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A01795 A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes Goddard, William, fl. 1615.; Alexander, the Great, 356-323 B.C.; Diogenes, d. ca. 323 B.C. 1616 (1616) STC 11930; ESTC S105741 24,308 48

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one gallant of the court As knisman to them to theire howse resort To see a plaine kind man loue none soe much As he which giues his pate the cuckolds tutch These these are ordynarie man also This things is as much ordynarie too To see your riteh old country squires to wedd Their chamber maides vnto theire servaunts bedd But firste themselues to take the maydenhead Then place them in some cottage nere at hand To haue theire service readie at comaund Thou saydst the first were ordynarie thinges Awaie awaie why man to see on Kinges Howe Daunger plaine cloathd smoothly-smiling Daunger● Wayteth on them attending like noe straunger But like some smyling countenanced freind Onelie to giue too 's Prince his fatall end Thoult say perhaps this is noe common thing But thou d'st vn say 't againe wert thou a King What thinges are common and not common be Thy shallowe reatch cannot conceaue I see Allexander NAie fie Diogynes infaith thou art In thy conclusions still a dram to tart I pray thee lett me soe prevaile with thee As ride to Allexanders court with mee T will mend thee much and I will vndertake The King shall byd thee welcome for my sake Diogynes VNto my Tubb lett Allexander come I 'me in a Pallace when I 'me in this home Let those that list vnto thy King resort T is not my list what should I doe at 's court Allexander AS others doe in spending of smal● pelfe Thou maiste in tyme to honour raise thy selfe Diogynes I cannot fawne my tongue too rustie is I bashfull am I 'm nothing boldlie rude I rather chuse Court delecates to misse Then with a brazen face my selfe ty'ntrude In tubb coop't-vp I will liue euer mude And euer liue vppon sowre garden woortes Er'e I le ' a flattr'er be and followe cortes I cannot turne my tongue to praise and laude A soone-lamb'd prick-eard proud-feerce fi●y steed I cannot Fyndalls full deepe mouth applaude Nor swaere the greate-mans grew hound hath best speed When hee doth plaie the slowe-slugg cur● indeed Though some cann doo 't yet such is my sowre kind I neuer could though 't gall's his sweld pust mind I cannot tell the greate foole hee is wise Nor t●ll fowle ladies they are wondrous faire I ne're applaude aboue heauns-spangled skies The curld-worne tresses of dead-borrowd haire Like Northern blaste I breathe my crittick aire I am noe Mimyck ape I loathe and hate Each light-braind giddy-head to Imy tate I cannot brooke to suck the livings bloud Of these old Vsrer's ritch-left prodigalls I nourish not with such sweete-bitter food I hate to rise by other mens downe falls I knowe t is Ill though other think t is good Though some doe think such papp all sweete to be Yet I doe not it poyson proues to mee To make short worke I neuer loud ' vaine sportes And therefore I 'me vnfitt for Prynces Courtes Allexander DIogynes thou art deceyued quite In vanities Kinges take the least delight I le vndertake none shall respected bee Yf thou wilt followe him better then thee Come to the Court and then in seeing him Thou also maiste take veiwe of ladies trymm Mee thinkes hee is too dull and sadd of spright That in a bewteous dame takes noe delight Why hee that 's mary'd is in heaun all night Diogynes THere lett him bee for I had rather dwell A thousand tymes a single man in hell I am assurd that ther'e 's noe Divell cann Like to a wife torment a mary'd man I l'e none of them I 'me euer worse a yeare When once I doe a womans tongue but heare It galls my gutts when I a woman see I le not once come where such straunge creatures be Come hold your tongue and prate no more to me Allexander NAie good Diogynes bee not soe quick I hope yet ' ere I die see thee loue sick Diogynes LOue-sicke why I doe loue these women soe As I 'me soe fonde I knowe not what to doe Such is my loue vnto the femall Kind As were I Empr'our of thyn fernall lake But women none with me should fauour synd One man into my Kingdome I d' e not take I de ' send my servaunts our to scarch and see To bring all women in the world to mee Allexander by th masse Diogynes thou loust em well Wert thou the King and gouernour of hell Thou wouldst I see advaunce the women kind There is noe want of will hadst to thy mind Wert thou I see the prince of that faire place Women onelie with thee should be in grace I see thou dst very carles be of men I see thou dst women haue t' attend thee then Diogynes I that I would and this they should be bold I de carefull be they should not freeze with cold Allexander I fayth Diogynes I doubt th' ast euer Beene privatelie a vild laciuious liuer Or neuer haste beene yet I greatelie feare Where anie one faire vertuou● creature weare Diogynes NOr nere will looke to be I am too wise To thinke that vertue cann remaine in vice Allexander WErt thou at Court thou 'dst alter then thy mind When women thou didst see soe wondrous kind Forsake this Tubb t' is solliterie Ill And howe to court faire ladies learne the skyll Diogynes NOwe by the lustfull fire hott boiling vaines Of that same wanton greate god Iupiter I am vn skild in these speech-pleasing straines To courte a wenche when I come vnto hir I 'me then an all-mute dumb and surlie sir I cannot lispe nor cann I courtlike saie When I doe women woe I runn my waie I cannot singe nor cann I turne my tongue To chaunte a Syren-charming quau'ring dittye When I these bewties chaunce to come amonge My lead-sade-sable lookes must moue their pittie All what is in me then is all vnwittie I want these warbling noates to wynn their loues Nor cann I pricksong sett which better moues I cannot musick it nor finger fyne A sweete-cleare-throated care-charme instrument I 'me not posseste with such sweet parts devyne Whereby to cause faire bewties merryment T'ynchaunt theire eares nothing cann I invent And well knowe I that women take delight In these same instruments both daie and night I cannot daunce no● with my sprawling heeles Cann I the ny'mble cutt-heele caper kick My sullen bloud an other humor feeles To woe a wench I want the wanton trick I am a milksopp then I then am sick Againe strenghes moysture in may vaines is skant Which women after dauncing must not want And therefore pry thee fellowe lett me reste Of all these worldly Courts my Tubb's the best Allexander DIogines my meaning is mistooke I would not that your Tubb be quite forsooke But for your recreation nowe and then You l ' goe too th' Court from court t' your tubb agen Mistake me not it will for your good tend A wiseman alwaies lysten will too 's freind Diogynes NAie would you would these complementes forbeare For Courtyers freindshipps I did neuer care
you w●ke and out the bedd to flie But soe me thought sweet sister did not I For I me thought did think it was noesym To lett a youth betweene my sheetes leape in But yet for fashions sake oft thus I de crye Praye gett you ●ence seeke some where els to lye Yet this repulse should still soe faintlie come As it should feircer whett him on for roome For coldlie to denie loues sweete delight Spurrs to a gallop thefeirce appetite And sisters well you knowe we maydes doe hold Those youngmen weake which hunt loues chase but cold What is it to crye fye or praye nowe hence Why to a resolute mynde that kinde of fence Too open lies oh men are desprate foes Vppon advantage thei le come in and close I de ne're crye fye awaie nor vtter this But I would closly hugg to him and kisse Begone sur●ease y' are rude forbeare I praie Of tymes such wordes I 've gone aboute to saie But er'e those cruell wordes could haue their birth Tha'ue smoth'erd bynn and all has turnd to mirth Wagges well knowe howe to quench our angers flame Sweete kisses at first kindling dampe the same For sisters Loue his schollers this doth teache Wee ioyne should lippes to seale our lipp's from speach And soe it fard with vs speachles we laie Giving to pleasures sweetned streame free waie Soe longe me thought we dally'd in the bedd As allmost I had lost my maydenhead But girles I curse Dreames false deluding guile As I was loosing it I wakt the while Oh girles oh girles who knowes what I did misse For I awakt in midst of sweetest blisse If euer mayde toucht Nectar with hir lipp Then I in dreame of that sweete iuyce did sipp But oh I wakt oh then awakt my spight For being ' wakt a sleepe fell all delight Nowe eldest sister you must wake quoth shee Your turne 's to tell the next dreame after me And reason to the eldest sister sayde Else let on me some for feyture be laide But I must tell ●e dreames you haue told twice Vnles I should some fayned dreame devise Were here more then fiue hundred maydes yet each Of vs should in one text and lesson preache For all we maydes doe dreame alike a nights Then to our eyes appeareth pleasing sigh●s And then a smack we taste of loues delights Oh that Dame Nature would but heare my sute Then should our mayden bodies beare noe fruite Or would it were noe scandall to our liues To haue our pappes giue sucke er'e marryed wiues Yf with that pleasing graunt we maydes were blest Then soner would we yeild to loues requeste For a my fayth girles were it not for feare To be with childe I d'e ne're denie my Deare Oh then these false dreames fond deluding sightes Weed ne're care for we'ed taste loues tr'ust delights More then tenn thowsand tymes Ive thought to pyne This mallenchollie sullen corpes of myne For sild alas we maydes can taste sweet loue But our owne bellies doe the tell-tales proue With ●ullen puft-vp pride alowde they reade Proclayming publikelye our private deed Happie are wiues for they are nere afrayde Of that which terryfyeth moste a maide They maie haue boyes and girles and boies agen They maie with husbandes lie and other men Yet nothing noted but alas poore we Sild dare doe ought but what the world maie see Eache thinge it selfe againste vs doth oppose All thinges are blabbes our secrets to disclose For sild we reape loues pleasure in the night But envious daie to'ur shames bringes it to light Shewing too plaine at what game we haue beene Making our sweetlie stolen pleasures seene Oh were it not for dreames I wonder I Howe we in bedd a nights could brooke to lie But come lett these things passe eyther of you Your dreames haue told my dreame beginneth nowe THE ELDEST SIsters dreame OH sisters knowe you to my ravisht sight My loue with 's amber locks appeard laste night Bold boie boldlie hee came as feard of naught Shewing in what schoole hee his skill was taught Scar●e speaking ought at all ●f ought t was this Where 's my Gerle smothring that too with a kisse Nor with this kissing spent hee all the night ●utt girles our pastime yeelded more delight I dreamt it did doe soe for you must knowe I did but onelie dreame it did doe soe To loues embracementes wee me thought fell then But loues sweete game is coldlie chaste by men Yet our sex workes loues labor eu'rye daie With mindes as willing as men goe to plaie I girles I girles I spea kt in heate of bloude Men too toosoone are ty'rd with doying good But oh deare girlis such is our sexes kind One man maie please vs all except our mind For yf one man content one woman cann Then why should it not be this youthfull man His vaines were full soe stronge a backhee had As Herculis to him was but a ladd Yf youth and strength 't is quencheth womans fire Then 't was in him as much as I de desire But 't is not Oceans of that liquid stuff Which lyes in youthfulst men that is enough To quench the mindes outragious frying flame For that once ty'nd age onely dampes the same Manie a woman 'till shee hath tr'yd twoo Distasteth all hir firste sweetehart doth doe From whence praie comss that Luste that s●wre-sweet smart Oh th' ead of that same springes a divelish harte But whether from my text am I uowe fled My dreame was this I loste my maydenhead To that let me retourne oh t is delight Vnto vs maides to think but on that night Him t'weene my armes one while I did infold Another while he me 'tweene his would hold Entwindinge leggs me thought with me he laie While I wit hs curledl●cks did sporte and plaie Soe longe plaide we as sisters-well I wisse Our sportes extended further then to kisse Soe longe I kiste soe longe on 's looks I fedd As sure in dreame I loste my maydenhead But sisters was it in my pow're to choose Then such a losse I d'e eu'ry mynute loose For when we maydes doe lose our mayden treasure Oh by that losse we wynn a world of pleasure Fayth Girles Maydes cannot think what sweet delight Two louers take which warr in loues feirce fight To them loath som's the daie ouer the night But nowe I sighe nowe doe I greiue to thinke That that night my eye-lides did euer wynke For when I wakt oh dreames oh dreames y' are theeues And mist my loue Iudge then girles of my greeues Oh had I had tenn worldes I would haue than Gev'n all those worldes sweete girles for half● a man Men stuffs their chestes as full as they can hold With cramb'd-trust bagges of aungell-winged gold But what to doe for sooth to by this land Oh would I had that dust of Tagus strand I de not buy land or howses with it I For other merchandize I de make it flie Had I such laden truncks this Ide