Gold Of whom do you speak Sirrah Robin Of covetous men Gold What are those covetous men Robin Rogues Villans Dogs Caterpillers Horse-Leeches Vipers Theives Robbers Sons of Whores Gold How now you Rascal Robin Why do you trouble your selfe Sir you are none of those may not I curse covetous Rogues Gold Sirrah to whom did you speak thus tell me Robin I spoke it I spoke it to that Rogue Dives in the Picture there Gold And I speak to your fools head there Sirrah take that do you feele me Rogue Robin Ay pox on you against my will Aside Gold Again Sirrah out of my doors I say you insolent Villain Robin A curse on him he has broken my bones Ex. Robin Gold Oh the pains the Jealousies and fears a man must suffer that has great summes of money to guard I cannot find one place safe enough about the house Coffers and Trunks Theives can never scape Let me see this particular Imprimis a thousand Pound for which I have Pawnes worth two at above fifty per Cent. Item in the City five thousand Pound for which I have ten per Cent and the best security in England Enter Theodore and Theodora Item in Morgages of Land from young Gay Sparks 6000l Oh but that dear sum of six thousand broad pieces in my Garden that transports me He sees his Son and Daughter 'Sdeath that I should read this Note loud I have betrayed my self they have over-heard me and I am ruin'd would they were both hang'd Well what 's the matter with you have you been long there Theo. No Sir but now come Gold What do ye stand listening Theo. Not we I assure ye Gold Come come ye did if they over-heard me I shall hang my self Theodora Not we I assure you Sir Gold I was saying to my self how happy should I be if I had but six thousand Pound in the world Theo. You need not wish that Gold 'T is false 't is false Oh would to heaven I had Oh how happy should I be I should never complain then that the times are hard not I. Theodora This is all but Raillerie Sir Theodore You have more than five times as much Gold 'Sdeath what says he Oh thou Villain thou Viper thou have I bred thee up to destroy me are my Children become my greatest enemies Theo. Are those your enemies that say you are rich Gold Oh it is the vilest injury you can do me such discourses as these will make my throat be cut Thieves will believe I am all made up of Gold your extravagant expences too will make 'em think so Theo. I know none I am guilty of unless keeping my self clean be so Gold Oh your Periwigs your Ribbands your Laces you are as much a Spark as any of those that go fine keep Whores and pay no debts about the Town and if the truth were known you and your Sister here must Rob me to do it Theo. He will have good luck that Robs you Aside You know my Sister ventures some money at Sea that was left her by an Aunt and for me I am sometimes lucky at play and I eat and drink and keep my self handsomly drest with it Gold Handsomly foolishly to what end are these multitudes of Ribbands this Flaxen Mop of Whores Hair and this Flanders Lace upon the Shirt I warrant this Habit cost thirty Pound now if you do win money put it to other uses you foolish young Knave 30 l. comes to six and thirty shillings a year according to Statutable use But thou mightest make twenty Pound a year on 't if thou hadst any braines and with such use upon use what would 30 l. come to in seven years Theodora But Sir my Brother and I came to talke with you of other business Gold Well and I have something to say to you of other business Theo. T is concerning Marriage Sir Gold And I intended to speak to you concerning Marriage Theodora Ah Father Gold Ah Father what 's that for what what you would be at it already would you soft and fair young Gentlewoman Theo. No Sir my Sister is affraid that your opinion of Marriage will not agree with ours Gold Fear not you shall have no cause of complaint I shall do well for you both and first of all have you Theodore seen one Isabella that lyes near this place Theo. O yes Sir several times in her Balcony Gold And you Theodora I have heard of her Sir Gold Well Son and how do you find that Lady Theo. She 's admirably handsome I have never seen her equal Gold Her face ha Theo. Beyond what e're a Lover fancied of his Mistress Gold Her shape is it not well Theo. Not only faultless but excellent to a miracle Gold Her meen ha Theo. Graceful and admirable Gold Her ayer and her manner Theo. The most charming in the world her ayer so full of modesty and wit her carriage so allureing and gentle I have never seen the like Gold Oh oh would not this Lady make a pleasant bed-fellow Theo. It were a happiness beyond all expression such as 't were not safe to think on 't Gold But there is one point to be consider'd her Portion Theo. Oh Sir that with so fine a Lady is not considerable not to be mentioned Theodora Besides Sir I have heard she has a tollerable fortune Theo. Never think of that Gold Well I am glad we agree so well in our opinions of this Lady for by these charming qualities she has so won upon me that I am resolved forthwith to marry her Theo. Oh heaven Gold What say you Hastily Theo. Are you resolved say you Gold Yes to marry Isabella Theo. Who you you Gold Yes I I I why what do you make of me young Cox-comb Theo. 'Sdeath this has struck me to the heart Ex. Theo. Gold Who cares go get some Aqua-Vitae I hope this young Prodigal Ass will hang himself at the news of a young Mother-in-Law This Daughter is that which I resolve for my self now for him I have provided a grave Matron of about 50 with a great deal of money and you I intend to marry to Timothy Squeeze the rich Scriveners Son a very thrifty young man Theodora Heaven what do I hear Gold He 's a very pretty young man and knowes how to make sixty per Cent of his money Theodora Sir if you please I will not marry Gold Madam if you please you shall marry Theodora Pray pardon me Sir Gold Pray pardon me Madam Theodora You may command me in any thing but this Gold I will command you in this and to night too Theodora To night that shall not be Gold That shall be Theodora No Sir Gold Yes Sir Theodora I 'le kill my self before I marry him Gold You shall not kill your self and you shall marry him but did ever Father endure such insolence from a Daughter Theodora Was ever Daughter so severely used by a Father Gold All the world will allow of my choyce Theodora No man of sense will Enter Bellamour Gold Here comes Bellamour will you be judg'd by him Theodora With all my heart This is lucky enough Aside Gold Look you Bellamour my Daughter disputes
with me which do you think has reason she or I Bell. Oh Sir you without question Gold Do you know what we were talking of Bell. No Sir but you cannot be in the wrong Gold Look you you are to be Judge I would marry her to Timothy Squeeze the rich Scriveners Son this night and the baggage despises him Bell. And am I to be Judge Gold Ay of this Bell. Oh heaven Gold What say you Bell. I am of your opinion Sir in the main but your Daughter is not wholly in the wrong Gold Why why is Mr Timothy's Person or Fortune to be rejected where can she have a better Bell. That 's true Sir but she may say 't is too rash to resolve to do it so suddenly and that she ought to have some time to accommodate her inclinations to him Gold Time come I must take occasion by the fore-lock his Father that is very rich but of mean extraction will for the sake of good Allyance let his Son marry her without a Portion Bell. Nay then I must say no more that is a convincing reason she must submit to that Theodora What means Bellamour Aside Gold I know not what 't is to her I am sure 't is the most confiderable reason in the world to me Bell. Without doubt Sir no man can contradict that but your Daughter may answer you that Marriage is the most solemn thing in the world and that which must make her always either happy or miserable Gold Without Portion mark that Bell. You have reason Sir that decides all But Sir people will tell you that the inclination of your Daughter ought to be a little regarded and that forcing affections has often ruined the best of Families Gold What without Portion Bell. Nay there can be no reply to that 't is true there are a great many Fathers that prize the satisfaction of their Daughters and would never Sacrifice them to interest but would consult their affections Gold But again I say without Portion Bell. 'T is true without Portion is an answer to every thing and who can resist such reason as vours Gold To himself Oh heaven I hear the Dog bark I am so affraid of this money I must into the Garden stay here Ex. Goldingham Theodora Bellamour you are in the wrong to talk thus with him Bell. If I should oppose him Madam I should ruine our design and you will do better to feign a consent to what he commands Theodora But for this sudden Marriage to night Bell. Wee 'l find means to break it and make him consent to it Theodora What can you invent Bell. Feign some sickness and desire him to delay't for that Theodora Physitians will find out that deceit Bell. Madam he would scarce be at the charge of one to save his own life much less yours Theodora But he has Kindred that will give him their advice for nothing Bell. Madam do you believe in Doctors do you think they know more than Nurs-keepers I warrant you Madam counterfeit what distemper you please they 'l find reasons enough to tell you from whence it comes Enter Goldingham Gold Heaven be praised all 's well there was no body Bell. Besides Madam our last recourse shall be to discover our selves and our affections and if you can be constant as I doubt not Goldingham is seen by them Madam as I was saying a Daughter ought not to dispute her Fathers will or once think whether she likes the man or no whom he chuses for her especially where that invincible reason of without Portion offers its self Theodora flings from him hastely and goes out Gold Well said Bellamour Bell. Sir I ask you pardon that I make so bold with your Daughter Gold I am orejoy'd at it you have done exceeding well Bell. Sir I will never fail to urge her with arguments and especially that undeniable one of without Portion Gold 'T is very well Bell. Oh Sir there 's nothing in this world so precious as money not Honour Birth Education Wit Courage Vertue Wisdom Religion Loyalty Gold Oh there spoke an Oracle dear Bellamour I could hug thee for this thou shalt follow and advise her But first give me some little account of this days business has Sarah the Orange-Wench redeem'd her Thumb-Ring that I lent her ten shillings upon last week Bell. No Sir Gold 'T is forfeited then it weighs two and twenty Has the fellow that cryes old Cloths redeem'd the new Velvit Coat which I believe he Stole or the Oyster-Woman her Red Petticoat with Silver Lace on 't or has the Cobler redeem'd his Pewter that he Pawn'd for money to buy Soles or has the Country Gentlewoman that lost her money at play taken out her Watch for which she is feign to make excuses to her Husband and say 't is a mending Bell. None of these Gold Has the Whetston Whore redeem'd her Mantoplicee and her Silk-dy'd Petticoat with Gold and Silver Lace Bell. No poor soul she has had ill trading of late Gold There is a Bauds Silver Aqua-Vitae Bottie a Midwife's hackny Satin Mantle with old fashion'd Gold Lace a Herald Painter's Hears-Cloth and Velvit Pall besides let me see an Attorneys Clerk Pawn'd a Beaver of his Masters in the Country there is too a Porters and a Water-mans Silver Badge the Fidler's Violin the Hackny Trumpeter's Brass Trumpet the Barber 's inlayd Razor Case with Silver heads to his Instruments are any of these redeem'd to day Bell. None of 'em Sir Gold They are forfeited to Hell with them ab inferis nulla redemptio this has been a happy week Bellamour two young Sparks have forfeited Morgages this week they are the sweetest people to deal with they seldom fail of forfeiting them and I never fail to take 'em but prethee go to my Daughter and advise her Bell. I will Sir Better then you think Aside Gold How happy am I in this servant well if this trade holds I shall tumble in money and next to that The greatest pleasure I can have of life Is in cold age to have a warm young wife ACT. II. SCE. II. Enter Squeeze Timothy Roger. Sque. IS Mr. Goldingham at home Roger. He is in the Garden where he always is I 'le tell him you are here Ex. Roger. Sque. Come Timothy Cheere up has 't not thou forgot to put on thy little Cuffs to Comb thy head and get thy hair powder'd Tim. No no I have my best Cloaths on too just as I used to go to Church but de ' hear Sir I shall be asham'd when Theodora comes de ' see for on my conscience and soul I shall never learn how to Suitour a woman Sque. Take my directions and I warrant thee Tim. How did you go to work to Suiter my Mother Sque. Why I 'le tell
thee when I was a young man Oh the happy days we lived in then I could woe a young Gentlewoman with as much dexterity as the Sprucest Gallant on 'em all Tim. I long to hear before Mrs. Theodora comes Sque. Why look you suppose thou wert thy Mother stand there and I 'le tell you she was as fine a young Lass as any Aldermans Daughter though she was but a Button-makers Daughter and as well bred too I am sure it cost her Father ten shillings a month for her learning to Dance and she play'd most violently upon the Cittern too But stand still thus I begun He Salutes and Kisses Timothy Then forsooth your Servant said I wont you please to sit down here 's a Chair and please you He sets a Chair for Timothy and sits down by him Tim. I vow this is very well de ' conceive me Sque. Then thus I went on pray give me leave to kiss your hand He kisses Timothy's hand Tim. O Lord Sir Sque. I protest and vow I have a very great affection for you the very thoughts of you has often broke my sleep and made me fetch many a sigh Tim. Ha ha ha very well I vow Sque. For you are very handsom as I am an honest man and I cannot but love you an I were to be hang'd for 't Tim. 'T is your goodness more than my desert Sque. Good lack to see the luck on 't she made that very answer I protest Tim. Oh Gemini why did she Sque. Yes but to go on said I I am come to see if you can love such a one as I am and I was then as pretty a young Fellow as any in the City and if you can said I I shall be very well content to make you my wife Tim. Ay but Mrs. Theodora they say is most pestilent Coy Sque. 'T is no matter be thou bold and she 'l not deny thee Tim. Ay and I will now you bid me though I venture my life for 't de ' understand me Sque. Do stand up to her man and kiss her she 'l not deny thee for thou art a very pretty Fellow though I say 't stand up let me see turn thee about well made too well thou takest just like me I was just such another when I was young Enter Goldingham and Bellamour Gold Mr. Squeeze you are welcome Sque. Thank you good Sir Gold And you Mr. Timothy Tim. Thank you good Sir as my Father said before me Sque. This is the young man I bring to your Daughter Tim. Ay Sir I make bold to come a woing to Mrs. Theodora de ' conceive me if your worship please Gold With all my heart Bell. An excellent choice an accomplisht Rival have I I should sooner be jealous of a Ballad-singer or a Pick-pocket Aside Gold Bellamour go call my Daughter Bell. I will Sir A curse on him must she be baited by this Bandog Ex. Bell. Gold While the young people are together wee 'l drink a Cup I would send for a Pint of white Wine or half a Pint of Sack for you but the Vintners do play the Rogues so and put Horse-flesh dead Dogs mens bones Molossus Lime Brimstone Stumme Allom Sloes and Arsnick into their Wine but I 'le send for a Cup of wholesome Ale for you Enter Bellamour and Theodora Sque. With all my heart Bell. There 's the sweet youth he has provided for you Tim. Now Father stand by me Gold This Daughter is the pretty young man I told you of Theodora He looks more like a Corn-Cutter than a Lover Aside Sque. Your servant young Gentlewoman He Salutes her Tim. Your servant forsooth I make bold to Salute you de ' see I vow 't is the sweetest kiss that ever I had in all my life you kiss very well Mrs. Theodora pray let me have another Theodora Hold Sir not too fast Tim. Why look you Father did I not tell you how 't would be Sque. You were a little too forward Son Gold Come let 's leave the young people they 'l do best together Sque. Ay I warrant you they had rather be alone Gold D'y ' hear Theodora be civil to him Bellamour Ex. Goldingham Squeeze and Bellamour Tim. So now we are alone Mrs Thea I call you Thea for shortness de ' see will you please to sit down I l'e try now if I can out-do my Father Aside Theodora To wait upon you I will Sir What a ridiculous Lover have I Aside Tim. Come Mrs. Thea I profess my Legs are very weary I have been all this morning dunning for money at this end of the Town and I promise you I mind my business as well as e're a young man in the City that wears a head but a deus take 'em they do so fob me off with Protections hereabouts Theodora They do ill to disappoint so fine a Person Tim. Ah forsooth you are pleased to say so but come now I think on 't pray where 's your Maid Theodora Why do you ask Tim. If you please to send her to some Tavern where you have Credit I 'de make bold to send for a Pint of Sack for you there I out-do my Father a whole half Pint. Theodora Oh admirable breeding Aside By no means I don't love it I assure you Tim. Then I 'le send for a Bottle of white Wine I have Sugar in my pocket the Rogues at Tavern 's make us pay three pence a paper for it Theodora A thrifty consideration but I drink no Wine Tim. Nay peuh Mrs Thea you say this now to save me Charges de ' see but alas I care no more for money than I do for the dirt under my foot d' you understand me if I had you at the Pope's Head I 'de give you half a peck of Oysters I have as good Credit there as ere an Alderman's Son of 'em all no dispraise but faith I will send for White-Wine now you shall not say me nay Theodora Oh intollerable I will have none sent for Enter Iames. Iames. Sir your Father bids me tell you he is sent for to Chatolins to some young Blades whom he is to take up Tim. 'T is very well Come Mrs Thea pray be not angry but let us to our business Theodora Have you any with me Tim. Yes that I have and very earnest business too I 'le tell you that Theodora What is it Tim. Look you Mrs. Thea pauca verba the short and the loug on 't is I have had a very great affection for you any time these two months ever since I saw you at Covengarden Church de ' conceive me Theodora Oh wonderful Tim. As I am an honest man you have stuck as close to my heart all the time as a Burr de ' understand me nay I have scarce slept a quiet night all that time for dreaming on you Theodora 'T is impossible Tim. Nay feck now 't is true whereupon my Father seeing me in this condition advised me to come to you for
then Playes she detests Gold This is admirable I am each minute more in love with her Cheat. Then she never gives a farthing to the poor though she sees 'em starving Gold How admirably shall we agree for I hate the poor as much as she can do Cheat. Then she abominates Singing-Masters French-Masters Dancing-Masters Harpsical-Masters above measure now to sum up all these things they will amount to 2450 l. a year for her life there 's four hundred and fifty Pound above your sum Gold Mrs. Cheatly these things are very good but they are not real goods I would have something that I might give an Acquittance for and say I say Received per me Humphrey Goldingham Cheat. Are not all these excellent qualities real Goods and I assure you you may receive them when you please Gold These are not Goods and Chattels Mrs. Cheatly I must touch somthing Cheat. Touch why you shall touch her and touch her all over and as much as you please there 's a delicate creature to touch there 's a touch for you Gold Ay but I must touch money there 's a delicate thing to touch there 's a touch for you Cheat. Money you shall have too they have a good Estate in the North which I have heard them speak of Gold That must be seen But there 's one difficulty more she is young and I fear will not be brought to love an old man Cheat. Cods me I had like to have forgot that quality of hers she has the most unconquerable aversion in the world for all young men she was to have been Married t'other day and broke off the match because she found the man was not above fifty Gold It cannot be sure Cheat. Upon my word 't is true she says the young men of this age are nothing but brisk airy conceited gay proud ignorant foolish singing dancing Baboones in huge Periwigs not fit for wives Gold It is impossible Cheat. If you did but see her Seals and the few Pictures she ha's not of Adonis Paris Apollo Narcissus or any young Figures but of Saturne King Priam Anchises Nestor Methusalem and some of the old Partiarchs Iohn of the times and old Parre Gold This is incomparable indeed if I were a young woman I should never endure young Fellows for my part I wonder what they can see in them to love 'em so Cheat. Ay I wonder what pleasure they can take in 'em Oh yur fine old man for my money he 's the civilest quietest Bed-fellow worth a thousand of these young Fops that are ever upon the spur like a Citizen on a Journey Gold 'T is your goodness But canst thou not bring this Isabella to Supper to night to my house I am to give Mr. Squeeze and his Son a Supper who shall marry my Daughter immediately and if you can bring this Lady I would kill two Birds with one stone as that excellent thrifty Proverb says Cheat. Ne're doubt it Sir I 'le bring her after Dinner to see your Daughter and they may take the ayr in your Coach together and so come back to Supper Gold Prethee go about it instantly Cheat. But Sir Gold Nay prethee Mrs. Cheatly go about it make no delays prethee go now Cheat. One word more Gold No more for heaven sake go now Cheat. I must speak to you Gold By no means go just now about it now go quickly He thrusts her on towards the door Cheat. Well there is nothing to be done with this old Fellow now Ex. Cheatly Gold This Cheatly is a rare woman but I was plaguily affraid she would have asked to borrow money of me after she had done her story 'Sdeath what do I hear the Garden door opens she 's gone in there I must watch her and my dear dear money Exit Enter Bellamour and Theodora as Gold is going out Theodora What makes my Father in such hast I believe he is gone into the Garden where he goes a hundred times a day But pray Bellamour is your man returned you sent into the North to enquire of your Father Bell. Madam I expect him to night But my dearest Theodora since I have your heart there 's nothing else I have within my eye or thought let us not think of business but imploy this happy minute in talking of love Theodora Here 's my Father to your advice again Enter Goldingham Gold So all 's safe in the Garden Bell. Madam you must obey and marry him to night your Father will not delay the making of you happy Theodora To night is too sudden Bellamour Bell. 'T is never too soon to obey your Father Madam Gold Admirably well said dear Bellamour never was man so happy in a servant Come into the next Room Daughter I warrant you my man and I will soon convince you Theodora Let me beg you will defer it Sir Gold I will have it despatch'd to night come along Exeunt omnes Rant Hazard Lettice and Ioyce at Chatolins Rant That Theodore should be such a Villain to disappoint us Hazard I wonder he should have no more care of his own soul than to break his word with honest Fellows Lettice I believe he knows of my being here and has not the face to see me after some inconstancy I have taken him in lately Ioyce That she should pretend to an interest in him Mr. Rant but if every body that has injoyd her should be constant to her as she calls it she would have an Army of Lovers Rant God-a-mercy Mrs. Ioyce I 'le drink thy health for that here boy give me a Glass Boy gives a little Glass A pox on this thimble give me such a Glass as your Nonconforming Parson drinks in after labouring at a Conventicle as big as King Iohns Cup at Lyn or Iohn Calvins at Geneva That is fit for nothing but to wear in a mans Bandstring as your Citizens do Rings Boy Here 's one will fit you Sir Rant Fill it and strike it Lettice Here 's thy health in a brimmer Hazard have at thee Hazard I 'le do thee reason dear Rogue an 't were a Pulpit full of Burgundy I love such honest Fellows that let drinking and wenching go hand in hand Rant Faith they are such sweet sociable sinnes 't is pitty they should ever be parted Hazard Come boy my Glass Lettice But where 's the Fiddlers you promised us Rant Here 's Captain Theodore Enter Theodore They cannot be farr off Theodore How now Gentlemen what so forward already Ladies your servant Rant You see Theodore we are not wanting we provide you good Company but I am sorry you came not to Dinner Lettice You see Mr. Theodore what I venture for your company to undergo the Scandal of these Gentlemen Theodore No Scandal I hope Mrs. Lettice for women of your Tribe like Fanaticks are above Ordinances Ioyce Mr. Theodore you are very unkind of late one can never see you But you see I can venture to be ruin'd with my Alderman to see you
Squeeze finds me here I shall be ruin'd for ever Cheat. Pray le ts withdraw into another Room more private Theodore Go all into another Room and I 'le come to you suddenly I will but speak one word with my man Rant Come on Ladies Come Sir we must engage you till your Father comes Tim. Sir your servant I don't care if I spend my Pint with you and it be a Quart I have money enough de ' see Hazard And shall have little enough de ' see before we leave you Aside Ex. all but Theodore and Robin Theodore Come Robin is there any hopes of procuring the three hundred Pound Robin Yes Sir you may have the money upon some few conditions and I seeing you could not have it upon other termes told him you must have the money upon any condition Theodore So I must but what are they Robin I 'le read 'em to you Sir I have 'em here in writing first you must engage some reversion of Land for security Theodore That 's reasonable Robin Item Mr. Squeeze will have 30 l. for Broakerage for he but procures it Theodore Oh damn'd Iew Robin Have patience Sir you shall hear more Item the Gentleman that Lends it will not in conscience take above 6 in the hundred but he will have a Present of 30 l. for a pair of Candlesticks Theodore What cursed exaction's this Robin Item he will have you take the greatest part of it in Goods Theodore A curse on him what Moor or wild Arab is this Robin Hold Sir Imprimis a fine new Razor-Case with Razors and every thing suitable the Case in-layd with Silver and all the Instruments with Silver Heads very fit for your man to learn to shave by Theodore Death and Hell what 's this Robin Item A Bolonia Lute a Roman-Arch Lute 2 Gittars a Cremona Violin 1 Lyra Viol 1 Viol de Gambo and a Trump-Marin very fit for you if you be a lover of Musick Item a very neat Chess-Board and a pair of Tables very good to pass away the time with Theodore What abominable Villains are these Robin Item 15 large Pewter Dishes 2 Dozen of Pewter Plates two Brass Pots and a Kettle very useful for you against you keep house Item a Furnace of Brick with the Cornues and Recipients very fit for you if you be curious in Distilling Item 1 Scru'd Pistol 3 Muskets 1 Back Brest Head-Piece and Gauntlet and 5 Swords these things are valu'd at 160 l. Theodore What Inhuman bloody Rogues are these I should not have above 80 l. of all this money Heaven what shall I do money I must and will have though by all the extremities in the world Enter Squeeze and Goldingham Gold But do you think there is no danger Sque. None at all he says his Father is so well known that no man will question him Besides he is so pressed for money that hee 'l undergo what ever you can put upon him Gold That 's very well Sque. Besides hee 'l go to the ensurance Office and ensure his own life and his Fathers death as you know they will ensure any thing Gold That 's well again Theodore 'Sdeath who 's here my Father I am betrayd by this Rogue Sque. Oh Sir your servant this is the young Gentleman Mr. Goldingham that wants the money Gold Oh Heaven my Son I am amaz'd Sque. Is it his Son this is lucky above my wishes Aside he will disinherit him and my Son will have a Portion then a large one with his Daughter Theodore You Rascal did you betray me I 'le cut your throat you Dog Softly Sque. I betray you heaven forbid it Gold Oh you Villain is it you that abandon your self to these wicked extremities Theodore Is it you Sir that are guilty of these abominable extortions Gold Is it you that would ruin your self by your debauchery and borrow money upon such conditions Theodore Is it you Sir that seek to enrich your self by the Ruin of people in lending money upon such shameful conditions Gold Dare you appear before me after this Theodore Dare you appear before the world after this Gold Have you no shame in you you debauched Villain to spend thus impiously what I have sweat for to make away the reversion of your Estate upon such dishonorable conditions Theodore Do not you blush to dishonour your Name and Family by the most cruel exaction and unheard of subtleties that the most infamous of Usurers nay Iews themselves could ne're invent Gold Are you such a borrower Theodore Are you such a lender Gold Come along Mr. Squeeze I cannot endure the sight of this Villain any longer Ex. Goldingham and Squeeze Theodore So my affairs are in a very good posture I am disappointed of money and undone with my Father if I cannot find out a way to bring my selfe off Robin Make him believe that it was for another you inquired for the money and knowing that Squeeze dealt with your Father which I am sure you ne're suspected till now that you intended it for your Father's advantage Theodore Wee 'l think on 't and for Squeeze I hope my friends in the next Room will Revenge me to the full upon his Son I 'le into 'em and set them on ' Robin Do Sir and at misfortunes ne're repine While there are handsom Women and good Wine ACT. III. SCE. III. Enter Theodore and Bellamour Theo. SIR I have at length broke loose by force from my Company to wait on you my Sister has told the honour you have done her and me Bell. Sir I humbly beg your pardon for not first making my address to you My long absence had made me a stranger to all the Town and by that means to your Character had I known you to be a man of that honour I find you I should not have gone so indirect a way Theodore Sir I am happy that any way this favour can be conferred by a person of your worth upon my Sister and so much honour on my selfe and therefore 't is my interest as well as inclination to desire of you that all Names may be layd by between us too but that of Brother Bell. It is a Name that since you are pleased to honour me with it shall not be forgotten or ungratefully own'd while I live Theodore Dear Brother let me embrace you Bell. Let this eternally bind us my dearest Brother Theodore I am extreamly glad you have prevailed so upon my Fathers opinion since it may be of great use as well to your own affairs as to mine Bell. Do not distinguish our interests for yours is now become mine Theodore I am extreamly oblig'd to you for your kindness and I have now occasion to use you in a business of my own I know you will excuse my freedom Bell. There 's nothing you can ever do to me can need an excuse nor is there any thing you can ask of me which I can deny Theodore I doubt not but my Father has e're this
to put your self for my sake in so base a condition as to serve my Father which is worse than Rowing in Gallies this Testimony of your Love can never be forgotten Bell. Ah Madam one kind look from you will overweigh a thousand such small Services I must confess serving your Father is the severest Task I have to minister to his wretched Avarice and endure the curses of all whom his extortion grieves Pardon me dear Theodora that I take this liberty before you This is a Subject you know I can speak little good of Theo. I am too sensible of it but I am extreamly glad to see you gain so much upon him by your Artifices Bell. You see Madam Love is able to turne a man into all Shapes nay into the worst a Flatterer to a Covetous man But by the sordid applauding of what he does and observing all his Rules and Maximes I have gained this point That he will hear or believe no man so soon as me Theo. But why do you not discover this to my Brother and procure his assistance in it Bell. Your Father's and Brother's tempers are so opposite that it is impossible to accommodate my selfe to both of 'em but do you please to mannage our interests with your Brother he Loves you extreamly and will hear you I hear him coming I 'le away Ex. Bellamour Enter Theodore and Robin Theo. Robin go stay within till I call you Robin I will Sir Ex. Robin Theodore Dear Theodora I am glad you are here I have a secret of the greatest concernment in the world to me to discover to you Theodora I shall be glad to hear 't and if I can to serve you in it what have you to say Theodore A thousand things in one little word Love Theodora How Brother are you in Love I 'le tell you Theodore Hold Sister I know as well as you that I depend Scommatically upon a Father and that the name of Son carries an inviolable Duty along with it Theodora But Brother Theodore And that I ought not to engage my heart without the consent of him who gave me breath Theodora Do you hear Theodore And that Heaven has made our Parents disposers of our wills and that they are in a condition to see more and be less deceived than we Theodora Hold a little Theodore And that we ought to trust the Eyes of their wisdom before the blindness of our own passion Theodora Are you mad Theodore And that the heat of our youth misleads and betrays us often to dangerous precipices Theodora Not one of these wise things would I have said to you but tell me are you engaged to her you Love Theodore No but resolv'd in spight of all opposition and I conjure you give me no reasons Theodora Why do you believe I will Theodore You are no Lover and faith I am damnably affraid of your wisdom Theodora You know not my condition Brother but pray who is it that has Charm'd you thus Theodore A young Lady that Lyes near this place of so excellent a Beauty so delicate a creature I cannot think of her without an extasie Theodora Pray save your oratory and in short tell me who she is Theodore Her name is Isabella but that which is my extreamest trouble I have discover'd under hand that she is the Daughter of a sickly Widdow and of a small Fortune You know the abominable humour of my Father whose damn'd covetousness if I had not nâ—w and then a Lucky hand at play would make me forget all use of money so that I have scarce any possibility of giving this Lady the least proof of my affection and if I find not some means to do it I am lost Theodora It is an inhumane thing of him to put us both to our Shifts thus to get but ordinary Cloths Theodore Prethee Sister le ts Joyn in our Complaints to him and if he opposes us we will quit our selves of his insupportable Tyranny and seek our Fortunes together Theodora I hear him coming he 's inraged at something pray let us retire and consult what to say to him here he comes step in Theodore Come on Exeunt Theodore and Theodora Enter Goldingham and Robin Gold Out of my house you Dog begon make no replyes you Rascal that are a Sworn Thief the Gallows groans for you Robin Well there was never any thing so wicked as this Aside damn'd old Fellow and I think under correction the Devil 's in him Gold What 's that you mutter between your Teeth Sarrah Robin Why do you hunt me up and down thus Gold Out you Hang-Dog must you ask questions Out of my Doors or I 'le knock you down Robin A pox on this damn'd flea-flint Aside Why what have I done to you Gold Dispute no more begon Robin My Master gave me order to stay here for him Gold Get you gone and wait in the Street you Rascal must you stand here like a Sentinel and with your damn'd watchful Eyes be a Spy upon my actions to devour what I have 〈◊〉 to ferret up and down to see what there is to Steal Robin What a Devil do you think I should steal unless I should steal you Aside Besides He 's as watchful as an Owl a man that had killed seven men Pissing against a wall would rest more quietly Gold You Dog must I be daily in danger to be Rob'd by you Robin You are not a man to be Rob'd all you have is uner Lock and Key besides you profess your self to be in great dant Gold Aside Oh how I tremble Least this Rogue should suspect I have money hidden in my Garden If he do's I am ruin'd Though I have but little Sirraâ— I should be loth to loose it by such Rascals as you are Besides what 's Lock't up is not there a Tin Candlestick a Pair of Brass Snuffers a Nutmeg-Grater Bellows and a Darnock Carpet Robin I scorne 'em all Gold Come Sirrah you are one of the Rogues that reported that I have money hid Robin How have you money hid say you Gold No no you Dog I don't say so I have no money hid you Villain you Aside 'Sdeath he distracts me Robin Why what is 't to me whether you have or have not Gold What are you arguing I 'le beat your foolish reasons out of your head once more begon Robin Well I go Gold Stay have you taken nothing with you Robin You had best search me Gold Shew me your hands Robin There Gold The other Both together Stay have you put nothing here He feels in his Coat Pockets Robin What a Devil should I put there Gold Let me see here All this while Groping Robin Robin Such a man as you deserves to be Rob'd Gold What say you Robin I say I think you 'l grope me all over Gold So I will Sirrah Robin A Plague on all covetousness and covetous men Gold What 's that Robin I say a Plague upon all covetousness and covetous men
say I owe the King money Theodore Assist me Brother To Bellamour To Gold Do you think Sir the King will let you commit Softly Treason for nothing Gold Treason Theodore There are Arms and Ammunition in the Vault Sir if you be pleas'd to remember Bell. Have a care what you do Sir Treason will fall heavy upon a rich man you will be an excellent morsel for a Courtier Gold Have ye the impudence to speak of a Plot ye drew me into ye brace of Traitors and Villains Theodore Sir I know nothing of a Plot not I but my Brother and I can swear we saw Arms and Ammunition put in a Vault and we know from whom they were Receiv'd and the consideration too We shall find friends Sir Bell. Sir Release the Gold and make no more ado if it should be found out that we know of the Plot we should be pardon'd for bringing in so rich and Capital an offender but you would find no more mercy than ever you shew'd to one that forfeited a Morgage Gold A curse on these Villains I am caught in my own snare they are in the right I shall be sure to be hang'd but if I were sure they were to be hang'd with me it were no matter But Son are you in earnest will you not give me some of my Gold again Theodore Not one piece by heaven and pray Sir believe I deal fairly with you that I ask no more you know I have not had a shilling of you these dozen years 't is time now to gather my Arrears Gold What will become of me I must either lose my money or my life I know not which is best I think I must go hang my self for fear of being hang'd Iustice. What shall I send him to Goal Gold No let it alone I must forgive the Rogue for this time Theodore And do you release me of the money before all these witnesses Gold Yes yes but you cursed Villain I will be reveng'd on you I 'le marry Isabella get Children and disinherit you of all the rest of my Estate Theodore Now since you have Releast me look in your Chests in the Vault and you will find nothing but Lumber Gold And was it no Plot you drew me into Theodore No by heaven I but pretended it and your hard usage forced me to these extreamities Gold Oh unheard of Villain I will go marry Isabella instantly and I hope you will hang your self Theodore Stay Sir I have one thing more to ask of you This Lady and I are Married and beg your pardon and your blessing Enter Isabella Isabella Sir I beg your blessing and your pardon Heaven would have it thus and I could not help it Gold 'Sdeath and Hell Married you two Married Theodore 'T is now too late to perplex your self Gold Oh Treacherous wretches Oh this Engine of the Devil Cheatly with her damn'd Countess of Puddle-Dock Theodore Will you give us your blessing Sir we kneel for it They kneel Gold Yes I will give you my blessing Isabella I shall receive it joyfully Gold May all the curses e're attended Marriage fall on you Isabella Oh impious wish Theodore We are obliged to you Sir Gold May invincible impotence possess you raging Lust her and tormenting jealousie both of ye Iustice. For shame Neighbour be not so wicked Gold May the perpetual spirit of contention wait on ye may ye never in your lives agree in one thing may the name of quiet ne're be heard betwixt ye and to compleat all may ye never be assunder and so Farewel Ex. Gold Iustice. I 'le after him and try if I can mollifie him Theodora Dear Sister I am infinitely happy in my relation to you Bellamour To himself It must be so Oh heaven it is my Sister though I have not seen her these nine years yet she has so much of her former Countenance remaining that I am sure 't is she Theodore Dear Isabella here is a worthy Gentleman you must call Brother Bell. I have a neerer Title to her than what you can give me she 's my own Sister Isabella Theodore This is wonderful Isabella Indeed I had an Elder Brother beyond Sea but we having not seen him in nine years nor heard from him these fifteen months concluded him dead Bell. To his great grief my younger Brother will find it otherwise Isabella But is it possible are you my Brother indeed you have some resemblance of my Father when he was living Bell. If you be Sir William Raines his Daughter of the North as I am sure you are I am your Brother but thou wert too young when I left England to have any impressions left of me now Isabella My dear Brother I am convinced this is a happy hour this will revive my dear Mother who has kept her Chamber ever since my Fathers death Theodore My dear Brother now you are doubly so but friendship yet shall be the stricter tye Theodora This is a wonderful and happy union of our Families Bell. To shew you more clearly I am your Brother though my Father died without a Will I know it was his intention to give you five thousand Pounds which upon my honour you shall have Theodore This is generosity in the highest point but I was rich in the possession of my Isabella beyond the thoughts of Dowry but if I live to have my Fathers Estate faith I 'le be even with you Isabella This noble offer confirms me you are my Brother but why did you so long conceal your self Bell. That my dear Theodora can best tell you But let us hast to see my afflicted Mother Enter Constable and Watch with Squeeze Constaâ—le They say the Justices Worship is here Gentlemen Theodore The Constable with Squeeze pray le ts stay a moment after our Comedy that ends so pleasantly in hopes to see a Farse Squeeze Heaven what confusion am I in and besides my bones are all loose with the fall last night Theodore What 's the matter Mr Constable Constable Why Sir this old Gentleman not having the fear of God before his eyes by the malice and instigation of the Devil did yesternight vi armis contrary to the Peace of our Soveraign Lord the King his Crown and Dignity commit carnal copulation with one Mris Lettice Bell. The Stile of an Inditement Theodore How now Mr. Squeeze is the snare fallen upon you can you help a man to three or four hundred Pound at fifty in the hundred with good security Squeeze You are very merry Sir 't is well if you have cause Oh! Mrs. Cheatly what shall I do my reputation is ruin'd I am undone for ever Enter Mrs. Cheatly Cheatly Oh Sir there is more affliction for you yet your Son lost fifty Pound last night and Married a wench one Mrs. Ioyce that was kept by Alderman Do-Little Squeeze Oh Heaven all my misfortunes come together this added to the other will distract me Theodore This is for your damn'd Brokeage and Use. Cheatly Could