeemer liveth and that with these eyes I shall see him And now I begun to wonder at mine owne weaknesse how I could so much as have the least distrust or diffidence in Gods goodnesse how I could suffer my spirit to be so uncomfortably drenched and drowned in the depth of misery having so free accesse to the Throne of mercy Againe how in this surging Sea of affliction where every worldy wave threatneth ruine I durst presume to play the Mariner and faile without mine Anchor Finding then so soveraigne a cure for my care Such sweet solace to mine anguish so present a repreve against death so fit a receipt to my griefe I thought good to returne to the Lord with my whole heart returning thanks unto him from whom commeth my helpe and on whose gracious compassion have I grounded mine hope My morning and evening Incense have I therefore resolved to offer that in an acceptable time hee would be pleased to receive my prayer teaching me how to suffer and by suffering to conquer and conquering to render to the Lord of Hoasts all honour O my mercifull Lord God who bindest up the wounds of every contrite and truly penitent Sinner suffering him not to bee tempted more then hee can beare but of the abundance of thy compassion givest him anissue out of his temptation Make mee ever with a religious feare so to put my trust in thy mercy as I may never be swallowed up of my misery And seeing wee are saved by hope give unto mee such a saving hope as neither too much confidence may make me presume nor the too perplexing consideration of my many sinnes bring mee to a despaire of pardon Bee neare mee deare Lord in the 〈◊〉 of my visitation let the enemy have no power over mee but so shadow mee under the wings of thy mercy that the remembrance of thy judgements may rouse mee sleeping the memory of thy mercies raise mee waking to render praise unto thâ—e as my hope is in thee my helpe from thee O Lord everlasting CHAP. 73. Charity promiseth him in this valle of misery to cover all his scarlet sinnes with the white roab of mercy and by keeping her company conduct him safely to the kingdome of glory BVt our daily experience confirms this to be so true as nothing can bee truer A Worldlings mind is apter to be transported with the light gailes of presumption then to be over-poized with any weights of a contrary nature Man becomes so apprehensive of the sweet promises of comfort as hee not onely forgets his former unhappy condition but even himselfe So subject is hee to surfet of that which was only given him to allay his discontent and to retaine in him a thankfulnesse to him from whose beauty he received that benefit This iâ— seemes charity feared much would befall mee So as one day with a comely affable and gracefull â—resence me thought shee appeared unto me not so much to increase my comfort as to prepare my mind rightly to â—se it For she found me subject to no such dis-consolate humour but refreshed with joy above measure which to attemper shee begun to impart her mind unto mee after this manner It joyes mee much good Pilgrim to see you thus brought from death to life But it were well for you so to moderate these comforts which you have received as not to lose your selfe lest you might deprive your selfe of the benefit of this comfort You may doe well then herein to imitate the Fly which putteth not her feet into the great Masse of honey but only taketh with her tongue so much thereof as serveth her turne and no more lest by doing otherwise she might remaine taken and drowned therein Too much honey cloyeth and too much of comfort drowneth Moderate then these as you tender your invvard peace Time has beene vvhen the very least beameling of these comforts which now so plentuously reflect on you would have infinitly refreshed you for your spirit was wounded within you present delights and future hopes had wholly estranged themselves from you Stand then in feare lest by abuse of these some worser thing befall you Many by being unhappy have become happy but very few have attained true happinesse by being in this world ever happy Now then as my sister Faith has in these spirituall comforts grounded you And my younger sister Hope has in these confirmed you So shall it be my care who am their poore contemptible sister to prepare you for them as they have prepared them for you that such choyce receipts may be applyed to that end for which they were ministred and your comforts such as the issue of them may not be repented After this discourse of hers I desired much to know her name for being as shee professed sister to those two Ladies from whose advice I had received so great comfort I wondred much at her Habit for though her presence were comely her countenance lovely her behaviour sweetned with a well-beseeming modesty yet her apparell was but meane Which she observing with a quick delivery and composed gravity shee thus answered mee You must not gather by my Habit what I am For I weare the worlds livery such as shee is pleased to bestow upon mee with no lesse content then shee throwes it on me with contempt For many yeares together have I beene the Rich-mans Almoner yet never to this houre did I increase my store for all the service I did him I required no other wages of him but to take his poore Hand-maids counsell which was To make himselfe happy with his owne But alas I found Simonides saying too true The vertuous did more frequent the doores of the rich then then the rich of the vertuous The poore were vertuous and repaired to the doores of the rich but the rich were vicious and would not open their doores to the poore I observed how vertue was accounted such a treasure as 't was held more fitting to be out of the world then in it whereas riches held that reputation amongst men as men were held of no reputation without it But yeu desire to know my name and you shall have it but I pray you doe not imitate the fashion of this present world by loving one worse when you hear it Neither am I a fitting Consort for you unlesse my two Sisters have wrought some good effect on you For charity is cold and such Companions are not easily entertained nor such Guests kindly received where the one bids us give that we may receive the other bids us give all that we have and when all that wee have is given to expect our reward in heauen But this sowing of bread upon the water is of too hard digestion to a foolish worldling and yet it must be sowne upon the water or your harvest is lost for ever Let mee
looked for in that day of Iubilee In the consideration whereof never did chased Hart long more thirstily after the Water-brookes then my poore wearied spirit did after her heavenly Bethesda O how shrilly mee thought did the cryes of the Saints under the Altar sound in mine â—are O how long Lord How long O how long shall I sojourne in this Pilgrimage of cares this valley of teares and become estranged from that Inheritance of lasting joyes the only sight whereof shall make me happy and from this Wildernesse of sinne bring me to the Sinah of glory Woe is me my Light my Love my Dove my onely one for that I have dwelled with the inhabitants of Cedar Woe is mee my King and my God that my habitation is prolonged For if holy David David a man according to Gods owne heart sometimes said how much more may I unhappy one say My soule hath beene too long an inhabitant Long and all too long have I sung because I was unsensible of my sinne my own countrey songs by those waters of Babylon Well therefore may I say It was good for mee that I have beene afflicted that I might learne thy statutes O my Lord hadst thou never afflicted mee I had never sought to know thee Hence is it that I know thee because thou â—ast afflicted mee And now my soule melteth for heavinesse not for that thou hast afflicted mee but for that shee has beene so long divided from thee I know Lord I know how hee who never mourned while hee was a Pilgrim shall never rejoyce when hee comes to bee a Citizen And as to abide for ever if wee would we might not so rejoyce here and hereafter though we would wee may not It is a great argument that hee loves not his Countrey who without occasion foreslowes his returne into his Countrey or takes any delight in any place before he returne unto his Countrey Alas I must confesse I have longed too much after the Onions and Garlicke and Flesh-pots of Egypt but now with gushing eyes doe I returne unto thee O receive mee I have protested and O strengthen so religious a protest with thy Spirit never to take any more delight in Idumaea I have suffered too much in it and by it to be now any more taken or delighted with it And now after my loathing of these puddles of vanity I have longed after those ever-running streames of eternity O how hath my soule thirsted after thee how greatly hath my flesh longed for thee my soule hath thirsted after thee the living fountaine O when shall I come and appeare before the face of the Lord when wilt thou come O my Comforter For whom else shall I expect O that I might see thee O my Ioy which I desire O then shall my soule be satisfied when my glory shall appeare for which I so long hungred O then shall I bee made drunke with the fulnesse of thine house after which I have sighed O then wilt thou refresh me with the Brooke of thy pleasure after which I have thirsted In the meane time let my teares become my bread day and night untill such time as it be said unto me behold thy God! untill my soule heare behold thy Spouse Meane while thou heavenly Shepherd feed me with my sighes refresh me with my sorrowes My Redeemer will doubtlesly come for hee is good neither will hee fore-slow his comming for hee is gracious To him be glory for evermore O hasten thy comming for thine Elect sake Come Lord Iesu come quickly CHAP. 75. The poore penitent Pilgrims last Will and Testament IN the name of the Father the Sonne and Holy Ghost I S. M. A poore penitent Pilgrim found in body and of perfect memory yet being daily read in the Lecture of mans mortality how all Flesh is Grasse and the beauty thereof as the Flower of the field which this day flourisheth to morrow withereth and that it is every Christians duty to prepare himselfe before Death come lest it find him unprovided at such time as it shall come Moved I say with these considerations I have here made this my last Will and Testament as followeth First I bequeath my soule into the hands of my gracious Redeemer by whose most precious blood I was redeemed and by whose merits and mercies for my merits are his mercies I hope to bee glorified And forasmuch as there was no safety out of the Arke nor no salvation now without the pale of the Church figured by the Arke and that the tares from the wheat must be severed the Sheepe and the Goats must not into one Fold be gathered HERE in the presence of God and his blessed Angels for the discharge of mine owne conscience and the satisfaction of others who perchance have in their opinions been divided doubting much how I in points of Religion stood affected Doe I make a free and publike confession of my Faith being that Cement by which we are knit unto her and made Members of her I beleeve the holy Catholike Church to be the Communion of the Faithfull whereof I desire to live and dye a Member for which to suffer I should account it an honour holding this for a Principle ever That none can have God for his father that will not take his Holy Spouse the Church for his Mother There is no Article in the Apostles Creed which I do not beleeve for Catholike and Orthodoxall with the exposition thereof and every Clâ—use or Particle thereof in such manner as it hath beene universally received by the holy Catholike Church from the first four hundred years after Christ and as it holds in consent or harmony with the Holy Scripture the Christians Armour by which and the constant practise of piety every faithfull Souldier of Christ Iesus may be enabled to pull downe those strong Holds of his spirituall enemy and by possessing his soule in patience obtaine a glorious victory And as there have been at all times tares in Gods field so is it more to be pittied then doubted that there are many surreptitious errours crept into the bosome of the Church through the corruption of time and our enemies malice which though they ayme not at the Corner-stone nor at the maine foundation yet being but stubble no wayes conducing to so glorious a building they are to bee accounted of that quality as they blemish much her primitive beauty These then being the fancies of humane braines and introduced into the Church for private ends and so continued rather by an imperious then just command I hold them so farre from being effectuall to salvation as they become scandalous to many tender consciences and consequently deserve rather to be rejected then imbraced But for the Ornaments of the Church as shee is the Kings Daughter so she should be comely and for her musicke or melody being his Spouse it admits harmony for so drowsie is mans zeale and affection as hee stands in great need of something