Gold Of whom do you speak Sirrah Robin Of covetous men Gold What are those covetous men Robin Rogues Villans Dogs Caterpillers Horse-Leeches Vipers Theives Robbers Sons of Whores Gold How now you Rascal Robin Why do you trouble your selfe Sir you are none of those may not I curse covetous Rogues Gold Sirrah to whom did you speak thus tell me Robin I spoke it I spoke it to that Rogue Dives in the Picture there Gold And I speak to your fools head there Sirrah take that do you feele me Rogue Robin Ay pox on you against my will Aside Gold Again Sirrah out of my doors I say you insolent Villain Robin A curse on him he has broken my bones Ex. Robin Gold Oh the pains the Jealousies and fears a man must suffer that has great summes of money to guard I cannot find one place safe enough about the house Coffers and Trunks Theives can never scape Let me see this particular Imprimis a thousand Pound for which I have Pawnes worth two at above fifty per Cent. Item in the City five thousand Pound for which I have ten per Cent and the best security in England Enter Theodore and Theodora Item in Morgages of Land from young Gay Sparks 6000l Oh but that dear sum of six thousand broad pieces in my Garden that transports me He sees his Son and Daughter 'Sdeath that I should read this Note loud I have betrayed my self they have over-heard me and I am ruin'd would they were both hang'd Well what 's the matter with you have you been long there Theo. No Sir but now come Gold What do ye stand listening Theo. Not we I assure ye Gold Come come ye did if they over-heard me I shall hang my self Theodora Not we I assure you Sir Gold I was saying to my self how happy should I be if I had but six thousand Pound in the world Theo. You need not wish that Gold 'T is false 't is false Oh would to heaven I had Oh how happy should I be I should never complain then that the times are hard not I. Theodora This is all but Raillerie Sir Theodore You have more than five times as much Gold 'Sdeath what says he Oh thou Villain thou Viper thou have I bred thee up to destroy me are my Children become my greatest enemies Theo. Are those your enemies that say you are rich Gold Oh it is the vilest injury you can do me such discourses as these will make my throat be cut Thieves will believe I am all made up of Gold your extravagant expences too will make 'em think so Theo. I know none I am guilty of unless keeping my self clean be so Gold Oh your Periwigs your Ribbands your Laces you are as much a Spark as any of those that go fine keep Whores and pay no debts about the Town and if the truth were known you and your Sister here must Rob me to do it Theo. He will have good luck that Robs you Aside You know my Sister ventures some money at Sea that was left her by an Aunt and for me I am sometimes lucky at play and I eat and drink and keep my self handsomly drest with it Gold Handsomly foolishly to what end are these multitudes of Ribbands this Flaxen Mop of Whores Hair and this Flanders Lace upon the Shirt I warrant this Habit cost thirty Pound now if you do win money put it to other uses you foolish young Knave 30 l. comes to six and thirty shillings a year according to Statutable use But thou mightest make twenty Pound a year on 't if thou hadst any braines and with such use upon use what would 30 l. come to in seven years Theodora But Sir my Brother and I came to talke with you of other business Gold Well and I have something to say to you of other business Theo. T is concerning Marriage Sir Gold And I intended to speak to you concerning Marriage Theodora Ah Father Gold Ah Father what 's that for what what you would be at it already would you soft and fair young Gentlewoman Theo. No Sir my Sister is affraid that your opinion of Marriage will not agree with ours Gold Fear not you shall have no cause of complaint I shall do well for you both and first of all have you Theodore seen one Isabella that lyes near this place Theo. O yes Sir several times in her Balcony Gold And you Theodora I have heard of her Sir Gold Well Son and how do you find that Lady Theo. She 's admirably handsome I have never seen her equal Gold Her face ha Theo. Beyond what e're a Lover fancied of his Mistress Gold Her shape is it not well Theo. Not only faultless but excellent to a miracle Gold Her meen ha Theo. Graceful and admirable Gold Her ayer and her manner Theo. The most charming in the world her ayer so full of modesty and wit her carriage so allureing and gentle I have never seen the like Gold Oh oh would not this Lady make a pleasant bed-fellow Theo. It were a happiness beyond all expression such as 't were not safe to think on 't Gold But there is one point to be consider'd her Portion Theo. Oh Sir that with so fine a Lady is not considerable not to be mentioned Theodora Besides Sir I have heard she has a tollerable fortune Theo. Never think of that Gold Well I am glad we agree so well in our opinions of this Lady for by these charming qualities she has so won upon me that I am resolved forthwith to marry her Theo. Oh heaven Gold What say you Hastily Theo. Are you resolved say you Gold Yes to marry Isabella Theo. Who you you Gold Yes I I I why what do you make of me young Cox-comb Theo. 'Sdeath this has struck me to the heart Ex. Theo. Gold Who cares go get some Aqua-Vitae I hope this young Prodigal Ass will hang himself at the news of a young Mother-in-Law This Daughter is that which I resolve for my self now for him I have provided a grave Matron of about 50 with a great deal of money and you I intend to marry to Timothy Squeeze the rich Scriveners Son a very thrifty young man Theodora Heaven what do I hear Gold He 's a very pretty young man and knowes how to make sixty per Cent of his money Theodora Sir if you please I will not marry Gold Madam if you please you shall marry Theodora Pray pardon me Sir Gold Pray pardon me Madam Theodora You may command me in any thing but this Gold I will command you in this and to night too Theodora To night that shall not be Gold That shall be Theodora No Sir Gold Yes Sir Theodora I 'le kill my self before I marry him Gold You shall not kill your self and you shall marry him but did ever Father endure such insolence from a Daughter Theodora Was ever Daughter so severely used by a Father Gold All the world will allow of my choyce Theodora No
man of sense will Enter Bellamour Gold Here comes Bellamour will you be judg'd by him Theodora With all my heart This is lucky enough Aside Gold Look you Bellamour my Daughter disputes with me which do you think has reason she or I Bell. Oh Sir you without question Gold Do you know what we were talking of Bell. No Sir but you cannot be in the wrong Gold Look you you are to be Judge I would marry her to Timothy Squeeze the rich Scriveners Son this night and the baggage despises him Bell. And am I to be Judge Gold Ay of this Bell. Oh heaven Gold What say you Bell. I am of your opinion Sir in the main but your Daughter is not wholly in the wrong Gold Why why is Mr Timothy's Person or Fortune to be rejected where can she have a better Bell. That 's true Sir but she may say 't is too rash to resolve to do it so suddenly and that she ought to have some time to accommodate her inclinations to him Gold Time come I must take occasion by the fore-lock his Father that is very rich but of mean extraction will for the sake of good Allyance let his Son marry her without a Portion Bell. Nay then I must say no more that is a convincing reason she must submit to that Theodora What means Bellamour Aside Gold I know not what 't is to her I am sure 't is the most confiderable reason in the world to me Bell. Without doubt Sir no man can contradict that but your Daughter may answer you that Marriage is the most solemn thing in the world and that which must make her always either happy or miserable Gold Without Portion mark that Bell. You have reason Sir that decides all But Sir people will tell you that the inclination of your Daughter ought to be a little regarded and that forcing affections has often ruined the best of Families Gold What without Portion Bell. Nay there can be no reply to that 't is true there are a great many Fathers that prize the satisfaction of their Daughters and would never Sacrifice them to interest but would consult their affections Gold But again I say without Portion Bell. 'T is true without Portion is an answer to every thing and who can resist such reason as vours Gold To himself Oh heaven I hear the Dog bark I am so affraid of this money I must into the Garden stay here Ex. Goldingham Theodora Bellamour you are in the wrong to talk thus with him Bell. If I should oppose him Madam I should ruine our design and you will do better to feign a consent to what he commands Theodora But for this sudden Marriage to night Bell. Wee 'l find means to break it and make him consent to it Theodora What can you invent Bell. Feign some sickness and desire him to delay't for that Theodora Physitians will find out that deceit Bell. Madam he would scarce be at the charge of one to save his own life much less yours Theodora But he has Kindred that will give him their advice for nothing Bell. Madam do you believe in Doctors do you think they know more than Nurs-keepers I warrant you Madam counterfeit what distemper you please they 'l find reasons enough to tell you from whence it comes Enter Goldingham Gold Heaven be praised all 's well there was no body Bell. Besides Madam our last recourse shall be to discover our selves and our affections and if you can be constant as I doubt not Goldingham is seen by them Madam as I was saying a Daughter ought not to dispute her Fathers will or once think whether she likes the man or no whom he chuses for her especially where that invincible reason of without Portion offers its self Theodora flings from him hastely and goes out Gold Well said Bellamour Bell. Sir I ask you pardon that I make so bold with your Daughter Gold I am orejoy'd at it you have done exceeding well Bell. Sir I will never fail to urge her with arguments and especially that undeniable one of without Portion Gold 'T is very well Bell. Oh Sir there 's nothing in this world so precious as money not Honour Birth Education Wit Courage Vertue Wisdom Religion Loyalty Gold Oh there spoke an Oracle dear Bellamour I could hug thee for this thou shalt follow and advise her But first give me some little account of this days business has Sarah the Orange-Wench redeem'd her Thumb-Ring that I lent her ten shillings upon last week Bell. No Sir Gold 'T is forfeited then it weighs two and twenty Has the fellow that cryes old Cloths redeem'd the new Velvit Coat which I believe he Stole or the Oyster-Woman her Red Petticoat with Silver Lace on 't or has the Cobler redeem'd his Pewter that he Pawn'd for money to buy Soles or has the Country Gentlewoman that lost her money at play taken out her Watch for which she is feign to make excuses to her Husband and say 't is a mending Bell. None of these Gold Has the Whetston Whore redeem'd her Mantoplicee and her Silk-dy'd Petticoat with Gold and Silver Lace Bell. No poor soul she has had ill trading of late Gold There is a Bauds Silver Aqua-Vitae Bottie a Midwife's hackny Satin Mantle with old fashion'd Gold Lace a Herald Painter's Hears-Cloth and Velvit Pall besides let me see an Attorneys Clerk Pawn'd a Beaver of his Masters in the Country there is too a Porters and a Water-mans Silver Badge the Fidler's Violin the Hackny Trumpeter's Brass Trumpet the Barber 's inlayd Razor Case with Silver heads to his Instruments are any of these redeem'd to day Bell. None of 'em Sir Gold They are forfeited to Hell with them ab inferis nulla redemptio this has been a happy week Bellamour two young Sparks have forfeited Morgages this week they are the sweetest people to deal with they seldom fail of forfeiting them and I never fail to take 'em but prethee go to my Daughter and advise her Bell. I will Sir Better then you think Aside Gold How happy am I in this servant well if this trade holds I shall tumble in money and next to that The greatest pleasure I can have of life Is in cold age to have a warm young wife ACT. II. SCE. II. Enter Squeeze Timothy Roger. Sque. IS Mr. Goldingham at home Roger. He is in the Garden where he always is I 'le tell him you are here Ex. Roger. Sque. Come Timothy Cheere up has 't not thou forgot to put on thy little Cuffs to Comb thy head and get thy hair powder'd Tim. No no I have my best Cloaths on too just as I used to go to Church but de ' hear Sir I shall be asham'd when Theodora comes de ' see for on my conscience and soul I shall never learn how to Suitour a woman Sque. Take my directions and I warrant thee Tim. How did you go to work to Suiter my Mother Sque. Why I 'le tell
THE MISER A COMEDY ACTED By His Majesties Servants AT THE Theater Royal. Written by THOMAS SHADWELL LONDON Printed for Hobart Kemp at the sign of the Ship in the upper Walk of the New Exchange 1672. To the Right Honourable CHARLES Lord Buckhurst Gentleman of His MAJESTIES BED-CHAMBER My Lord THE Favour which your Lordship was pleased to shew to this Play I value more than all the loud Applauses of a Theater Nor can it be less esteemed by any man that has had the honour of knowing your Lordships Person or the pleasure of reading the diversions of your pen. It seems by your obliging kindness to the Poets and your great example in writing as if you were design'd by Heaven among many other great uses for the sustaining of declining Poetry This consideration with the boldness which your frequent favours have given me pull the trouble of this Dedication upon you You see my Lord the danger of encouraging any of us who are too apt without it to use the names of great men for the defence of our weaknesses and follies nay some are so arrogant to believe their injurious Dedications competent returns for all the Obligations they receive from the generosity of their Patrons But I my Lord have been too much obliged by you to think of making any return all that I can do is to beg leave to make an humble acknowledgment of all your favours and to take this occasion to publish my self to the World My Lord Your Lordships Most Obliged Humble Servant THOMAS SHADWELL READER THE Foundation of this Play I took from one of Moliere's called L' Avare but that having too few persons and too little action for an English Theater I added to both so much that I may call more than half of this Play my own and I think I may say without vanity that Moliere's part of it has not suffer'd in my hands nor did I ever know a French Comedy made use of by the worst of our Poets that was not better'd by ' em 'T is not barrenness of wit or invention that makes us borrow from the French but laziness and this was the occasion of my making use of L' Avare This Play as it was wrote in less than a moneth and was the last Play that was Acted at the Kings Theater in Covent-garden before the fatal fire there the great hast I made in writing it that made me very doubtful of the success of it which was the reason that at first I did not own it but conceal'd my Name I have resolved to take my leave of long Prefaces and will give you no farther trouble here for fear you should find too much afterwards PROLOGUE The Authors Name not being then known OUR Poet never doubts the good success Of Farce that 's in half French half English dress And this was made with little pains and wit As any cobling Poet e're wrote yet And therefore he 's resolv'd not to submit The Fortune of his Fellows he has seen Who in dull Farce have so successful been That could he write true wit he is in doubt Whether you would endure to sit it out But though he has no wit he has some shame And stealing from the French conceals his name French Plays in which true wit 's as rarely found As Mines of Silver are in English ground A foolish Marquiss or his knavish man Or some poor Pudden fool 's the best they can But stay I 've been to bold methinks I see The English Monsieurs rise in mutiny Crying confound him does he damn French Plays The only Pieces that deserve the Bayes France that on fashions does strict Laws impose The Universal Monarchy for Cloaths That rules our most important part our dress Should rule our wit which is a thing much less But Messieurs he says farther to provoke ye He would as soon be Author of Tu Quoque As any Farce that e're from France was sent And all consider'd 't is a complement And yet he hopes the advantages they gain That he may please ye with small stock of brain For our good natur'd Nation thinks it fit To count French Toys good Wares French nonsence wit The Actors Names Goldingham The Miser Theodore His Son Squeeze A Scrivener Timothy His Son Bellamour A Gentleman in disguise his true name Raines and servant to Gold but a lover of Theodora Rant and Hazzard Two Gamesters of the Town Robin Theodore's Servant Roger Iames and William Servants to Goldingham Iustice Two Bullies Constable and Watch Three Counterfeit Baylifs Fidlers Women Theodora Daughter to Goldingham Isabella Sister to Bellamour Cheatly A Procurer Lettice Her Daughter a Wench Ioyce A Wench Bridget The same The Miser ACT. 1. SCE. 1. Enter Rant Hazard Theodore Rant WHat a devil makes thee in so musty a humour Thou art as dull and dumpâ—â—â— as a fellow that had been drunk over night with Ale and had done noâ—â—â—ng but drunk Coffee talked Politicks and read Gazettes all this morning Haz. Hast lost thy money or thy wench Rant Nay faith Hazard if he has lost his money I am sure he has lost his wench in spight of the noble vertue of constancy Haz. Come Theodore a lucky hand or two at the Groom Porters will get thee as good a Mistriss as any about the Town Rant No pox on 't they are kept so high by foolish elder Brothers that poor younger Brothers must despaire of ' em Haz. No Rant thou art mistaken the Elder Brothers are so kind to keep 'em for the younger that can not do 't for themselves they are civil to the one for love and the other for money Rant I am not of your opinion there was never so much ready money and so little love stirring as at this time Haz. Faith then we that have but shallow purses must three or four club for one shee 'l serve us all considering how we drink Come Theodore be not melancholy if thou hast lost thy Mistriss I 'le club with thee for another Theo. So Gentlemen â—his Dialogue runâ— off very smartly you had rehearsed it before but I find you have the effects of last nights debauch upon you and are hot headed this morning what else should make you think me melancholy Rant Come faith thou art Theo. I must confess Gentlemen I am not in so brisk a humour as to leap over Joynt-stooles or come over a stick for the King or any of those pretty frolicks but I have no trouble unless you will create me one Haz. I am so far from that that I 'le tell thee news that will rejoyce the heart of thee if thou wert as dumpish as a young Spark that is newly denyed to be trusted for a white Periwig Theo. Prethee what 's that Rant That which I am sure you 'l bite at Haz. There is the most delicate charming creature come to lye over against us in Bow-street Oh t is a melting Girle she looks as if she would dissolve like an
to put your self for my sake in so base a condition as to serve my Father which is worse than Rowing in Gallies this Testimony of your Love can never be forgotten Bell. Ah Madam one kind look from you will overweigh a thousand such small Services I must confess serving your Father is the severest Task I have to minister to his wretched Avarice and endure the curses of all whom his extortion grieves Pardon me dear Theodora that I take this liberty before you This is a Subject you know I can speak little good of Theo. I am too sensible of it but I am extreamly glad to see you gain so much upon him by your Artifices Bell. You see Madam Love is able to turne a man into all Shapes nay into the worst a Flatterer to a Covetous man But by the sordid applauding of what he does and observing all his Rules and Maximes I have gained this point That he will hear or believe no man so soon as me Theo. But why do you not discover this to my Brother and procure his assistance in it Bell. Your Father's and Brother's tempers are so opposite that it is impossible to accommodate my selfe to both of 'em but do you please to mannage our interests with your Brother he Loves you extreamly and will hear you I hear him coming I 'le away Ex. Bellamour Enter Theodore and Robin Theo. Robin go stay within till I call you Robin I will Sir Ex. Robin Theodore Dear Theodora I am glad you are here I have a secret of the greatest concernment in the world to me to discover to you Theodora I shall be glad to hear 't and if I can to serve you in it what have you to say Theodore A thousand things in one little word Love Theodora How Brother are you in Love I 'le tell you Theodore Hold Sister I know as well as you that I depend Scommatically upon a Father and that the name of Son carries an inviolable Duty along with it Theodora But Brother Theodore And that I ought not to engage my heart without the consent of him who gave me breath Theodora Do you hear Theodore And that Heaven has made our Parents disposers of our wills and that they are in a condition to see more and be less deceived than we Theodora Hold a little Theodore And that we ought to trust the Eyes of their wisdom before the blindness of our own passion Theodora Are you mad Theodore And that the heat of our youth misleads and betrays us often to dangerous precipices Theodora Not one of these wise things would I have said to you but tell me are you engaged to her you Love Theodore No but resolv'd in spight of all opposition and I conjure you give me no reasons Theodora Why do you believe I will Theodore You are no Lover and faith I am damnably affraid of your wisdom Theodora You know not my condition Brother but pray who is it that has Charm'd you thus Theodore A young Lady that Lyes near this place of so excellent a Beauty so delicate a creature I cannot think of her without an extasie Theodora Pray save your oratory and in short tell me who she is Theodore Her name is Isabella but that which is my extreamest trouble I have discover'd under hand that she is the Daughter of a sickly Widdow and of a small Fortune You know the abominable humour of my Father whose damn'd covetousness if I had not nâ—w and then a Lucky hand at play would make me forget all use of money so that I have scarce any possibility of giving this Lady the least proof of my affection and if I find not some means to do it I am lost Theodora It is an inhumane thing of him to put us both to our Shifts thus to get but ordinary Cloths Theodore Prethee Sister le ts Joyn in our Complaints to him and if he opposes us we will quit our selves of his insupportable Tyranny and seek our Fortunes together Theodora I hear him coming he 's inraged at something pray let us retire and consult what to say to him here he comes step in Theodore Come on Exeunt Theodore and Theodora Enter Goldingham and Robin Gold Out of my house you Dog begon make no replyes you Rascal that are a Sworn Thief the Gallows groans for you Robin Well there was never any thing so wicked as this Aside damn'd old Fellow and I think under correction the Devil 's in him Gold What 's that you mutter between your Teeth Sarrah Robin Why do you hunt me up and down thus Gold Out you Hang-Dog must you ask questions Out of my Doors or I 'le knock you down Robin A pox on this damn'd flea-flint Aside Why what have I done to you Gold Dispute no more begon Robin My Master gave me order to stay here for him Gold Get you gone and wait in the Street you Rascal must you stand here like a Sentinel and with your damn'd watchful Eyes be a Spy upon my actions to devour what I have 〈◊〉 to ferret up and down to see what there is to Steal Robin What a Devil do you think I should steal unless I should steal you Aside Besides He 's as watchful as an Owl a man that had killed seven men Pissing against a wall would rest more quietly Gold You Dog must I be daily in danger to be Rob'd by you Robin You are not a man to be Rob'd all you have is uner Lock and Key besides you profess your self to be in great dant Gold Aside Oh how I tremble Least this Rogue should suspect I have money hidden in my Garden If he do's I am ruin'd Though I have but little Sirraâ— I should be loth to loose it by such Rascals as you are Besides what 's Lock't up is not there a Tin Candlestick a Pair of Brass Snuffers a Nutmeg-Grater Bellows and a Darnock Carpet Robin I scorne 'em all Gold Come Sirrah you are one of the Rogues that reported that I have money hid Robin How have you money hid say you Gold No no you Dog I don't say so I have no money hid you Villain you Aside 'Sdeath he distracts me Robin Why what is 't to me whether you have or have not Gold What are you arguing I 'le beat your foolish reasons out of your head once more begon Robin Well I go Gold Stay have you taken nothing with you Robin You had best search me Gold Shew me your hands Robin There Gold The other Both together Stay have you put nothing here He feels in his Coat Pockets Robin What a Devil should I put there Gold Let me see here All this while Groping Robin Robin Such a man as you deserves to be Rob'd Gold What say you Robin I say I think you 'l grope me all over Gold So I will Sirrah Robin A Plague on all covetousness and covetous men Gold What 's that Robin I say a Plague upon all covetousness and covetous men
thee when I was a young man Oh the happy days we lived in then I could woe a young Gentlewoman with as much dexterity as the Sprucest Gallant on 'em all Tim. I long to hear before Mrs. Theodora comes Sque. Why look you suppose thou wert thy Mother stand there and I 'le tell you she was as fine a young Lass as any Aldermans Daughter though she was but a Button-makers Daughter and as well bred too I am sure it cost her Father ten shillings a month for her learning to Dance and she play'd most violently upon the Cittern too But stand still thus I begun He Salutes and Kisses Timothy Then forsooth your Servant said I wont you please to sit down here 's a Chair and please you He sets a Chair for Timothy and sits down by him Tim. I vow this is very well de ' conceive me Sque. Then thus I went on pray give me leave to kiss your hand He kisses Timothy's hand Tim. O Lord Sir Sque. I protest and vow I have a very great affection for you the very thoughts of you has often broke my sleep and made me fetch many a sigh Tim. Ha ha ha very well I vow Sque. For you are very handsom as I am an honest man and I cannot but love you an I were to be hang'd for 't Tim. 'T is your goodness more than my desert Sque. Good lack to see the luck on 't she made that very answer I protest Tim. Oh Gemini why did she Sque. Yes but to go on said I I am come to see if you can love such a one as I am and I was then as pretty a young Fellow as any in the City and if you can said I I shall be very well content to make you my wife Tim. Ay but Mrs. Theodora they say is most pestilent Coy Sque. 'T is no matter be thou bold and she 'l not deny thee Tim. Ay and I will now you bid me though I venture my life for 't de ' understand me Sque. Do stand up to her man and kiss her she 'l not deny thee for thou art a very pretty Fellow though I say 't stand up let me see turn thee about well made too well thou takest just like me I was just such another when I was young Enter Goldingham and Bellamour Gold Mr. Squeeze you are welcome Sque. Thank you good Sir Gold And you Mr. Timothy Tim. Thank you good Sir as my Father said before me Sque. This is the young man I bring to your Daughter Tim. Ay Sir I make bold to come a woing to Mrs. Theodora de ' conceive me if your worship please Gold With all my heart Bell. An excellent choice an accomplisht Rival have I I should sooner be jealous of a Ballad-singer or a Pick-pocket Aside Gold Bellamour go call my Daughter Bell. I will Sir A curse on him must she be baited by this Bandog Ex. Bell. Gold While the young people are together wee 'l drink a Cup I would send for a Pint of white Wine or half a Pint of Sack for you but the Vintners do play the Rogues so and put Horse-flesh dead Dogs mens bones Molossus Lime Brimstone Stumme Allom Sloes and Arsnick into their Wine but I 'le send for a Cup of wholesome Ale for you Enter Bellamour and Theodora Sque. With all my heart Bell. There 's the sweet youth he has provided for you Tim. Now Father stand by me Gold This Daughter is the pretty young man I told you of Theodora He looks more like a Corn-Cutter than a Lover Aside Sque. Your servant young Gentlewoman He Salutes her Tim. Your servant forsooth I make bold to Salute you de ' see I vow 't is the sweetest kiss that ever I had in all my life you kiss very well Mrs. Theodora pray let me have another Theodora Hold Sir not too fast Tim. Why look you Father did I not tell you how 't would be Sque. You were a little too forward Son Gold Come let 's leave the young people they 'l do best together Sque. Ay I warrant you they had rather be alone Gold D'y ' hear Theodora be civil to him Bellamour Ex. Goldingham Squeeze and Bellamour Tim. So now we are alone Mrs Thea I call you Thea for shortness de ' see will you please to sit down I l'e try now if I can out-do my Father Aside Theodora To wait upon you I will Sir What a ridiculous Lover have I Aside Tim. Come Mrs. Thea I profess my Legs are very weary I have been all this morning dunning for money at this end of the Town and I promise you I mind my business as well as e're a young man in the City that wears a head but a deus take 'em they do so fob me off with Protections hereabouts Theodora They do ill to disappoint so fine a Person Tim. Ah forsooth you are pleased to say so but come now I think on 't pray where 's your Maid Theodora Why do you ask Tim. If you please to send her to some Tavern where you have Credit I 'de make bold to send for a Pint of Sack for you there I out-do my Father a whole half Pint. Theodora Oh admirable breeding Aside By no means I don't love it I assure you Tim. Then I 'le send for a Bottle of white Wine I have Sugar in my pocket the Rogues at Tavern 's make us pay three pence a paper for it Theodora A thrifty consideration but I drink no Wine Tim. Nay peuh Mrs Thea you say this now to save me Charges de ' see but alas I care no more for money than I do for the dirt under my foot d' you understand me if I had you at the Pope's Head I 'de give you half a peck of Oysters I have as good Credit there as ere an Alderman's Son of 'em all no dispraise but faith I will send for White-Wine now you shall not say me nay Theodora Oh intollerable I will have none sent for Enter Iames. Iames. Sir your Father bids me tell you he is sent for to Chatolins to some young Blades whom he is to take up Tim. 'T is very well Come Mrs Thea pray be not angry but let us to our business Theodora Have you any with me Tim. Yes that I have and very earnest business too I 'le tell you that Theodora What is it Tim. Look you Mrs. Thea pauca verba the short and the loug on 't is I have had a very great affection for you any time these two months ever since I saw you at Covengarden Church de ' conceive me Theodora Oh wonderful Tim. As I am an honest man you have stuck as close to my heart all the time as a Burr de ' understand me nay I have scarce slept a quiet night all that time for dreaming on you Theodora 'T is impossible Tim. Nay feck now 't is true whereupon my Father seeing me in this condition advised me to come to you for
then Playes she detests Gold This is admirable I am each minute more in love with her Cheat. Then she never gives a farthing to the poor though she sees 'em starving Gold How admirably shall we agree for I hate the poor as much as she can do Cheat. Then she abominates Singing-Masters French-Masters Dancing-Masters Harpsical-Masters above measure now to sum up all these things they will amount to 2450 l. a year for her life there 's four hundred and fifty Pound above your sum Gold Mrs. Cheatly these things are very good but they are not real goods I would have something that I might give an Acquittance for and say I say Received per me Humphrey Goldingham Cheat. Are not all these excellent qualities real Goods and I assure you you may receive them when you please Gold These are not Goods and Chattels Mrs. Cheatly I must touch somthing Cheat. Touch why you shall touch her and touch her all over and as much as you please there 's a delicate creature to touch there 's a touch for you Gold Ay but I must touch money there 's a delicate thing to touch there 's a touch for you Cheat. Money you shall have too they have a good Estate in the North which I have heard them speak of Gold That must be seen But there 's one difficulty more she is young and I fear will not be brought to love an old man Cheat. Cods me I had like to have forgot that quality of hers she has the most unconquerable aversion in the world for all young men she was to have been Married t'other day and broke off the match because she found the man was not above fifty Gold It cannot be sure Cheat. Upon my word 't is true she says the young men of this age are nothing but brisk airy conceited gay proud ignorant foolish singing dancing Baboones in huge Periwigs not fit for wives Gold It is impossible Cheat. If you did but see her Seals and the few Pictures she ha's not of Adonis Paris Apollo Narcissus or any young Figures but of Saturne King Priam Anchises Nestor Methusalem and some of the old Partiarchs Iohn of the times and old Parre Gold This is incomparable indeed if I were a young woman I should never endure young Fellows for my part I wonder what they can see in them to love 'em so Cheat. Ay I wonder what pleasure they can take in 'em Oh yur fine old man for my money he 's the civilest quietest Bed-fellow worth a thousand of these young Fops that are ever upon the spur like a Citizen on a Journey Gold 'T is your goodness But canst thou not bring this Isabella to Supper to night to my house I am to give Mr. Squeeze and his Son a Supper who shall marry my Daughter immediately and if you can bring this Lady I would kill two Birds with one stone as that excellent thrifty Proverb says Cheat. Ne're doubt it Sir I 'le bring her after Dinner to see your Daughter and they may take the ayr in your Coach together and so come back to Supper Gold Prethee go about it instantly Cheat. But Sir Gold Nay prethee Mrs. Cheatly go about it make no delays prethee go now Cheat. One word more Gold No more for heaven sake go now Cheat. I must speak to you Gold By no means go just now about it now go quickly He thrusts her on towards the door Cheat. Well there is nothing to be done with this old Fellow now Ex. Cheatly Gold This Cheatly is a rare woman but I was plaguily affraid she would have asked to borrow money of me after she had done her story 'Sdeath what do I hear the Garden door opens she 's gone in there I must watch her and my dear dear money Exit Enter Bellamour and Theodora as Gold is going out Theodora What makes my Father in such hast I believe he is gone into the Garden where he goes a hundred times a day But pray Bellamour is your man returned you sent into the North to enquire of your Father Bell. Madam I expect him to night But my dearest Theodora since I have your heart there 's nothing else I have within my eye or thought let us not think of business but imploy this happy minute in talking of love Theodora Here 's my Father to your advice again Enter Goldingham Gold So all 's safe in the Garden Bell. Madam you must obey and marry him to night your Father will not delay the making of you happy Theodora To night is too sudden Bellamour Bell. 'T is never too soon to obey your Father Madam Gold Admirably well said dear Bellamour never was man so happy in a servant Come into the next Room Daughter I warrant you my man and I will soon convince you Theodora Let me beg you will defer it Sir Gold I will have it despatch'd to night come along Exeunt omnes Rant Hazard Lettice and Ioyce at Chatolins Rant That Theodore should be such a Villain to disappoint us Hazard I wonder he should have no more care of his own soul than to break his word with honest Fellows Lettice I believe he knows of my being here and has not the face to see me after some inconstancy I have taken him in lately Ioyce That she should pretend to an interest in him Mr. Rant but if every body that has injoyd her should be constant to her as she calls it she would have an Army of Lovers Rant God-a-mercy Mrs. Ioyce I 'le drink thy health for that here boy give me a Glass Boy gives a little Glass A pox on this thimble give me such a Glass as your Nonconforming Parson drinks in after labouring at a Conventicle as big as King Iohns Cup at Lyn or Iohn Calvins at Geneva That is fit for nothing but to wear in a mans Bandstring as your Citizens do Rings Boy Here 's one will fit you Sir Rant Fill it and strike it Lettice Here 's thy health in a brimmer Hazard have at thee Hazard I 'le do thee reason dear Rogue an 't were a Pulpit full of Burgundy I love such honest Fellows that let drinking and wenching go hand in hand Rant Faith they are such sweet sociable sinnes 't is pitty they should ever be parted Hazard Come boy my Glass Lettice But where 's the Fiddlers you promised us Rant Here 's Captain Theodore Enter Theodore They cannot be farr off Theodore How now Gentlemen what so forward already Ladies your servant Rant You see Theodore we are not wanting we provide you good Company but I am sorry you came not to Dinner Lettice You see Mr. Theodore what I venture for your company to undergo the Scandal of these Gentlemen Theodore No Scandal I hope Mrs. Lettice for women of your Tribe like Fanaticks are above Ordinances Ioyce Mr. Theodore you are very unkind of late one can never see you But you see I can venture to be ruin'd with my Alderman to see you
Squeeze finds me here I shall be ruin'd for ever Cheat. Pray le ts withdraw into another Room more private Theodore Go all into another Room and I 'le come to you suddenly I will but speak one word with my man Rant Come on Ladies Come Sir we must engage you till your Father comes Tim. Sir your servant I don't care if I spend my Pint with you and it be a Quart I have money enough de ' see Hazard And shall have little enough de ' see before we leave you Aside Ex. all but Theodore and Robin Theodore Come Robin is there any hopes of procuring the three hundred Pound Robin Yes Sir you may have the money upon some few conditions and I seeing you could not have it upon other termes told him you must have the money upon any condition Theodore So I must but what are they Robin I 'le read 'em to you Sir I have 'em here in writing first you must engage some reversion of Land for security Theodore That 's reasonable Robin Item Mr. Squeeze will have 30 l. for Broakerage for he but procures it Theodore Oh damn'd Iew Robin Have patience Sir you shall hear more Item the Gentleman that Lends it will not in conscience take above 6 in the hundred but he will have a Present of 30 l. for a pair of Candlesticks Theodore What cursed exaction's this Robin Item he will have you take the greatest part of it in Goods Theodore A curse on him what Moor or wild Arab is this Robin Hold Sir Imprimis a fine new Razor-Case with Razors and every thing suitable the Case in-layd with Silver and all the Instruments with Silver Heads very fit for your man to learn to shave by Theodore Death and Hell what 's this Robin Item A Bolonia Lute a Roman-Arch Lute 2 Gittars a Cremona Violin 1 Lyra Viol 1 Viol de Gambo and a Trump-Marin very fit for you if you be a lover of Musick Item a very neat Chess-Board and a pair of Tables very good to pass away the time with Theodore What abominable Villains are these Robin Item 15 large Pewter Dishes 2 Dozen of Pewter Plates two Brass Pots and a Kettle very useful for you against you keep house Item a Furnace of Brick with the Cornues and Recipients very fit for you if you be curious in Distilling Item 1 Scru'd Pistol 3 Muskets 1 Back Brest Head-Piece and Gauntlet and 5 Swords these things are valu'd at 160 l. Theodore What Inhuman bloody Rogues are these I should not have above 80 l. of all this money Heaven what shall I do money I must and will have though by all the extremities in the world Enter Squeeze and Goldingham Gold But do you think there is no danger Sque. None at all he says his Father is so well known that no man will question him Besides he is so pressed for money that hee 'l undergo what ever you can put upon him Gold That 's very well Sque. Besides hee 'l go to the ensurance Office and ensure his own life and his Fathers death as you know they will ensure any thing Gold That 's well again Theodore 'Sdeath who 's here my Father I am betrayd by this Rogue Sque. Oh Sir your servant this is the young Gentleman Mr. Goldingham that wants the money Gold Oh Heaven my Son I am amaz'd Sque. Is it his Son this is lucky above my wishes Aside he will disinherit him and my Son will have a Portion then a large one with his Daughter Theodore You Rascal did you betray me I 'le cut your throat you Dog Softly Sque. I betray you heaven forbid it Gold Oh you Villain is it you that abandon your self to these wicked extremities Theodore Is it you Sir that are guilty of these abominable extortions Gold Is it you that would ruin your self by your debauchery and borrow money upon such conditions Theodore Is it you Sir that seek to enrich your self by the Ruin of people in lending money upon such shameful conditions Gold Dare you appear before me after this Theodore Dare you appear before the world after this Gold Have you no shame in you you debauched Villain to spend thus impiously what I have sweat for to make away the reversion of your Estate upon such dishonorable conditions Theodore Do not you blush to dishonour your Name and Family by the most cruel exaction and unheard of subtleties that the most infamous of Usurers nay Iews themselves could ne're invent Gold Are you such a borrower Theodore Are you such a lender Gold Come along Mr. Squeeze I cannot endure the sight of this Villain any longer Ex. Goldingham and Squeeze Theodore So my affairs are in a very good posture I am disappointed of money and undone with my Father if I cannot find out a way to bring my selfe off Robin Make him believe that it was for another you inquired for the money and knowing that Squeeze dealt with your Father which I am sure you ne're suspected till now that you intended it for your Father's advantage Theodore Wee 'l think on 't and for Squeeze I hope my friends in the next Room will Revenge me to the full upon his Son I 'le into 'em and set them on ' Robin Do Sir and at misfortunes ne're repine While there are handsom Women and good Wine ACT. III. SCE. III. Enter Theodore and Bellamour Theo. SIR I have at length broke loose by force from my Company to wait on you my Sister has told the honour you have done her and me Bell. Sir I humbly beg your pardon for not first making my address to you My long absence had made me a stranger to all the Town and by that means to your Character had I known you to be a man of that honour I find you I should not have gone so indirect a way Theodore Sir I am happy that any way this favour can be conferred by a person of your worth upon my Sister and so much honour on my selfe and therefore 't is my interest as well as inclination to desire of you that all Names may be layd by between us too but that of Brother Bell. It is a Name that since you are pleased to honour me with it shall not be forgotten or ungratefully own'd while I live Theodore Dear Brother let me embrace you Bell. Let this eternally bind us my dearest Brother Theodore I am extreamly glad you have prevailed so upon my Fathers opinion since it may be of great use as well to your own affairs as to mine Bell. Do not distinguish our interests for yours is now become mine Theodore I am extreamly oblig'd to you for your kindness and I have now occasion to use you in a business of my own I know you will excuse my freedom Bell. There 's nothing you can ever do to me can need an excuse nor is there any thing you can ask of me which I can deny Theodore I doubt not but my Father has e're this
told you of his anger against me Bell. He has and I am very sorry for it but I hope to serve you in this affair Theodore I can put you in a way to do it as thus I 'le tell you immediately Enter Cheatly Cheatly Oh Mr. Theodore your friends are very angry with you for leaving of 'em but you Coxcomb young Squeeze is as drunk as a Bully and so sweet upon Mrs. Ioyce who is the only woman I have left with them that there is no staving him off her She perswaded him to play with Hazard at Backgammon and he ha's already lost his Edward shillings that he kept for Shovel-board and was pulling out broad pieces that have not seen the Sun these many years when I came away Theodore I am heartily glad on 't I am sure the Rogues have no more mercy than a Bayliff with an execution in his pocket but prethee what brings you hither does my Father go astray towards the flesh Cheatly No no I come to borrow money of him upon Security good enough as you shall find to your cost Aside Theodore I 'le send him to you come my dear Brother Bell. I wait on you Ex. Bellamour and Theodore Cheatly If I be not reveng'd of Theodore for using my Daughter unkindly I have lost my cunning I am sure there can be no Instrument of it so certain as a Mother-in-Law Enter Robin Robin Dear Mrs. Cheatly were not you discourag'd enough last time but you must venture again hither Cheatly I 'le never give him over till I prevail upon him Robin It is impossible you 'l sooner perswade a profest Iew to Swines flesh and Images than him to parting with money Cheatly Distrust not my art Robin I heartily wish it might prevail though I despaire on 't for to say truth Mrs. Cheatly I have need at present for a great deal of love not forgetting a little money from you Cheatly Thou shalt want neither as long as I can help thee here 's somthing come to my house at night and thou shalt have more Robin Thank you dear Mistriss it comes seasonably Though loving such a one as she deserves very well yet this is the freest Titt that ever had inclination to mankind Aside Enter Goldingham Gold S'death you Rogue are you about my house begon Rascal Robin Call me Rascal before my Mistriss I could find in my honour to beat him for an old Sink-cater Cheatly Why do you use Robin so unkindly he 's a pretty ingenious young man Gold Hang him Rascal But prethee how goes our business on Cheatly As you can wish she says she sawy ou even now walk under her Window and made me the pleasantest description and is so taken with you She says you are of a fit Age and Beard for her and infinitely admires the Gravity and Decency of your Habit Gold Does she like me say you Cheatly To admiration Pray Sir turn you just that delicate shape that convenient height that she describ'd Pray let me see you walk just that free and janty meen that very easie and unconstrained motion which she describ'd Gold It is strange she should take so much notice of me in so short a time hah Cheatly She says you look as if you had no kind of infirmity Gold I have none very great thank heaven I have only a defluction that troubles me sometimes He Coughs Cheatly Oh you are ne're the worse for that Rheume you have an admirable grace a good air and meen in Coughing it becomes no man in Europe so well as you Gold No no you jest you are a wag but will Isabella come to see my Daughter Cheatly Yes Sir I am to go and wait on her hither immediately Gold Dear Mrs. Cheatly you oblige me infinitly Cheatly I oblige her of all things in the world He Smiles But Sir I have an humble Petition to you He Frownes Gold What the Devil says she Cheatly I am just now at the point of being cast in a Suit for want of a little money to Fee my Lawyers with you may if you please easily supply me you cannot He Smiles imagine what joy she had when I told her I would wait on her to your house you cannot believe what pleasure shee 'l have to see you Gold Me alas alas Cheatly Upon my word Sir this Suit is of that consequence to me that I shall be ruin'd if I lose it He Frownes and a little assistance from you will restore my business again Oh! if you could but have seen what He Smiles again transport she was in when I was speaking of you what joy shin'd through her eyes when I repeated your excellent qualities to her in fine I have made her very impatient till this Marriage be concluded Gold You have done me the greatest pleasure imaginable and I owe all the kindness in the world to you Cheatly Sir since it is so I beg of you that you will afford me the small supply which I demand He Frownes again Gold Well adieu I 'le go see all things prepar'd for her reception in time Cheatly I assure you you could never supply me in so great an exigence Gold Well I 'le see my Coach and Horses put in order for ye to take the air Cheatly I should not importune you if I had not the greatest necessity in the world Gold Let me know what she and you love best that I may bespeak it to Supper Cheatly I beg of you do not refuse me you cannot imagine the pleasure a little sum of money would do me Gold Well I must go see that Supper be ready in good time for fear ye should be sick if ye eat too late Cheatly Pray consider my condition Gold I warrant ye you shall have Supper ready early enough I 'le bespeak it instantly Farewel He rushes from her and Exit Cheatly This is the most obdurate inhuman old Fellow that are yet ventur'd a soul to the Devil for money Enter Robin Robin What you have succeeded just as I expected Cheatly A curse on him he was prepar'd and fortified against all my Attaques Robin I tell you you will sooner perswade Quakers to conform and wear the Surplice or Bauds to become Nuns than him to part with any money Cheatly I 'le bait him once with the sight of this Lady here and if that does not mollifie him I can soon bring her over to another that shall bid high enough for her Robin This Trafficking for Maiden-Heads is an excâ—llent Profession but they are very dear for their Rarity Cheatly But I think I must wholly leave of Trading about Marriages the Market runs higher at present t'other way Robin Faith then it s the wisest course Cheatly I 'le consider on 't but come you shall usher me to the Lady I speak of Robin Allons Exeunt Hazard Rant Timothy Ioyce Boy Tim. and Haz. at Tables Tim. On my conscience and soul you Cog de ' see look on the Motto o' th' Tables
wake for my Lord Mayor the Aldermen and all the Common Council de ' see Rant Here waiter help to carry him into the next Room Exeunt Goldingham Theodore and Theodora Gold But it is really as Bellamour tells me that you would procure the money for another Theodore Upon my word Sir the young Gentleman will give you a meeting to morrow morning Gold 'T is somewhat better but why did you keep such scurvy Prodigal company Theodore I did it only to draw him in and get money of him Gold That 's very well Now Son I have something else to say to you the Lady which I intend for your Mother-in-Law will be here instantly and I charge you betray not the least dislike of any thing in your Countenance but use her with all the respect imaginable Theodore I can't promise you to be glad of the coming of a Mother-in-Law but I am sure I will not mislike her you have Chosen Gold Nor you Daughter Theodora I have never given you occasion to suspect so ill a thing of mee Theodore ' Sdeath what Instrument of the Devil has he made use of to seduce Isabella hither Gold Leave me now and send in all my servants Ex. Theodore and Theodora Enter Oldwoman Roger Iames Will. Here where are you all mind all your Charges Oldwoman first to you it belongs to make every thing clean but do you here do not Rub my Moveables too hard to wear them out if you do I shall stop your Wages Iames. Hey what 's to do now Gold You Roger take all the Bottles and Glasses and rince them and take Charge of 'em if there be one lost or broke I 'le bate it out of your Wages Sirrah Iames. That I am sure of Gold Then do you William fill the drink but never but when they are dry and let 'em call sor't twice or thrice pretend to be a little thick of Hearing here are a company of Roguish Lackey's about the Town that are always offering the Glass and provoking people to drink and kill themselves I will have no such Rogues about me William I warrant you Sir I 'le look to the Drink Gold Then look you have your best Cloathe's on when the people come Roger. I have my best and all I have on but they are so horribly greasie before that they are fit for nothing but to give to a Soapboyler or Kitchin-stuff-woman William And mine are so full of holes behind as if I had a Volley of Musket-Bullets in my Posteriors Gold You foolish Knaves cannot you Sirrah take your Hat and hold it before you to hide the Grease And do you Sirrah turn your Face always to the people to hide those holes behind and when you are sent for any thing go backward thus you Rascal Now to you Iames. Ex. Oldwoman Roger and William Iames. Would you speak to me as your Cook or Coachman for you know I serve in both Offices Gold As my Cook Iames. Good Sir hold a little He puts off his Coach-mans Cloak and appears like a Cook Gold What a Devil is this Ceremony for you Rascal Iames. Good Sir have a little patience Now speak I am ready Enter Bellamour Gold Oh Bellamour come and assist me Iames I am to give a Supper to night Iames. The most miraculous thing I ever heard of Gold Can you make us good Cheer Iames. Yes if you will let me have a great deal of money Gold Money you Rascal you have ye nothing to say but money nothing in your mouth but money money money Bell. I never heard so impertinent an answer every fool can do that but you must make a good entertainment with a little money Iames. Good Mr. Steward I would you would teach me that secret Gold Peace Sirrah and tell me what we must have Iames. There 's your Fac-totum let him till you Gold Answer me or I 'le break your head Iames. Hold Sir I will how many will there be Gold Ten in all but provide enough but for eight Iames. Why you must have first two great Soupes made of Veal Ducks Chickens Coxcombs Sweet-Breads Mushromes Palates Forced-meat Artichoak-bottoms Gold 'Sdeath you Rogue you would Feast all the Town Iames. Then Fricasees Ragousts a huge Dish with all sorts of Fowles as Duck Teal Gold Hold your Tongue you Rogue you would undoe me Iames. Then Plover Dotril Gold Hold you Rogue He stops Iame's mouth with his hand Iames. Snipes Ruffs Woodcocks Gold Hold you Dog he puts me into a cold sweat Iames. Partridges Gnats Godwits Gold Will the Rogue never have done Iames. Pheasants Heath-Pouts Black-Cocks Quails Rails Larks c. Bell. What do you intend to cramm all the Town my Master does not invite people to Murder 'em with eating Iames. But he would not starve 'em sure Bell. People should eat to live not live to eat as the Proverb says Gold O dear Bellamour let me Embrace thee for that word he was a great man that said that I will have that Sentence Engraven in Great Letters over my Hall Chimney Bell. Ne're trouble him Sir I 'le take care of the Supper Iames. Pray do Sir with a little money we shall see what 't will be Gold But now for my Coach He puts on his Coach-man 's Cloak Iames. Hold good Sir good Sir hold a little Now Sir what were you saying of your Coach Gold Let it be clean'd and the Horses Harnessed Iames. Horses Sir why they are in that poor Condition that a man must stretch devillishly to call 'em Horses they are but the Shadows or Ghosts of Horses Gold Can they be sick and do nothing Iames. Yes Sir you make 'em keep such severe Lents they eat no more than Chamelions I look every day when they should depart this life For my part it grieves my heart for I have a tender love and respect for my Horses and indeed a man should not be so hard hearted or unnatural not to pitty his Neighbour in distress Gold The Journey will not be far Iames. I have not the Courage to put 'em in how can they draw the Coach that cannot draw their Legs after them Bell. Sir I 'le engage one to drive ' em Iames. I had rather they should die under any bodies hands than mine but you have a mighty necessary man here to your Superintendent Gold Peace you unmannerly Rascal Bell. I 'le about these things instantly Gold Do good Bellamour Iames. Sir I cannot endure these Flatterers and Pickthanks I speak my mind plainly and it made me mad to hear him say things to your Face of you that none of all mankind besides will say Gold Why what does the world say of me Iames. Pardon me Sir you 'l be angry if I tell you Gold On the contrary it will please me infinitely to see that plain dealing in you let the world say what they will Iames. Truly I must deal plainly with one I love and next to my Horses you are the person in the world
that I have the greatest respect for Gold Come speak Iames. Why Sir in plain honest sincerity of heart I tell you in short no man gives one good word of you one says you never fail to pick Quarrels with your Servants at Quarter day that you may turn 'em away without their Wages that you have been taken Robbing of your own Horses of their Provender That when you go by water to your house at Putney you take a Sculler and make him bate half his Fair for your helping him to Row in short you would Rob Pick Pockets Murder betray your Countrey and do any Villany in the world for money your Name is never used without Cursing and calling you Villain Wretch Knave common Barreter Oppressor Horse-Leech Gold You are a Rogue a Son of a Whore a Dog a Rascal He beats him with his Cane Iames. I was affraid this would be the end on 't a pox on plain dealing for me did you not command me to tell you Gold I 'le teach you how to speak Rogue another time Ex. Goldingham Iames. Well I see it is not safe for any man to be honest in this Age. Bell. How now Mr. Iames your plain dealing is rewarded very ill Iames. 'Sdeath do you make sport at my beating Laugh at your own when you have one Bell. Nay prethee be not passionate Iames. He intreats me I 'le huff a little and try Aside if he fears me Do you know Sir that I cannot endure to be laught at and that I will make you laugh in another fashion He presses upon Bellamour Bell. Nay softly Iames if you please Iames. No Sir it does not please me Iames presses still upon Bellamour Bell. Nay good Iames. Iames. You are a very impertinent Fellow Bell. Have patience a little Iames. I will have none if I take a Cudgel I will so Chastise you Bell. How Rascal a Cudgel did you say a Cudgel Iames Retreats Iames. No no no Sir alas I have no occasion for one not I. Bell. Do you think I am to be beaten Sirrah Iames. Alas Sir not I I have better thoughts of you Bell. Are you not a Son of a Whore Iames. Yes Sir any thing in the world what you please I am a Son of a Whore Sir a Son of a damn'd Whore Bell. Do you know me Rascal Bellamour pursues Iames who retires round about the Stage Iames. O Lord Sir I honour you abundantly Bell. Did you say you would Cudgel me Iames. I was in jesting I did but Droll upon my honour Bell. And I shall beat you in jesting Iames. Hold hold for heaven's sake Bell. Remember Sirrah against another time you are a very scurvy Railleur Ex. Bellamour Iames. A pox on all sincerity and plain dealing for me I have had a couple of good substantial beatings but if I be not reveng'd on this domineering Fellow I will give Dogs leave to piss upon me Enter Isabella and Cheatly Cheatly Do you know whether your Master be within Iames. A pox on 't I know but too well Cheatly Pray tell him we are here Ex. Iames. Isabella But that I am bound to obey my Mother you should never have made me run my selfe into the danger of seeing this old man for though his Daughter whom I come to wait on I hear is an excellent person yet I strangely apprehend the trouble of seeing him Cheatly Consult your Interest Madam he 's very rich and very old and will leave you a great deal of money that may qualifie you to marry any young Gentleman you please hereafter Isabella But I have a natural antipathy to old men as some have to Cats Cheatly This old man will not have the Impudence to trouble your Ladyship above a year after you are Married to him Isabella I shall never wait for that time to make my self happy one year of such punishment would out-weigh all the pleasure I could have all my life after Cheatly I find the young Brisk Gentlemen you spoke of yesterday is still in your head Isabella He is I confess and in my heart too and I think nothing will e're get him out he keep 's such a stir there he will never let me rest a minute Cheatly Do you know who 't is Madam Isabella No but I have often seen him walking by my Lodging and perpetually looking up at the Balcony either upon me when I was there or watching for my coming thither and by his look and air I guess all is not well with him neither I hope he 's in the same condition with my selfe Enter Goldingham Cheatly Here comes the old Gentleman Isabella What Spectacle's that Gold God save you Lady I am obliged to you for the honour you do my poor house which if you can love an old man know Lady I am above six and fifty and it shall be yours What a devil Mrs. Cheatly she answers nothing nor shews any kind of pleasure at the sight of me Cheatly O Sir she 's surprised extreamly besides Maids endeavour what they can to hide their affections she is so full of joy she cannot speak to you Gold That 's something indeed Isabella What a prodigious ridiculous old Fellow is this Gold What says my fair one Cheatly That you are a most admirable person Gold Fair Lady you do me too much honour Isabella What an abominable odious old Fellow 's this Gold I am infinitely obliged Madam for your good opinion of me Here 's my Daughter Madam Enter Theodora Isabella Madam I have too long delay'd waiting on you but I hope you will pardon it Theodora Madam you do what I ought to have done 'T was on my part to have prevented you Enter Theodore Gold Here 's my Son comes to kiss your hand Isabella Oh Mrs. Cheatly what accident 's this This is the young Gentleman I spoke of Cheatly This is wonderful Gold I see you are a little amazed to see me have such lusty Children but I will soon be rid of them both Theodore Madam this is an adventure which I did not expect nor was I ever in my life so surprised as when my Father told me his design Isabella Sir I am not less surprised then you I assure you I was not at all prepar'd for what I see now Theodore 'T is true Madam my Father cannot in the world make so fair a Choice and I am infinitely happy to see you here but you are the person in the world I would not have my Mother-in-Law that would break my heart Madam I know you have apprehension enough to take what I say in the right sence and not be offended at it Gold You coxcomb what an impertinent silly complement is this you must be making confessions must you Isabella Sir we are so much upon even terms that you are the man in the world whom I would not have my Son-in-Law and if I were not brought here by an absolute power I should have given you no shadow of suspition Gold She is in the
known but to few propounded to me the concealing six Chests of Armour there and promised forty Guinnes and an Oath of Secrecy this Sir you may chuse whether you will accept of or no but I thought I was obliged in duty to tell you knowing you take all occasions whatsoever for the getting of money Gold I got a good part of my Estate by Rebellion as many other Estates were raised but I would be loath to lose it by Rebellion again Aside Theodore There is no danger we will all take Oaths of Secrecy Bell. Ready money Sir is not to be despised 't is a precious thing Gold There spoke an Angel Bell. Besides Sir if the Chest should be discover'd which will be almost impossible some of your Swcarers in Ordinary shall testifie you took 'em in Pawn Gold The money is sweet but the attempt is Aside dangerous hold to Theodore Now Sir I am glad you have put me in a way to be revenged of you for all your Villanies I will immediately acquaint the King with your Treason and you shall be hang'd Bell. For heaven's sake betray not your own Son Gold My Loyalty is dearer to me than Son and Daughter and all the Relations in the world I will hang him I 'le to the King immediately Theodore I am at your disposal Sir but be pleased to remember I did this for your advantage and out of love and duty to you Gold No Sir I will hang you never speak on 't farewel shall I betray my Countrey Theodore Hold Sir for Heaven's sake conceal it I will return the twenty Guinnes he gave in earnest here they are I will go and give 'em him immediatly Gold Did he give you twenty Guinnes hum Theodore Yes Sir and promised twenty more at the delivery of the Chests Gold Fourty Guinnes is a most delicious Sum where are they let me see them Theodore Here they are Sir but I beseech you be not angry I will carry them immediately Gold Hold it may be there 's no necessity of that I would hang this Rogue but fourty Guinnes dear fourty Guinnes Aside Bell. He comes on a pace To Theodore Theodore Sir I will by no means offend you with the sight of 'em I am gone Gold Stay I say and let me see them Theodore I am afraid it will provoke you to talk any more of this business do not be offended I will return them instantly Gold 'Sdeath Sir I will see them He lays hold on Theodore Theodore There they are Sir Bell. Oh Sir how I could hug that Gold Gold Ay Bellamour does it not look beautifully they talk of the beauty of women but give me the beauty of Gold Oh dear dear sweet Gold Kisses the Gold Theodore Shall I return 'em Sir Gold No Sir you shall not Oh dear dear Guinnes are we all secret He kisses them again Bellamour Theodore We are Gold Swear never to reveal this Bellamour Theodore We do Swear Gold Well Son your importunity at last has overcome me when shall these Arms be delivered Theodore This night at ten a Clock Gold Do you Bellamonr see it done and take his Oath of Secrecy But I had forgot where is Mr. Timothy the Parson is ready in the Parlour Bell. He was Arrested here by Bayliffs for breaking Windows when he was drunk who have hurried him I know not whither Gold 'Sdeath how unlucky is this send immediately to all the Bayliffs hereabouts to find him out go Bellamour Theodore Pox on 't I might have saved money he would have consented to have betray'd his Countrey for half the Sum and so will any covetous man that can do it safely Exeunt Theodore and Bellamour Enter at another door Cheatly Cheatly Sir I am very glad I have taken you alone I have a secret to impart to you Gold 'Sdeath she 's come to borrow money of me Aside Cheatly Though it may be to no purpose I think it my duty to acquaint you that I have since I parted with you discovered a Countess that is not above thirty that is extreamly in love with you for your person besides your care and thrift which she says to me would be very useful to her in the mannagement and improving of her Fortune she has five hundred Pounds more than Isabella Gold What you are merry Mrs. Cheatly Cheatly Nay Sir if you distrust me there 's no hurt done I did not think you would embrace the offer but I thought my self bound to discharge my trust for the truth is she engaged me though something unwilling to use my care in this business Gold Why sure thou art not in earnest Cheatly If ever you were when you said your prayers I am Gold There must be something in this To himself this is strange Mrs Cheatly Cheatly You may chuse whether you will believe me or no for my part I don't desire you should change for I think if there be any difference Mrs. Isabella is something more desirable Gold Good faith but if this be true she is not more desirable fifty Pounds is a noble Sum and more than any womans person is worth for my part fifty Pounds with me would turne the ballance were there ne're so much difference in their persons But who is this Cheatly You must not know till you see her Gold Can all this be true thou tell'st me Cheatly If I make it not good I 'le forfeit my life but I 'le take my leave now I have done my errand but truly Sir I think you ought not in honour to quit Isabella Gold In good faith but I ought I take it Honour quoth she lose five hundred Pounds in honour what a pox care I for their persons in comparison with money Cheatly I am a little in hast but I beseech you let not Mrs. Isabella know of this she will be distracted Gold Hold a little it was unlucky we did not know of this before you brought Isabella acquainted with my Daughter I shall be troubled with her but canst thou oblige me to contrive an interview between the Countess and me Cheatly Ay and a Marriage too if I would but really I think you are too far engaged to Isabella Gold Engag'd I am not engag'd I will have nothing to do with her I will forbid her my house Enter a Foot-Boy Foot-Boy Is Mrs. Theodora here Gold What would you have with her Foot-Boy Mrs. Isabella presents her service to her and says she cannot possibly wait on her at Supper Gold 'T is very well 't is no matter whether she does or no go get thee about thy business Lad go go This is very lucky Mrs. Cheatly you 'l Sup here Ex. Foot-Boy Cheatly Sir I must go home first Your Servant This will be joyful news for the two Lovers To her self Enter William Will. Sir here 's a Porter come from Mr. Squeeze who says he is engaged upon extraordinary business and cannot Sup here to night Gold The Devil take thee for thy news Enter Roger.
Roger. Mr. Timothy was at the Rose Sir under an Arrest but was Bail'd by Mr. Rant and Mr. Hazard and is gone along with them we know not whither Gold All my designs are crossed this night here 's my Supper lost and I have not given one this dozen years before but I 'le make these Rogues fast this month for 't begon Rogues and call my Son Oh here he is Ex. William and Roger. Enter Theodore Son I have something to say to you of concernment pray now we are alone speak freely how do you like this Isabella setting aside the name of a Mother-in-Law Theodore I like her what does he mean Aside Gold Yes her Air her Shape her Beauty her Wit Theodore Faith Sir to speak the truth she is not what she appear'd to me she has no Air or Spirit in her Face her Shape 's very indifferent her Motion awkward and her Wit little or none but I like her well enough for a Mother-in-Law Gold You talked at another rate to her to day Theodore I only made some few complements to her in your name I meant not one of 'em I assure you Gold Do you think you could have no kind of inclination for such a kind of woman Theodore No not I Sir if there were none but such women I should be out of danger of Gun Shot Gold I am sorry to find this because it breaks a resolution I had made I had reflected with my self upon Isabella's youth and my age which are so disproportionable that I have made choice of another a Countess too of about thirty years old that 's worth five hundred Pounds more than she Theodore How has Cheatly wheadled him already I 'le try him further Sure Sir you cannot be in earnest Gold By Heaven I am and but for this aversion I find in you I would have Married Isabella to you Theodore To me Sir Gold Yes to you Theodore 'T is a thing I must confeâ—s I have no inclination in the world to but I will obey your commands in any thing Gold No no mistake me not I 'le not force your inclination Theodore Sir I am easily inclined to any thing you please to impose upon me Gold No Sir I will impose nothing those Marriages can never be happy where affections do not meet Theodore I 'le sacrifice my affection to interest and your commands Gold No no if you had loved her you should have Married her in my stead but since you have such an aversion I 'le follow my first design and marry her my self Theodore Then Sir I must speak freely to you I love her infinitely and designed to ask your consent at the same time you declared your intention to marry her your self and you might easily have perceived how that declaration surprised me Gold 'T is very well did you ever reveal your love to her Theodore I have Sir and she received it very kindly and her Mother too if you will quit her of her engagement will freely dispose of her to me Gold And has the Daughter consented to this say you Theodore She has Sir and I am extreamly happy that you are pleased to give your consent nothing else could be wanting to compleat my happiness Gold I will give you my consent to hang your self but not to marry her I assure you Theodore How 's this Gold ' Slife I had been finely serv'd to have been bob'd of my Mistriss for a story of a Countess of I know not what this was a fine conspiracy Aside Theod. Sir You are very mysticall pray let me understand you Gold I speak plainly Do not dare once to think of loving this Lady Have you the impudence to pretend to one whom I reserve for my selfe Theod. This makes me mad Sir Since you provoke me thus I doe pretend to her and will never quit those pretensions but with my life Gold Impudent villaine to speak thus to your Father Theodor. In other things I respect you as my Father but love knowes no body Gold I will make you know me or I 'le cut your throat Theodore A lover and affraid of threats Gold And shall I that am a love endure this insolence Theod. I will not make use of my plot yet things are not ripe Gold Out of my doores you Rascall Theodor. Fare you well Sir Exit Theodore Gold This designe was well scaped but'le watch your waters I warrant you Exit Gold Squeeze Lettice and Cheatly Squeeze My dear I doubt not thy constancy so pretty a creature cannot be false to one that loves her as I do Lettice Indeed I can think of no body but you the thoughts of you are the last that leave me at night and the first that salute me in the morning Cheat I am sure I am sufficiently troubled with her she talkes and thinks of nothing but you if I aske her a question about business she answers me something about you and is so out of humour when you are absent I hear some body knock Knocking at the dore Exit Cheat. Squeeze Alas poor thing my deare pretty Lettice Lettice My dear Mr. Squeeze I can find no satisfaction but in thy conversation 't is so charming and pleasant She stroaks his cheeks Squeeze Thou art the rarest woman upon earth Let me kiss thy hand upon my knees He kneels I know thou lovest me and art true to me for which I 'le reward thee to the full There 's ne're a one of 'em all shall keep his Mistress better than I do go to the Goldsmiths and chuse a hundred pounds worth of Plate I 'le send mony for 't by an unknown hand Lettice Alas how can I deserve it I can returne nothing but my thanks nor can I desire any thing from you but your constancy Aside upon these termes Squeeze I will be as constant to thee as the Sun and Moon are to their courses Lettice But I shall have you get a young Wife and forget mee Squeeze If I should marry my Dear it should be for money that I might spare the more for thee besides what married man Loves not his Mistress better than if he were single a Wife is but a foyle to a Mistress Lettice 'T is true this is the fashionable opinion but you would be of another mind I feare Squeeze Prethee believe me if I had a Wife thou should'st have power to turne her out of dores at thy pleasure thou shouldst ride in myglass Coach when she took a hackney thou shouldst have my purse my heart and every thing are Wives to be compar'd to Mistresses that would be a fine age i' faith Lettice This is extreame kind you are a good Man I could never endure that a Wife should share affection with me especially from thee my Deare She stroakes him on the head Squeez Nay prethee my dear do not stroke my head 't is bald but 't is not with age for I am not above eight and thirty but the hair came off with a
you in private if I had not married the aforesaid Mrs. Ioyce I believe they would have forc'd me to it for my part Sir I don't like 'em for between you and I they won above forty Pound on me But to give the Devil his due the Gentlewoman is a Pretty Gentlewoman and they say has a good Portion Theodore To Hazard and Rant This relation pleases me but pray take away your Fool for I have business of great concernment Rant This was all we had to say to you Fare you well Hazard Tim come along dear soul. Tim. Ay come Cousin To Theodore Sir your Servant to command Exeunt all but Theodore Enter Robin Robin Sir I have a Present for you but let us begon Sir and take it in another place pray follow me I am weary with carrying it Theodore What means the fellow Robin Here is a Chest of money of your Fathers that was hid in the Garden Theodore Of my Fathers how camest thou by it Robin Not very honestly Sir but this is no place to ask questions in now I am Reveng'd on him for calling me theif follow me Sir Theodore This is a lucky supply Exeunt Robin and Theodore Enter at another door William Cheatly and Bridget with a Page Cheatly Is Madam Theodora within Will. She is gone out with Mr. Bellamour Cheatly Is not your Master within Will. We expect him every minute Madam Ex. Will. Cheatly Now Mrs. Bridget can you represent a Stately Countess Bridget Never fear me Page hold up my Train Sirrah I can beare my head as high as any Lady in Christendom Cheatly Remember when any body Salutes you to turne your Cheek to him as great Ladies use that 's very convenient too for concealing a tainted breath Bridget Mine is not so but I 'le not forget it Cheatly But thou hast so used to offer thy mouth that thou wilt forget it Enter Gold Gold Oh Sir your Servant the Countess of Puddle Dock is come to see Mrs. Theodora Gold Aside Countess of Puddle-Dock I never heard of that Title it may be 't is some Scotch or Irish Title To Bridget Madam I kiss your Honour's hand where is my Daughter that she comes not to wait on her Honour Cheatly Not within This is the Countess I spoke of Softly Gold Let me see if this be a Countess and has such a Fortune no more then of Isabella but I must into the Garden to my dear Gold Madam I 'le wait on your Honour presently Ex. Goldingham Cheatly Is not this an amiable old Gentleman Bridget As bad as he is I am not so nice but I could make shift with him Golding within Murder murder Oh Theeves theives Cheat. What 's the meaning of this is the man mad Enter Goldingham Golding Thieves thieves murder murder death devils damnation Hell and furies thieves thieves I am undone undone they have cut my throat they have murder'd me they have stole my money where is it what 's become on 't where are the Thieves where have they hid themselves whither shall I go to find 'em what shall I do shall I run shall I stay are they here are they there where are they Cheatly What is it transports you thus Golding Oh are you here give me my money He tugs and hales Cheatly where 's my Gold confess or I 'le rack you where is my dear Gold my poor Gold give it me conceale it no longer Cheatly Help help will you murder me Bridg. Are you Mad 't is Mrs. Cheatly Golding Another is there more of your number I will hang ye all where is my money Money Money Iames. What 's the Matter Sir Enter Iames Roger Will. Cheatly Come Countess 't is time to shift for our selves Golding falls on 'em with his Caine. Oh you thieves my Gold my Gold give me my Gold I 'le hang ye I 'le drown ye I 'le murder ye all oh my Gold must I lose thee Iames. He raves help to hold him He breaks from them they run away Golding I have lost my money my life my blood my entrals my heart my vitalls I dye I am dead I am buried will no body save my life and help me to it oh I am mad what say you will you hum alas I am mad there 's no body Oh my money my soule Justice Justice I will hang all the Towne if Isabella has a hand in 't I will hang her I will beg the help of Constables Beadles Churchwardens Baylies Sergeants Justices Aldermen Judge Gibbet Gallowes and Hangmen I will hang my son and daughter if they be guilty and if I find not my Money I will hang my self Iames. My master Sir is Mad be pleased to command him in his Majesties name to keep his worships wits Golding Oh neighbour Justice you are come in season I am rob'd undone make me a Mittimus Iustice. For whom neighbour Goldingham Gold For all Covengarden I will hang every body oh my Gold Iustice. You 'l spoyl all if you be thus outragious we must examine such things privately or you will never have notice of your Money Golding Oh my money I cannot containe my selfe but if you will assist me I 'le endeavour Iames. Ha is my Master Rob'd now I may be fully revenged of our dominus factotum for my beating and other things To Gold I am mistaken or I can give you some light into this business Golding Speake what can you say if you do not discover it I will hang you Iames. I do certainly believe that Mr Bellamour has it Golding What he that appear'd so true and faithfull to me Iames. The same Sir I believe 't is he that has rob'd you Golding Pray Sir make his Mittimus I 'le hang him if there were no more of the race of all mankind Iustice. But why do you believe it Sir Iames. Why do I believe it Sir Iust. Yes Iames. Why why why because I do believe it Iustice. But I must have some proofs Gold Did you see him dig where my money was hidden Iames. Oh yes Sir why should I say so else Where did you lay your money Gold In the Garden Iames. Ay there I saw him digging What was your money in Gold In a Chest. Iames. Why there 's the business now I saw him have a Chest and the very same Chest you mean Iustice. What manner of Chest is it Iames. What manner of one 'Sdeath I shall be snap'd Aside Iustice. How is it made Iames. Why 't is made 't is made very like a kind of a Chest extraordinary like a Chest. Iustice. But how Iames. Why 't is a great Chest. Gold Mine is a little one Oh my Gold Iames. Ay so was this in it self but for what it contained it was a great one and was so heavy that I am sure it made him puffe and blow to carry it Gold It must be the same mine is very heavy Iustice. Hold a little pray what Colour is it of Iames. Of what Colour Iustice. Yes
Iames. Why it is of a colour a certain Colour I know not what a deus they call it but really it is very pretty Colour for a chest that 's the truth on 't Iames. Was it not a red Gold No no mine 's a green one Iames. Lord you are so hasty a reddish green I was going to say Gold The same Sir pray make his mittimus and let him be hang'd Enter Bellamour Iames. Here he comes let him not discover this of me perhaps hee 'l confess it Gold Come you Villain come near and confess your wickednesse your abominable action Bell. What do you mean Sir Gold Oh horrid traytor do you not blush Bell. Has he heard any thing of his daughter and me for what should I blush Sir Gold Oh impudence as if he knew not what I meant but all your villany is discover'd oh wretch to come into my house to betray me and abuse my goodnesse with so infamous an action Bell. Sir since you have discover'd me I 'le make no more excuses Aside Iames. That I should guess so right when I swear at a venture I told you Sir hee 'd confesse To the Iustice. Iustice. He ha's confess'd in part but we must have more yet Bell. It was my designe to tell you of this but I stay'd for a happier opportunity and I beseech you be not angry ' till I give my reasons Golding Oh abominable insolence he would be giving me reasons for his infamous theft like an impudent Thiefe Bell. These Titles are none of mine and you 'l find if you examine it that my crime is pardonable Golding Oh devill pardonable to take away my soul my life my blood Bell. I am in a condition to do your blood no wrong and to make full reparation for this pretended injury Golding Oh you overjoy me will you make restitution Bell. Your honour shall be fully satisfyed Golding Pox on my honour I don't talk of my honour But what could incite you to such action Bell. Love Golding A pox on your love admirable love indeed love of my broad pieces Bell. No sir it is not your Gold that I care for let me but enjoy what I have already and I care for nothing in the world beside Gold Oh intollerable insolence he justifies his theft and would keep what he has stollen He distracts me Sir you shall be hang'd drawn and quarter'd before you shall keep the least part of it Iust. No Sir you must not keep what you have got by your favour Bell. With your favour Sir but I must we have mutually engaged our faiths and are now married and nothing but death shall part us Golding Ingaged his faith and married to my Chest aside 't is enough make his Mittimus that he may be hang'd and so be divorced from it Iust. Here is some mystery where is this Treasure you have taken Bell. Here in the house Iust. Have you not broke it up Bell. Broke her up better words Sir or I shall forget my respect to you I assure you shee 's too honest Golding How my Chest of money too honest aside Bell. Her fair eyes have inspired in me a more refined passion Golding The Faire eyes of my chest aside Bell. I see Sir 't is in vaine to conceale the truth any longer 'T is not a quarter of an Houre since your daughter and I were married in Covengarden and without a Portion Gold Oh devil is that affront added to my losse Bell. Without portion consider that Sir Gold Make his Mittâ—mus you shall be hang'd you Villaine send him to the Gatehouse quickly Bell. How be hang'd I assure you though I stole your daughter 't was with her own consent Iust. But you have confest a more capital theft or if you had not 't is sworn against you and I must send you to the Gaol Enter Theodora Theodora Oh Heaven what do I hear Sâ—r â—â—veou had any affection for me hear me now this Gentleman is a man of Quality and Fortune Gold A curse on him he has rais'd his Fortune on my ruines and for his Quality 't will bring him to the Gallows Theodora For Heaven's sake Sir use no extremity on him I consented to all he did if there be a fault committed against you I am equally guilty and will suffer with him Gold Heaven my own Daughter guilty of such an action she shall be hang'd send her to the Gaol immediately no less then six thousand broad pieces at a time Thâ—odora Sir I underotand you not Gold Oh cunning Baggage look you Mr. Iustice she understands me not I 'le have her hang'd my own Daughter Rob me Theodora Rob you I am amaz'd Bell. Sure Sir you are not compos mentis Iustice. I am sorry to find ye guilty of so great a Fellony I must send ye both to the Goal without Bail or Mainprize Enter Theodore Theodore Brother I heard you were in this condition and came to rescue you Gold Oh Villian are you come to heighten my affliction with the sight of you Theodore Sir I come about a little business that concerns you Gold Business with me you insolent Rebel what can that be Theodore Sir the money is right Gold What money you impertinent Ass Theodore The broad pieces that were in the Garden they are just six thousand and I 'le give you an acquittance under my hand for them Gold O Devil had you them Theodore They were received by my order to my own proper use and behooâ—e I say Received per me Theodore Golding strikes at Theodore O Barbarous insolence I will cut your throat Iustice. Nay good Neighbour keep the peace Gold I cannot keep the peace I will not keep the peace let the peace keep its self 't is impossible to keep the peace Iustice. By your leave Sir you must keep the peace and not be Judge in your own case Gold Send him to Gaol then presently Iustice. Be patient and I will Theodore Why would you have the Conscience to hang your Son Gold Give me my Gold and I 'le spare your life Theodore No Sir your Gold is in sure hands 't is held in Mortmain Gold Then I will hang you Rogue make his Mittimus Theodore You may please to remember that there is a Colledge Lease of 4 hundred Pounds a year that you hold only by my life you will lose that if you hang me besides your broad pieces of which you shall never have one by Heaven Gold Nay then I cannot be in a worse condition than I am make hast Sir with his Mittimus Iustice. 'T is a making Theodore Hold Sir you must not make it I did not Stâ—al the Gold I did but Sieze upon 't for the Kings use Gold By Heaven I owe the King not a farthing I paid the last assessment it went to my heart I am sure and yet to say truth the Assessors have stretch'd their consciences against the King all over England God bless them Have you the impudence to