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A91478 Susanna's apologie against the elders. Or A vindication of Susanna Parr; one of those two women lately excommunicated by Mr Lewis Stycley, and his church in Exeter. / Composed and published by her selfe, for the clearing of her own innocency, and the satisfaction of all others, who desire to know the true reason of their so rigorous proceedings against her. Parr, Susanna. 1659 (1659) Wing P551; Thomason E1784_2; ESTC R209665 59,393 127

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thenceforth silent though I looked on it as my duty formerly he told me no he vvould have me speak but it must be by a Brother for a stander by may see more then he that plaies the game promising likewise if I did speak by him to deliver my words in the same manner as I spake them After this it pleased the Lord to exercise me with a smarting affliction the death of a dear child the suddennesse of the stroke and some other circumstances made it a very melting affliction When my Bovvels vvere yerning towards my child I called to remembrance the Lords tender bowels towards his children for whom he had given his only Son when I considered the breach that the Lord had made in my family I beheld how terrible it was to make a breach in his family Then the worke I was ingaged in this Sin of Separation appeared nakedly unto me to be no other then a vvounding of Christs body vvhich is his Church the Church vvhich he hath purchased vvith his ovvn blood I then looked on Separation to be a dividing of Christ Truly I beheld it vvith terror this sin of vvounding of Christ it made a vvound in my soule vvhich vvas kept open in a terrible manner the Lord bringing to my remembrance his Justice and severity and vvrath revealed from heaven on families and nations yea on his ovvn people ever since the beginning of the vvorld as also his Judgments vvhich are in the earth to this day from Genesis to the Revelation vvas brought to my remembrance and kept hard upon me Having these Impressions on my Spirit I vvas almost overwhelmed and in mine ovvn apprehension upon the Borders of Hell vvhere the Lord made me to behold the Execution of his vvrath upon sinners I could then have told vvhat hel vvas I felt the flashings of helfire in my soule the vvrath of God that lay hard upon me the effects vvhereof vvere very terrible insomuch as I was even swallowed up only the Lord was pleased to keep me following after him resolving to lie at his feet though he should spurne me to hell Having thus been under a sentence of death with the very terrors of hell in my soule providence so ordering it I came by following the people where Mr. FORD preached I no sooner came into the Congregation but I was so exceedingly troubled as that I vented my selfe in Passionate teares fearing lest I might be unfit to hear but in prayer recovered my selfe His text was in John 16 last Be of good cheere I have overcome the world He instanced in all the enemies of the new creature the World the God of this world Sin Death and Hell the Lord setting it home every sentence was to me as the rivetting of the nailes set on by the great master of Assemblies and in prayer afterward the Lord so providing those very particulars which were the burden of my soule were put up unto God I went out of the congregation with another frame of spirit then when I came in blessing the Lord for giving his Son Jesus Christ who hath loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood and hath made us Kings and Priests unto God But afterwards I began to question whether I had not taken that which did not belong unto me Christ then speaking comfort to his disciples in reference to that hardship they were to meet with in the world among the rest of their sufferings this was one that they should be put out of the Synagogues yea the time would come that whosoever killed them would think he did God good service which things Christ told them that they might not be offended But yet the Sermon being in generall of all the Enemies of the new Creature I could not put it off Furthermore the appearance of God was so remarkable in the change of my spirit as that I could not but take it home that Sins of the right hand and left hand and separation also and death and hell should be cast into the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone that in the meane time Christ hath overcome the world the Prince of this world is judged condemned already only the execution is deferred till the time appointed by the father And as for sufferings that we must look for them having such provision so remarkably laid in before I cannot but take notice of it at present But then I could not conceive how it was likely for me to suffer in that kind there being then so much love pretended But now the time is come and therefore I mention it Christ saieth these things have I spoken unto you that when the time shall come you may remember that I told you of them Now I can make application of all the Sermon which is food for my faith to live upon although I suffer as an evill doer I mention it with admiration that the Lord even then when he spake peace unto me after my being convinced of Separation should lay also provision against Excommunication But now after my conviction of Separation it troubled me very much because I knew not how to avoid it my fear was lest I should be constrained to live in it had I presently come off I should have made a breach there They pretended so much love unto me as I knew not which way to break this bond which the Apostle calls the bond of perfectnesse wherefore I resolved to wait upon the Lord for the opening a way unto me which he did afterwards in manner following The Lord was making such abundant Provision for me in Mr. Ford's ministry I did constantly attend thereon hearing him once a Lords day for the most part unlesse it were when we had the Sacrament of the Lords Supper administred among us This was my practice ever since he came to this City of which Mr. Stucley took no great notice before he was in office but afterward both he and the people were displeased with me for it on which began the quarrell on my part between us Mr. Stoneham being a stranger was employed to take me off from this practice who at first pretended that it did very much trouble him but since he hath told me that he wished that he had never been put upon it He sent a Messenger unto me to perswade me to leave Mr. Ford's ministry I then shewed my grounds for that practice what provision I found there and how the Lord had made that ministry effectuall unto me and withall that when I came among them I took up a resolution to attend upon that ministry The same day in a publique meeting they accused me first of Contention and secondly for my hearing Mr. Ford which as the Elder said the Church neither could nor would bear however they would not medle with it for that time As to the Article of Contention I appealed to the Church and charged them to be faithfull as they would answer it another day in making it known