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A02649 A nevv discourse of a stale subiect, called the metamorphosis of Aiax: vvritten by Misacmos, to his friend and cosin Philostilpnos Harington, John, Sir, 1560-1612. 1596 (1596) STC 12779.5; ESTC S103861 58,895 147

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thou shalt couer thy excrements therewith in the place where thou didst ease thy selfe 14 For the Lord thy God walketh in the midst of thy tents to deliuer thee and to giue thy enemies into the hāds that thy tents may be holy and that there appeare no filthinesse in them lest he forsake thee But me thinke some may say vpon hearing of this text What is it possible there should he such a Scripture that handleth so homely matters I can hardly beleeue it I haue alwaies had a bible in my parlour these many yeares and oft time when the weather hath bene foule and that I haue had no other booke to reade on and haue wanted company to play at cards or tables with me I haue read in those bookes of the old Testament at least halfe an houre by the clocke yet I remember not anie such matter Nay further I haue heard a Preacher that hath kept an exercise a ye are togither vpon the bookes of Moses hath told vs of Genesis genealogies of the arke the propitiatorie of pollutions of washings of leprosies but I neuer heard him talke of such a homely matter as this I answere It may be so very well And therfore now I pray you sith the text is so strange to you giue me leaue to put you in mind of two vertuous honest obseruations out of this how homly so euer yet wholly Scripture One to be thankfull to our Sauiour for his mercies th' other to be faithfull to our Soueraigne for her merits We may thanke God that al these seruile ceremonies which S. Paul calleth the workes of the Law as Circumcision New moones Sabbaths washings cleansings with touch not handle not eate not c. are now taken away quite abolished by the Gospell which hath now made Omnia munda mundis And as S. Augustine saith in steed of ceremonies combersome infinite intollerable vnpossible hath giuē Sacraments easie few sweet gracious hath taught vs in steed of hearing Fac ho● vi●es to say now to him DaDomine quod iubes Secondly whereas it seemes you neuer heard this text preached on you may blesse in your soule and pray for her Maiesties so peaceable and prosperous raigne this text being not fit for peace a pulpit but only for warre and a camp And therfore though I hope we shal neuer haue cause to heare such a Scripture preached of in England yet those that serue in other countreys both haue shall heare it thus applyed and that oft not without neede viz. that though now to the cleane all things are cleane yet still we must haue a speciall care of cleanlines and wholsomenesse euen for the things here spoken of and if for such things how much more for rapes the●ts murthers blasphemies things as God knowes too common in al our campes Ne Dominus Deus noster qui ambulat in medio castrorum derelinquat nos Least the Lord our God that walketh in the midst of our tēts shold forsake vs. And euen in the time of the sweetest peace me thinkes I could also say here at home that it is an vnreuerent thing for Churches ordained for prayer and church-yardes appointed for burial to be polluted and filed as if they were kennels and dunghils And I haue thought sometime with my selfe that if I were but halfe so great an officer vnder our most gracious Emperesse who is in deed worthy and onely worthie to be Traians Mistresse as Plinius Secundus was vnder that Traian I would write for the mending of such a lothsome fault in my neighbour towne of Bath where many noble persons are oft annoyed with it as Plinie did for Amestris Yet whie may I not by Poetica licētia and by an honest necessarie figure in this age called Reprehensio imagine my selfe for halfe an houre to be Secundus and suppose some other that perhaps at this houre is not farre from Traians countrey to be that worthiest Traian For though in the English Grammer the feminine gender is more worthie then the masculine the which rule I wish long may hold Yet lest old Priscian should say I brake his head when I neuer came neare him I will keepe me in this my pleasant imitation within such an honest limitation as shal be free from all iust reprehension and write in steed of C. Pl. Secundus Traiano Imp. Salutem Haec tibi Traiano terraque marique remoto Scribit Misacmos nulli pietate Secundus The Citie of Bath my Lord being both poore enough and proud enough hath since hir highnesse being there woonderfully beautified it selfe in fine houses for victualing and lodging but decaies as fast in their ancient and honest trades of merchandise and clothing the faire Church hir Highnes gaue order should be reedified stands at a stay and their cōmon sewer which before stood in an ill place stands now in no place for they haue not any at all Which for a towne so plentifully serued of water in a countrey so well prouided of stone in a place resorted vnto so greatly being at two times of the yeere as it were the pilgrimage of helth to al saints me thinke seemeth an vnwoorthie and dishonorable thing wherefore if your Lordship would authorise me or some wiser then me to take a strict account of the money by hir Maiesties gratious grant gathered to be gathered which in the opinion of many cannot be lesse then ten thousand pounds though not to wrong them I thinke they haue bestowed vpon the point of 10000. pounds abating but one cipher I would not doubt of a ●●inate church to make a reuerent church and of an vnsauorie towne a most sweete towne This I do the rather write bicause your Lordship the rest of hir Maiesties most honorable counsel thought me once worthy to be Steward of that towne but that the wiser counsell of the towne thought it not meet out of a deeper reach lest being already their poore neighbor this increase might haue made my estate too great among them For indeed the ●ee belonging to it some other commodities annexed might haue been worth to me de claro vi●● modis per ann●m CCCClxxx d Moreouer I am to certifie your Lordship that the spring taken out of the hot bath into the priuate doth not annoy or preiudice the vertue of the hot bath as hir Maiestie hath bin lately informed And it is not vnnecessarie for some honorable persons that come thither sometimes to haue such a priuate bath But now I pray you let vs hearken to the Scripture for the Bibler is not yet come to Tu autem I find also in the second third chapters of Nehemias which some call the second booke of Esdras where he tels how no body but he and his asse went to suruey the citie Et ingressus sum ad portam vallis nocte ante fontem draconis ad portam stercoris consider abam murum Ierusalem
all the horned beasts he met which made Agamemnon and Menelaus now more affraid then Vlisses whereupon he was banished the townes presently and then he went to the woods and pastures and imagining all the fat sheepe he met to be of kin to the coward Vlisses because they ran awaie from him he massacred a whole flocke of good nott Ewes Last of all hauing no bodie else to kill poore man killed him selfe what became of his body is vnknowen some say that wolues and beares did eate it and that makes them yet such enemies to sheepe and cattell But his bloud as testifieth Pouidius the excellent Historiographer was turnd into a Hiacint which is a verie notable kinde of grasse or flower Now there are many miracles to be marked in this Metamorphosis to confirme the credite of the same for in the grasse it selfe remaines such pride of this noble bloud that as the grasiers haue assured me of their credits and some of them may be trusted for 100000 poundes the ruther beastes that eate too greedily hereof will swell til they burst the poore sheep still for an old grudge would eate him without salt as they saie but if they doe they will soone after rot with it Further I read that now of late yeares a French Gentleman son to one Monsieur Gargasier a young Gentleman of an excellent spirit towardnesse as the reuerēt Rabbles quem honoris causa nomino that is whom I should not name without sauereuerēce writeth in his first booke 13. Cha. but the story you shall find more at large in the xiiij booke of his tenth Decad. This yong gentleman hauing taken some three or foure score pils to purge melancholy euery one as big as a Pome Citterne commanded his man to mowe an halfe acre of grasse to vse at the priuy and notwithstāding that the owners to saue their hay perhaps sware to him it was of that ancient house of AIAX and therefore reserued of purpose onely for horses of the race of Bucephalus or Rabycano yet he would not be perswaded but in further contempt of his name vsed a phrase that he had learned at his being in the low Countreys and bad Skite vpon AIAX But suddenly whether it were the curse of the people or the nature of the grasse I know not he was strikē in his posteriorūs with S. Anthonies fier and dispairing of other helpe he went on Pilgrimage in hope of remedy hereof to Iapana neare Chyna where he met a French Surgeō in the vniuersity of Miaco that cured him both of that the Verol that he had before in his priorūs with the Momio of a Greciā wēch that Vlisses buried in his trauell vpon the coast of the further Aethiopia and so he came back again by Restinga des ladrones through S. Lazaro and crossing both the Tropicks Cancer Capricorne he came by Magellanes swearing he found no straights there but came from thence straight home And so in 24. houres saile and two or three od years beside he accomplished his voyage not forgetting to take fresh wine water at Capon de bona speranza Yet ere he could recouer his healthfully he was faine to make diuerse vowes for now he was growē very religious with his long trauell Among which one was that in remēbrance of China of all meats he would honor the Chine of beefe most an other was that of all offices of the house he should doe honour to that house of office where he had cōmitted that scorne to AIAX and that there he should neuer vse any more such fine grasse but rather teare a leafe out of Holinsheds Chronicles or some of the books that lie in the hall then to commit such a sin against AIAX Wherefore immediatly on his cōming home he built a sumptuous priuy and in the most conspicuous place thereof namely iust ouer the doore he erected a statue of AIAX with so grim a countenance that the aspect of it being full of terror was halfe as good as a suppositor and further to honour him he changed the name of the house called it after the name of this noble Captaine of the greasie ones the Grecians I should say AIAX though since by ill pronunciation and by a figure called Cacophonia the accent is changed and it is called a Iakes Further when the funerall oration was ended to doe him all other complements that appertained to his honor they searcht for his petigrew and an excellent Antiquary and a Harold by great fortune found it out in an old Church booke in the Austen Friers at Genoua and it was proclaymed on this fashion AIAX sonne of Telamon sonne of Aeacus sonne of Iuppiter Iuppiter aliâs dictus Picus sonne of old Saturne Aliâs dictus Stercutius Which when it was made knowen vnto the whole fraternity of the brethren there was nothing but reioycing and singing vnto their god Sarcotheos a deuout Shaame in honor of this Stercutius the great great grand-father of AIAX Which Sonet hath a maruellous grace in their countrey by meanes they do greatly affect the same similiter desinentia euery Frier singing a verse and a brother aunswering him in the tune following amounting iust to foure and twenty which is the misticall number of their order But by the way if any seuere Catoes take exceptions any chast Lucrecias take offence at the matter or musick here following let them pardon me that sought but to keepe decorum in speaking of a slouenly matter and of slouenly men somewhat slouenly Vos verò viri eruditi si quae hic scurriliter nimis dicta videbuntur ignoscite aequissimum ●●im est vt quam voluptatem scelerati male saciendo capiant ●●ndem quoad fieri potest male audiendo amittant Videt●● autem cuiusmodi farinae homines taxare instituimus ●●n plos doctos sanctos continentes sed lu●urios●s hereticos barburos impios Quibus ego me per ●mne● vitam ace●●imum hostem vt verum 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 semper pro●i●ebor Nostis prouerbium Cretisandum cum Cretensibus cert● hoc dignum est pa●ella operculum Nam similes habere debent labr● lactucas O Tu qui dans O tu qui dans o ra cu la o-ra-cu-la scindis cotem no va-cu-la cu-la da nostra vt ta-ber-na-cu-la lingua canant vernacula cu-la lingua canant vernacula cula O Tu qui dans O tu qui dans oracula oracu-la scindis cotem no vacula cula da nostra vt tabernacu-la cula vt taberna-cula lingua canant vernacula cula cula lingua canant verna-cula 1. O tu qui dans oraculae 2. Scindis cotem nouacula 3. Da nostra vt tabernacula 4. Lingua canant vernacula 5. Opima post gentacula 6. Huiusmodi miracula● 7. Sit semper plaenum poculum 8. Habentes plaenum loculum 9. Tu serua nos vt specula● 10. Per longa laeta secula● 11. Vt clerus
painefull stigma or caracter in Gods peculiar people though now most happily taken away in the holy Sacrament of Baptisme What the word signified I haue knowen reuerent learned men haue bene ignorant and we call it very well Circumcision and vncircumcision though the Remists of purpose be like to varie frō Geneua will needs bring in Prepuse which word was after admitted into the Theater with great applause by the mouth of Maister Tarlton the excellent Comedian when many of the beholders that were neuer circumcised had as great cause as Tarlton to complaine of their Prepuse But to come soberly more nearely to our present purpose In the old Testament the phrase is much vsed of couering the feet and in the new Testament he that healeth helpeth all our infirmities vsed the word draught that that goeth into the man is digested in the stomacke and cast out into the draught Lastly the blessed Apostle S. Paule being rapt in cōtemplation of diuine blisfulnesse cōpares all the chiefe felicities of the earth esteeming them to vse his owne word as stercora most filthy doung in regard of the ioyes he hoped for In imitation of which zealous vehemencie some other writers haue affected to vse such phrase of speech but with as il successe as the asse that leapt on his maister at his comming home because he saw a litle spaniel that had so don much made of for in deed these be coūted but foule mouthd beasts for their labors But to conclude these holy authorities worthy to be alledged in most reuerent and serious manner and yet here also I hope without offence let vs come now to the ridiculous rather then religious customes of the Pagans and see if this contemptible matter I treat of were despised among them nay rather obserue if it were not respected with a reuerence with an honor with a religion with a dutie yea with a deitie no maruell For they that had Gods and Goddesses for all the necessaries of our life frō our cradles to our graues viz. 1. for sucking 2. for swathing 3. for eating 4. for drinking 5. for sleeping 6. for husbandrie 7. for venerie 8. for fighting 9. for phisicke 10. for mariage 11. for child-bed 12. for fire 13. for water 14. for the thresholds 15. for the chimneys the names of which I doe set downe by themselues to satisfie those that are curious 1. Lacturtia 2. Cunina 3. Edulicae 4. Potina 5. Morpheus 6. Pan 7. Priapus 8. Bellona 9. Aesculapius 10 Hymen 11. Lucina and Vagitanus 12. Aether 13. Salacia 14. Lares 15. Penates I say you must not thinke they would cōmit such an ouersight to omit such a necessarie as almost in all languages hath the name of necessitie or ease wherfore they had both a God and a Goddesse that had the charge of the whole businesse the God was called Stercutius as they write because he found so good an employment for all manner of doung as to lay it vpon the land or perhaps it was he that first foūd the excellent mysterie of the kind setting of a Parsnippe which I will not here discouer because I heard of a truth that a great Lady that loued Parsnips very well after she had heard how they grew could neuer abide them and I would be loath to cause any to fall out of loue with so good a dish Neuerthelesse except they will haue better bread then is made of wheate they must how fine so euer they be giue M. Stercutius leaue to make the lād able to beare wheat But the Goddesse was much more especially and properly assigned for this busines whose name was Dea Cloacina her statue was erected by Titus Tacius he that raigned with Romulus in a goodly large house of office a fit shrine for such a Saint which Lodouicus Vi●es cites out of Lactantius But he that wil more particularly enforme himselfe of the originall of all these pettie Gods and Goddesses as also of the greater which they distinguisht by the name of Dij consentes which are according to old Ennius verse deuided into two rankes of Lords and Ladies Iun● Vesta Minerua Ceresque Diana Venus Mars Mercurius Neptunus louis Vulcanus Apollo Of all which S. Augustine writes most diuinely to ouerthrow their diuinitie and therefore I referre the learned and studious reader to his fourth and sixt booke de Ciuitate Dei where the originall and vanitie of all these Gods and Goddesses is more largely discoursed with a pretty quip to Seneca the great Philosopher who being in hart half a Christiā as was thought yet because he was a Senator of Rome was faine as S. Augustine saith to follow that he found fault with to doe that hee disliked to adore that he detested But come we to my stately Dame Cloacina and her Lorde Stercutius though these were not of the higher house called Consentes yet I hope for their antiquitie they may make great comparison for he is saide to haue bene old Saturne father to Pycus that was called Iuppiter and Cloacina was long before Priapus and so long before Felicitie that S. Augustine writes merrily that he thinkes verily Felicitie forsooke the Romanes for disdaine that Cloacina and Priapus were deified so long before her adding Imperium Romanorum propterea grandius quam felicius fuit The Romane Empire therefore was rather great then happie But how so euer Ladie Felicitie disdaines her no question but Madame Cloacina was alwayes a very good fellow for it is a token of speciall kindnesse to this day among the best men in France to reduce a Syllogisme in Bocardo togither Insomuch as I haue heard it seriously tolde that a great Magnifico of Venice being Ambassador in France and hearing a Noble person was come to speak with him made him stay till he had vntyed his points and when he was new set on his stoole sent for the Noble mā to come to him at that time as a very speciall fauour And for other good fellowships I doubt not but frō the beginning it hath often happened that some of the Nymphes of this gentle goddesse haue met so luckily with some of her deuout chaplens in her chappels of ease and paid their priuie tithes so duely and done their seruice togither with such deuotion that for reward she hath preferred them within fortie weeks after to Iuno Lucina and so to Vagitana Lacturtia and Cunina for euen to this day such places continue very fortunate And wheras I named deuotion I would not haue you thinke how homely soeuer the place is that all deuotion is excluded from it For I happening to demand of a deare friend of mine concerning a great cōpanion of his whether he were religious or no and namely if he vsed to pray he tolde me that to his remembrance he neuer heard him aske any thing of God nor thanke God for any thing except it were at a Iakes he heard him say he thāked God he had had a good