Selected quad for the lemma: city_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A41087
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A trip to Holland being a description of the country, people and manners : as also some select observations on Amsterdam.
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Felltham, Owen, 1602?-1668.; Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
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1699
(1699)
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Wing F659; ESTC R225871
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18,466
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18
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general Sea Land the Great Bog of Europe and there is not such another Marsh in the World that 's flat They are an Universal Quagmire Epitomized A Green Cheese in Pickle There is in them an Aequilibrium of Mud and Water A strong Earthquake would shake them to a Chaos from which the successive force of the Sun rather than Creation hath a little amended them They are the Ingredients of a Black Pudding and want only stirring together Marry 't is best making on 't in a dry Summer else you will have more Blood than Grist And then have you no way to make it serve for any thing but to tread it under Zâ—na Torrida and so dry it for Turfs Says one it affords the People one Commodity beyond all the other Regions If they die in Perdition they are so low that they have a shorter cut to Hell than the rest of their Neighbours And for this Cause perhaps all strange Religions throng thither as naturally inclining towards their Center Besides their â—â—â—ches shew them to be Pluto's Region and you all know what Part that was which the Poets did of old assign him Here is Styx Acheron Cocytus and the rest of those muddy Streams that have made Matter for the Fablers Almost every one is a Charon here and if you have but a Naulum to give you cannot want a Boat or Pilot. To confirm all let but some of our Separatists be asked and they shall swear That the Elezian Fields are there It is an excellent Country for a Despairing Lover for every Corner affords him a Willow to make a Garland on but if Justice doom him to be hang'd on any other Tree he may in spight of the Sentence live long and confident If he had rather quench his Spirits than suffocate them rather chuse to feed Lobsters than Crows 't is but leaping from his Window and he lights in a River or Sea for most of their dwellings stand like Prives in Moted Houses hanging still over the Water If none of these cure him keep him but a Winter in a House without a Stove and that shall cool him The Soil is all Fat though wanting the Colour to shew it so for indeed it is the Buttock of the World full of Veins and Blood but no Bones in 't Had St. Steven been condemned to suffer here he might have been alive at this day for unless it be in their paved Cities Gold is a great deal more plentiful than Stones except it be living ones and then for their heaviness you may take in almost all the Nation 'T is a singular Place to fat Monkeys in There are Spiders as big as Shrimps and I think as many Their Gardens being moist abound with these No Creatures for sure they were bred not made Were they but as Venomous as Rank to gather Herl were to hazard Martyrdom They are so large that you would almost believe the Hesperides were here and these the Dragons that did Guard them You may travel the Country though you have not a Guide for you cannot baulk your Road without the hazard of Drowning There is not there any use of an Harbinger Wheresoever Men go the Way is made before them Had they Cities large as their Walls Rome would be esteem'd a Bawble 20 Miles in length is nothing for a Wagon to be hurried on one of them where if your Fore-man be sober you may travel in safety otherwise you must have stronger Faith than Peter had else you sink immediately A Startling Horse endangers you to two Deaths at once breaking of your Neck and Drowning If your way be not thus it hangs in the Water and at the approach of your Waggon shall shake as if it were Ague-strucken Duke d' Alva's asking of the Tenth Penny frighted it into a Palsie which all the Mountebanks they have bred since could never tell how to cure 'T is indeed but a Bridge of Swiming Earth on a Flag somewhat thicker than ordinary if the Strings crack your course is shortned you can neither hope for Heaven nor fear Hell you shall be sure to stick fast between them Marry if your Faith flow Purgatory height you may pray if you will for that to cleanse you from the Mud that shall soil you 'T is a green Sod in Water where if the German Eagle dares to Bath himself he 's glad again to perch that he may dry his Wings Some things they do that seem Wonders 'T is ordinary to see them fish for Fire in Water which they catch in Nets and transport to Land in their Boats where they spred it more smoothly than a Mercer doth his Velvet when he would hook in an Heir upon his coming to Age. Thus lying in a Field you would think you saw a Cantle of Green Cheese spread over with Black Butter If Aetna be Hell's Mouth or Fore-gate sure here 's found the Postern 'T is the Port Esquiline of the World where the whole Earth doth vent her crude black Gore whick the inhabitants scrape away for Fuel as Men with Spoons do Excrements from Civet-Cats Their ordinary Pack-Horses are all of Wood who carry their Bridles in their Tails and their Burdens in their Bellies A strong Tide and a stiff Gale are the Spurs that make them speedy When they travel they stand still they drink up too much of their Way Tâ—â—â— is a Province amongst them where every Woman carries a Concy in a Lamb Skin 'T is a Custom and not one that travels ever leaves it behind her Now guess if you can what Beast that is which is clod in a Fur both of Hair and Wool They dress their Meat in Aqua Coelesti for it springs not as ours from the Earth but comes to them as Manna to the Israelites falling from Heaven This they keep under ground till it stinks and then they pump it out again for use So when you wash your Hands with one Hand you need to hold your Nose with the other for tho' it be not Cordial 't is certainly a Strong Water The Elements are here at Variance the subtil overswaying the grosser The Fire consumes the Earth and the Air the Water They Burn Turfs and Drain their Ground with Windmills as if the Cholick were a Remedy for the Stone And they would prove against Philosophy the World's Conflagration to be Natural even shewing thereby that the very Element of Earth is Combustible The Land that the have they keep as neatly as a Courtier does his Beard They have a Method in Mowing 'T is so interven'd with Water and Rivers that it is impossible to make a Common among them Even the Brownists are here at a stand only they hold their Pride in wrangling for that which they never will find Our Justices would be much at ease although our English Poor were still among them for whatsoever they do they can break no Hedges Sure had the Wise Men of Gotham lived here they would have studied some other Death for
much and spend little when they set out a Fleet to the Indies it shall live three months on the Offals which we hear fear would furfeit our Swine yet they feed on t and are still the same Dutchmen In there Houses Roots and Stockfish are Staple Commodities If they make a Feast and add Flesh they have Art to keep it hot more days than a Pigs-head in Pye-corner Salt meats and sower Cream they hold him a Fool that loves not only the last they correct with Sugar and are not half so well pleased with having it sweet at first as with letting it sower that they may sweeten it again as if a Woman were not half so pleasing being easily won us after a Scolding sit she comes by a man to be calmed again Fish indeed they have brave and plentiful and herein Practice hath made them Cooks as good as e're Lucullus his latter Kitchen had which is some P 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ce for their Wilfulness for you can neither pray nor â—â—y them to 〈◊〉 their own Cookery To a Feast they come readily but being set once you most have Patience They are longer Eating Meat than we are preparing it If it be to Supper you conclude timely when you get away by Day-break They drink down the Evening Star and drink up the morning Star At those times it goes hard with a Stranger all in Courtisie will be drinking to him and all that do so he must pledge till he doth the fill'd Cups circle round his Treâ—cher from whence they are not taken away till emptied For tho' they give you a day for payment yet they will not abate the Sum. They sit not there as we in England Men together and Women first but ever intermingled with a Man between and instead of Marchpanes and such Juncates 't is Good manners if any be there to carry away a piece of Apple-pye in your Pocket The time they spend there is in eating well in drinking much and prating most They sip and laugh and tell their Tales and in a Tavern are more Prodigal of their Time than their Wine They drink as if they were short winded and as it were eat their drink by morsels rather besieging their brains than asfausting them In short to come to a Conclusion what they do is so far from being like other mens actions that they are wholly the reverse of Humanity as they are the backside of the whole World And the men of Old did no more wonder that the Great Massias was born in so poor a Town as Bethlem in Iudec than I do wonder that so brave a Prince as King William should be born in such a Land of beasts as Lowsie Holland Of AMSTERDAM As Amsterdam is the Metropolis of the seven Wicked Provinces so it is the chief in respect of the many Vices which have taken Sanctuary in it To call a man an Amsterdamer is as much as to say he is no Christian and to tell the place of his Nativity is enough to ingratiate himself with the most persecuting Dioclesian The King of Iapan being a great Enemy to Christianity would permit none that profess'd our Saviour's Doctrine to Traffick with his Subjects without a previous Oath that they would not exercise their Religion curing their continuance in his Dominions several Nations amongst the rest the English refus'd to comply with proposals so dishonourable to themselves and the Holy Religion they were instructed in But the Dutch from this place being resolv'd to have something to Pamper their Bodies which though they damn'd their Souls for it send instructions for their two Heathenish Deputies to sign whatever should be demanded of ' em Accordingly the two Raskals instead of owning themselves Christians signd the Agreement by the mâ—â—e of Hollanders which has ever since been a current Name with those of Iapan for a downright fellow Subject and Infidel This stands upon Record and they have Worm'd out all other Nations from that Country's Traffick by it As to its Situation the Inhabitants call it the Land of Canaan though instead of flowing with Milk and Honey it overflows with nothing but Water The Heavenly showers which add to the Fertilty of other soils takes from the fruitfulness of this and God Almighty has punished 'em with Water in this life since they are to have another Element to torture 'em in the next However tho' it be not the Land of Canaan it s certainly a Land of Promise but if you look for Performances or an Israelite in it without guile you may chance to be never the near to your Journey 's end As its Riches comes by its Shipping so the Foundation of all its building is laid upon huge Piles of Masts and that which makes their floating houses move is the only thing which renders those that are fix'd on Land without motion And though if a good strong Tide would but bring their Masts by the board as they call it there would be no occasion for a Wind to drive 'em to Sea I 'll warrant ' em Every Private house here looks like an Ale-house and is painted with Green Red and White and they are so sensible of their Country Villanies that every Window has its Iron Grates like our Jayls in order to keep the Felon its owner out of harms way An eminent Surgeon who lives there told me That for the space of three years last past notwithstanding the frequent Quarrels which happen'd among 'em He had none under his hands but such as were wounded in the back and if a man was but so fortunate as to get a scotch in the forehead c. he was immediately made an Officer in the Militia They are as dextrous in flying from a Foe as they are in the pursuit of Riches and they hate the French Religion because the Te Deum is in it which they have been so fortunate as to make use of against ' em To go into one of their Churches is to catch cold for there are so few People in 'em that their breath can never warm you But their Bawdy-houses are so crowded that half an hours staying there would save you the charge of a Bagnio They love ' all pictures but that of the King of Spain and if any one is desirous to end his days the most Expeditious way to effect it is to hang up his head at his Sign-Post Their Stadt-house which is the most famous piece of building in the whole Province would be very fine were it not for the pitiful entrance into it as indeed their buildings in general were it not for the nasty Inhabitants If you talk with one of their Preachers about Religion he diverts you to Trade and still thinks himself upon his first Topick which is the only truth he is Guilty of for though they differ in Name they are the same in Substance The King of England has a Consul here who makes some small Figure and fits in an eminent Pew in the English Church where there is sorry Preaching a dull and tedious Sermon about an hour and three quarters long and a few Auditors all Presbyterians The Chancel is let out for a Ioyner's Shop because they hate any thing that has the appearance of Popery in it The De Wits were born here those noted Enemies of his present Majesty of Great Britain and there are yet some of that Faction in this City for which the English owe 'em no great Thanks and the Remembrance of Amboyna and those horrid cruelties perpetrated on us there may make us more cautious in our dealings with 'em for the future They have publick Stews or Brothel-houses erected at the charge of the publick and to see a Magistrate come to receive the Taxes laid on that which distinguish the Female Sex is as common as to see a Burgo-Master with a Rope of Onions in his hand or a Judge shouldring a Bunch of Turnips But I am so weary of this abominable Town the Description of which must have tyr'd the Reader as well as my self that I shall have said all when I have told him Their Religion I mean the chief of the many which are tolerated there is rank Calvinisâ— their Manners downright Brutishness their Dealings perfect Knavery their City a Den of Thieves their Exchange their Church and their Church a wide covert place to take the Air in their buildings without Gates their Hospitals without Wounded People their crimes without Punishment their Assurances without Honesty and their Heads without Brains And so much for Amsterdam whose Sluces I wish opened that the City might set fail to some Country more remote than at present that cursed place is in WHich Heaven permit if pittying Heaven can hear What ills we suffer and what wrongs we bear To be caress'd defrauded and betray'd Promis'd their Friendship tho' refus'd their Aid Disgrac'd abroad and fawn'd upon at home Is every Neighbouring Nations common doom But thou O Land of Europe's Realms the chief The Guard of Empires and the World's Relief Whose hands have rais'd 'em and whose Arms have Bless'd Their States to HIGH AND MIGHTY from DISTRESS'D BRITANNIA Thou ah Thou canst chiefly show Their guilt unmeasur'd as is now thy woe And in thy Sons from thy embraces torn Behold their Friendship and beholding mourn Whilst in Amboyna's cruelties are shown Crimes now their practice as not then unknown Instructions from thy former harms receive How far to trust 'em and how far believe Interest will shorten what they promise long When ne'er to trust is ne'er to suffer wrong And if the wishes of thy Son may joyn With those which either are or should be Thine May'st Thou once more Thy Antient rights regain Empress at Land and Mistress of the Main No Fleets but Thine amidst the Ocean ride Thy Neighbour's Terror and thy Countries Pride Whilst injur'd Kings petition for thy Aid And Thou thy own support ar't that of Others Made FINIS