charges Thus captivated there did I Fall in the Veines of Poesy The Magick of my Mistris Eyes Made me no more apologize But at a look where ere she went Follow I must or lose Content Here toth' Hepatick land shee 'd go Where Delicacies overflow And there she promis'd I should see Mars in a Box of Quidini Next Venus Court Whereas I might In time with Cupid lose my Sight But ear these Wonders I could see I first an Israelite must be And pass the mercy of a Floud Which some baptize the Sea of Bloud There I was Sea-sick and would fain With Healths permission ope a Veine No she would no such bloudy Trick Sheed first for company be sick Empty my stomack and she said The Red-Seas fury would be laid After those Waves had plai'd their sport At last they brought us to a Port Whose milky Torrent drove us in To Loves restoring Magazin Here sweet Health laughs gives me a buss And bids me hug my Genius Then shews where Venus hid her Treasure Some for Health and some for Pleasure Next her Temple whereat she bowes Then her Altar then her Vowes Upon which Altar a Chalice stood Brim full of desperate Lovers Bloud Bids me be modest shut mine Eyes Lest I were call'd to Sacrifice And here she shew'd that fatall Well Wherein she said Narcissus fell Hence in al haste my Love departs And ushers out the Queen of Hearts Whose Deity was magnifi'd By a rich Train of Courtly Pride Her Whiteboy Cupid flew before To â—orce all strangers to adore His Mothers beauty For which intent His Bow was alwayes ready bent Next came Intempâ—rance with a Cup Of ruddy Nectar Drinks it up And then growes wanton At me she ran And kist me twise Here Health began To swell look big and puffing to me said I was to blame to kiss Loves Chambermaid I prai'd my Mistris not to take it ill Since she kist me 't was manners to stand still In this Distemper Venus came Who calls my Mistris by her name And ask'd where she that Youngster had Which made her Maid Intemp'rance mad Quoth Health a stranger t is would be A Pupill in your Nursery Venus straight swore hee 's Patron here Such Guest we have not every year My Family is so decai'd That I am forc'd to wo my Maid Intemperance to bring me In Some able Sparks a Gossiping Here Venus kist me and protests For Health sake shee 'd obey my heasts Her Mars from hence as Old shee 'd quite deny I was chief Member of her Family She bids Intemp'rance to retire And charge her Cooks to lay toth' Fire Their Egge-pyes Marrows armed Fishes What they thought restoring Dishes To see her dining Chamber were Perfum'd against Guest entred there And to express our Wellcome more Bad her strew Rushes at the Door Then to her Palace she invites The fury of our Appetites Here health corrupted was she said By a strong Phylter from Loves Maid And therefore follow'd gins to dance And kisses sweet Intemperance Entring stood Hercules at the Door As Portar and a Lambs skin wore No sooner in but Venus she Kist me again to welcome me First by the Kitchin Dore we past Where I a sheepish eye did cast Upon the Cooks fair Ladies all So busie at the Funerall Of hot Potatoes young Cock Sparrows Whose graves they dig'd in Pyes of Marrow That Men interr'd by such a strong refection Must needs expect a speedy resurrection Some which delighted not in Pyes Were knuckle deep in Quidinyes There Geladini Consummadi Cockbroth Caudles Pineoladi Eggs and Amber Maqueroni Avec Gallorum Coglioni Made those sweet Laydes sweat and labour so That every Juncture seem'd in Balneo Health whisper'd here into mine Ear And said those meats I must forbear Lest that Temptation should at length Force me to go beyond my strength Hence passing up to Loves sweet Chamber Where every step was Musk and Amber Venus to vary her sweet blisses Numbred our steps with sugred kisses And when we entred at the Door She multiplied a thousand more There a round Table spread I found With Diaper hanging to the ground Where the first Course did ready lye Epecting Hungers Battery Venus uncover'd all her Dishes Better cheer for me she wishes Bids me fall to then guides my hand Into a Dish of Marzapan My Appetite being up I fed Like one new risen from the dead And had 't not been for Eggs and Ling I had indanger'd surfeiting Venus there saw I was distasted Whispers to Cupid who streight hasted Brings sweet waters in a Dish For us to wash after our Fish After a Cup or two of Wine A kiss a smile in little Time The second Course here enter'd in I fed as I had famish'd been My hunger was so sharply set I laid about me till I sweat Venus so taken was at this My mouth she oft stopt with a kiss Swearing I was a well-come guest Whose hunger did commend her Feast Health was content that I should here Participate of Venus Cheere Until she saw a third Course come Then shee 'd have had me left the roome M' Herculean Pillar there she said that I Must streight put up and non plus ultra cry How to please both I could not tell Venus I lov'd and Health aswell If I neglected what was there Love thought I scorn'd such homely fare If I exceeded 't was a chance But Health would scorn m'Intemperance Here I grew dull and very sad Venus or drunk or else half mad Claps in my spoon into a Pot Of perfum'd Gelly scalding hot And cri'd t was a restoring bit For such as Diet Health with Wit I curst a Pox upon her Gelly Wish'd spoon and Pot within her Belly Gave her knocks which made her ly For half an hour in Extasy Flung down the Table Split her Dishes Rent all her napkins burn'd the Rushes Broke Cupids head call'd Health Whore Made her drink drunk and sleep inth'Dore Then up I went call'd Bacchus in Where he and I afresh begin Mars hid himself within the Barrel Let out the Wine to make us quarrell Bacchus begins a double glass Unto my Mistress Sanitas I swore I 'd pledge it full as deep And make her drink it in her sleep Health in a Dream here stagring up Made Venus rise Then takes my Cup And challeng'd Bacchus Venus she Fill'd Cupids Quiver and challeng'd me With a deep draught a good yard long Of Bristow Milk pleasant but strong Whose practise made her heave it in As though 't had but a spoonful been Half spent before I could not stand Against this Bachanalian I still gave back and durst not venture Fearing I should not reach the Center Venus the slut begins to boast And ask if I would have a Toast Or if I 'd have a Neats-tongue pie The which she said would make me drie To save my Credit for I saw A Womans will would hear no law And though it were a Veniall Sin
Drunk or sober shee 'd hav 't in To it I went and at first bout I suck'd but half the Quiver out She smil'd and bad me try again I fear'd the breaking of a Vein Yet this I saw that she was laid And could not stand Yet must be paid Swearing't should cost another fall But she would see me take up all Mad Girl quoth I then drink 't I wooll Although it wear a Pulpit full Heer 's to thy Mars Were Vulcan up Wee 'd make his horn our second Cup And know that I am none of those Which sleep when th' Glass is at their Nose Oh how she hugg'd me for that word But lo comes Health arm'd with her sword And vows if that we do not fly Mars would be at us by and by For she had spi'd in Bacchus Butt A man lye arm'd from Head to Foot And asking Bacchus who t was there He trembling said God Mars I fear Tush let him come out of his Barrell Quoth Venus I le maintain your quarrel What do you tremble at his sight My Courtiers must expect to fight At this boy Bacchus staggers up And forc'd my Mistris tother Cup I flung a Bowle of Sack in 's eyes And bad him learn to Temporize Here Bacchus flung me to the ground His Barrell broke the hoops ran round God Mars awak'd and out he comes Where head gainst head excus'd for drums Health here was wounded so was I. Venus fell in a Lethargy The loss of bloud made Mars retire Bacchus still cast new coals inth'fire A bloudy Fray there had you seen If Somnus had not entred in Who did his heavy Club advance And knock'd us all into a Trance Sanitas was dreaming here Of Bacchus Bowles and Venus cheer So whilst I slep'd she stole away Three hours before the break of Day Out of this trance when I awak'd My brains they crow'd my back that ak'd I felt for Health look'd under th' bed Faith she was gone There I halt dead Cald Cupid told him I was dry Pray him to bring some Quidiny The Jacknapes Boy gave a blind look Bad me to 's Mother she was Cook I flung my slippers at his head And weakly crawling out the Bed I crope to Venus chamber Door 〈…〉 to enter as before She thrust me back and swore shee 'd see What arms I bare ear in I be I knew 't was Death for any one to bring Toth' Privie Chamber a Pocket Pistoll In. Therefore I durst not strive to enter Lest that my firelock peradventer Should take fire But only ask'd if she Knew where my Sanitas might be Alas quoth Venus corne you here To seek for Health since fifteen year I never saw that sober lass Your Diaetetick Sanitas Go home and fast with bread and water You 'l see your Mistris will come after Did not I tell you Gentlemen what an Inconstant Baggage this Health was She was not only content to entice me to a Bawdy House and there leave me but she must rob me of my Poetry too Well she shall not scape me thus Rather than lose her I le follow her in Prose for in that disguise I may chance to recover her since the very name of a Poet makes her hide her self in the Buttery I know this is but a trick of hers to make me forsake Venus Court and follow her for I remember at her parting she seemed much distempered only at the sight of Venus wishing her as far as Naples Had she not spoke that in cold bloud I should have had little reason to believe her since I ever found her Venus bosome friend and alwayes alluring me to her Court Nay I could never rest for her untill she had entred me there where for her sake I was content to do any thing and yet the Peevish slut would ever be hitting me in the teeth with my inconstancy though she know t was for her sake I first became dishonest I think few men would do so much for a Mistriss as I have done for her I was content to lead my obedience into the race of her Method where I alwayes run one Course fed upon one dish exercised but once a day drunk but one sort of drink never flattered Appetite with more sawces than one wch was Hunger yet this precise Girle would not be content Let her dance over her monologies with her lean sister Temperantia and she will For my part if I but finde her again I le teach her another course of life she shall be glad to dance after my Pipe or I le make her heart bloud smart for it To go back again to Venus Court to seek her I have no inclination in the World neither doth hope give me any assurance of finding her there Yet find her I must that 's Certain or else all will not go well I am almost of Opinion that if I could but regulate my self according to the custome of these Hepatick Inhabitants and settle my self wel here but one forty days and let health run out her course that in the end she would come sweating to me again But I fear I shall not digest their hard Diet. The other day in a hungry humor I was looking about in the Cooks shops here for some choise bit faith I could find nothing but dry livers and a kind of black burnd broath they made which was bisâ—cotto I asked the Cooks what they did with the rest of their better meat they said that I was come in a very ill hour and that they had already sent all their best provision to the Cardiacall Princes Court Yea thought I here is no abode for me I le none of your chew'd meat Hence wandring up and down in this bloody land I came at length into a passage so narrow that at every step I gal'd my Elboes The bitterness of the Passage and the fury it put me into made my legs make many a motion to begon out of it As hasty as I was I could go but slowly every lim being over-loaden with passion If I had â—et my Mistris there I had beaten her out of all Reason I thought this had been the way to Venus Hospitall it made me sweat so but in overâ—oing a little more labour I found it was a â—lind passage to Mars his Arsenall Where I was no sooner entred but I fell in choler with Ajax Lieutenant of the Guard for stainâ—ng my Stockins Here I saw a great number of Fachini strongly loaden with Vast Baskets on their shoulders hasting to a little bitter well where â— saw them open their burdens taking somewhat out of their Baskets dipping of it in the water and presently retiring of it again My Curiosity was upon thorns to understand the Mystery of their exercise So that drawing towards them and discovering their Baskets to be full of Humane Tongues I asked one of them what secret might be inclos'd in that bitter Ceremony Quoth he the Women of the Hepatickâ—and being all
were not fallen into Presumption by daring to enter a Place which seem'd prohibited Sir quoth she you can not do me a greater wrong than by nursing such vain suspects No place to me is prohibited Were it in his most secret and private Counsels I am confident he would embrace me He dares not shut me out at any time lest I make him asham'd for it For he knows full well 't was I gave him his Titles in the Court by putting him forward and from a poor younger brother made him chief Favorit here in the Cardiacall Court where he now wholly Commands And though I be but a poor waiting Gentle-woman I can make him forsake all his negotiations and hearken to any thing that I shall put into his Head With that she ran to him strikes his Book out of his hand and kist him I expected still when he should have kick'd her Confidence Whereas he quite Contrary payd her with interest in her own money hugging of her as if she had bin his Minion And then taking notice of me as being alone he must of necessity he began to mix Anger with Pride and so threw a scornfull look upon me asking her in a low voice what Fellow that was which had thus lost himself in presumption I began to tremble fearing he might think I had stoln his suit of Apparell which I had then on my back But Confidentia excus'd all and told him I was a poor Gentleman and a stranger that was betrai'd by Fortune and therefore came thither alone to manifest his Innocency Ask him quoth he his Name his Country and Parentage Here that I might enter into the Geneologies of his Kindred knowing him to have a Spanish Heart I bad her tell him that I was a Spaniard my name Signior Aemulatio base son to one Signior Ambitio a man of great blood in Spain whose Estate being decai'd left his tender Nursery to the blind Tuition of Fate who had transplanted me out of that barren Soil hither into his Cardiacall Garden where I hop'd the Sun of his Favour would make me fruitfull She had no sooner deliver'd my answer and name Aemulatio but he presently start up began to look about him and then calling three or four Oaths to witness swore that I was his Cosin german and the neerest in bloud to him that day extant Whereupon he made me large promises bad me be alwayes at hand and not to leave him untill he should supplant me by some greater Fortunes Then he commanded Signiora Confidentia to wait upon me cherish me carry me into every corner of the Court and to recommend me unto his Lady Superbia for a Favorite Then bad us retire a while for 't was his hour of rest Signiora Confidentia was mad untill she had entred me into the practice of the Court therefore bringing me speedily out of the Chamber of Presence she lead me first into the Lodgings of the Lady Avaritia Tesoriera to Don Ambitio where we found her and her five Furies Diffidentia Metus Solicitudo Spes vana and Desperatio at Dinner excercising their lean rigid Mandibles upon the hard musty and brown Chippings of sowre Barley bread with Onions Garlick Stock-fish Red-Sprats Ship-Beefe which had been seazon'd with an Indian Voyage without either Table Stooles Napkins Knives or any such Stomack Instrument But all lay in a horrid Mixture upon a heap of straw which after dinner they fir'd to encourage Naturall Heat to fall aboard on such indigestible Materialls Amazement here broke my Silence calling therefore Confidentia aside I told her how strangely I was lost in Labyrinth of Admiration if she with the thread of Reason did not guide me out I pray'd her therefore to set me at Liberty in making me understand what new Policy Don Ambitio had found to make Shee-Treasurers in his Court and besides to tell me what Vertues could subsist in that dry hydebound Hag and Mâ—gaera Avaritia to make his Ambiâ—ious Spirit cast such principle Honours upon her deâ—ested Ugliness Confidentia hearing me no better then rail in my demands presently falls into my tune and professing her self an open Enemy to that Witch Philargiria satisfyes me with this impartiall description Quoth she you must know that this now Lady was first a Common Baw'd but so cunning and dexterous in her Calling that she would undertake by Vertue of a Jewell to make Chastity her self a Whore And this Profession brought her first into our Court where she presently forc'd a Respect from the Necessity of her Calling Her beginning was in the Kitchin from thence she rose to be a Chamber maid and so to a Waiting Gentlewoman Here notice began to be taken of her by the great ones so that if any of them were love-sick she presently felt their Pulse and with a small feeling from them promis'd a speedy and pleasant Cure It happened that our Lord Don Ambitio among his Infinity of Mistrisses could not satisfie himself but one day taking notice of three young Vertuous Virgin Ladies Signiora Castitade Signiora Innocentia and Signiora Constantia who abhorring his insatiate and lascivious Lust and to avoide the malice of his Ambition liv'd retir'd and never appear'd publickly in the Court unless upon a Christmass or Easter Day their beauties gave such an Inflammation to his Lust that without opening of a Vein there was no scaping of a Phrensy Here quoth Confidentia I like a mad Girl under hand plai'd the Baw'd and put him upon this more Authentick Baw'd Avaritia assuring him that she would corrupt them if Corruptible He like an expert Gamster at Inn-and-Inn would not hazzar'd those Golden heaps untill he had made the Dice run of his side Sends therefore for then but Mistris Avaritia and makes her Lady of Honour Thus he first made her a companion for the Noblest that young simplicity might not dream of corruption in such Greatness Then he throwes the Dice freely venters all at a Cast opens his Desires and shews the game which he gave Chase to tells with what Innocent and Chast simplicity they avoided his snares and how difficult it was to intrap them Avaritia laught at his Ignorance and then bad him take no more Care but go and beat the bush for some new Game as for those she would speedily bring them into his Golden Net To those Yong Ladyes she goes enters into their Cabinets there falls into Discourse familiar Conversation First fingring them as Lutanists do their more Delicate and choise Trebbles with ordinary Womanish Discourse of Husbands lamenting the unfortunate and miserable estate of a single life If she perceiv'd no Shadows of falseness in that Motion Then presently she admir'd their Continency commended their Chastity told them how happy they were in that State of Innocency hereupon falls into an Encomium of their Beauties their Vertues their rare Qualityes and so by little and little puts them on upon the sweet Instrument of Philautia There