apt to grieve And besides what a folly is it thus to die with continual grief for him who if he did grieve to die his grief continued but a little while He died but once why should we die alwaies It is certain we must die but of all deaths let us not die with grief and much less for grief about that which we see we cannot avoid our selves But let us be furthest of all from making our life a perpetual death and grieving for that which by grief we may so soon run our selves into Weep no more for thy friend than thou wouldst have had him weep for thee IX Ask thy self again Whether two friends do not think that one of them must die first Do we not see that in the common course of things one man goes before another to his grave Who then if it had been permitted to thy choice wouldst thou have appointed to be the leader unto the other Wouldst thou have given thy self the preheminence and resolved to have shewn him the way Then death it seems is a good thing for if it were evil we can scarce believe thy self-love is so little as to wish it might be thy portion before another And if it be good then thou maiest soon satisfie the pretence of loving them better than thy self by being glad that they enjoy it before thy self Or wouldst thou have had both gone together and been enclosed in the same Coffin and interred in the same grave Then it seems it is no such great matter to die as thou makest it seeing thou art so willing to die also And if it be no great matter for thee to live then no more was it unto him If the sorrow of living without him be greater than the sorrow of dying with him why then was not he desirous that thou shouldst die And why did he pray for thy life and health when he died And if he would not have thee to die also when he died why dost thou then live in a kind of death and enjoyest not thy self nor the pleasures of life Either resolve to die also or else to live as a man should do If his death be so sad thou wilt not be able to bear thy own X. Ask thy self How can I take my own death Certain it is that thou must die also but if thou canst not part with a friend how canst thou part with thy self How wilt thou endure that soul and body should be separated if thou canst not shake hands with another body distinct from thine Are not they the most ancient friends Is not their union most strict and close Can two men cleave so together as thy soul embraces its companion What then wilt thou do when their bonds shall be untied if thou canst not bear the rupture of lessr cords of love What wilt thou think when thy soul sits on thy lips and give thy body a farewell kiss if thou canst not close the eyes of thy friend without so many tears Will thy soul mourn after thy body is dead as thou dost now lament the death of thy friend Will it groan and sigh to think of the hole where its flesh lies Will it sight to think that its old companion is then become the companion of worms If not then let it not groan so heavily for a less matter that is now befaln it If it will then why art thou troubled for thy friend and not for thy own self to think how sad thou must one day be The fear of thy own death must more than equall thy sorrow for the death of another man And how canst thou have time to think of any thing else if thou dost fear it Or if thou dost not fear it how canst thou fall under thy sorrow who hast overcome so great a sear Dost thou intend to go crying out of the World If not then be not now dismayed at that which thou must bear so valiantly thy self Then do not mourn so much for the loss of anothers life which will but put self-love into a most piteous case when thou comest to yield up thy own Death is no strange thing as I have said for we must all die But then why should we mourn so much if it be such an usuall thing If we mourn excessively it is a sign we think not of the commonness of it and then how shall we take our own death seeing it is such a stranger to our thoughts Let us but comfort our selves upon solid grounds against our own departure and I will warrant you that shall cure all our other lamentations Let us but dare to die our selves and we shall not dare to cry so much for any mans death Isidore of Pelusium thinks that our Saviour Lib. 23 Epist 173. did not mourn for his friend Lazarus because he was dead for he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead but because he was to live again And to come from the haven where he was arrived back again into the waves and storms from the crown which he enjoyed to a new encounter with his enemies If thou dost not believe his interpretation yet dost thou believe the thing Dost thou seriously consider that the misery of this world is so great that we should rather weep that we are in it than that others are gone out of it Then I ask thee again whether when thou art dead and well thou wouldst willingly live again If not then thou knowest what to say to thy self concernning thy friends death If thou wouldst then it seems thou canst be contented with this grief and I will not go about to comfort thee seeing thou lovest life with all the miseries thou createst to thy self But the very truth is we are so sensible of our bodies and have so little feeling of our souls or divine things that it is ready to make us think we are not when our bodies are dead This makes death such a terrible thing this makes both our own and others death so heavy because it seems as if there were an extinction of us That which we feel not nor have any sense of within us is as if it was not And therefore if we feel not heavenly things and perceive not that we have a soul we shall receive death as if it was the loss of our selves and then who can but be sad Let us live therefore in a sense of such things as may make us die willingly and think that we our selves are not lost and then we shall not think that we have lost our good friends nor lay their death so much to heart Nor wilt thou be able to help others to bear their sorrows XI Ask thy self likewise How wilt thou be able to comfort others if thou canst not comfort thy self It should seem by thy tears that thou art very ambitious of the name of a friend but if thou be not able to comfort thy friend what is he the better for thee And
patient That little sadness will banish and chase away all the greater that else would seize on thee hereafter There will be little to do when death comes if thou constantly dost this Thy soul will be so loose from them that thou wilt not give a shrike none will hear the strings crack when you are separated Death will not be a breaking of your society but a fair and easie untying of it Nothing will happen to you but what you have looked for long before and you shall be able to say This is not the first time that I have seen my dear friend dead Yea think with thy self that thou seest thy own body laid in the grave and that thou feelest thy self as cold as a clod of Earth Think that thou art turned into rottenness and dirt and that thou art forgotten by thy neighbours If thy soul can endure these thoughts then why should it be troubled at the death of another This is a kind of death to be so separated from thy body in thy thoughts It is all one not to be in the body and not to feel that thou art in it Raise thy mind then up toward heavenly things fix thy thoughts on God and the life to come think that thou seest thy self in heaven among the Saints of God and while thy soul is there it is not in thy body here below This kind of death differs from that which will be hereafter in this only that then thou wilt be more perfectly out of thy body But if there be no trouble in this separation which thou now makest even whilest thou art in it There will be far less trouble one would think quite to part with it and to get from it We must not let false opinions live And the way to be dead to these earthly things is to change our opinion of them and to see them to be what indeed they are empty and unsatisfying changeable and unconstant Of this I have spoken before in the former discourse but seeing in it a thing so great and fundamental to our contentment let me again present you with it We are the cause of our own grief by magnifying the things of the world to such a value that the loss of them shall be worth so many tears We think that they are happy who are rich and honourable though they be never so wicked and unskilful how to live 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. L. 1 cap. 19. We presently cry up a man for wise and what not Who to use Arrianus his phrase is preferred by Caesar though it be but to be Groom of his close-stool And on the contrary we despise vertue if it be in a thread-bare coat and count him a fool who is unfortunate No wonder then that we cry and whine like children when we lose any of these worldly things seeing we think our selves more happy than men in the enjoyment of them We think that we are undone when we part with that which we have such an high opinion of and there is no way to make us think that all is safe but by altering of that foolish opinion We expect what cannot be and will not be content with what may easily be We cannot make the things of this world to be still and quiet but may make our selves so and the way to that quietness is well to consider their inconstancy and that our happiness is in something better It was a good rule which Pythagoras gave to all his Schollars and is the same that I would have you learn 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Do not walk in the high way i. e. Do not follow the common opinions be not led by vulgar and popular apprehensions Rectifie the ordinary conceits which you have carelesly entertained of things and judge of them as they are in themselves and not as they are reputed of If we would do thus then that which is the cause of our sorrow would be the cause of our tranquillity because nothing hath left us but that which we knew would not stay with us We mourn now because things are so inconstant but then we should not mourn because we knew them to be inconstant If we could make it good that any of these things are ours then I might avouch it that they would never have left us But if they were not ours why are we offended that God doth what he will with his own And besides shall we who are so inconstant oblige all things besides our selves to constancy Shall we whose desires are so restless and uncertain expect that all things but only we should be stable and quiet No let us look into our selves and we shall find so much difficulty to settle them that we shall not wonder that other things are unsettled And again if things be so mutable why should we not think as I have already said that they will one day change to what we would have them But suppose they should what are we the better If our opinion be not turned too we shall be as much afraid to lose them again seeing they are so unconstant as now we are desirous to have them by the benefit of their inconstancy We must therefore alter our esteem of things now else we shall only change our trouble but not be rid of it when things are changed Adeo nihil est miserum nisi cùm putes c. So certain it is that nothing is miserable but when we think it is so and that nothing will make us happy unless we think that we are happy And we had better think so now than stay to be taught this lesson by the dear experience of a great many troubles Let thine estate be never so prosperous yet if thine heart be unmortified thou wilt never be the nearer but rather the further off from settlement For they that have the greatest abundance are the soonest disturbed by every trisle because they are not used to have any thing go contrary to their humour But if thou wilt take any comfort from the unconstancy of things let it be this That if thou thinkest thy self therefore unfortunate because those things are gone that were joyful then thou mayst think thy self happy enough seeing the things that are unpleasant are going away also And think I beseech you once more and be of this opinion That there is nothing better in this world to thee than thy self As long therefore as thou hast thy self why shouldst thou be troubled especially if thou thy self thinkest never the worse of thy self because thou art poor and destitute of friends For these take away nothing of thy self nor can any thing in the world deprive thee of thy self And as Boethius well saith This is the condition of humane nature that it then only excels all things here when it knows it self but when it doth not it is below the very Beasts For it is natural for them to be ignorant but for a man it is the basest vice especially
to say the truth God who made us all created this man as an example of humane nature so that all eyes were turned towards him all tongues praised him and many could not believe Arinthaeus to be dead when they heard the sad tidings of it But he hath suffered only that which shall one day befall the Heavens the Earth and the Sun it self He dyed also in his full splendor and by his happiness in this world did not forfeit that of the next Translate therefore thy mind from things present to the care of those that are to come so that thou mayst be worthy by good works to enter into the same place of rest and repose Spare thy aged Mother Spare thy young Daughter who have no other comforter left but thy self Be an example of courage to the rest of women kind and so moderate thy passions that thine heart may not fail thee nor thou maist not be swallowed up of grief And above all things look to the great reward of patience which is promised by our Lord Jesus Christ in recompence of what we do here Do not think as he adds in another Epistle to her * Epist 202. that any affliction idlely befalls the servants of God who are under his speciall care but for a proof of their sincere love to our Creator For as great labours bring the Athletae to their Crowns So are Christians by these tryalls brought to perfection if they receive with a becoming patience and all thanksgiving whatsoever is ordered by our Lord. And there is nothing I assure you but is administred by the goodness of our Master and therefore ought not to be received as grievous though for the present it hurt our weakness For though we know not the reasons by which every thing is done as good by our Master yet this we ought to perswade our selves that what hath hapned was profitable either for us because of the reward of patience or for the soul departed that it might not be farther ingaged in a world so full of wickedness These were the arguments whereby he comforted other persons as well as her as appears by his letter to the Wife of Brison * Epist 347. To whom he adds these words Let thy Children be as so many lively Pictures of him to comfort thee in his absence Let thy thoughtfulness and care about their education draw aside thy mind from these sad reflections And by a constant solicitude to please God the rest of thy life thou wilt get an excellent ease and quiet to thy afflicted thoughts For a preparation for our defence before Jesus Christ and a study to be found among those that love him will be sufficient to obliterate all our sorrow so that we shall not be swallowed up in it The same he writes to one that had lost an excellent Wife * Epist 346. A person so fit for him that they might see themselves in each other as in a glass But why should we contend with such a Law of God as is past so many Ages ago We are not the first nor the only persons that suffer on this fashion It is a common thing for all to die though to have a good wife is peculiar to few whom God blesses The truth is to grieve for a separation from a wife is one of the gifts of God For I have known many that have parted with them just as if they had thrown off a burden The rest I shall not recite because I would leave some room for a long Discourse of another great Person * St. Chrysostom upor 1 Thess Hom. 6. addressed to disconsolate Widdows the sense whereof is this I have lost saith some sad soul not only my companion but my guide my stay my shield my second self I doubt not of the Resurrection which St. Paul treates of but what shall I do in the mean time Much business I have to manage but I am become only a fit prey for every Cormorant who hath a mind to be unjust The servants who before reverenced me will now despise a silly Woman If my Husband ever obliged any body Alas It will be soon forgot now that he can do them no further kindness But if he did them any wrong they will be sure to take a severe revenge on me who am not able to resist them This is the thing that breeds me all my anguish set this aside and his death would not give me such a torment What shall we answer saith St. Chrysostome unto this Truly I could easily demonstrate that not what they pretend but an unreasonable passion is the cause of words so sad and dolefull If this were the cause of their lamentation then they must never cease thus to bewail themselves But if after a yeares time all these tears are dryed up its certain the want of their defence and comfort which will then be most felt is not the only cause of them But let it be supposed that this is the fountain of all their sorrow yet consider how much infidelity there is in it that we should think it was They who took the care and patronage of us not God It cannot chuse but provoke his displeasure to see a Creature of his more beloved than himself and therefore perhaps he took away thy Husband because he was more to thee than thy God The only one of Israel is very Jealous and cannot indure to be so slighted that other things should have so much of our affections as his excellent goodness which is therefore to be beloved by us above all things because it expresses a love to us above all other Creatures What was the reason I beseech you that widdowhood and Orphanage were so rare in the old times among good people Why did Abraham and his Sarah and Isaac live till a great old age Truly I think it was because Abraham loved God more than cither of them And when God did but say to him Kill thy Son he went about it as readily as if he had been to Sacrifice a Lamb. But we are heavy and dull we are carried so headlong into the embraces of Creatures that God is fain even against our wills to draw our affections to himself by drawing them away from us Do but love God more than thy Husband and I will undertake that either thou shalt not fall into Widdowhood or shalt not feel it so great a mischief when thou fallest into it And I have a good ground for what I avouch for thou hast him for thy Husband and thy Defence that never dies and that loves thee infinitely more than any man can do And if this reason be not sufficient to convince thee I have a comparison that will do the business Tell me if thou hadst a Husband who loved thee so much as if he had no soul but thine one that was as much beloved of others as be loved thee one so wise and discreet that he was as much admired as
how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedst with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject all comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves That they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsell and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs Are there not the same griefs and maladies in their minds Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never came before should twice fall upon one man It it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of sufferings then thou maist render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth though he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person Death doth sometime befriend us XII Ask thy self again Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us Must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now no friend yet shortly we may have no enemy neither This was one support to the Christians under their persecutions that though their enemies like Saul did breath out nothing but threatnings and slaughters against them yet their breath was but in their nostrils and might soon evaporate and vanish away Julian called the Apostate had done more hurt to the Christians than the ten Persecutions if death had not suddenly wounded him with one of his arrows The Marian flames had devoured in all likelyhood a great many more bodies if death had not shortned her reign and so extinguished the fires We have no reason then to look upon it as unkind which may do us so many courtesies not to accuse that of cruelty to us which destroys the cruelty of others towards us XIII And now may you not well make one question more to your selves Contentment hath more to say for it self than grief hath and say Is there not more reason to be comforted than there is to be sad If there be as certainly there is what should hinder your comfort if you live by reason If you do not live by it then nothing that a man can say will comfort you Nothing will chear us unless we think of it and make it our own by meditation neither will any thing sadden us unless we think of it also Seeing then they are our own thoughts that make us either sad or merry and we have more comfortable thoughts than heavy we cannot but be of good chear if we will not be enemies to our selves All that we can say for our sadness is that we have lost a friend a very dear and perhaps only friend But you have heard that there are more in the world and that you have not lost this and that you have more comforts remaining than are taken away and that if you had none but God you had enough and if you will read again what hath been said twenty other reasons will offer themselves to chear for one that arises to make you sad If there was no reason at all to be sad then none need spend any time in giving comfort But if they be very few in compare with others and we are made to follow the most and strongest reasons then he is not to be pityed who notwithstanding the small reason of his sorrow will not be of good comfort The greatest cause that I know of this sort of trouble is when many that we love die soon after one another So it hapned to that Prince which the L. Mountaigne speaks of who received the news of his Elder Brothers death L. 1. Essay cap. 2. whom he highly esteemed with a great deal of constancy and shortly after the tidings of his younger Brothers decease in whom he placed much hope did not alter the smoothness of his countenance But when one of his servants dyed not long after that he suffered himself to be so far transported that he quitted his former resolution and gave up himself to all grief and sorrow The reason of this was not from the love that he bare to his person more than the rest but as he well faith because being top full of sorrow before the next flood must needs break the banks or overflow all the bounds of patience In Dialog cui tit Guilielmus And so Hier. Cardan tells us that after he had partiently born many reproaches and the cruel infamous death of a son of great hopes and the dangerous sickness of another son and the death of his Parents and Wife with many other evils yea and after he wrote a Book of Consolation against all these evils yet he was overcome with grief at the death of an English youth whom he brought from Dover with him as he passed from Scotland in the time of Edward the sixth And he gives the sam reason for it that the other doth