the great Megall Doth drink out of his Fathers Skull Or if he make a Chamber-pot Of that of King of Calcecut If it be prov'd by any man That he is come of Tamerlan Or if he keep Tobacco cut In Tortois Shell or Coco Nut. If the Balm and Franckincense-keepers By ratling drive away the Vipers VVhich with such ardor haunts those Trees As with us Garden-Flowres do Bees Or if they do those Serpents choak As Easterlings their Bees do smoak VVhich made two great wits as men think Spend too much Paper Pen and Ink. If Ichneumon and Crocodile Do fight in Niger as in Nile Or if we ought to believe them VVho say Melchisedec was not Sem VVhich raised once a Fisty strife Between a Preacher and his VVife If any man yet ever born Did see Phenix or Unicorn If there be a Philosopher Stone If Men who have no Leg but one VVith broad Soles which by Toures Defends their Heads from Sun and Showres If the Emperor Prester John Be the Off-spring of Solomon If those who lately conquer'd China Be the Brothers-Sons of Dina Who to those North-East parts were turned When Assur's King Samaria burned If Romes Founders Wolfs did suck If Job in Edom was a Duke If Captain Hynd was a good fellow If Wallace Beard was black or yellow Which raised once a great discord Between a Western Laird and Lord. If rosted Eggs be best or sodden If James the Fourth was kill'd at Floden Which made two School-men borrow Swords That they might fight after big words If Sword or Surfeit moe men kill Who had the better at Edge-hill Which made two Ladies other jeer A Round-head and a Cavaleer Both harped so on the seen ruffle That it turn'd to a scratch-eye scuffle At last both conclude to agree Both of them vowing secresie Where meets the Brethren of Cross Rosie What sums the Spaniard in Potosie Gains yearly by their Silver-Mines Since thirty eight who wins or tines He knows the price of Jewels and Rings And hidden causes of sundry things As of the Compass variation Of Nile and Nigers inundation VVhy Ireland wanteth Toad and Snake VVhy some men white and some Moors black VVhy Regulus eye makes men leave breath VVhy Spiders bite them dance to death VVhy men Tarantula do not fear But at some seasons of the year VVhy Devils musick do not please VVhat sort of thing is Ambergrease If Iron Magnes or it Iron Attract If Sea or Land inviron That frozen great Magnetick Rock Under the Pole where what a Clock There cannot be made any trial The one year 's half by Phaebus Dial By the Seas motion he doth find A North-East passage to the Inde Another he finds by the North-VVest VVhere Davies freezed to his rest VVhen Icy Mountains did occurr And stopt his course to Mar del Zurr But he hath found a brave device That he may free those Seas from Ice He empties all the VVater syne He fills the place with Brandy-wine VVhich hardly will congeal with Frost If VVhales turn drunk and Fishing lost Yet lose we not by that device For VVhale Oyl we get Indian Spice All other ways are but a cheat To fetch some Money from the State It 's wonder they have sharkt so much Both from the English and the Dutch He prov'd on perill of his Soul Presbyterian-rule by Paul He thought none but a foolish man Made Antichrist the son of Dan. He thought by the Apostles meaning Voice Negative and sole ordaining VVas the very mystery Of Antichrist's iniquity VVhich near his own time did begin To usher in the Man of Sin He thought if Bishops had not been A Pope of Rome had ne're been seen But now he thinketh Church Government A thing of small or no concernment As ready as any ever born For Bishops if he had not sworn If Dutch and English truth report He knows about th' Amboyna Fort If those two Indian Ships were sunk And burnt by Dutch when they were drunk VVho first began the VVar in Guinie VVhere Holms and Ruyter play'd at Pinie If groundless jealousies and fears Yoaks Dutch and English by the cars Or if it be the Indian Trade Tha doth produce effects so sad He 'l tell in Indian Pedlers faces VVe dearly buy their Cloves and Maces The VVar draws blood and money forth More then the Indian Trade is worth He thinks the VVar formented be By Romish craft and policie VVhich rents the Dutch and us asunder To bring reform'd Religion under VVhen both are broken and brought low Like Pitchers by a mutual blow Then they 'l force up the Pope again And make both serve the King of Spain VVho in the Jesuits fantasie The worlds Temporal Lord will be And meagre those who countermine them The Pope and he will rule between them The world in two Monarchies He with his Sword he with his Keyes If Dutch and English Popish were They would be Popish every where So Conclave Fathers do conclude But such conceits do oft delude He finds by perfect Demonstrations The roots of all compos'd Aequations He finds new ways to poyson Cats Of Mudd he Serpents makes and Rats He finds the Longitude of Places Makes Bag-pipes with Concording Bases He finds two means proportionals VVhich great wits sometime inthrals In Virtuosies Conventicles Excentricks Orbs and Epycicles He finds to be fantastick fictions Forg'd to palliat contradictions VVherewith the late Star-gazers notions Have involv'd the Planets motions To determine he dare venture The Sun to be the VVorld's Center To hold the Candle in the middle Infix'd while to Pythagora's Fiddle Still Firmament with twinkling eyes The Earth and Planets dancing sees He Squares Circles Doubles Cubes Makes most admirable Tubes If he at Dover through them glance He sees what hours it is in France As he hath prov'd by frequent trial On Steeple Clock and Sunny Dial He reads with them another while Letters distant twenty Mile Dutch or Scots I know not whether The one is as like as the other If he once level at the Moon Either at Midnight or at Noon He discovers Rivers Hills Steeples Castles and Wind-mills Villages and Fenced Towns With Foussies Bulwarks and great Guns Cavaleers on Horse-back prancing Maids about a May-pole dancing Men in Taverns Wine carousing Beggers by the Hie-way Lowsing Sojors forging Ale-house brawlings To be let go without their Lawings Sturrs in streets by Grooms and Pages Mountebanks playing on Stages Wild Boars strouting out their Bristles Black birds striving who best Whistles Throats of Larks Trumpeting day Falcons beating down their prey Hare and Deer crossing Bogs Followed at the heels by Dogs Asses braying Lyons roaring Owles screiching Eagles soaring Foxes roused from their den Monkeys imitating men Gardens planting Houses bigging States and Princes Fleets out-rigging Antick fashions of Apparels States and Princes pitching quarrels Wars Rebels Horse Races Proclaim'd at several Mercat-places Capers bringing in their Prizes Commons cursing new Excizes Young VVives old Husbands horning Judges drunk every morning
The Rhime is barbarous and rude But Sir the saying's rich and good In Print yet forth it hath not crept VVe have it in a Manuscript The Good-man keeps it as we think Behind a Dish upon the Bink And yet it 's thought by many a man Most worthy of the Vatican It 's worthy Sir of your Saint James That stands upon the River Thames Ye'll not find saying such another Put all their Guilded Books together Tho with these two ye joyn in one The Bibliotheck of Prester John Cause Pages cry it still before ye As Philip did Memento mori Since then we Arm for Conscience sake May 't it please you Sir some pity take And not by Bishops instigation Inforce on us the Declaration Nor make us give beyond our reach To keep 's from hearing Hirelings Preach Who last year Preached Oaths to take And this year Preacheth them to break When they have forced men to take them Then first of all themselves they break them Except God Sir their manners mend They 'l oath it to the Worlds end Men either must foreswear themself As oft as they turn Coats for Pelf Or else their Conscience is so scurvie They will turn all things topsie turvie And we will give what we can reach To keep 's from hearing those men Preach As Achisons Balbies and Placks Which is enough Sir for our packs Likewise in any other thing VVe will obey you as our King If ye require it at our hands VVe 'll quite to you both Lives and Lands Nothing to fight can us compell Except to keep our Souls from Hell VVhat ever mischief us befall Or else the Devil take us all Ye need not Sir distrust or fear VVhen Out-Law-VVhiggs do Ban or Swear It doth unto the VVorld appear Keeping our Oaths hath cost us dear VVe pray God that Your Majesty And then Your Royal Progeny May peace and truth with us defend As Kings unto the Worlds end VVe with all duty and respect Your gracious Answer do expect A Debate between the Knight and Squire about the mending of the Petition and who should carry it to the King ANd thus the Supplication ended The Squire cry'd out it should be mended Being desir'd to tell the cause First with all ten his Arse he claws And then his Elbow and his Head VVinking a while as he were dead And clapping both Hands on his Snout At last his reason tumbled out To wit it did not move to grant Renewing of the Covenant Knight At which the Knight gave such a groan As would have rent a heart of stone And casting both his eyes to Heaven He said not though the Earle of Levin Were on our heads we durst not do it It 's base to put the King so to it It is a most presumptuous thing To cross the Conscience of a King Some honest men did never take it Some honest also were who broke it But he who breaks't against his light Let it be wrong let it be right By Prophets and Apostles leave We dar aver his a knave On singulars we will not harp For the apply will be to sharp We put down Bishops to our cost Yet two or three still rul'd the Rost Some of which play'd such pranks at home As never Pope presum'd at Rome It is the simplest of all tricks To suffer fools have Choping Sticks A Sword put in a wood mans hand Bredd meikle trouble to the Land Squire The Squire reply'd they 'r scarce of news Who tells their Mother haunted Stews Who on his Brother rubs disgrace He spits upon his Mothers face Each Covenanter is our Brother The Covenant of all is Mother Their wit is dull and very gross Who think where Gold is therc's no Dross Where there is Corn there may be Chaff Where there is Malt there may be Draff Thistles with Corn grow on the Riggs And Rogues may lurk among the Whiggs And Friars in Lent may be Flesh-eaters And Covenanters may be Cheaters And Weeds grow up with fairest Flowres And sighing Sisters may be Whoors As Fruit on Trees grow so grow Leaves It s certain Bishops may be Knaves It s known to all the Devil may dwell In some of fourteen as of twell To blame a Cause for Persons Vices Is one of Satans main devices By which he very oft doth make VVell-meaning men the truth forsake But let us first the Question state Before we enter in debate VVhich of the two should bear the sway The Miters or the Elders Lay. Knight The Knight did pause a pretty while Then answered with a scornful smile I tell thee fool I think Government Of Church a thing of small concernment The truth it 's uery hard to find It puzzleth the learnedst mind Some do the Presbytry conceive New forg'd by Clavin at Geneve Some say he puts to execution Paul the Apostles Institution Which suffered exile and ejection The time of Pauls foretold defection Some say since Bishops did appear It s more then Fifteen hundred year Some say that then they did begin The Pope of Rome to Usher in That Pauls iniquities mystery working Was men then for precedency forking Some Presbyterians do conclude But Bishops say such thoughts delude VVhich comes from brains which have a Bee Like Urquharts Trigonometrie Some Bishops prove by Scripture-phrazes As by the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 How John the Angels seven did greet Why Paul did Titus leave in Creet But other some boldly asserts Who reason so the Text perverts Some call the Bishops Weather-Cocks Who where their Heads were turn their Docks Still stout for them who gives them most And who will make them rule the Rost Some say that Bishops have been good And seal'd the Gospel with their blood As ready for the truth at call As any Whigg among us all Perhaps a railing foolish Ranter Will tell a Bishop Covenanter An honest Clergy-man will be When Cable passeth Needles eye For some of such had play'd a pavie Though all the Cables of the Navie In one should pass through Needles-eye Whiggs still would doubt their honesty Some say a Bishop Covenanter If a penitent repenter Causeth more joy to Sp'rits Divine Then all the other ninety nine Some Father Tales upon King James To sundry Presbyterian Dames That he was forc'd of Knaves to make them For Devil an honest Man would take them Some say the King gave never leave To make a Bishop of a Knave That those men are evil speakers Tax'd by Jude spiritual Quakers That none doth hate Nobility For Quakers blaming Herauldry And some again are who compares Our Bishops unto Baiting Bears Who if they be not kept in aw They will tear all with teeth and paw Yet tractable in every thing If in their Snout ye put a Ring And many men again there be VVho say the same of Presbytrie And some say this and some say that And some affirm they know not what It s grief to see them Scripture vex And wrest it like a Nose
terror All seem'd to idolize their error But thanks to God and Albemarle We now delivered are from peril But none to thee reply'd the Squire His breast so filled was with ire That 's eyes both sparkled and scintilled Like Wolf or Wild-cat when it 's killed It 's known thou didst what e're thou could But yet not so much as thou would To make us still under that peril which was remov'd by Albemarle To prospering King loyal to wonder Still traitor to him when at under VVhen thou at playing with both hands Has got Inheritance and Lands Thou takes upon thee now to teach And like a Fox to Lambs doth Preach That both of us did desolations And ruine bring upon the Nations I answer both did mischief bring VVe by mistake they by design VVhen all is true thou say'st yet that 's but Like Monkeys Chesnuts with a Cats foot Pulling from Ashes or from Embers Bathrons for grief of scoarched members Doth fall a suffing and meawing While Monkeys are the Chesnuts Chewing Yet more by policy then force They made our Brethren Foot and Horse To pull them Chesnuts from the fire And wealth and power to them acquire By which they did all Europ toss While we got infamy and loss Though I should teeth beat like a Tabor With tongue I fear I lose my labour We by experience do find That a proud stubborn froward mind With prejudice intoxicated Can hardly be indoctrinated And yet my labour 's not mispent If any be indifferent They 'l find as Sun doth shine in clear day That we were only Rogues by hear-say But fools indeed which we will mend When we grow wiser there 's an end But now I straight will to the King Discharge the Message which I bring Perhaps his Majesty will grant If well informed what we want However I hope he will not fail To hear till I tell out my tale Though others foam and fret and chaff I hope his Majestie will saff Having this spoke his Horse he switches First on the Snowt then on the Breeches Who half a sleep at last was got With much difficulty to trot Yet some times paus'd he in the middle Like Cadance keepers to a Fiddle With rest alternative and motion The Squire rides on with great devotion Till he came to his journeys end H'alights and doth not long attend When some there came who did him bring Straight to the presence of the King Whom he espying bow'd his knee And said if 't please your Majestie The sun indifferently on all shines As well on low Shrubs as on tall Pines God hears the cry's of rich and poor Wise Solomon to right a Whore Resolv'd a doubt to all mens wonder Feigning to cleave the child asunder Your Majesties wisdom inherent And goodness who are Gods Vicegerent Will not disdain to hear complaints Of us though but rejectaments Ye'll hear me Sir defend our Cause Though it be contrare to the Laws That ye may solve that Gordian knot If we be Rebells and if not If we be fools wh'affirms we 're neither He is a liar though my Father I 'le use no speech with Art besprinkled Like Fairding on a face that 's wrinkled Without Rhetoricating fond shows While I speak Sir as 't in the ground grows If ye a gracious ear afford Shame fall me if I lie a word Most men affirm they do not see what We Non-Conformists now would be at That we 're more sundred in opinions Then are the King of Spains Dominions Then gazers on the late new Star were Then the Commanders at Dunbar were Then Lawyers and Physicians Counsels Then Wives who Kail and Herbs in Town sells Canvassing things in Church and State When drink has set aloft our Pate Where once w'agree three times we squable As doth a Bag-pipe's Base and Treble One fears that which another hopes for Like Cardinals when they make Popes or Like Heirs of Line or Heirs of Tailzies Or Gild or Tradesmen making Bailzies Now whether these be rants and flaws Devis'd Sir to defame our Cause Or whether there be something in it Hear out my Tale now I begin it If I conjecture not amiss The marrow of the matter 's this Some while ago Sir I was sent Your Majesty to complement To beg some Preachers which we wanted But ere I came Sir they were granted When all expected thanks most hearty To you from all the godly party I was informed by a Letter Were grown the Devil a whit the better Our old blind zeal within us still bides We haunt Conventicles on Hill-sides Gives to our Preachers blows and knocks For which we 'r put in Irons and Stocks I wondred what the matter meant I thought Sir that the Devil was in 't At length I was inform'd of new The fault was only of a few Not of us all and these we ken Have ever been John Thomsons men That is still ruled by their Wives Who carping at some Preachers lives And reading their erroneous Books Oppugning Doctrine Orthodox Cry'd out Prophanity and Atheism Gross Popery and Arminianism Is brought upon us by the Prelats With such expressions those Shee-zealots Wrought so upon their Husbands fancy That they from Fever fell to Frenzy Threw at their Preachers Stones and Clods As setters up of other Gods As Baal Beelzebub and Dagon The Apocalyptick Whore and Dragon Though such proceedings be half treason Yet to inform you there is reason If any introduce the Schisme Of Popery or Arminianisme That Popes Sir are most dangerous things To Princes Emperours and Kings They set their feet upon their neck They make them Sir kneel down and beck To hold their Sirrop when they ride And run like Lackeys at their side They make them bow down mouth and nose To kiss and smell their sweaty toes Makes them stand bare-foot at their Gates And buy their peace at monstrous rates They must have from them power all Both spritual and temporal Or they 'l hunt men to cut their throats And blow them up with Powder plots As both your Grand-fathers can tell Yea they will curse their souls to hell And give their Kingdoms to another Who pays most to their Bastards Mother It 's long since for the Holy Ghost At Rome Olympias rul'd the Rost Who think the practice far more sweeter Of Simon Magus then Simon Peter That I speak truth Sir within measure Appears by Don ' Olympias Treasure The next Successor of St. Peter Thought he could take a course no fitter Then part the Simoniack pelf And take the one half to himself Then said one though a Conclave Brother It went from one Thief to another Strange any Orthodox Divine Should doubt who is the Man of Sin Which questionless they had not done If they had read on Paul and John Who paints him in their Prophesies As they had seen him with their eyes What e're Divine of your Dominions Vents to the world such opinions Let them be Gold let them be Glass A Serpent