extenuate our sinnes 11 How we excuse them 12 Temptations cannot excuse vs and wherefore 13 To whom we are obliged to confesse 14 The conscience of man is GODS Kingdome and Consistorie 15 We should not be ashamed that men take knowledge that we haue sinned 16 Pleasures of the body what they are like 17 Our confession must be entire 18 Our lightest sinnes must be confessed 19 Our sweetest sinnes must be confessed 20 One sinne sufficient to vndoe vs. THen I aduanced my selfe to the second forme of repentance From contrition I proceeded to acknowledgement and confession of my sinnes Because I saw it was a childish weakenesse rather to perish by the disease then to empty the stomacke of dangerous humours to suffer sores rather to putrefie and spread then to endure the cleansing and curing of them rather to endure a perpetuall toothach then to haue the tooth pulled foorth And seeing it was for this cause that GOD was so seuere against mee namely for that I would not acknowledge my sinnes seeing by no other meanes I could wrestle out of those difficulties wherinto his displeasure had cast me I forthwith resolued to turn to my GOD and to turne forth my heart vnto him to powre out all the putrefaction of my soule before his pure eyes to open my Conscience and giue a vent to those filthy fumes which had almost stifeled my soule which were more loathsome more infectious then is the damp of dead putrified bodies In a word to say with holy Iob If I haue hid my sinne as Adam concealing my iniquity within my bosome So I presented my selfe before his diuine Maiesty with the same countenance wherewith a poore distressed patient full of impostumes Fistulaes and vgly vlcers presenteth himselfe to an expert Chyrurgian And being prepared to endure both the paine of the corosiue and point of the lance I thus addressed my speech vnto him O LORD my GOD most rich most liberall most mercifull GOD who sitting aboue the Seraphims with thy eyes farre brighter then the Sun piercest all depthes and discouerest all things naked and open to thy view Thou O LORD who art so powerfull and yet so pitifull to that which thou hast made that thou hearest and regardest miserable sinners Graciously behold be fauourably attentiue to me I beseech thee Behold mee thy miserable creature not in anger not in iustice but in compassion and mercy not as a seuere Iudge but as a skilfull and carefull Physician not to punish my infirmities but graciously to cure them O mercifull GOD no lesse infinite in Mercy then in Maiestie In goodnesse and in greatnesse vnmeasurable alike Behold my exceeding great miseries my exceeding great but not infinite miseries not such as can beare any proportion against thy mercies For betweene great and infinite there standeth no proportion O infinite goodnes mercie I am in a most miserable estate yet how to better it caÌ„not tel My doubtfull and perplexed thoughts doe wildely wander in a maze of amazement And this is nothing else in effect but to beat out with what torments I am likest to perish Alas O my GOD wilt not thou relieue mee in these extremities wilt not thou release me O infinite goodnes With al humilitie I entreate thy ayd not vpon any coÌ„fidence in my selfe but faith hope two twins of thy brest who neuer yet haue either let fall or bin denied any suit haue guided mee hither and set me before thee Loe they remaine still present with mee They encourage me they assure me that the more miserable we feele our selues to be the more fit we are to receiue thy mercies and the more standeth it with thy iustice to afford vs the same O thou who art both liberall and rich relieue my pouertie O most mercifull and powerfull LORD release my miseries Heare my distressed soule full of wretchednesse but fuller of guiltinesse groaning at thy gate of mercie See how fowlie it is defiled with euill how deepely corruption hath tainted the verie substance thereof how the stamps of sinne by reason of long custome are so firmely imprinted therein as it is a hard matter to deface them I am like an vncleane beast that hath long wallowed in the proper dung whereby both the beautie hath beene defiled and a loathsome taste is fixed in the flesh Alasse I am plunged in sinne as in a sea wherein I neither see banke nor feele bottome wherin my vaine soule at the same time both floateth with the leuity and is drawne downe with the leaden weights of sin O GOD of my saluation my impure soule hath hitherto beene much troubled much endangered and almost stifeled by enclosing her corruptions and not giuing a free passage for them to breake foorth But now I confesse my sinnes I confesse how grieuously I haue offended thy maiestie I haue broken all thy commandements as if they had beene cobwebs and my verie best thoughts haue beene poysoned with taste of things sensuall The poysonous breath of my thoughts euaporated from my sensuall soule hath beene more offensiue and noysome to thee then the dampes that arise from bodies halfe putrefied in their graues Of all thy debtors I confesse that my accompts are greatest that thou hast most to reckon with mee but giue mee respite for repentance and I will satisfie if not thy iustice by payment yet thy mercie by acknowledgement Haue patience a while and by confession I will pay thee all LORD I will not hide my offences for then wilt thou display them I will lay them open that thou maiest hide them I will acknowledge them that thou maiest take no knowledge of them I will not conceale my miserable defects and defections from thee lest thereby I loose first thy pitie and then thy reliefe I will neuer goe about either to abuse or to auoid thee by denying or â—uppressing my sinnes I will no waies extenuate no waies excuse them I will not extenuate them either by fauourable comparing them with the sinnes of other men or by vnderualuing them in their owne nature I will not excuse them by casting the blame vpon any other vpon the malice and power of the Diuell vpon the witchcraft of the world vpon the soft flatteries of the flesh These are the vaine veyles which our first parents vsed The woman gaue it me the serpent deceiued mee But they cannot suffice to shadow our sinnes For they are not able to compell the will they can no wayes enforce the soule Allure it they may but enforce it they caÌ„not they may knock at our gates but they caÌ„not breake in vnles we open to entertaine theÌ„ And therefore I will neuer endeauour to excuse that which my owne conscience conuinceth I will sincerely acknowledge my sinnes I will take the whole blame vpon my selfe I will not transferre any part thereof to any other For my conscience is so torne with the bitings of sinne my soule is so stretched vpon the racke of sorrow that I am
eyes of the LORD are ouer the righteous The eyes of the LORD are vpon them that feare him and put their trust in his mercy But to what end To deliuer their soules from death and to feede them in the time of dearth Good And so it seemeth that they shall neither perish nor want For they shall bee deliuered from death and fedde in the time of dearth Thine eye is so fixed vpon them that whosoeuer toucheth them to harme them hee toucheth the apple of thine eye All sweete saciety is plentifully powred from thine eyes Assuredly the eyes of the LORD are working eyes grace streameth from his eyes as light and heat streame from the sunne The sunne doeth not so much both adorne and enrich the earth with his illustrous beames as the eyes of the LORD by their influence both enrich and adorne the soule of man as they make it radiant both in pure beauty and in plentie of good workes O mercifull GOD how sweete is thy Spirit What comforts and delights breathe hourely from thee How art thou so enamoured with our sinnefull soules that thou wilt not turne the eyes of thy Maiesty from them How come they so deare vnto thee that neither danger nor want can seize vpon them LORD I am astonished at this vnmeasurable goodnesse my thoughts are so ouerwhelmed and confounded therewith that I am enforced to crie vnto thee What is man that thou hast such respect vnto him or the sonne of man that thou so regardest him I did once goe astray ouer carried with the company of ordinary men But since the LORD hath vouchsafed to cast his countenance vpon me since he hath turned to me his amiable eie of compassion and grace I haue not only beene instructed what to doe but enabled to performe the same New forces new life hath beene infused into me I haue not only been directed which way to walke but I haue beene guided and supported in that way And now me think this heauenly voice perpetually soundeth in mine eares FEare not behold as I haue infused a soule into thy body so will I infuse my spirit into thy soule to guide all the actions and motions therof that as thou hast a naturall life by the one so thou mayest haue a spirituall life by the other This spirit shall cleere thy vnderstanding encline thy will rule and moderate all thy steps And further mine eye shall not be off thee my hand shall continually support thee euen as yea much more then a carefull mother beareth a vigilant eie and hand ouer her tender childe going in places where it is both easie and dangerous to receiue a fall When I heare this voice I fixe likewise mine eies immoueablie vpon my guide euen as a diligent pilot fixeth his eyes vpon the starre whereby hee steereth the course of his nauigation As the moone receiueth her light from the sun so shall my eyes receiue both their light and their life from those gracious eies I will first make them cleane and then turn them like chrystall glasses to reflect the impression of those glorious lights I will put my selfe into the conduct of him who only both is able and hath promised to guide me to eternall happines I will carefully obserue those louely and liuely lookes which doe so carefully preserue me VERS X. Bee yee not like to horse and mule which haue no vnderstanding whose mouthes must be holden with bitte and bridle lest they fall vpon thee 1 OVR nature requires that wee bee guided by GOD. 2 Other creatures haue some likenesse of GOD and wherein 3 Man beareth his image and how 4 This should mooue vs to applie our selues to GOD. 5 Wherein we should declare a difference betweene vs and bruit beasts 6 To be a man to halfes is the worst condition and wherefore 7 Foure degrees of Sinne. 8 Contempt not pardonable and wherefore 9 The first motions of Grace to be embraced 10 No creatures degenerate from their proper nature but man 11 The cause thereof 12 Wherefore in the creation no mention is made of the goodnesse of man 13 How man transformeth himselfe into a beast 14 The deformitie of Sinne in that it transformeth vs into beasts 15 What we are if wee vse not reason and what if wee abuse it 16 How we may be best transformed 17 The seruices which commonly we pursue 18 The loue of our selues should moue vs to goodnesse 19 The loue of miserie is worse then miserie it selfe BE ruled by me then doe as I haue done O my friend take it from my experience for the best Range thy selfe in order and bee guided by his Grace Haue recourse to him in due time whilest hee permitteth whilest he inuiteth whilest he entreateth thee to come Now he gently calleth thee into the right-way of saluation now hee courteously offereth both his direction and aide Heare him regard him obey him If thou wilt not doe this in respect of him doe it at least in respect of thy selfe in respect of thine owne benefit in respect of the condition of thine owne nature Doe I say accordingly as thou art and as the nature of thy being requires Thou art a man endued with reason and vnderstanding wherein GOD hath engrauen his liuely image In other creatures there is some likenesse of him some footsteps of his diuine nature but in man he hath stamped his image Some things are like to GOD in that they are some in that they liue some in their excellent propertie and working But this is not the image of GOD. His image is onely in that we vnderstand which is so neere a resemblance of him that nothing in all his creatures can so cleerely expresse him For as GOD doeth vnderstand and loue himselfe so man by his intellectuall power is both apt and inclinable to vnderstand and loue him And the more perfectly man doeth vnderstand and loue GOD the more liuely doeth he expresse his image Seeing then that thou art of so noble a nature that thou bearest in thine vnderstanding the image of GOD so gouerne thy selfe as is fit for a creature of vnderstanding Bee not a man onely in name and in outward feature but in conditions of mind a beast plunging thy selfe in those brutish pleasures and desires whereby the flesh vanquisheth and destroyeth the spirit Bee not like the brute beasts which want vnderstanding either wilde and vnruly or else heauie and dull the one whereof must alwaies haue the snaffle betweene their teeth the other the spurre vpon their side Be not stiffe necked be not slow paced doe not furiously fling after the pleasures doe not obstinately insist in the customes of a licentious life Be not caried with the sway of thy appetites with the tempestuous rage of thy sensuality without any discourse without any rule or restraint of reason Thinke that thou art a more excellent creature then to be anchored like a beast to earthly thoughts Thinke that thou art bound to
hope in the LORD 12 The despaire of Cain was a greater sinne then the murther of his brother 13 An vnreasonable reasoning with GOD. 14 An obiection answered 15 The crie of our sinnes is the greatest obstacle against the crie of our complaint 16 The condition whereon we may be heard 17 An humble complaint and confession 18 No distance can hinder the hearing of GOD and wherefore 19 A resolution to perseuere 20 How pleasing petitions of sinners are to GOD. LORD I do often ingeminate this petition because no plenty no weight of words is sufficient to expresse the anguish of my soule For it is no light either sorrow or danger that is lighted vpon me I complaine not of the malice or fraud of my enemies not of any wordly losse or euill which happily may bee either auoyded or well endured I complaine not also of sinnes esteemed of inferiour nature not of the slippes of youth not of imperfections of age not of errours and escapes either ordinary or vnknowe to my selfe against which appliances are easilie entertained But my soule being a nest of sinne and goared with the sting of conscience is now oppressed with such heauie cogitations with such mortall wounds and with such terrible assaults of despaire that I feele that as it seemeth to mee which no man feeleth but my selfe that I can see nothing but that thou hast not onlie couered thy countenance but cast mee off and away for euer Great are my externall oppressions but these are the terrours which thunder vpon me this is the loade vnder which I labour this is the labour wherein I sweate euen the threats of thy Law and guiltines of my grieuous sinnes Alasse I haue lost my selfe in a labyrinth of doubts I am in such extreame miserie that I haue not wherewith to foster my famished soule The violence of my greefe hath so oppressed me that hope can now do no more It hath done enough in keeping my heart from breaking And herein I susteine the more cruell combate because my quarrell is against my selfe because I haue no challenge but against my own soule Oh! that I could so hate it as the loue of thee requires Oh! that I were so angrie therewith as thou mightest be appeased with me Sometimes I haue beene desirous to run away but then vaine thought I must runne from my selfe my disease is fast fixed in my bones I haue linked together the chaine of my owne miseries I haue voluntarilie run into the awaitments of death The enemie pitched snares in my pathes but I despised them and walked secure I was violently swaied with the inclination of my appetites I flattered my selfe that in youth it was a fault to be without fault I said with my selfe why thinkest thou vpon the end before thou approachest the middest Euerie part of our age hath both errours and amendments proper to it GOD seeth it well but he doth not regard it he is most easie to forgiue and I may heereafter conuert when I will Thus I thought vntill custome challenged mee for her slaue I strugled to breake from her but shee held me fast I could not shake off the yoake which had beene long buckled about my necke I could not be ridde of the bridle which I had willingly taken betweene my teeth I willingly consented and therefore am I worthily lost Whither then shall I flie for I am fast bound and my refuge is farre off How shall I free my selfe from the iawes of death from the gripes of hel For alasse I finde that there is no sinne which I haue not both seriously and sauourly committed All my faculties both inward and outward I haue defiled all my sences I haue feasted I haue surfetted with pleasure All thy benefits I haue either buried or else abused to thy dishonour euen as thou diddest complaine by thy Prophet The siluer and gold which I haue giuen thee thou diddest conuert to serue Baal What hath beene all the course of my life but a net of errours a confused Babylonian building of treasons pride auarice riot lust swearing lying hate enuie murmuring flattering detracting disobedience blasphemie and other innumerable euils I haue been ouerborne with the violent storm of my passions which I haue let loose without any limits neuer endeuouring either to abate or diuert their fury I haue beene laced and buckled in the snares of the Diuell I haue pursued my inordinate appetites in all things like a beast without respect to the Law of iustice or of reason I haue liued worse then an Ethnick as if I were perswaded either that there is no GOD or that he neither regardeth vs in this present life nor rekoneth with vs in the life to come My trauailing phantasies haue made a long voiage in waies both dangerous and vnknowne Before me hath gone my aduerse will to that which is good behind a pleasing remembrance of that which was euill On this side want of patience in aduersitie on that side too much hautinesse in prosperitie On euery side wounds and skarres stamped into the substance of my soule by custome of sinne I haue often worne a burthened conscience and yet felt no tortures within me and therein was I miserable indeed For therein I was either stupid or dead I carried a sencelesse soule in a liuing bodie euen as it must needes be a dead and senceles hand which can hold fire without feeling any sting of heat None are more dead then they who can beare fire in their hand or sinne in their conscience without sence of smart But out wretches the houre will come when the remembrance of sinne will so much the more sharpely teare by how much it was lesse grieuous before Assuredlie if we could conceiue the terror of our generall accompt we would not faile to accompt euerie day O dead sencelesse soule where are thy complaining cries where are thy teares to bath the bruises which thy sinnes haue made wherefore doth not thy leaden heart melt wherefore doth not thy yron eies breake foorth into riuers of teares as did the rocke which Moses smote with his rod O LORD GOD sweet and gentle to all those who call vpon thee Remember that I am but dust and supplie I beseech thee my drie defects Breath forth thy spirit that the waters may flow that teares of true contrition accompanied with the saddest groanes of my soule may plentifully breath foorth Or if by thy iust iudgement I can finde no passage for teares of my eyes let me not be depriued of groanes of my heart let my heart sweat bloudie teares Or if I bee vnworthy of that yet let me loue groanes and teares let me earnestly desire them let me ardently sue to thee in my prayers for them Alasse what auaileth it that many of my sinnes are not knowen to others when they are well knowen to my selfe Miserable that I am if I lightly regard this bosome witnesse this witnesse that cannot keepe counsaile long but will discouer
wickednesse shall haue no opportunitie to vndermine my weakenes If a building be weak and the walls decline a smal force is suâ—ficient to prostrate it to the ground But our weake nature detorted from originall Iustice and much empaired by frequencie of sinne is alwaies prone and enclinable to euill the Imagination of mans heart is euill euen from his youth And therefore I will auoid all outward occasions that may attract me to euill among which familiar conuersing with euill men is the chiefe For if two contraries be applied together the stronger must necessarilie destroy the weaker But as we are more enclinable to vice then to vertue so vice is more strong in the wicked then vertue in the good whereby it followeth that the societie of euill men is most dangerous to the good and that as an hundred sound men shall sooner take the plague from one infected person then he recouer his health by them so the good are more often peruerted by the wicked then the wicked conuerted by the good For this cause GOD loueth nor to see his children among the wicked For this cause hee commanded his people that they should not ioyne in marriage with the Gentiles Exo. 34. For this cause also he commaunded them to destroy the inhabitants of the countrey which they were to possesse lest by societie in their conuersation they should be drawne into societie of their sinnes as afterwards they were indeed Elihu marueiled at Iob and the Apostle at the Philippians that among the wicked they could liue well Lot who liued in Sodome needed the hand of an Angel to draw him foorth Saint Peter being in the company of the other Apostles confessed the LORD to be the Sonne of GOD but denied him in Caiphas house when he stood among the wicked by the fire GOD commanded that no man should touch any creature that was vncleane and that whosoeuer touched a dead body he shoud be vncleane But no creature is so vncleane as a sinner no death is like to the death of sinne And therefore I will auoid wicked men as the most vncleane of liuing creatures and the most loathsome of those that are dead I will not regard either kindred or kind acquaintance I will esteeme all the wicked alike I will cast off my neere friends I will pull out my eyes I will cut off my hands rather then they shall draw me to euill I will rather liue in desarts and caues rather with dragons and vipers then in the society of those that are euill I will not touch these pitchy companions I will not in the least matters haue to deale with them If a small rupture in a bancke be not timelie stopped it will weare greater and all the valley will be surrownded thereby Of the seede of a serpent commeth the cockatrice and of small beginnings dangerous effects may ensue I will not therefore bee negligent in smallest matters I will not contemne any enemy He that despiseth small things by lâ—ttle and little shall decay The wine saith the Prophet is mixed with water Verely as wine mingled with water looseth both sweetnes strength so the good loose credit vertue by society with the euill But as a man who standeth vpon firme ground will cast foorth boords and lines to saue such as are in danger of drowning and yet will not approach so neere as to be drowned with them so I will affoord the wicked what helpes I can for their safety but will haue an eie that they fasten not vpon mee that they draw me not into their destruction Away from me also all yee mine enemies who intend any wickednesse against mee take away your malice for your mischiefe is at an end The LORD is now at peace with me hee hath put vp the sword of his iustice he hath giuen to me his mercifull hand In vaine shall you now either attempt against mee or insult ouer me It is not onely vanity but iniquity which now you shall contriue against me You shall neuer effect your euill intentions Hate me you may but harme me you cannot You shall neuer preuaile against him who hath preuailed against the Almighty My teares haue ouercome the Omnipotent the voice of my teares hath vanquished the inuincible These luke-warme droppes haue quenched GODS anger qualified his iustice recouered his mercy won his loue True teares are the language of heauen they speake strongly to GOD he heareth them well No voice hath more free and familiar accesse to him none is more acceptable none better vnderstood Hee who often regardeth not the voice of the tongue will alwaies heare the voice of our teares The voice of the tongue is framed in the mouth but the voice of teares proceeds from a heart surprised either with ioy or with griefe Hee who regardeth onely the heart doth much regard this language of the heart Therefore in all the anguishes of my soule I will vse few words heereafter but powre forth my sorrow in silent teares whensoeuer I sin I will write my supplication for pardon with teares whensoeuer I would obtaine any curtesie or fauour from GOD I will addresse my desire with teares Teares are too mighty Orators to let any suit fall When teares crie vnto GOD when hee is importuned by teares he will presently grow familiar with vs. They haue so perswading a silence so conquering a complaint that by entreating they command by yeelding they ouercome When they seeme most pitifull then are they most powerfull when they seeme most forsaken then are they most victorious This dew of deuotion neuer falleth but it is an assured signe of a beautifull day euen of GODS fauour to cleere vpon vs. Vpon what face soeuer it droppeth it maketh the same amiable in the eies of GOD. I will not therefore giue ouer my weeping my face must bee still adorned with these liquid pearles the Angels shall still bathe themselues in these streames of my eies vntill death damme vp the springs they shall not cease running But heerein vse some caution O my soule for that thy teares may be profitable that they may be more acceptable to GOD they must not proceede from a softnesse and tendernesse of nature but thou must powre foorth thy very heart in teares They must not proceed from any worldly respect not from feare of death or of hell not absolutely from loue of thy selfe but from loue towards GOD and from griefe for offending so good a Father so great a Lord so pure a perfection and glorie This loue is the fire wherwith these siluer drops are melted in the furnace wherewith the flowers of deuotion and grace are distilled into teares This loue is the sun which resolueth dark pitchie clouds into raine which resolueth thicke foggie mists into dew and maketh the ayre pleasant and cleere Without this loue teares are nothing but excrementall water they are nothing worth if they be not warmed and