dangerous Conspiration than that which Esope exposed in his Apologue Such a World will perish undoubtedly and not only perish but perish very quickly Were it Asculapius himself his Body would immediately rot and the chasing Soul full of Indignation take its Flight to all the Devils of Hell after my Money CHAP. IV. Panurge continueth his Discourse in the praise of Borrowers and Lenders ON the contrary be pleased to represent unto your Fancy another World wherein every one lendeth and every one oweth all are Debtors and all Creditors O how great will that Harmony be which shall thereby result from the regular Motions of the Heavens Me thinks I hear it every whit as well as ever Plato did What Sympathy will there be amongst the Elements O how delectable then unto Nature will be our own Works and Productions Whilst Ceres appeareth loaden with Corn Bacchus with Wines Flora with Flowers Pomona with Fruits and Iuno fair in a clear Air wholsom and pleasant I lose my self in this high Contemplation Then will among the Race of Mankind Peace Love Benevolence Fidelity Tranquility Rest Banquets Feastings Joy Gladness Gold Silver single Money Chains Rings with other Ware and Chaffer of that nature be found to trot from hand to hand no Suits at Law no Wars no Strife Debate nor wrangling none will be there an Usurer none will be there a Pinch-penny a Scrape-good Wretch or churlish hard-hearted Refuser Good God! Will not this be the Golden Age in the Reign of Saturn The true Idea of the Olympick Regions wherein all Vertues cease Charity alone ruleth governeth domineereth and triumpheth All will be fair and goodly People there all just and vertuous O happy World O People of that World most happy Yea thrice and four times blessed is that People I think in very deed that I am amongst them and swear to you by my good Forsooth that if this glorious aforesaid World had a Pope abounding with Cardinals that so he might have the Association of a Sacred Colledge in the space of very few years you should be sure to see the Sancts much thicker in the Roll more numerous wonder-working and mirifick more Services more Vows more Staves and Wax-Candles than are all those in the Nine Bishopricks of Britany St. Yves only excepted Consider Sir I pray you how the noble Patelin having a mind to Deity and extol even to the Third Heavens the Father of William Iosseaume said no more but this And he did lend his Goods to those who were desirous of them O the fine Saying Now let our Microcosm be fancied conform to this Model in all its Members lending borrowing and owing that is to say according to its own Nature For Nature hath not to any other end created Man but to owe borrow and lend no greater is the Harmony amongst the Heavenly Spheres than that which shall be found in its well-ordered Policy The Intention of the Founder of this Microcosm is to have a Soul therein to be entertained which â—â— lodged there as a Guest with its Host it may live there for a while Life consisteth in Blood Blood is the Seat of the Soul therefore the chiefest Work of the Microcosm is to be making Blood continually At this Forge are exercised all the Members of the Body none is exempted from Labour each operates apart and doth its proper Office And such is their Hierarchy that perpetually the one borrows from the other the one lends the other and the one is the others Debtor The stuff and matter convenient which Nature giveth to be turned into Blood is Bread and Wine All kind of nourishing Victuals is understood to be comprehended in these two and from hence in the Gothish Tongue is called Companage To find out this Meat and Drink to prepare and boil it the Hands are put to Work the Feet do walk and bear up the whole Bulk of the Corporal Mass the Eyes guide and conduct all the Appetite in the Orifice of the Stomach by means of little sowrish black Humour called Melancholy which is transmitted thereto from the Milt giveth warning to shut in the Food The Tongue doth make the first Essay and tastes it the Teeth do chaw it and the Stomach doth receive digest and chylifie it the Mesaraick Veins suck out of it what is good and fit leaving behind the Excrements which are through special Conduits for that purpose voided by an expulsive Faculty thereafter it is carried to the Liver where it being changed again it by the vertue of that new Transmutation becomes Blood What Joy conjecture you will then be found amongst those Officers when they see this Rivolet of Gold which is their sole Restorative No greater is the Joy of Alchimists when after long Travel Toil and Expence they see in their Furnaces the Transmutation Then is it that every Member doth prepare it self and strive a-new to purifie and to refine this Treasure The Kidneys through the emulgent Veins draw that Aquosity from thence which you call Urine and there send it away through the Ureters to be slipt downwards where in a lower Recepticle and proper for it to wit the Bladder it is kept and stayeth there until an opportunity to void it out in his due time The Spleen draweth from the Blood its Terrestrial part viz. The Grounds Lees or thick Substance setled in the bottom thereof which you term Melancholy The Bottle of the Gall substracts from thence all the superfluous Choler whence it is brought to another Shop or Work-house to be yet better purified and fined that is the Heart which by its agitation of Diastolick and Systolick Motions so neatly subtilizeth and inflames it that in the right side Ventricle it is brought to perfection and through the Veins is sent to all the Members each parcel of the Body draws it then unto its self and after its own fashion is cherished and alimented by it Feet Hands Thighs Arms Eyes Ears Back Breast yea all and then it is that who before were Lenderâ— now become Debtors The Heart doth in its left side Ventricle so thinnifie the Blood that it thereby obtains the Name of Spiritual which being sent through the Arteries to all the Members of the Body serveth to warm and winnow the other Blood which runneth through the Veins The Lights never cease with its Lappets and Bellows to cool and refresh it in acknowledgment of which good the Heart through the Arterial Vein imparts unto it the choicest of its Blood At last it is made so fine and subtle within the Rete Mirabilis that thereafter those Animal Spirits are framed and composed of it by means whereof the Imagination Discourse Judgment Resolution Deliberation Ratrocination and Memory have their Rise Actings and Operations Cops body I sink I drown I perish I wander astray and quite fly out of my self when I enter into the Consideration of the profound Abyss of this World thus lending thus owing Believe me it is a Divine thing
Wife possibly will be as comely and handsome as ever was his Venus but not a Whore like her nor I a Cuckold like him The crook-leg'd slovenly Slave made himself to be declared a Cuckold by a definitive Sentence and Judgment in the open view of all the Gods for this cause ought you to interpret the aforementioned Verse quite contrary to what you have said This Lot importeth that my Wife will be honest vertuous chast loyal and faithful not armed surly waiward cross giddy humorous heady haiâ—-brain'd or extracted out of the Brains as was the Goddess Pallas nor shall this faiâ— jolly Iupiter be my Corrival he shall never dip his Bread in my Broath though we should sit together at one Table Consider his Exploits and gallant Actions he was the manifest Ruffian Wencher Whoremonger and most infamous Cuckold-maker that ever breathed he did always lecher it like a Boar and no wonder for he was foster'd by a Sow in the Isle of Candia if Agathocles the Babylonian be not a Lyar and more rammishly lascivious then a Buck whence it is that he is said by others to have been suckled and fed with the Milk of the Amalthaean Goat By the vertue of Acheron he jusled bulled and last auriated in one day the third part of the World Beasts and People Floods and Mountains that was Europa For this grand subagitatory Atchievement the Animonians caused draw delineate and paint him in the figure and shape of a Ram ramming and horned Ram. But I know well enough how to shield and preserve my self from that horned Champion he will not trust me have to deal in my Person with a sottish dunsical Amphytrion nor with a silly witless Argus for all his hundred Spectacles nor yet with the cowardly Meacock Acrisius the simple Goosecap Lyrus of Thebes the doating Blockhead Agenor the flegmatick Pea-Goose Aesop rough-â—ooted Lycaon the luskish mishapen Corytus of Tuscany nor with the large back'd and strong reined Atlas let him alter change transform and metamorphose himself into a hundred various shapes and figures into a Swan a Bull a Satyr a Showre of Gold or into a Cuckow as he did when he unmaiden'd his Sister Iuno into an Eagle Ram or Dove as when he was enamoured of the Virgin Phthia who then dwelt in the Aegeaâ— Territory into Fire a Serpent yea even into a Flea into Epicurian and Democratical Atomes or more Magistronostralistically into those sly Intentions of the Mind which in the Schools are called Second Noâ—ions I 'll catch him in the nick and take â—im napping And would you know what I would do unto him even that which to his Father Coelum Saturn did Seneca foretold it of me and Lactantius hath confirmed it what the Goddess Rhea did to Athis I would make him two Stone lighter rid him of his Cyprian Cimbals and cut so close and neatly by the Breech that there should not remain thereof so much as one so cleanly would I shave him and disable him for ever from being Pope for Testiculos non habet Hold there said Pantagruel Hoc soft and fair my Ladâ— enough of that cast up turn over the Leaves and try your Fortune for the second time Then did he fall upon this ensuing Verse Membra quatit gelidusque coit formidine sanguis His Ioynts and Members quake he becomes pale And sudden Fear doth his cold Blood congeal This importeth quoth Pantagruel that she will soundly bang your Back and Belly Clean and quite contrary answered Panurge it is of me that he prognosticates in saying that I will beat her like a Tyger if she vex me Sir Martin Wagstaff will perform that Office and in default of a Cudgel the Devil gulp him if I should not eat her up quick as Candaul the Lydian King did his Wife whom he ravened and devoured You are very stout says Pantagruel and couragious Hercules himself durst hardly adventure to scuffle with you in this your raging Fury nor is it strange for the Ian is worth two and two in fight against Hercules are too too strong Am I a Ian quoth Panurge No no answered Pantagruel my Mind was only running upon the lurch and tricktrack Thereafter did he hit at the third opening of the Book upon this Verse Faemineo Praedae spoliorum ardebat amâ—re After the Spoil and Pillage as in Fire He burnt with a strong Feminine Desire This portendeth quoth Pantagruel that she will steal your Goods and rob you Hence this according to these three drawn Lots will be your future Destiny I clearly see it you will be a Cuckold you will be beaten and you will be robbed Nay it is quite otherways quoth Panurge for it is certain that this Verse presageth that she will love me with a perfect liking nor did the Satyr writing Poet lye in proof hereof when he affirmed That a Woman burning with extream Affection takes sometimes pleasure to steal from her Sweetheart And what I pray you a Glove a Point or some such trifling Toy of no importance to make him keep a gentle kind of stirring in the research and quest thereof in like manner these small scolding Debates and petty brabling Contentions which frequently we see spring up and for a certain space boyl very hot betwixt a couple of high-spirited Lovers are nothing else but recreative Diversions for their refreshment spurs to and incentives of a more fervent Amity than ever As for example We do sometimes see Cutlers with Hammers mawl their finest Whetstones therewith to sharpen their Iron Tools the better And therefore do I think that these three Lots make much for my advantage which if not I from their Sentence totally appeal There is no appellation quoth Pantagruel from the Decrees of Fate or Destiny of Lot or Chance as is recorded by our ancient Lawyers witness Baldus Lib. ult Cap. de Leg. The reason hereof is Fortune doth not acknowledge a Superiour to whom an Appeal may be made from her or any of her Substitutes And in this case the Pupil cannot be restored to his Right in full as openly by the said Author is alledged in L. ait praetor Paragrult H. de minor CHAP. XIII How Pantagruel adviseth Panurge to try the future good or bad luck of his Marriage by Dreams NOW seeing we cannot agree together in the manner of expounding or interpreting the Sense of the Virgilian Lots let us bend our course another way and try a new sort of Divination Of what kind asked Panurge Of a good Ancient and and Authentick Fashion answered Pantagruel it is by Dreams For in Dreaming such Circumstances and Conditions being thereto adhibited as are clearly enough described by Hippocrates in Lib. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 by Plato Plotin Iamblicus Sinesius Aristotle Xenophon Galene Plutarch Artemidorus Valdianus Herophilus G. Calaper Theocritus Pliny Athenaeus and others the Soul doth often times foresee what is to come How true this is you may conceive by a very vulgar and familiar Example as
devotely vertuously and chastly as you would have her on her side to deport and demean her self towards you as becomes a Godly Loyal and Respectful Wife who maketh Conscience to keep inviolable the Tie of a Matrimonial Oath For as that Looking-glass is not the best which is most deck'd with Gold and Precious Stones but that which representeth to the Eye the liveliest shapes of Objects set before it Even so that Wife should not be most esteemed who richest is and of the noblest Race but she who fearing God conforms her self nearest unto the Humour of her Husband Consider how the Moon doth not borrow her Light from Iupiter Mars Mercury or any other of the Planets nor yet from any of those Splendid Stars which are set in the spangled Firmament but from her Husband only the bright Sun which she receiveth from him more or less according to the manner of his Aspect and variously bestowed Eradiations Just so should you be a Pattern to your Wife in Vertue goodly Zeal and true Devotion that by your Radiance in darting on her the Aspect of an Exemplary Goodness she in your imitation may outshine the Luminaries of all other Women To this effect you daily must implore God's Grace to the Protection of you both You would have me then quoth Panurge twisting the Whiskers of his Beard on either side with the Thumb and Fore-finger of his Left Hand to espouse and take to Wife the prudent frugal Woman described by Solomon Without all doubt she is clead and truly to my best remembrance I never saw her the Lord forgive me Nevertheless I thank you Father eat this slice of Marchpane it will help your Disgestion then shall you be presented with a Cup of Claret Hypocras which is right healthful and stomached Let us proceed CHAP. XXXI How the Physician Rondibilis counselleth Panurge PAnurge continuing his Discourse said The first word which was spoken by him who guelded the Lubbardly quaffing Monks of Saussiniac after that he had unstoned Friar Corcil was this To the rest In like manner I say to the rest Therefore I beseech you my good Master Rondibilis should I marry or not By the raking pace of my Mule quoth Rondibilis I know not what Answer to make to this Problem of yours You say that you feel in you the pricking Stings of Sensuality by which you are stirred up to Venery I find in our Faculty of Medicine and we have founded our Opinion therein upon the deliberate Resolution and final Decision of the ancient Platonicks that Carnal Concupiscence is cooled and quelled five several ways First By the means of Wine I shall easily believe that quoth Friar Ihon for when I am well whitled with the Juyce of the Grape I care for nothing else so I may sleep When I say quoth Rondibilis that Wine abateth Lust my meaning is Wine immoderately taken for by Intemperancy proceeding from the excessive drinking of Strong Liquor there is brought upon the Body of such a Swill-down Bouser a chilness in the Blood a slackening in the Sinews a Dissipation of the Generative Seed a numbness and hebetation of the Senses with a perversive wriness and Convulsion of the Muscles all which are great Lâ—ts and Impediments to the Act of Generation Hence it is that Bacchus the God of Bibbers Tiplers and Drunkards is most commonly painted Beardless and clad in a Womans Habit as a Person altogether Effeminate or like a libbed Eunuch Wine nevertheless taken moderately worketh quite contrary Effects as is implied by the old Proverb which saith That Venus takes cold when not accompanied with Ceres and Bacchus This Opinion is of great Antiquity as appeareth by the Testimony of Diodorus the Sicilian and confirmed by Pausanias and universally held amongst the Lampsacians that Don Priapos was the Son of Baceâ—us and Venus Secondly The Fervency of Lust is abated by certain Drugs Plants Herbs and Roots which make the Taker cold maleficiated unfit for and unable to perform the Act of Generation as hath been often experimented in the Water-Lilly Heraclea Agnus Castus Willow-twigs Hemp-stalks Woodbind Honey â—uckle Tamarisk Chastree Mandrake Bennet Kecbuglosse the Skin of a Hippopatam and many other such which by convenient Doses proportioned to the peccant Humour and Constitution of the Patient being duly and seasonably received within the Body what by their Elementary Vertues on the one side and peculiar Properties on the other do either benumb mortifie and beclumpse with Cold the prolifick Semence or scatter and disperse the Spirits which ought to have gone along with and conducted the Sperm to the places destinated and appointed for its reception Or lastly Shut up stop and obstruct the ways passages and conduits through which the Seed should have been expelled evacuated and ejected We have nevertheless of those Ingredients which being of a contrary Operation heat the Blood bend the Nerves unite the Spirits quicken the Senses strengthen the Muscles and thereby rouze up provoke excite and inable a Man to the vigorous Accomplishment of the Feat of Amorous Dalliance I have no need of those quoth Panurge God be thanked and you my good Master Howsoever I pray you take no exception or offence at these my words for what I have said was not out of any ill Will I did bear to you the Lord he knows Thirdly The Ardour of Lechery is very much subdued and mated by frequent Labour and continual Toiling For by painful Exercises and laborious working so great a Dissolution is brought upon the whole Body that the Blood which runneth alongst the Channels of the Veins thereof for the Nourishment and Alimentation of each of its Members hath neither time leisure nor power to afford the Seminal Resudation or superfluity of the third Concoction which Nature most carefully reserves for the conservation of the Individual whose Preservation she more heedfully regardeth than the propagating of the Species and the multiplication of Humane Kind VVhence it is that Diana is said to be chast because she is never idle but always busied about her Hunting For the same reason was a Camp or Leaguer of old called Castrum as if they would have said Castum because the Soldiers Wrestlers Runners Throwers of the Bar and other such-like Athletick Champions as are usually seen in a Military Circumvallation do uncessantly travel and turmoil and are in a perpetual stir and agitation To this purpose Hippocrates also writeth in his Book De Aere Aqua locis That in his time there were People in Scythia as impotent as Eunuchs in the discharge of a Venerian Exploit because that without any cessation pause or respit they were never from off Horseback or otherways assiduously employed in some troublesome and molesting Drudgery On the other part in opposition and repugnancy hereto the Philosophers say That Idleness is the Mother of Luxury When it was asked Ovid Why Egistus became an Adulterer he made no other Answer but this Because he was idle Who were able to rid
the very same which is told us of the recreation of the three fatal Sister Parques or of the nocturnal Exercise of the noble Circe or yet of the Excuse which Penelope made to her fond wooing Youngsters and effeminate Courtiers during the long Absence of her Husband Ulysses By these means is this Herb put into a way to display its inestimable Vertues whereof I will discover a part for to relate all is a thing impossible to do I have already interpreted and exposed before you the Denomination thereof I find that Plants have their Names given and bestowed upon them after several ways Some got the Name of him who first found them out knew them sowed them improved them by Culture qualified them to a tractability and appropriated them to the uses and subseâ—viences they were fit for As the Mercuriale from Mercury Panacee from Panace the Daughter of Esculapius in Armois from Artemis who is Diana Eupatorie from the King Eupator Telephion from Telephus Euphorbium from Euphorbus King Iuba's Physician Clymenos from Clymenus Alchibiadium from Alcibiades Gentiane from Gentius King of Sclavonia and so forth through a great many other Herbs or Plants Truly in ancient Times this Prerogative of imposing the Inventors Name upon an Herb found out by him was held in a so great account and estimation that as a Controversie arose betwixt Neptune and Pallas from which of them two that Land should receive its Denomination which had been equally found out by them both together though thereafter it was called and had the Apellation of Athens from Athene which is Minerva Just so would Lynceus King of Scythia have treacherously slain the young Triptolemus whom Ceres had sent to shew unto Mankind the Invention of Corn which until then had been utterly unknown to the end that after the murther of the Messenger whose Death he made account to have kept secret he might by imposing with the less suspicion of false dealing his own Name upon the said found out Seed acquire unto himself an immortal Honour and Glory for having been the Inventor of a Grain so profitable and necessary to and for the use of Humane Life For the wickedness of which Treasonable Attempt he was by Ceres transformed into that wild Beast which by some is called a Lynx and by others an Oince Such also was the Ambition of others upon the like occasion as appeareth by that very sharp Wars and of a long continuance have been made of old betwixt some Residentary Kings in Capadocia upon this only Debate of whose Name a certain Herb should have the Appellation by reason of which difference so troublesom and expensive to them all it was by them called Polemonion and by us for the same Cause termed Make-bate Other Herbs and Plants there are which retain the Names of the Countries from whence they were transported As the Median Apples from Media where they first grew Punick Apples from Punicia that is to say Carthage Ligusticum which we call Louage from Liguria the Coast of Genoua Rubarb from a Flood in Barbary as Ammianus attesteth called Ru Sautonica from a Region of that Name Fenugreek from Greece Gastanes from a Country so called Persicarie from Persia Sabine from a Territory of that Appellation Staechas from the Staechad Islands Spica Celtica from the Land of the Celtick Gauls and so throughout a great many other which were tedious to enumerate Some others again have obtained their Denominations by way of Antiphrasis or Contrariety as Absinth because it is contrary to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 for it is bitter to the taste in drinking Holosteon as if it were all Bones whilst on the contrary there is no frailer tenderer nor britler Herb in the whole Production of Nature than it There are some other sorts of Herbs which have got their Names from their Vertues and Operatious as Aristolochie because it helpeth Women in Child-birth Lichen for that it cureth the Disease of that name Mallow because it mollifieth Callithricum because it maketh the Hair of a bright Colour Alyssum Ephemerum Bechium Nasturtium Aneban and so forth through many more Other some there are which have obtained their Names from the admirable Qualities that are found to be in them as Heliotropium which is the Marigold because it followeth the Sun so that at the Sun rising it displayeth and spreads it self out at his ascending it mounteth at his declining it waineth and when he is set it is close shut Adianton because although it grow near unto watry places and albeit you should let it lie in Water a long time it will nevertheless retain no Moisture nor Humidity Hierachia Eringium and so throughout a great many more There are also a great many Herbs and Plants which have retained the very same Names of the Men and Women who have been metamorphosed and transformed in them as from Daphne the Lawrel is called also Daphne Myrrhe from Myrrha the Daughter of Cinarus Pythis from Pythis Cinara which is the Artichock from one of that name Narcissus with Saffran Similax and divers others Many Herbs likewise have got their Names of those things which they seem to have some Resemblance as Hippuris because it hath the likeness of a Horse's Tail Alopecuris because it representeth in similitude the Tail of a Fox Psyllion from a Flea which it resembleth Delphinium for that it is like a Dolphin Fish Buglosse is so called because it is an Herb like an Oxes Tongue Iris so called because in its Flowers it hath some resemblance of the Rain-bow Myosata because it is like the Ear of a Mouse Coronopus for that it is of the likeness of a Crows Foot A great many other such there are which here to recite were needless Furthermore as there are Herbs and Plants which have had their Names from those of Men so by a reciprocal Denomination have the Surnames of many Families taken their Origin from them as the Fabii à fabis Beans the Pisons à pisis Pease the Lentuli from Lentils the Cicerons à Ciceribus vel Ciceris a sort of Pulse called Cichepeason and so forth In some Plants and Herbs the resemblance or likeness hath been taken from a higher Mark or Object as when we say Venus Navil Venus Hair Venus Tub Iupiter's Beard Iupiter's Eye Mars's Blood the Hermodactyl or Mercury's Fingers which are all of them Names of Herbs as there are a great many more of the like Appellation Others again have received their Denomination from their Forms such as the Trefoil because it is three-leaved Pentaphylon for having five Leaves Serpolet because it creepeth along the ground Helixine Petast Myrobalon which the Arabians call Been as if you would say an Ackorne for it hath a kind of resemblance thereto and withal is very oily CHAP. LI. Why is it called Pantagruelion and of the admirable Vertues thereof BY such like means of attaining to a Denomination the fabulous ways being only from thence excepted for the Lord forbid that we