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A72254 The rivall friends A comœdie, as it was acted before the King and Queens Maiesties, when out of their princely favour they were pleased to visite their Vniversitie of Cambridge, upon the 19. day of March. 1631. Cryed downe by boyes, faction, envie, and confident ignorance, approv'd by the judicious, and now exposed to the publique censure, by the author, Pet. Hausted Mr. in Artes of Queenes Colledge. Hausted, Peter, d. 1645. 1632 (1632) STC 12935; ESTC S122568 74,417 113

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outside the meere barke of woman And to forsake an inward vertue but If once I haue thee in possession more Redit in scenam Loueall cum Isabellâ Loue. Follow mee Witch devill strumpet prostitute Isab. Ah whither will he drag mee oh my heart Loue. What haue yee done with my dead sisters body Con. Thy sisters body now has got a soule O my sweet Cleopes most welcome brother Loue. But doth she liue then Const. And so happily As I haue call'd it impudence to wish What I doe now enjoy Laur. Whom doe I see My daughter Isabella Loue. But is this Cleopes Luc. I dare not looke upon that wronged face Const. It is and now thy sisters husband Cleo. Brother All health all happinesse Loue. More then all to you Good Cleopes But dost thou liue my sister Why wast thou dead but now Const. Thou shalt heare that Some other time Laur. Seest thou that virgin End Yes it is my sister Isabella Laur. Peace Isab. I am undone my father and my brother Sir I beseech you pardon what my loue And younger yeeres haue trespas'd Laur. Rise my daughter Ioy will not suffer mee for to be angry Seest thou that face Isab. It is Endymion My brother Brother God saue you End Sister Lau. Thy Brother 't is thy traytour that I meane That has undone thee and thy name Isab. 'T is Lucius Ant. Sir I beseech you doe not hearken to him Ter. No more Ant. A pox upon this honesty It will vndoe us all 't is ten to one But that his tender Conscience will perswade him To pay in the money for all this Luc. Faire soule Canst thou forgiue thy Lucius Isa. Canst thou loue Thy Isabella Luc. Give me a man dares aske That question Good Laurentio let me craue Your likeing and consent Lau. Consent to what Luc. To marry this your daughter Lau. Marry my daughter No periur'd wretch Isa. Sir I beseech you grant it O Lucius O happy houre Lau. Thou hast her And with her such a portion as shall please thee Luc. I will not heare of Portion shee her selfe Is dowry enough to mee O Isabella Pla. What Is the Players boy prov'd woman too Pan. Father Hook I say trouble me not the morgage Pan. Sir I beseech you heare me Hook Fy fy fy Pan. And let me haue your approbation In this young Gentleman for my husband Hook O. Laur. Perhaps sir you may doubt of his estate But if you 'le credit me I can instruct you I am his Father hee mine onely Sonne And I doe thanke my starrs our fortun 's are None of the meanest Speake Sir will you give Your daughter here without a portion Hook Without a Portion take her what er'e thou art So So that care is past yet this a little Help 's out with th' other losses Ter. Master Hooke You shall not frowne since all things here doe smile To morrow I will pay you halfe your mony So you will grant me a generall acquittance 'T is in my power you know and I may chuse Whether I 'le pay a farthing but no more There is a thing call'd conscience within me And you shall have it therefore be frolike Sir Hook Thou art an honest man Yee are all honest yee are all honest Enter Liuely having heard the other Scene Liu. All this while have I Employ'd mine cares about this businesse Now show thy selfe and of what house thou com'st All health to this faire company much ioy Much happinesse and a young Sonne to you Are you at leasure for to kill me yet You see I 'me come againe Nean. Let me embrace thee Thou instrument of all our good Liue. Yes yes I was a foole knewe nothing knewe iust nothing Could not divine a whit not tell not tell How this same geare would come to passe not I How doe you like your Liuely now your Liuely Hooke Wee will discourse of that within Terpander Sir will it please you follow you my Sonne Gentl'men y' are all my guests to night Mee Think's I am growne Pestilent kinde vpon the suddayne The Musicke too wee will be merry come Nay come come take me while the homours hot Exeunt omnes but Loveall and Anteros Ant. Loueall a word nay troupe on let them troupe Lov. The newes Ant. 'Faith nothing but to take my leaue Bid you far well Lov. Why so I pray thee stay You 'le in I hope Ant. What among such a kennell Of women noe adiew Lou. Nay preethee goe Ant. Not for the Fay'ry Kingdome Wise. Mr. Loveall Sweet Mr. Loveall Mung. Anteros Ant. How now Mung. As I am a gentleman and an elder brother I am almost choak'd Wise. Sweet Mr. Loveall O Mr. Loveall 'T is vtterly against my complexion To lye here any longer Ant. Death our fooles Our dish of buffles as I hope to prosper My thoughts had lost them quite Lou. I thought not of them Nod. Good Mr. Loveall are the officers gone Ham. Anteros Anteros is the coast cleare yet Ant. But how shall wee dispose of them Lou. Wee 'd best Barrell them vp and send them for new England Ant. A pox there 's fooles enow already there Let 's pickle them for winter Sallads Lou. No They are not capable of Salt man rather Let 's get some broaken trumpet or old drumme And shew them to the people from some strange Beasts out of Affrick Mer. Father my gowne is not silke yet Stip. A bots on you Ant. Harke there 's another egge sprung my sheepheard and his faire daughter Wise. Loveall Mr. Loveall I am of a sanguine complexion Ham. Anteros Ant. Now all the world what shall wee do with them But stay a word performe it I 'le take order Hee whispers with Loveall T' vncase vm to your hands Now quickly Nodle all is quiet now Exit Loveall Come Mr. William Not a mouse is stirring Safe safe all 's safe Ha he he They all 4 come out at the 4 corners of the stage Nod. I 'ue spoyl'd my cloathes quite would I had a brush How now wee 're gull'd Wis. I as I am a liuing saule marke the end on 't Ham. Who haue wee here does his ghost walke Nod. Wee are all geer'd I perceiue it plaine now Wis. Who 's that Mr. Mungrell is the Scholler aliue againe I should haue beene very melancholy to haue beene hang'd as I am a liuing saule Nod If I could get my rapier and a brush Redit in scenam Loveall Placenta with a cudgell I 'de steale away Pla. Would you haue a brush I 'le brush yee yee villaines Nay Mr. Loueall told me what dusty companions yee were And that yee wanted brushing and how yee bad Abus'd my husband and my daughter ty'de them To a tree come one your wayes want yee brushing Ye rascalls I 'le brush you would ye be brusht She beats thē forth Come on le ts see what cover'd dish w'haue here now She vnties them Hy day you lubberly knaue what Madame Gillian too Stip. What is shee come
THE RIVALL FRIENDS A Comoedie As it was Acted before the King and Queens Maiesties when out of their princely favour they were pleased to visite their Vniversitie of Cambridge upon the 19. day of March 1631 Cryed downe by Boyes Faction Envie and confident Ignorance approv'd by the judicious and now exposed to the publique censure by The Authour PET. HAVSTED Mr. in Artes of Queenes Colledge Non tanti est ut placeam insanire LONDON Printed by Aug. Matthewes for Humphrey Robinson at the signe of the three Pidgeons in Pauls Church-yard 1632 Dramatis Personae Sacriledge Hooke a Simoniacall Patrone Pandora his faire Daughter Mistris Vrsely his supposed Daughter deformed and foolish Iacke Loueall a Court Page Nephew to Mr. Hooke Constantina Iack Loueall's sister Lucius the two Friends and Rivalls in Pandora's loue Neander or Cleopes the two Friends and Rivalls in Pandora's loue Luscinio Lucius his Boy Bully Liuely an old merry fellow that liues in the impropriate Parsonage Terpander an old Gentleman Anteros his sonne an humerous mad fellow that could not endure women Laurentio an ancient Citizen Endymion his sonne and Page to Lucius Isabella Laurentio's Daughter in loue with Lucius Stipes Hooke's Sheepheard Placenta his Wife a Midwife Merda their Daughter Nodle Emptie an Innes of the Court man William Wiseacres a quondam Atturneys Clarke Mr. Mungrell an elder brother Hammershin a Batchelour of Arts Zealous Knowlittle a Box-maker Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Tempest All-mouth a decaied Cloth-worker Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Arthur Armestrōg 2. yong schollers robustious footbal-players Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Stutchell Legg 2. yong schollers robustious footbal-players Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Ganimed Fillpot a pretender to a Scholler who had once bin a Gentlemans Butler Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Hugo Obligation a precise Scrivener Suiters to Mistris Vrsely for the Parsonage sake Two Men two Maydes of Liuelyes A Bedlam Fidlers To the right Honourable right Reuerend right Worshipfull or whatsoever he be or shall bee whom I hereafter may call Patron IF thou do'st deale with the crackt Chambermaid Or in stale Kinswomen of thine own do'st trade With which additions thou do'st set to sale Thy Gelded Parsonages or do'st prevaile With thy despayring Chaplaine to divide That which should be entire for which beside Perhaps hee payes thee too know that from thee Beest thou Squire Knight or Lord or a degree Aboue all these nor I nor yet my booke Does craue protection or a gentle Looke But if there be a man such men bee rare That midst so many sacrilegious dare Be good and honest though he be alone With such a zeale such a devotion As th' old Athenians were wont to pay Vnto their vnknowne God I here doe lay My selfe and booke before him and confesse That such a Vertue can deserue no lesse Reade it faire Sir and when thou shalt behold The Vlcers of the time by my too bold Hand brought to light and lanch'd and then shalt see Vice to his face branded and told that 's hee Incircled safe in thine owne goodnesse sit Vntouch'd by any line and laugh at it 'T was made to please and had the vicious Age Beene good enough it had not left the Stage Without it's due Applause But since the times Now bring forth men enamour'd on their crimes And those the greater number 't were disease To thinke that any thing that bites should please Had it beene borne a toothlesse thing though meane It might haue past nay might haue praysed beene But being a Satyre no Such straines of Witt Are lik'd the worse the better they are writ Who euer knew one deepe in loue commend A Song though ne're so good so aptly pend Set to the choycest note Musick affords Sung by as choyce a Voice if that the words Contained nothing else but a disgrace Vnto his Mistris and her borrowed face O happy Age ô wee are fallen now Vpon braue times when my Lords wrinckled brow Who perhaps labour'd in some crabbed Looke How to get farther into 'th silk-mans booke Not minding what was done or said must stand A Coppy and his Anticke front command The censure of the rest to smile or frowne Iust as his squeesed face cryes vp or downe When such as can judge right and know the Lawes Of Comaedy dare not approue because My Ladies Woman did forget to bring Her Sp and therefore swor 't a tedious thing But knowing Sir rancke not your selfe with these That judge not as things are but as they please Peter Hausted THE PRAEFACE TO THE READER Ingeneous and vnderstanding Reader for if thou beest not s I neither regard thee nor thy censure In this age of outsides wherein to be modest is to be Ignorant and to be impudent is call'd Learning wherein to please our walking Things in silke a man must write dust and cobweb amongst the rest though with much difficultie and opposition yet at the length I haue obtained leaue for this poore neglected Piece of mine to salute the Light in spight of all black-mouth'd Calumny who ha's endeavor'd to crush it into nothing presented it to the open view I am not ignorant what base aspersions unchristianlike slanders like a generall infection haue spread themselues throughout the Kingdome nor can I hope that the publishing of it can stop all those wide mouthes which are opened against it yet I must not despaire of so much justice from the Candide for their owne honestie is interested in the Action as when they shall behold the innocence of it to confesse that I suffer most unjustly in these reports How it was accepted of their Majesties whom it was intended to please we know and had gracious signes how the rest of the Court were affected wee know too Such as were faire and intelligent will yet giue it sufficient Testimonie As for those which came with starch'd faces and resolutions to dislike whatsoever they saw or heard all due reverence being given to the faire fields they weare upon their backes they must perforce giue mee leaue to be of that haeresie and thinke that there is something else required to the composition of a Iudgement then a good Suite of taken-up Clothes a Countenance set in a frame and some three shakes of the emptie Noddle The difficulties and disadvantages wee went upon were many and knowne neither did we faile in the successe we hop'd for for indeed wee expected no other thing then to be cried downe by many-mouth'd Detraction Alas wee are all but men and may erre and our offence was the same that was imputed to Cicero by a great Romane Ladie who told him that it was Saucinesse in him amongst so many Patricians of eminent blood to dare to be Vertuous or Eloquent I doe confesse we did not goe such quaint wayes as we might haue done we had none of those Sea-artes knew not how or else scorn'd
either take them up quickly and to worke about them or I le Stipes strikes him Ant. This is the second time this once I 'le suffer But by yon pallace of the Gods I sweare Let him but once more touch me with the top Of his least finger and I 'le ramme his truncke Into the center I haue said it Stip. Are you muttering you 'l in with them and dispatch them goe you home too my daughter Merda Merd. Vm vm vm you might haue let one daunce a little longer so you might so you might I am not yet hote in my geares Exeunt Ant. Merda Stip. Are you mumbling too what my whole family turn'd rebels s'duds I promise you I promise you 't is not my best course I see to beat my man thus often a surly knaue by 'r Lady a surly knaue a strong knaue too I doe not like his lookes he has a vineger countenance but peace and catch a mouse cry I ACTVS 4. SCENA 12. Laurentio Stipes Laur. But see I will enquire honest man a word Stip. Honest man in your face whosoe're owes you 'sduds haue I nothing to doe but to prittle prattle with euery one I meet thinke you Exit Lau. What an unheard of rudenesse haue we here Are these the manners of the countrey well This is the place as I am told wherein That Lucius liues who not long since prevayl'd With his faire flattering speeches for to haue My sonne Endymion to be his Page But oh yee awfull powers I had no father in mee should I suffer Mine onely sonne to lead a servile life With one that is mine enemy nay more The ruine and subversion of my family O daughter Isabella Whilst thy false Lover melts within the armes Of his new purchac'd Mistris thou poore girle Embracest scorne and povertie or else Which I doe rather wish were true cold death But I doe heare Since my arrivall of some Country people That they haue seene some fortnight since or more A pretty boy lingring about this village Much about her stature and complexion Which did enquire for a Gentleman That was without a Page this may be shee Who for the loue of Lucius has put on Some strange disguise Whom cannot loue transforme ACTVS 4. SCENA 13. Placenta Laurentio Pandora Endymion Plac. Ha ha he Whilst the poore flye does sport her selfe too long About the amorous flame she burnes her wings Her counterfeiting of a Loue is now Turn'd into earnest Endymion 's now the man She sweares she loues as for the other two She has forgot their very names already Lau. Does not this woman name my sonne Let me see is not this Endymion it is hee Enter Pand. Endymion And with him a fayre gentlewoman Ha Pand. But tell me dearest did thy Master Lucius Once loue thy sister Isabella so Whom now he has forsaken End Yes Pan. Behold That treachery repayd him Lau. See they kisse Pla. But what old Gentleman is this La. I 'le shew my selfe All health to this faire loving couple End O Lau. Why do'st thou flie me End 'T is my father father God saue you Lau. Dearest sonne my best of blessings End How haue you done sir since I saw you last Laur. As well as one can doe that has departed With 's onely daughter End Why is my sister dead Laur. I know not that But I am sure her credit The candor of her name is perished End Good sir as how Instruct me Lau. Ah Endymion Since that most treacherous Lucius left the Citie I haue not seene her onely I heare of her But little to my comfort But no more I haue forgot her and her folly both Prepare thy selfe my sonne immediatly To leaue this place and service for thy fortunes How e're they were before slender and poore Must not now see thee hold a trencher for A better man then Lucius Thy old vncle As he liv'd well in a seasonable age Is gone into the graue and by his will Hath given to thee eight thousand pound and three Vnto thy sister though unworthy what Else he was worth in lands and goods is mine Pla. Pandora kisse mee girle kisse mee I say I haue deserued it 't was my invention My plot this girle th' art happy wench th' art happy Pan. Is this your father sweet End It is faire Mistris Sir I congratulate our fortunes with you But if you doe desire to haue my joyes Full and o'reflow their banks grant me your leaue To marry this faire Gentlewoman Laur. Alas This is not in my power Endymion But if thou canst procure her friends consent Pan. Sir feare not that I will entreat my father Laur. As for a portion 't is not thought upon My son if you be pleas'd End Sir I am pleas'd Shee is to me most deare Pan. Placenta runne See if my father be within I know Ex. Pla. Most worthy sir that I shall win him to it Laur. But canst thou tell no newes of Isabella Sweet son End No none at all sir Lau. Ah poore heart But 't is no matter I 'le forget her quite Redit in scenam Plac. Where is thy Mr Lucius End I know not Pla. Your father 's walk'd abroad with Mis. Vrsely Your sister but whither there 's none can tell me As yet the plot concerning Constantina to herselfe Is not descri'd Pan. Most reverend sir wilt please you To walke into the pastures peradventure There we shall meet my father Lau. But I had rather That I could compasse that same villaine Lucius That he might heare what he deserues Liuely runns in Nean. following with his sword drawne Nean. Villaine Live I am undone Pla. Ah me Neander with his naked sword I le runne in heere Pan. Ah! End Let 's away good father Exeunt ACT. 4. SCEN. 14. Neander Liuely Nean. O that thou hadst As many liues as haires that I might be An age in killing thee that I might score up Each passing minute with a life But speake How durst thou thus abuse me Liu. I did not know Shee was a woman Nean. No didst thou not know it But thou shalt know thy selfe to be a man One that can dye Liu. O O Nean. How poore is this reuenge hast thou any children Or kinsfolkes speak that I may kill them too Ha wilt thou not answer how durst thou offer this Liu. Because I loued your friend Lucius Better then you Nean. Better then I that word Does merit death though thou hadst beene preseru'd White from thy cradle to this houre Doest thou loue Lucius ha Liu. Yes Nean. Liue no no thou must not Thou might'st haue kil'd my father broke the vrne Wherein my mothers ashes sleepe farre cheaper But for his sake thus much I 'le grant thee chuse The manner of thy death shall I take off thy head Or hadst thou rather dye vpon the poynt Thinke quickly nay be instant Liu. Worthy Sir Let mee entreate some little space to pause I haue not yet determin'd Nean. Well thou hast it
vvoman Love But what 's become of all your promises Ant. O t is a taste a spice of greatnesse Iacke To promise Loue. And to performe iust nothing Ant. You doe not heare me say so VVhat 's the matter ACTVS 5. SCENA 9. Hooke Loueall Anteres the 6. Schollers Loue. But see the wooers are discarded quite My vncle beates them out of doores Hook You villaines Out of my house yee brood of caterpillers Sonne of a hedge and Moone-shine goe fy fy fy O misery beyond come out you rascall And bring your piping nose along with you A fire upon this hollow ruffe of yours 'T is like your heart out rogues and ruffians O I am undone Exit Ant. Ha ha he Loveall these men are mine I am the Patron of the living now Dost thou see this Lou. I heard as much within Ant. I will behave myselfe most scurvily Like to some surly crabbed Patron now That has some 6 or 7 tyr'd horses tyed At 's dore How now Zea. Patron He salutes Anteros winking He in the meane time cuts away the blacke box that hung at his girdle Ant. What sayes my Client Loveall I pray thee catechize this box Ther 's good stuffe in 't I warrant thee Zea. Good Patron Arthur Heare me Sir I 'le dispatch it in three words This is a tedious Asse and readeth nought But English Treatises Zea. Sir will it please you To take particular notice Tem. Sir Stu. But Patron Omnes Patron Ant. Who now the sent growes hot 't is ranck The game 's in view Haup rate them there no more You Sir that are the ring-leader of this rout Zea. Kings be profane Ant. 'Sdeath what a pack of rogues Are got together here what is your name Zeal Zealous Knowlittle Ant. Zealous Knowlittle good Of which Vniversitie Zeal Of both the Vniversities Ant. A very likely thing good Mr Knowlittle Separate your selfe a little from the people Zeal With all my heart I 'le separate Ant. Your name Temp. My name is Tempest Allmouth sir Ant. How Tempest Almouth where are thy braines man Arth. He has not any Ant. Beare him company Loue. What haue we here Item to send forth tickets To all the Brethren that doe inhabite Within this Shire to giue them intimation That M. Mother-tongue stands the first of Iune Ant. You that are next him Arm. Arthur Armestrong sir Ant. You there Collosse Stutch: My name is Stutchell Legg Ant. Troth and thou art well underlay'd indeed A couple of foot-ball players I warrant them Lou. Item a pox upon 't here 's bawdery I le rake noe deeper in this puddle so Ant: And what must we call you Gan: Ganimede Filpot Ant: Thou should'st be a good fellow by thy name Come on what glorious title I beseech you Has bounteous Nature fixt on you nay open Hugo My name is Hugo obligation Ant: How Hugo obligation 'pray thee Loveall Is not this shorne bearde villaine the precise Scriveneur Would faine turne Priest Lou The very same I take it Ant. Meddle not with me Iack Nay doe not hold me A whoreson Inkebottle and two skins of parchment He drawes his Sworde Dares he hope for my sister and a living You slave are Parsonages in this age so cheape Lou 'Pray thee Anteros Ant: Doe not entreat me Loveall He dyes this hat is not more mortified Lou 'Pray thee be quiet Ant: Hang him a death 's too good For such a rascall Sirrah I 'le indentur 's Vpon your skin And here 's another Villayne Whose very countenance speakes Servingman Filpot come hither Lou. Nay but Anteros Ant: Death man our Vniversities doe swarme They have more Schollers then they know to spend While they are Sweet and must such Rogues as these Whose height of knowledge is to spit and snuffle And talke some 3. houres non-sense shoulder them Out of their places what is 't that makes so many Of our quick witt 's turne Iesuits and forsake Both their Religion and their Country thinke you Sirrah noe more then thus lye and thou dyest Have not you beene a Serving man sometimes Gan: Yes truely sir I 'le not deny 't I was A gentlemans butler once Ant: I told you so The very chipping's hang in 's eye-brow's still His face unto this instant minute shines With broken beere that was his fees stand by And doe not hope so large a benefit From me as to be kill'd live live unhappy You M. know little know you whose box is this Zeal Truely 't is mine verily Ant: Away you stinkards I wil be visited no more to day Avoyde I say Have I not done it well Exeunt Suitors Lou Oh noe you want the pawles and the hums And the grave thumbe under the girdle too Ant: Oh that 's for old living brokers I 'me a young one Lou. You must indent then with them for to keepe you Some hounds or cocks and get a handsome wife To entertaine you Ant. A wife a thunderbolt Is entred me 'pray thee no more Lou How now ACTVS 5. SCENA 10. Iustice Hooke Terpander Mistris Vrsly Loveall Anteros Placenta Neander Constantina as dead brought in by two of Lively's servants three Fidlers one of them carryes all the fidles and Neanders sword the other two leade him in Hooke And get you packing too thou olde impostor With your distorted puppet here and you That make the custardes quake where ere you come Thou enemy to sweet meats Ter. Mr. Hooke 'T would rellish more of wisedome if you did Beare out this matter coolely Come my daughter Hook O me the very boy's will laugh at me Ter. Anteros salute your sister and embrace her Ant. I am undone againe what shall I doe Loveall Lou. What shall you doe why kisse her man Ant: Sister god save you and as much to you My never-to-be-hereafter father in law Hook: Woe 's me what shall I say what shall I doe I have given in the morgage and without money But what new spectacle is this Lou What 's heere How the dead body of a gentle-woman Pla: Is this Neandur 1 Rust. Hold the cut throat fidlers Whilst we doe bring this gentlewoman 'fore the justice 2 Rust: A kind and loving husband sure that has Made a fayre hand on 's wife thus the first day Lou Ha what is this I see O trayterous eyes Can I believe ye any more my sister Constantina Hook: How 's that Pla: It cannot be Lou 'T is she O partiall heavens but yet it is not 'T is not long since I left my sister safe With in her chamber and in another habit By all the powers 't is she I doe profane The god's it is not she it is not once more The twins of Leda were not halfe so like I 'le be resolv'd immediatly 1 Rust: Good M. justice Exit I pray you heare me As we did daunce even now In your North field we found this gentlewoman Lying all along as to say even quite dead And this her husband with his naked sword