whence you came Profession No faith I am dry wherefore I will go to a Tavern Comorade Content Ex. Scene 33. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone in a studeous humour walking for a time silently then speaks CApris. Which shall I complain of Nature or Education I am compassionate by nature for though I am froward I am not cruel I am pious by education for though I am froward I am not wicked I am vertuous by nature and education for though I am froward I am neither dishonest unchaste base or unworthy Why then 't is Fortune I must complain of for Fortune hath given me plenty and plenty hath made me proud and pride hath made me self-conceited self-conceit hath bred disdain and disdain scorn So pride disdain and scorn makes me disapprove all other creatures actions or opinions but my own and this disapproving is that which men calls cross pievish and froward disposition being most commonly accompanied with sharp satyrical words and angry frowns These faults I 'l conquer whereresoere they lye I 'l rule my froward humour or I 'l dye Ex. Scene 34. Enter Madamosel Solid and a Matron SOlid Lord Lord I wonder men and women should spend their time so idley and wast their lives so vainly in talking so ignorantly and acting so foolishly upon the great Stage or the Stage of the great World Matron VVhy how would you have them spend their time or talk or act Solid I would have them spend their time to gain time as to prevent or hinder times oblivion and to speak and act to that design That when their bodies dye Their Names and Fames may live eternally Matron But it is not in every mans or womans power to get fame for some are made uncapable by nature others are hindred by fortune some are obstructed by chance others want time and opportunity wealth birth and education and many that are pull'd back by envie spite and malice Solid VVhat man or woman soever that nature is liberal to may eternalize themselves as for fortune she may hinder the active the like may chance envie spite and malice but cannot hinder the contemplative the like may time and opportunity but poor poverty and birth can be no hindrance to natural wit for natural wit in a poor Cottage may spin an after-life enter-weaving several colour'd fancies and threeds of opinions making fine and curious Tapestries to hang in the Chambers of fame or wit may and carve Images of imaginations to place and set forth the Gardens of fame making fountains of Poetry that may run in smooth streams of verse or wit may paint and pensel out some Copies and various Pictures of Nature with the pensels of Rhethorick on the grounds of Philosophy to hang in the Galleries of fame Thus the Palaces of fame may be furnished and adorn'd by the wit of a poor Cottager Ex. Scene 35. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. Item I am to be courteous but not familiar to be merry but not wild to be kind but not wanton to be friendly but not intimate to be sociable but not troublesome to be conversable but not talkative to look soberly but not frowningly to return answers civilly to ask questions wisely to demand rights honestly to argue rationally and to maintain opinions probably These rules I will strictly observe and constantly practice Enter Monsieur Bon Compaignon Capris. Sir I cry peccavi and ask your pardon for speaking so unhandsomely of the effeminate Sex when I was last in your company for my indiscretion made me forget so as not to remember that all men hath either VVives Sisters Daughters or Mothers But truly my discourse proceeded neither from spite or malice but from the consideration of my own faults which being so many did bury the good graces of other women for though I am vertuously honest yet I am but rudely fashion'd and untoward for conversation but though my discourse had a triangular countenance for it seem'd foolish spitefull and wicked yet pray Sir believe the natural face was a perfect round honest face Bon Compaignon Lady what faults soever your Sex is guilty of your vertues will get their pardon and your beauty will cover their blemishes Capris. I wish my indiscretion had not discovered my froward imperfections but I am sorry and shall hereafter endeavor to rectifie my errours Ex. Scene 36. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Nurse NObilissimo Good Nurse where is my vertuous sweet Mistresse Nurse In her chamber Sir Nobilissimo VVhat is she doing Nurse She is reading Nobilissimo VVhat Books doth she read are they Divinity Morality Philosophy History or Poetry Nurse Sometimes her study is of one and then of another But now I think her chief study is you wherein she may read humanity Enter Madamosel Doltche and seeing Monsieur Nobilissimo with her Nurse starts back and then comes forth blushing Nurse Lord child what makes you blush Doltche Not crimes but my blushing is caused by a sudden assault or surprisal meeting him I did not expect to meet at this time which raised up blushes in my face for blushing is like the full and falling tide for the bloud flows to the face and from thence ebbes to the heart as passions moves the mind And thoughts as waves in curling folds do rise And lashfull eyes are like the troubled skies Nobilissimo Sweet Mistress crimes cannot stain your cheeks with blushes but modesty hath penseld Roses there which seems as sweet as they look fair Doltche I desire my looks and countenance may alwaies appear so as they may never falsly accuse me and as I would not have my looks or countenance wrong my innocency or deceive the Spectators so I would not have my heart be ungratefull to bury your presence in silence Wherefore I give you thanks Sir for the noble Present you sent me to day Nobilissimo I was affraid you would not have accepted of it Doltche Truly I shall refuse no Present you shall send me although it were ushered with scorn and attended with death Nobilissimo My kind Mistress I shall never send you any Present but what is ushered by my love attended by my service and presented with the offer of my life Nurse Child you are very free of kind words Doltche And my deeds shall answer my words is need requires yet I am sorry if my speaking over-much should offend but I chose rather to set bosses of words on the sense of my discourse although it obscures the glosse of my speech than my love should be buried in my silence Nobilissimo Sweet Mistresse your loving expressions gives such joy unto my heart and such delight unto my hearing as my soul is inthron'd in happinesse and crown'd with tranquility Nurse Pray Heaven you both may be as full of Love Joy and Peace when you are married as you express to have now But let me tell you young Lovers that Hymen is a very temperate and discreet Gentleman in love I will assure you neither doth he
is for the most part obtains it Thus men become slaves to the distaff for quietness sake otherwise there is such quarrels and brawleries that his house and home that should be his Couch of Ease his Bed of Rest his peaceable Haven or haven of Peace is for the most part his couch of thorns his bed of cares his hell of torments or tormenting hell and his whole Family are like a tempestuous Sea where Passions hurl into Factions and rise in waves of discontent But when men have an absolute power over their wives they force them into quiet obedience and where men have many Wives Concubines and Slaves the women are humbled into a submission each woman striving which should be most serviceable and who can get most love and favour and as for Bastards they are as much the Fathers children as those that are got in Wedlock Censure But it is likely that Concubines and slaves will be false and father their children on those that never begot them Sensuality Why so may Wives and 't is most probable they do so but as other Nations do allow many Wives Concubines and slaves so they give men power and rule to govern and restrain them and the men are so wise in other Nations as they suffer no other men but themselves to come neer them hardly to look at the outside of their Seraglio's as that part of the house they are lodged in Censure Thou hast spoke so well and hast made so learned a Speech for many Wives Concubines and slaves as I am converted and will if thou wilt travel into such Kingdomes as allow such numbers and varieties that I may be naturalliz'd to their liberties Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Monsieur Inquisitive INquisitive What is the reason Monsieur Satyrical you do not marry Satyrical The reason Monsieur Inquisitive is that I cannot find a wife fit for me Inquisitive Why there are women of all Ages Births Humours Statures Shapes Complexions Features Behaviours and Wits But what think you of marrying the Lady Nobilissimo Satyrical She is a Lady that out-reaches my Ambition Inquisitive What think you of the Lady Bellissimo Satyrical She is a Lady for Admiration and not for use Inquisitive What think you of marrying the Lady Piety Satyrical She is a Lady to be pray'd unto as a Saint not to be imbraced as wife Inquisitive What think you of the Lady Modesty Satyrical She is a Lady that will not only quench amorous love but the free matrimonial love Inquisitive What do you think of the Lady Sage Satyrical She is a Lady to rule as a Husband and not to be ruled as a Wife Inquisitive What think you of the Lady Politick Satyrical She is a Lady fitter for Counsel than for Mariage Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Ceremony Satyrical She is a Lady fitter for a Princely Throne than the Mariage-bed Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Poetical Satyrical She is a Lady fitter for Contemplation than Fruition Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Humility Satyrical She is a Lady sooner won than enjoy'd Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Sprightly Satyrical She is a Lady that will disquiet my rest being fitter for dancing than sleeping Inquisitive What say to the Lady Prodigal Satyrical She is a Lady I might feast with but could not thrive with Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Vanity Satyrical She is a Lady too various and extravagant for my humour Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Victoria Satyrical She is a Lady I had rather hear of than be inslaved by Inquisitive VVhat say you to the Lady Innocent Youth Satyrical She is a Lady that may please with imbracing but not with conversing she is fitter for love than for company for Cupid than for Pallas for sport than for counsel Inquisitive VVhat say you to the Lady Wanton Satyrical She is fitter for an hour than for an Age Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Poverty Satyrical She is fitter for my Charity than my Family Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Ill-favoured Satyrical She is a Lady fitter for a Nunnery than a Nursery for Beads than for Children Inquisitive What say you to the Lady Weakly Satyrical She is fitter for Death than for Life for Heaven than the World Inquisitive By your Answers I perceive you will not Marry Satyrical Have I not reason when I can finde such Answers from the Sex Inquisitive But the Gods have commanded Mariage Satyrical But Saints doe choose a single life and in case of Mariage I will sooner follow the Example of the Saints than the commands of the Gods Exeunt Scene 7. Enter Madamoiselle Ambition Superbe Bon' Esprit Pleasure Portrait Faction Grave Temperance and Mother Matron GRave Temperance Ladies what think you of good Husbands Portrait I think well of good Husbands Bon' Esprit But it is a question whether good Husbands will think well of us Faction I think good Husbands may be in our thoughts but not actually in the World Ambition I am of your opinion they may be mention'd in our words but not found in our lives Pleasure Faith we may hear of good husbands and read of good wives but they are but Romances Portrait You say right for we may as soon finde an Heroick Lover and see all his impossible Actions out of a Romance Book as a good Husbands but as for Wives I will not declare my Opinion Bon' Esprit Nor I but were there such men that would make good husbands it were as difficult to get them as for a Romantick Lover to get his Mistris out of an Inchanted Castle Pleasure For my part I had rather die a Maid than take the pains to get a good Husband Superbe I wonder our Sex should desire to Marry for when we are unmaried we are sued and sought to and not only Mistris of our selves but our Suters But when we are maried we are so far from being Mistrisses as we become slaves Pleasure The truth is there is no Act shews us or rather proves us to be so much fools as we are as in marrying for what greater folly can there be than to put our selves to that condition which will force us to sue to power when before that voluntary slavery we were in a condition to use power and make men sue to us Ambition We must confess when we well consider it is very strange since every Creature naturally desires and strives for preheminency as to be superiour and not inferiour for all Creatures indeavour to command and are unwilling to obey for it is not only Man but even the Beasts of the Field the Birds of the Air and the Fishes in the Sea and not only Beasts Birds and Fish but the Elements those creatures inhabite in strive for superiority only Women who seem to have the meanest souls of all the Creatures Nature hath made for women are so far from indeavouring to get power as they voluntarily
sit down or to bid him leave her company and surely they must needs be both very weary of walking but sure he will leave her when it is time to go to bed Reformer It is to be hoped he will Enter the Lady Bashfull and Sir Serious Dumb following her Reformer Madam you will tire your self and the Gentleman with walking about your house wherefore pray sit down Lady Bashfull What! To have him gaze upon my face Reformer Why your face is a handsome face and the owner of it is honest wherefore you need not be ashamed but pray rest your self Lady Bashfull Pray perswade him to leave me and then I will Reformer Sir my Lady intreats you to leave her to her self Sir Serious Dumb writes then and gives Reformer his Table-book to read Reformer He writes he cannot leave you for if his body should depart his soul will remain still with you Lady Bashfull That will not put me out of countenance because I shall not be sensible of its presence wherefore I am content he should leave his soul so that he will take his body away He writes and gives Reformer the Book Reformer reads He writes that if you will give him leave once a day to see you that he will depart and that he will not disturb your thoughts he will only wait upon your person for the time he lives he cannot keep himself long from you Lady Bashfull But I would be alone Reformer But if he will follow you you must indure that with patience you cannot avoid Sir Serious Dumb goeth to the Lady Bashfull and kisseth her hand and Ex. Reformer You see he is so civil as he is unwilling to displease you Lady Bashfull Rather than I will be troubled thus I will go to some other parts of the World Reformer In my conscience Madam he will follow you wheresoever you go Lady Bashfull But I will have him shut out of my house Reformer Then he will lye at your gates and so all the Town will take notice of it Lady Bashfull Why so they will howsoever by his often visits Reformer But not so publick Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the General and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Thou must carry a Letter from me to my Mistriss Affectionata You will not marry her you say Lord Singul. No Affectionata Then pardon me my Lord for though I would assist your honest love by any service I can do yet I shall never be so base an Instrument as to produce a crime Lord Singul. Come come thou shalt carry it and I will give thee 500. pounds for thy service Affectionata Excuse me my Lord Lord Singularity I will give thee a thousand pounds Affectionata I shall not take it my Lord Lord Singul. I will give thee five thousand nay ten thousand pounds Affectionata I am not covetous my Lord Lord Singularity I will make thee Master of my whole Estate for without the assistance I cannot injoy my Mistriss by reason she will trust none with our Loves but thee Affectionata Could you make me Master of the whole World it could not tempt me to do an action base for though I am poor I am honest and so honest as I cannot be corrupted or bribed there-from Lord Singularity You said you loved me Affectionata Heaven knows I do above my life and would do you any service that honour did allow of Lord Singularity You are more scrupulous than wise Affectionata There is an old saying my Lord that to be wise is to be honest Exeunt Scene 32. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and meets his Ladies maid Sir P. Studious Where is your Lady Maid In her Chamber Sir Sir P. Studious Pray her to come to me Maid Yes Sir Sir P. Studious Exit Enter another Maid to the first 1. Maid Lord Lord What a creature my Master is become since he fell into his musing again he looks like a melancholy Ghost that walks in the shades of Moon-shine or if there be no Ghost such as we fancie just such a one seems her when a week since he was as fine a Gentleman as one should see amongst a thousand 2. Maid That was because he kiss'd you Nan 1. Maid Faith it was but a dull clownish part to meet a Maid that is not ill-favoured and not make much of her who perchance have watch'd to meet him for which he might have clap'd her on the cheek or have chuck'd her under the chin or have kiss'd her but to do or say nothing but bid me call my Lady was such a churlish part Besides it seemed neither manly gallantly nor civilly 2. Maid But it shewed him temperate and wise not minding such frivilous and troublesome creatures as women are 1. Maid Prithy it shews him to be a miserable proud dull fool 2. Maid Peace some body will hear you and then you will be turn'd away 1. Maid I care not for it they will not turn me away I will turn my self away and seek another service for I hate to live in the house with a Stoick Scene 33. Enter the General and Affectionata AFfectionata By your face Sir there seems a trouble in your mind and I am restless until I know your griefs Lord Singularity It is a secret I dare not trust the aire with Affectionata I shall be more secret than the aire for the aire is apt to divulge by retorting Echoes back but I shall be as silent as the Grave Lord Singul. But you may be tortured to confess the truth Affectionata But I will not confess the truth if the confession may any wayes hurt or disadvantage you for though I will not belye truth by speaking falsely yet I will conceal a truth rather than betray a friend Especially my Lord and Master But howsoever since your trouble is of such concern I shall not with to know it for though I dare trust my self yet perchance you dare not trust me but if my honest fidelity can serve you any wayes you may imploy it and if it be to keep a secret all the torment that nature hath made or art invented shall never draw it from me Lord Singul. Then let me tell thee that to conceal it would damn thy soul Affectionata Heaven bless me But sure my Lord you cannot be guilty of such sins that those that doth but barely hear or know them shall be damned Lord Singul, But to conceal them is to be an Actor Affectionata For Heaven sake then keep them close from me if either they be base or wicked for though love prompt me to inquire hoping to give you ease in bearing part of the burthen yet Heaven knows I thought my love so honourable placed on such a worthy person and guiltless soul as I might love and serve without a scandal or a deadly sin Lord Singularity Come you shall know it Affectionata I 'l rather stop my ears with death Lord Singul. Go thou art a false boy Affectionata How false a boy howsoever you think me I have an
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
Trusty Beshrew your tongue wife for speaking so sharply to our young Lady she was left to our trust care and tender usage and not to be snapt and quarrelled with Nurse Fondly Yes and you would betray your trust to her childish folly Foster Trusty No that I would not neither would I venture or yield up her life to loves melancholly Nurse Fondly Come Come husband you humour her too much and that will spoile her I am sure Ex. Scene 8. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious with a Book in his hand a Table being set out whereon is Pen Ink and Paper After he hath walked a turn or two with his eyes fixt upon the ground he sits down to the Table and begins to write Enter the Lady Ignorant his Wife LAdy Ignorant Lord Husband I can never have your company for you are at all times writing or reading or turning your Globes or peaking thorough your Prospective Glasse or repeating Verses or speaking Speeches to your self Sir P. Studious Why wife you may have my company at any time Nay never to be from me if you please for I am alwaies at home Lady Ignorant 'T is true your person is alwaies at home and fixt to one place your Closet as a dull dead statue to the side of a wall but your mind and thoughts are alwaies abroad Sir P. Studious The truth is my mind sometimes sends out my thoughts like Coye ducks to bring more understanding in Lady Ignorant You mistake Husband for your thoughts are like vain or rather like false Scouts that deceives your understanding imprisons your senses and betrayes your life to a dull solitariness Sir P. Studious 'T is better to live a quiet solitary life than a troublesome and an uneasie life Lady Ignorant What is a man born for but to serve his Countrey side with his friends and to please the effeminate Sex Sir P. Studious You say right wife and to serve his Countrey is to finde out such inventions as is usefull either in Peace or War and to form order and settle Common-wealths by Devizing Laws which none but studious brains e're did or can do T is true practice doth pollish beauty and adorn but neither layes the Foundation nor brings the Materials nor builds the walls thereof and to side with friends is to defend Right and Truth with sound arguments and strong proofs from the tyrannical usurpation of false opinions vain phantasines malicious satires and flattering oratorie and to please the effeminate Sex is to praise their beauty wit vertue and good graces in soft Numbers and smooth Language building up Piramides of poetical praises Printing their fame thereon by which they live to After-ages Lady Ignorant Prithy Husband mistake us not for women cares not for wide mouthed fame and we take more delight to speak our selves whilst we live than to be talked of when we are dead and to take our present pleasures than to abstain our selves for After-ages Sir P. Studeous Well wife what would you have me do Lady Ignorance Why I would have you so sociable as to sit and discourse with our friends and acquaintance and play the good fellow amongst them Sir P. Studious What need we to have any other friends than our selves our studies books and thoughts Lady Ignorance Your studies books and thoughts are but dull acquaintance melancholly companions and weak friends Sir P. Studious You do not wife consider their worth for books are conversable yet silent acquaintance and study is a wise Counsellor and kind friends and poetical thoughts are witty Companions wherein other Societies and Companies are great inconveniences and oftimes produces evil effects as Jealousie Adulterie Quarrels Duels and Death besides slanders backbitings and the like Lady Ignorance Truly Husband you are strangely mistaken for those Societies as I would have you frequent doth Sing Dance Rallie make Balls Masks Playes Feasts and the like and also makes Frollicks or Rubices or Playes at Questions and Commands Purposes or Ridles and twenty such like Pastimes and fine sports they have Sir P. Studious But surely Wife you would not like this kind of life nor I neither especially if we were in one and the same Company for perchance you may hear wanton Songs sung and see amorous glances or rude or immodest Actions and when you dance have a secret nip and gentle gripe of the band silently to declare their amorous affections and when you are at Questions or Commands you will be commanded to kiss the men or they you which I shall not like neither should you or if they are commanded to pull of your Garter which no chast and modest woman will suffer nor no gallant man or honourable husband will indure to stand by to see and if you refuse you disturb the rest of the Company and then the women falls out with you in their own defence and the men takes it as an affront and disgrace by reason none refuses but you This causes quarrels with Strangers or quarrels betwixt our selves Lady Ignorant 'T is true if the Company were not Persons of Quality which were civilly bred but there is no rude Actions or immodest behaviours offered or seen amongst them Besides if you do not like those sports you may play at Cardes or Dice to pass away the time Sir P. Studious But Wife let me examine you have or do you frequent these Societies that you speak so Knowingly Learnedly and Affectionately of Lady Ignorance No otherwise Husband but as I have heard which reports makes me desire to be acquainted with them Sir P. Studious Well you shall and I will bear you company to be an Eye-witness how well you behave your self and how you profit thereby Lady Ignorance Pray Husband do for it will divert you from your too serious studies and deep thoughts which feeds upon the health of your body which will shorten your life and I love you so well as I would not have you dye for this I perswade you to is for your good Sir P. Studious We will try how good it is Ex. Scene 9. Enter Nurse Fondley and Foster Trusty her Husband NUrse Fondly How shall I keep your Journey secret but that every body will know of it Foster Trusty We will give out that such a deep melancholly have seized on her since her Fathers death as she hath made a vow not to see any creature besides your self for two years As for me that I have lived so solitary a life with my solitary Master this Ladies Father that I have few or no acquaintance besides I will pretend some business into some other parts of the Kingdom and I having but a little Estate few will inquire after me Nurse Fondly So in the mean time I must live solitary all alone without my Husband or Nurse-childe which Childe Heaven knows I love better than if I had one living of my own Foster Trusty I am as fond of her as you are and Heaven knows would most willingly sacrifice my old life could
having made her a Lady Lord Lord to see the fortune that some have over others why if my Master would have maried one of his Maids he might have chosen a prettier wench amongst any of us all than she is 2 Maid Yes 'faith for she was thought the veriest Puss of us all for she is neither snout-fair nor well-shap'd she hath splay-feet and chilblainheels 1 Maid Nay all will grant she was the dirtiest slut in the House for there was never a man-servant but would cry so at her when they kiss'd her besides she was the veriest fool amongst us But Lord what Wealth and Honour will do for now she is a Lady she looks as if she never wash'd a dish or scour'd a kettle or spit 2 Maid But I wonder how she came to be his Wife she might have served as her Betters have done before her I am sure there was Nan a pretty pert cleanly Maid who was kind and willing to do any thing either to serve our Master or fellow servants 1 Maid O but Nan had not an old woman that us'd to come to her to get suet and scraps as Briget had and this old woman they say counsell'd Briget to seem nice and coy 2 Maid I wonder what Richard the Carter will say who was turned out of his service because he should not share with my Master 1 Maid 'Faith I heard that Richard was told of her Advancement and 't is said he laugh'd and said my Master had a hungry stomach that he could feed of his leavings but by his Troth he was glad she was become a Lady for now he could say he had kiss'd and courted a Lady as well as the best Gallant of them all Exeunt Scene 19. Enter the Lord Widower and the Lady Sprightly his Daughter LOrd Daughter although you do govern my Family very well for your years yet you are young and wanting Experience may be cozened and though I have a great Estate yet it will be all consum'd if Order and Method be not put into practice wherefore I would have you take the counsel of Mistris Dorothy Subtilty to assist you Lady Who is that my Lord Lord Why do not you know her she that waited on your Mother Lady Pardon me my Lord I did not know her by that Title for she was plain Dol Subtilty when she waited on my Mother and not knowing of her advancement from a Chambermaid to a Gentlewoman I might easily mistake besides she is not so much older as to have much more experience than my self perchance she may have more craft which was learned her in her poverty than I who have been bred at the Horn of Plenty that knew no scarcity nor sharking necessity Lord You have a sharp tongue when spight moves it but let me hear no more of these words but do as I command you Lady I never disobey'd you as I do know Lord Well no more words Exeunt Scene 20. Enter the Bride and all the Bridal Guests they dance and Monsieur Disguise dances with the Bride Sir Spendall seems to whisper Monsieur Disguise in the Ear being half drunk SPendall Sir but that you look more like a woman than a man you might give the Bridegroom more cause to be melancholy for the living than the dead but let me intreat you young Gentleman that you strike not his Head as your News hath done his Heart for I perceive the Brides eyes are fix'd upon you and from the root of a fix'd eye grows Horns when they are set in a maried Head Disguise There is no fear Spendall Yes Sir as long as there are doubts there are fears Disguise There is no doubt Sir Spendall But that she will be Sir Disguise What Sir Spendall What you please Sir and let me tell you young Gentleman that as long as there are women there will be Lovers and Cuckolds Disguise And let me tell you Sir that as long as there are men there will be Fools and Drunkards Lady Inconstant Sir I doubt we have invited you rather to your trouble than your delight Disguise Madam you are the Treasure of Pleasure and Delight which none can receive but from your Bounty nor enjoy but by your Favour Exeunt Scene 21. Enter the Lady Sprightly and Dol Subtilty LAdy Sprightly What had you to do to contradict my commands Dol Subtilty They were not fit to be obey'd wherefore they were forbid The Lady gives Dol a box on the Ear Lady There take that to remember I forbid you to forbid my commands Dol. I will declare your blows to some that shall revenge me Enter the Lord Widower Lord What are you so light-finger'd 'T is time to get you a Husband to govern and rule your high spirit Lady No pray Sir get me no Husband for if my Father takes part against me surely a Husband will be worse natur'd Lord So you will say I am unnatural Lady No Sir I only say it is not my undutifulness that displeases you but some that hath more wit than I or at least good fortune to please you better Lord VVell pray study your Book and VVork and leave the Houshold Affairs to my disposal Lady Sir I took the Office as my duty to your commands not for Delight Pleasure Ease or Profit and I shall surrender it up again upon the same account and with all the trouble care labour vexations and disquiets belonging thereunto Lord In doing so you will do very well Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Hypocondria as being frightly sick and her Husband Sir VVilliam Lovewell LOvewell Heaven bless you wife what makes you so extremely pale and to seem so affrighted Hypocon. O Husband I have an Imposthume broken within me and the bag will rise and choke me Lovewell Heaven forbid Hypocon. O I am choak'd I am choak'd I cannot fetch my breath She takes her breath very short Sir VVilliam Lovewell in a great fright calls for help Enter some servants Lovewell O send for Doctors strait for my wife is ready to die They go out running he standing by the Chair his Wife sits in trembling and quaking Lovewell How are you dear VVife how do you feel your self now how are you Hypocondria O very ill but yet me thinks I can fetch my breath a little better than I could I believe the Imposthume-bag is fallen down wherefore I will go to bed Lovewell Pray do VVife He leads her out and she goeth softly Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his Wife SAge Sweet-heart I was in your Bed-chamber and in your Cabinet-chamber and missing you in both I was afraid I must have been forc'd to have hir'd a Cryer to have proclamed my loss Chastity Many a Wife doth proclame her Husbands loss without the help of a Cryer for the Wives Adulterous Acts proclame her Husband a Cucold and the loss of his Honour Sage But I am not afraid of that for I am confident of thy Chastity although the old